Of MGM And Hypocrisy In The Gaybourhood

o-REMOVE-WEDDING-RING-facebookFirst of all let me state that this article is not a sub, neither is it shade or an eclipse; it is merely a musing based on my experiences and conversations I have had amongst my circle of friends. I will need some patience from you because it will be a long one.

Very recently, I was at an art exhibition which was a collective for artists based in the Niger Delta area exploring environmental issues. I like art and book related events because, aside from my interest in art and books, the crowd you run into in these kinds of places are usually not high on an opium daze. Anyway so I ran into this girl (let us call her Erica); she is beautiful but not the kind of Beyoncé beauty that  hits you in the face and makes you want her to trip and fall and be less than perfect (yes I am evil like that). No, Erica is very dark skinned, with angular facial features like Grace Jones, and she was sporting a clean-shaved head just like me. We got talking and I discovered she was an abstract painter and that we had a lot of mutual interests, so we became friends instantly.

We did hang out a few times, and what I thought was going to be a real friendship turned into something else one time when she told me she wanted me. I declined and made up an excuse about being involved with someone and all.

And then she asked: “Is it because you are seeing a man?”

I tried to keep cool, as if a woman discovering I am gay is something that happens every Friday. I was still sipping my beer and looking at her intently. And she continued, “Dude, I know you like dudes. It’s not a biggie to me. I want you all the same.” Anyway, what she wanted never happened, as Mrs. M of course ensured that.

Now, hold this thought; I will come back to Erica (yes, I am a sloppy writer).

One of my very good friends got married recently; he was 32 and I was a groom’s man at the wedding. I also supported the wedding financially, I even served food at the ceremony and had to endure insults from “mogbomo branch” people who came to the wedding solely for the Jollof rice.

After the wedding, this good friend of mine began to change gradually, which was expected anyway. After all he was now married. He however became very obnoxious, silly and patronizing. His marriage had put him firmly on a very high horse from which he looked down on the rest of us in the clique as lepers who needed rescuing. I will explain what I mean.

Now this behavior is not exclusive to my friend alone, as I have noticed that a lot of the married gay men (MGM) I know begin to feel superior to other gay men once they get married. They feel finally they are married and have the validation of society which is something that eludes most of us. This is also a society that deems someone as automatically respectable and responsible just for the singular fact that they are married, so maybe I don’t blame them. So most of these MGM often descend into patronizing hypocrisy, telling the rest of us to “man up and don’t let this gay shit define you”; and all the while, they are still sucking cock and banging ass with reckless abandon.

Recently my colleague got married and I was going to attend. I was with my friends on an online store, trying to decide what to buy and wear for the wedding (there was a serious need to impress biko), when someone asked who I was attending the wedding with, seeing as Mrs. M was going out of town. This MGM friend of mine was like, “Why don’t you ask Erica?” (Back to her), to which I did not respond, seeing as I do not like to dignify stupidity.

He continued, “Why don’t you stop being a fag (yep he said that) for once and start dating that girl and infact marry her. Stop all this gay agenda nonsense, you are still an African man and you must marry and be responsible.”

My first thought was to connect his head with an empty bottle of Budweiser beer, but I have way too much class for that and I could end up in prison with big rats, so I discarded that thought. Then I thought of the number of times the MGM would stumble into my flat at 1am with some young boy whom he couldn’t go home with (of course) and I will give them my bedroom. I thought of the times I had to leave my house key with him because I was leaving town, and he would turn my flat into a sex den for Uniport boys, just because he has the assignment to help me watch my dog while I am gone.

I however calmly told him, “Listen to me very closely, because this is the last time I will be saying anything to you, if responsibility looks anything even remotely close to you, I will be irresponsible forever.” And then I left the bar.

I have made it clear to Erica that whatever she wants will not be happening simply because:

  1. I am gay
  2. I like nyash (yes I said that)
  3. I am dating Mrs M
  4. I set my own rules

In that order.

