RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 22)

After the US Supreme Court made the landmark decision to legalize gay marriage across the 50 states of America, there were lots of reactions across the world. Nigeria in its true fashion went ballistic, mostly with people condemning the ruling and saying all manner of horrible things about the country. The hate that was spewed online could actually bake a cake. America was called godless, satanic and all, even by people who had applied for American visas several times and would move to America in a heartbeat.

I went on the attack, hacking down any hateful comment that made its way to my timeline on all my social media accounts. I did not care whatever impression these commenters had about me. I just attacked and hacked at every homophobic post that I saw till I got exhausted and realized it was really no use. Just as Khaleesi has often pointed out, homophobia is entwined in the DNA of Nigeria as a nation. So I gave up and resorted to blocking/deleting. If I saw any hateful comment or post, I either unfollowed its owner or blocked him. And by the middle of the day, I had deleted over 12 contacts on BBM alone and was looking forward to a no-negativity internet experience.

JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 42)

July 4

Last weekend had me hosting the friend of a friend’s friend. He’d come to my town for auditions and needed a place to stay, and I was the most comfortable option for him. He was to stay till Monday morning, and I was fine with that arrangement, especially since he’d feed himself and I’d spend minimally.

He arrived late in the evening with his tinted hair and soft voice. And I was quite friendly towards him as we cracked jokes and stuff. That night, hands roamed and things happened.

He told me the next day that he hadn’t had sex in ages (that explained some things), but that he felt a connection with me and all. And I could tell that he wanted to have another go at it. But I was not interested any longer. I felt bad. I’m not sure why. Maybe it was because I felt I’d used him to satisfy an immediate desire and now that it had been quenched, I wasn’t interested in touching him anymore, though he did have a cute butt.

Then the rest of the days were a bit trying for me. I live alone. And though sometimes I wish I had a roomie, it feels good to live alone. It appears that social interactions exhaust me. I’ve gone to places where people would be plenty and I’d have so much fun but I’d suddenly feel very mentally tired and grow quiet or go outside for some air.

Before I Became Dennis

I was arguing with a friend of mine just the other day. We were sitting out as a group, having drinks during the weekend. One of us was expecting a guy he met online who was supposed to come and join us. This would be the first time that they’d be meeting in person. The guy later arrived and I recognized him myself; tall, light-skinned, skinny, very girly and works in a bank. We’d met before but did not click; he had not seen the movies I had seen, nor had he read the books I had read. We had nothing in common, but today he was coming to meet with my friend. He joined our table, greeted everyone and the conversation continued. His host paid him very little attention and continued chatting away with us (clearly he did not like the guy physically), and I thought this was very rude.

The guy, having reading the hand writing on the wall, made some excuses and left less than an hour after he arrived. As soon as he left, I attacked Tayo (not real name), telling him that he was a prick for disrespecting someone who left this house, and spent his time to come and see him. He asked if I expected him to go home with a flaming queen and finally give strength to his neighbors’ suspicions. I told him that he should have at least paid the guy some attention, he did not have to go home with him. He hauled abuse at me too and tempers rose till we were shouting at the top of our voices.

RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 13)

My friend’s wife called me last week and said she wanted to talk with me, and for that, she needed my Blackberry pin. I immediately sensed something was wrong; her husband is my good friend and an MGM, and I am very close to the couple and their daughters. She eventually came on BBM and literally opened the book of lamentations on me. As it turns out, my friend has been a mean, insensitive and crappy husband, who no longer had time for her. She unburdened a lot to me, most of which broke my heart to read. I could see how bitter and hurt she was. Now she lives in Abuja with the girls, while her husband stays here in Port Harcourt, and they have been married for about two years, with her working to transfer her service to Port Harcourt (she works at some federal parastatal). However that day, she said she wasn’t sure anymore about moving to PHC, that she was beginning to fear that her husband would become abusive if they lived permanently under the same roof.

I became really concerned at this point and, quite frankly, very angry too.

RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 3)

My cousin is visiting and spending some time with me. When she called to tell me that she was coming, I agreed reluctantly, because I did not want to be the Wizard of Oz. What is funny and weird is that, unlike I would have done in the past, I did not go about clearing ‘evidence’ from my house. I do know that if she looks around closely, she’ll probably find a tube of astroglide (which is way better than KY Jelly, by the way) lying around somewhere, and maybe some condoms too. I just did not care and quite frankly, I felt if she found anything and gave me any stress, I’d kick her out. No time.

Now, I am no Bree Van De Kamp, as my bedroom is usually a chaotic mess. However, I thrive in the chaos, and as disorganized as my room often appears to be, I know where everything is. My sweet cousin however thought it wise to clean up my room, and when I got back from work, I practically had a panic attack when I saw the room. All my post-its which I stuck around the room to remind me of stuff to do were all arranged in one part of the room; my notes from Business School were neatly arranged, even though I had scattered and separated them according to modules; my books were stacked neatly, as opposed to the them lying scattered on my desk in the manner I preferred while reading concurrently from them. I totally freaked out and lashed out on her verbally, which I regret in hindsight, as she was only trying to help. This further reminds me why I cannot share my space with someone for life.