I have dated women in the past, but you see I know too much now to do something just because I am expected to do it. Charades will kill me; not coming out is difficult enough.

Now if the white picket fence (or is it pink), the Telemundo wife and 2.5 kids (make that 5.5 for Nigeria) is your journey and choice, great for you. It is not everybody’s journey. And do not denigrate people with obnoxious condescension just because they are not on the same journey with you.

Written by Dennis Macaulay

137 thoughts on “Of MGM And Hypocrisy In The Gaybourhood

  1. Mrs M… Congratulations.
    For having Dennis…. cheating in a relationship aint just abt ur partner but abt ones discipline and respect.. cus those u cheat with no matter how secret, will always look down on ur relationship.. I like ur rules… its Bold.. Madam Macauley, jisie ike

  2. It is good to be young and free and wave the banner. Mark these words, it will not always be like this. You will get into your 40s and feel old and lonely and restricted. Its never the best feeling. Do not make the mistake many of us made already. Swallow that pride and fall in line with what your society wants.

    • Pasha dear, you should have asked how old I am first. I however considered your advice, but no thankyou I will pass! I am not “falling in line with what society wants”

    • Who says you will find happiness in marriage? Chill… Who says you will find happiness anywhere? Most times happiness is a choice. But I digress.

      There are people that feel lonelier in their marriages and terribly unhappy. Don’t get married unless you want to… The society is never ever satisfied. Just do you.

    • Pasha dear, not that it should matter to you, but I seriously hate your choice of words.
      Who says happiness comes with marriage?
      Who says happiness comes from conforming to societal standards?
      Who says that loneliness is warded off by marriage?
      Wake up brother.

      And to even call it pride that Dennis doesn’t wanna conform to societal standards?
      That’s preposterous.
      And I think you might be among the MGM that Dennis talked about in this write-up.

      Happiness in this life comes from achieving your dreams and desires, whatever they might be. If your dream is to have a wife and kids and have a side-bobo, then by all means work towards achieving that dream because until you achieve it, you won’t be happy.
      But don’t think another person is proud because his Wonderland isn’t of the same shade and hue as yours.

      It is very cruel to be gay and then force yourself on an unsuspecting lady all in the name of conforming to societal standards. When you have sex with someone (whether man or woman) outside your marriage, it is extra-marital sex. And it is infidelity.
      And it is obvious your society doesn’t frown on infidelity.

      Societal demands, my foot!!!

    • Wtf @Pasha… You’re a coward and down right silly for making that statement… “fall in line”.. Like some sort of Marionette being controlled by a drunk… Gerrouta here pls.. You can fall in line an ve dictated to all you want, but don’t try and suggest or impose it on other ppl.. Mtcheeeeeeeeww!!!

    • You had to be the regular prophet of doom, yeah? If you hadn’t bin spending half your life denying who u were and making fast friends in the gaybourhood, u prolly wud not be this lonely. I’ll bet u must be still be trying hard to.impress society sef. Besides, loneliness is not strange to truly gay ppl. We grew up shying from the world as kids, wondering at our ‘abnormalities’. It doesn’t sound like its gonna be a big problem.anymore…at least not for me.

      P.S Y’all really do not wish to see what I had written initially. It felt so much like ‘the Cook’ I wanted to slap prints off his face.

      • Thanx Trystham, growing up gay from a young age ensures that you become very familiar, very quickly with loneliness. You understand it so well and learn to live with it, like a cherished old friend …

  3. Can i just remain 22 forever? This thought about marriage and coming out makes me sick each time i read it. I would need some serious steel bridge built by Julius Berger to cross that river when i reach it.

  4. The so-called “hypocrisy” of the MGM is but a symptom of a dysfunctional system intolerant to non-heterosexual relations. The MGM and us gay men who have decided to write our own script…we are all in the same fucking boat: we cannot come out, we cannot kiss a member of the same sex in public, we are liable to loooooooooong jail term, we are not immune to societal pressure to fit in… Victims, everyone – each coping as they see fit. The MGM hasn’t done anything society didn’t make him do.

    I draw the line at homophobic remarks, though.

    What to do: repair the system, change homophobic attitudes, repeal ignorant laws and all this shit just goes away.

    • Absalom, I do get your point and i agree with you somewhat, however if one decides to succumb and get married its great for them. However do not denigrate the people who refuse to and certainly do not assume you have become superior to them

    • I agree with you totally. If the society was different, this marriage issue wouldn’t have been a big deal and most married gay men may not have entered the union.
      However it is wrong for anyone to Diss another based on his life choices. So deciding to marry or not should be respected. I am a bit alarmed at some comments here today. People’s opinions should be respected. We’re all in the same boat and should have honest conversations and not all develop the same opinion.
      Besides conforming to society, marriage also serves a need for companionship, no matter how bad it is. We all grew up with siblings we barely tolerated. Having gay friends doesn’t make up for coming home to an empty house. Furthermore being in a gay relationship that has to be hidden from people may not always be best. I know some older unmarried gay men and it is a lonely life they live. At that age, looks have gone and if you don’t have money it is hard to attract guys.
      Infidelity is a common feature in any marriage and I think straight men cheat even more than us. I would personally prefer not to and I guess that’s why I am still struggling with getting married. I feel any woman I marry should know I’m gay. That’s why if I had Erica, it would have been game, set and match for me.

      • Dimpka do you know that a lot of married people are lonely? Company and companionship are not exactly the same thing. Alone and lonely are also not the same thing!

        All I am saying is that whatever your journey is in life, it is what it is “your journey”, do not force it on other people! Do not denigrate them because they do not made the same choices as you!

      • Also, Dimkpa, you seem to toe the line that with age and reduced sex appeal, what else is one living for? In other words: loneliness. Our sex appeal and interest in sex evolve as we grow older – I thought that’s normal – and after a certain age we probably wouldn’t care about these things anymore… I dont think that’s reason enough to build a family if one doesn’t want to. Life is in stages; why fear any of ’em?

        PS: I hope to live to the ripe age of 91 – I’m not greedy – but, by god, anybody who finds me sexy by the time I clock 75, I will know he wants to use me for rituals, and I will RUN!

      • Game!Set and match Dimkpa………Did u see Roger demolish Andy yesterday?I could doubt for a second that was a 2 time grandslam winner……….If you’re addicted as I am @tennis,twould be nice to be friends outside here.Permission Umpire Pinky #UnconventionalHookups

      • So true. I know men and women who refused to get married but are living their old age in regrets and misery. Their only solace now is their nephews and nieces. My stand is that marriage is not a certificate for responsibilty and it’s foolish to force someone into it or debase the unmarried.However,people should be ready to bear responsibility for their actions or inactions when the time comes by not putting the burden of their old age on children of others

  5. I don’t mind bashing ur head with that bottle of beer Dennis! Lol! How dare u deceive me like this?! I saw d “MGM” heading nd was like “..wat has Metro Goldwyn nd Meyer done again…?” only 4 me to open nd see that it was a tag 4 deluded bunch! Mind yaself oh! Lol!
    I actually have two older friends(not married though) who r always of the opinion dat I should try it once, but d ish is dat a naked woman won’t even move my eyebrow! But I wouldn’t take it 4rm any confused fool who is gonna insult me bcos day feel they have achieved something which dey also feel I can! Duh! We ain’t the same! Thank ur Chi dat u can stand a woman! Not everybody can! Rub it in my face nd Am so gonna slap you into China *In Chris’s Mother’s voice*!
    By d way Dennis, Mrs M is a lucky woman oh! Ihukwa love?! I go love oh!