My Infamous Fuck Buddy

I still strongly believe a rehabilitation center aimed at helping and solving that issue should be created that’s IF you wanna turn STRAIGHT from being GAY…

How can a guy say he loves another guy? That is just weird and plain stupid…

I think it is mental disorder #IJS…

These were the comments I woke up to one morning. I felt a sharp stab in my heart, that feeling you get when you are in a mix of disappointment and resentment. I have seen lots of posts like this throughout my tour of cyberspace, but why does this hurt more? I couldn’t QWERTY my feelings like I have always done whenever I get to see such misguided and hate spewing posts.

Well, what exactly do you do when your first love and family friend decides to join the homophobic train? Nothing much, I suppose.

I remember the eventful way he ended what we had years ago.

Let’s Discuss…About Private Demons

Before I opened the blog, Kito Diaries, I had to convince myself that it was the right thing to do. And one of the avenues I used for that reassurance was by seeking the opinion of a small number of my friends. When I tabled the issue before them, separately, they were split into three camps: those who encouraged me exuberantly to do it, those who weren’t sure whether I should do it, and those who were absolutely against the idea. The last category was made up the fewest number, and their reasons for their disapproval ranged from a variety of reasons including the protection of identity, the absurdity of the idea given the gay clime of the country, and the fact that I could be breaking a law. When I pointed out that Nigerian gay men could use this avenue to express themselves, one sarcastically pointed out that if any guys wanted to express himself on a gay blog, he could go do so on Paris Hilton’s. (That friend is now expressing himself on Kito Diaries, lol. Sorry, buddy, I couldn’t resist)

Among the friends who were averse to the idea of KD is one who is particularly close to me. (Let’s call him Kelvin) After I went ahead and opened KD, everyone in that category eventually came around to loving it; everyone that is, except Kelvin. He stuck to his obstinacy that KD is a bad idea, and rebuffed my efforts to convince him otherwise. When I sent links of KD updates to him, he expressly told me to stop. When I brought it up in conversations, he shut the topic down. It bothered me because I was starting to wonder if his professed concern for me endangering myself because of KD was all there was to his obstinacy. I’d told him how much the blog had grown to be a part of my life, and I felt that the least he owed me as a friend was listen to me about it.

And then, the sad eventuality began to happen.

What They Say V

You know how gay men sometimes say stupid things concerning the issue of homosexuality? Well, I have just seen the stupidest thing said, a Facebook update in a closed LGBT group, the kind of post that makes you vacillate between irritation, annoyance, scorn and amusement. Yes, a lot of emotions right there. Check on it below, and you’ll understand what I mean.

Of MGM And Hypocrisy In The Gaybourhood

First of all let me state that this article is not a sub, neither is it shade or an eclipse; it is merely a musing based on my experiences and conversations I have had amongst my circle of friends. I will need some patience from you because it will be a long one.

Very recently, I was at an art exhibition which was a collective for artists based in the Niger Delta area exploring environmental issues. I like art and book related events because, aside from my interest in art and books, the crowd you run into in these kinds of places are usually not high on an opium daze. Anyway so I ran into this girl (let us call her Erica); she is beautiful but not the kind of Beyoncé beauty that  hits you in the face and makes you want her to trip and fall and be less than perfect (yes I am evil like that). No, Erica is very dark skinned, with angular facial features like Grace Jones, and she was sporting a clean-shaved head just like me. We got talking and I discovered she was an abstract painter and that we had a lot of mutual interests, so we became friends instantly.

We did hang out a few times, and what I thought was going to be a real friendship turned into something else one time when she told me she wanted me. I declined and made up an excuse about being involved with someone and all.

And then she asked: “Is it because you are seeing a man?”

JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 14)

September 12

The first paper was good. Not really a surprise. I did study for the tests on each lecturer’s subject. I’m glad. However I have to face gross anatomy now, and not just your ordinary gross anatomy… This one is comparative gross anatomy, where I distinguish between the liver of a horse and that of a pig. I need to know the colour and number of lobules and other stuff I’d rather not bore you with. I keep staring at my notes and I feel so hopeless about it, hopeless enough to take a nap. Lol. I won’t take a nap because that would be foolishness. It’s my fault I’m not really prepared for the exam so I just have to suck it up and do whatever it is I can do, and pray to the high heavens that some weird miracle will happen. This is the point where I say I will never be unserious again, but er…we all know that’s never gon happen. Let me go and cram some notes.

During a study break on Tuesday, I remembered the horror with which most of y’all took my frequent tugging of my meat. So I decided to check out if there was something I should be worried about. Quite frankly, I couldn’t come up with anything. The problem lies when it interferes with your work and your performance in bed, and with a recent encounter, my performance in bed was quite good… and I had wanked the day before.