  6. Hehe…Dennis be vexing,lol. That ur married friend is a mess though…I can’t, for d life of me,understand how a married man will use ur house to fuck boys,and still have d effrontery to judge u for being in a commited relationship with someone u love…the Audacity! Smh

    • Assin eh! you can be sleeping by 2am he will call that he is outside the estate gate. When you go to help him pass through vigilante you will see him with one smallie. His wife is at home

  7. You had to be the regular prophet of doom, yeah? If you hadn’t bin trying so hard, spending half your life denying who u were and making fast friends in the gaybourhood, u prolly wud not be this lonely. Besides, loneliness is not strange to truly gay ppl. We grew up shying from the world as kids, wondering at our ‘abnormalities’. It doesn’t sound like its gonna be a big problem.anymore.

    P.S Y’all really do not wish to see what I had written initially. It felt so much like ‘the Cook’ I wanted to slap prints off his face.

      • I can’t remember my life on here Pre-Chizzie. I hoped I hadn’t always bin so antagonistic. Anyway, I always mark attendance every morning. I just couldn’t help not reacting to.this one.
        Pasha has spoilt market for anyone who has a whiff of homophobia today. I’m so angry ehn

        @DM, Teas??? They gimme a strong urge to always pee. Cocoa will just do nicely. Its not much gist. You know how it is with all these uppity bastards na. “You don’t walk manly enuff. I can’t be doing homosexuality because its a sin, Stop dressing a ceratin way”

  8. 5 things we Learned about dennie from piece

    *He is Such a queen and can bicker 4 the gods (no shade)
    *He is all about labels (#showoffmuch, he needs to do a remix of fancy with iggy asap)
    *Mrs M is the number 1 bitch in the building, all you thirsty hoes will forever remain a side. Bitch, the earlier you fall back, the easier ur landing
    *He is a man of principles and knows what he want
    *stubborn as a donkey, but somehow manages to be very open minded and acts way too mature for is years.
    I know I said 5 things but nigga comes across as a spoilt rich kid. #just saying.
    Finally! Congratulation to Mrs M the guy claimed you more times than I can remember right now, that more times than most straight men claim their main chick on social media. That means he is LOYAL. You don’t find ppl like that everyday, hold on to him with both hands. He sounds like quite a handful, but he also sounds like a good man. #amout

    • @Peak Queen? Erm I don’t know about that, but yes Dennis is quite vain (he will kill me for this)! He is also a “handful” (literally)

      As per all the thirsty boys? LOL I see all of them in his facebook inbox, twitter DMS and his email! I can see you all but you cannot see me! Some of you attach nudes! I see you! One thing is certain, you will need 22 hurricanes and one earth quake on top to dislodge me from here cos this bitch ain’t going anywhere (yes I said that)

      Be hustling a man that is not available? Tell me how you will make heaven?

  9. I like both sides,i do both sides dat doesn’t mean i wont conform to societal demands by taking in a woman. Bt for sure i wont b lyk d MGM,dts me.

  10. A bitch has to try naa. Wat can we do? Guys like Dennis r hard to find in dis our neighbourhood oh! Lol! Nd when u find him, u hide him in ur jewelry box nd throw in a safe deposit box! I just hope dis is not a front shaa cos I would b so so disappointed in him!

  11. judging from the obvious attempt to come across as witty and the not so subtle approaches at vaunting… I knew this was Dennis’ even before I finished it.

    I don’t think u r putting ur imagination to good use, u could a write book and become a millionaire, the fantasy genre is a fad now…u will excel in this. Just think JK Rowling did it. ..so can Dennis Macaulay!

    • Sweetheart listen very carefully cos this will be the ONLY time I will speak to you!

      Everyday you sit and whine about me and my imagination? It really would have mattered if I cared about your opinions. However I don’t care about you or your opinions and it doesn’t make sense for you to be spending so much mental energy on someone who doesn’t even think about you. Surely you must have other important things to do? Or is this obsession with me the highlight of your day?

      I also noticed you were back which is really hilarious! After all your rants at pink panther both on twitter and here and all the vile things you said about this blog you still came back. It clearly says a lot about you.

      Have a nice day sweetheart!

      And erm that your article? Are you still writing it? I’d love to read something that has taken what? 5 months to write? It must be pulitzer worthy!

      • some of us have active lives Dennis’ ..that do not revolve around writing articles for Kito Dairies and are often too busy ..living lives void of imagination. Obvs this might be difficult for u to comprehend. ..

        il leave u to ponder on ur next imaginative trysts, what shall it be this time? saving a homosexual from being lynched? interviewing someone u shagged 5years ago, being a pharmacist? knowing a friend who knows a friend of the US president. ..who also happens to knw someone who works with a friend who knows where the Chibuk girls are hidden and just (by sheer coincidence ofcourse) happens to be ur friend. ..

        lol.nigga.

    • Oh my! I fall asleep for 20 minutes and that’s when shit goes down? I won’t even pretend dat dis exchange was as entertaining as hell…I was literally at d edge of my seat,lol. But chizzie,dear,why do u constantly believe that Dennis makes up stories of his life experiences? People hav different lives,u know, and different backgrounds and as such,may be exposed to a wide array of…”adventures”. I only know ppl here online; I have no idea what their real lives are like,so I have no reason or evidence to disbelieve what they say.

      • Its really just common sense Chestnut. People with active lives..full of activity and friends in-the-know, barely have the time or convenience to be churning out articles on blogs or even visiting such said blogs consistently. .. How often do u visit a blog of ur preference or handle ur phone when u are out partying w friends, or at work, or jet setting, or having a genuinely fun time? Not as much. If Dennis had such a life as he claims. .he wouldn’t have the time or energy to for starters, write a lengthy reply to someone who feels his imagination should be put to better use.

  12. I think we should ve it at the back of our minds that some of us aren’t exclusively gay! Some of us consider ourselves as bisexual. At the end of the day we are on the same boat. Throwing others off the boat to make urself more comfortable with ur self is a no no. I personally think DM’s friend desperately needs a partner in crime. He is married and needs him to get married so they can be on the same page. Cos if u look @ it critically society expects a married man to be friends with married men and nt an old bachelor. He is Trying to make himself more appealing to society @ the expense of ur own happiness. He is trying to grasp at some imaginary form of happiness by changing things to fit into his idea of true happiness.
    Some can’t stand the thought of being with a. Woman, let’s stop acting like its the most absurd thing ever and just get with the program. Yes I will most likely get married in the nearest future. Will it be a successful marriage? I doubt! but what society wants? That is what society will get, but on my own terms.

    • @ peak I hv just 1 question for U. Would it b fair on d innocent lady to put her tru an unsuccessful marriage.
      Wat if it was ur sister?
      I don’t hv problems wit whoeva gets married or who stays single bt let’s put pple who r directly involved wit out choices in consideration!
      Read on LIB a woman complainin her husband hasn’t touched her in 7months.d whole story jst showed d hubby is gay. Now tell me how fair ds is on d young lady.and ds is a common story ds days.
      We can start off wit charades bt how long into it do we get tayad of acting up.
      Should I eva find an ‘erica’ I’m married already.
      Bcos no 1 wuld b deceiving any1.
      #my 2cents anywayz

    • Dear Peak, where can I kiss u?
      @paul that question is all shades of absurd.. Was it fair on me to be gay? The world aint fair..
      No one will marry a lady who don’t like u.
      And it’s not every gay person that hates the idea of sex with a lady..

  13. Ok the way everyone is saying it is morally and religiously wrong to be married and be hitting some male moist hole outside… what should we the genuinely bisexual brothers do? We are all born this way na.

    • Sweets you are missing the point! I never said it’s wrong to be married and still do the fandango! NO

      My point is that do not begin to judge the people who refuse to get married and do not tink u are now better than dem because u have the validation of society

    • LOL, Dominic. “You tried it with that comment!” as Chestnut would say.

      I thought we already learned that when a bisexual is dating one sex they don’t cheat EVEN IF IT’S WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX…

      Why are you dragging the KD scheme of work back? 😛

  14. This post wasn’t passed into law..
    It remains DM’s opinion, if u agree cool, if u don’t cool… No one needs to insult anyone bcos their views r different from urs…

    I use to wish I could marry a cool guy, but then, I’m gonna grow old and it’s never going to happen especially in this country..

    Marriage is a personal thing, some straight people don’t want it, and some gay people want it, so let them be mbok..

    I still insist that when the time comes some of us will make the decision..
    Again I’m saying here that 70% of us will get married (TO WOMEN) when the time is right but that’s besides the point, will I get an IV to the wedding? That’s my problem..

  15. They’ve said it all, Dennis. All I have to say is that my respect for you just increased. We need more humans (both gay and straight) who’ll be true and honest (at least to themselves) in this crazy world.

  16. Apparently there seem to be a divide between single gay men and married gay/bisexual men. This has been something DM has had issues with, let it go dude.
    Nice story, light reading for the weekend and more insight into your life than we asked for but hey, it increases the harem so keep it coming.
    Why did you refuse the advances of the lady? Because you’re faithful or because you’re gay? In this scenario, I think that question applies.
    Concerning your married gay friends, have you told them how you really feel about the hypocrisy? Have you instructed them you won’t open your door again at 2am if they don’t just suck it up and remain ever faithful to their wives? If they know they can’t do that then at least try to stop looking at you like you’re evil because of your life choices.
    It seems the married men are having the best of both worlds and we would having nothing of that, they better stop cheating on their wives, those beautiful innocent God fearing loyal wives.

    • Collosus!

      I was wondering when you were going to show up and you did not disappoint!

      You do realize that this article is my opinion which you don’t have to agree with and I don’t have to explain to you right?

      Anybody who is married and still wants to fuck all the boys they know can knock themselves out! None of my business! Just don’t assume any cocky superiority while at it!

      “Best of both worlds”? How fitting

      • Yeah, it is your opinion and i actually did not want to comment but you see, the thing about opinions is that we so love to air them, right or wrong, we don’t care, we just want to get it out there and “stick it to the man”. So i caved, like you did and i shat out my opinion.
        The best of both worlds was in no way an endorsement, i hope it did not come off as such.
        Yes there is hypocrisy, loads and loads of it but i do feel you can do something about it. If i can’t stomach your hypocrisy, I’ll tell you, I’ll make it known to YOU that i can’t. I do that, i still do. Its like corruption and the many ills facing our society, if it affects you directly, don’t do it or let the person know how much it does.

    • @collosus, there’s no divide, he’s simply pointing out the common thread of hypocrisy that runs through most MGM in Nigeria. A lot of them start to look down on an pontificate once they r married, in much the same way some bisexuals look down on gay men, like ‘i fuck men and i can fuck women if i so choose, so am covered **tongue out@u gays’… its repulsive and disgusting as hell, the hypocrisy is stomach turning …

      • I’m sure it’s normal to chastise bisexuals for doing both sexes just as its normal to be gay and fuck as many guys as possible but hypocrisy to be a married bisexual and still do guys. This our selective application is amazing.

  17. A lot has been said here today and many people have also misunderstood me. My point is that our paths in life are different, and so are our respective choices and bucketlists.

    Choose yours, but respect the choices of others, even if they don’t conform to your “standards”. I don’t hate MGMs, one of my best friends is married and is gay. We both respect each other’s choices; he is an only son so the dynamics are different and a bit complicated for him. If I were an only son will I still choose this path? I don’t know. It helps that I have two brothers and my parents already have 9 grand kids, so if none comes from me it won’t be a loss.

    Choose your own path in life; let is be your own path and not handed down to you by “society”.

    Please download and listen to “Society” from asa’s new album “Bed of Stone”; it sums up this article!

  18. Dennis! !!! Muah!!! A big wet cherry kiss for this article! Am not going to break your happy marriage, but i swear am falling madly in love with you! ! I mean who can resist the wonder and allure of a sharo keen mind when its paired with so much forthrightness and integrity? ?
    I know some MGM who are as slutty as randy 18yr Olds who have just discovered the joys of sex. When i see how they spend enormous time and resources chasing after boys half their age and then later put up a facade of ‘decent married responsible man’, i just want to puke and die. Having had the privilege of living abroad for a time, i strongly believe that Naija is the global HQ of hypocrisy, am yet to see thr levels of hypocrisy we nurture here anywhere else. Its like as long as you’re over 27 and unmarried, you’re totally worthless to this society no matter how good you are in other spheres of life, but the moment you walk down the aisle however much of a charade it is, you are regarded as responsible no matter how much of a bloody hypocrite you are – its a disgusting sick hypocritical society we have here and it repulses me as it should anyone who is a firm believer in openness and honesty ( as i am). Its this same hypocritic strain that i noticed in some of our fellow kitodiariesians (king, Gad – am sorry u have to call names, shoot me!!) …
    To the woman who gets hooked up with a gay man, i honestly can’t feel any pity for you, you are part and parcel of as well as played your part in fostering an intolerant society, your bad luck at picking a gay man is part of the collateral damage that occurs in such unfortunate situations ***tongue out***
    @Pasha, you have a point, the fact is that most of us will be married to women (whether we like it or not) b4 our 35th birthday, the pressure of society and family remains a formidable force that only a very tiny % age can resist, this ensures that the few who remain unmarried can hardly find gay men their age to socialise with – sad but true! Its not the same in other climes. Its common in other parts of the works to find a group bof 40 or 50- something year old gay men who have been friends since their teens and early 20s.
    As for the MGM who feel because they have managed to snare some poor unsuspecting woman that all is well and good, i ask; how do u sleep at night beside your wife knowing that you have spent the day fucking or getting fucked by a man and at night you come home to try and play the role of loving husband/father? How on earth do u freaks do it? ***throws up all over pink cashmere rug**, i view such men with a lot of suspicion because anyone capable of such levels of deceit is capable of high levels of betrayal and perhaps more!!
    A friend who’s gay recently got married and few weeks later he’s pontificating ‘you can also do it ooo, all you have to do is stop thinking/acting so gay, man up and start touching women and you’ll slowly get used to them, you no go be gay forever oo, you need to start doing girls so you can marry’ i simply stared at him speechless … Nigerian gays are their own worst problem sadly, they are the product of an extremely intolerant society which prefers charades and hypocrisy over truth and openness.
    @Dennis, i still maintain my clarion call, these people arent going to change anytime soon. I admire your courage and willingness to persevere, but am so so so afraid for you, the vicousness with which this society treats non-conformists is too terrible to contemplate, I’d be heartbroken to watch you pass through such pain and trauma…. plzzzz ***pulls off knee length leather boots and falls on knees** pack your bags, grab hold of your precious Mrs M and leave! !!!!

    • Khaleesi!

      You delight me so!

      *big kiss for you*

      You also depress me so!

      So I cannot be happy in my own country? I have to walk away from everything: a career that is starting to take shape, great friends, family everything just to be happy? The thought is scary!

      I think I need coffee now

      • @Dennis, am sorry to depress you, but yes you cannot be in your 40s unmarried and happy in Nigeria… no Sir!! This society will pour so much bile and vitriol on you, they will fashion sharp weapons out of their tongues abd cut you in a thousand places where it hurts most. They will continue to hound you until you grab a woman, have kids, get fat and bald and ugly like most of them are in their unhappy unions… you see, the sight of you free and happy looking sexy@45 going out for a run or walk with your dogs every morning sends them into a frenzy of hate … Dennis, you can always build a new career somewhere else, who knows it might even grow bigger than your present … start making plans to exit this shithole cos these people dont play!

      • @Khallie, the society makes it their life mission to make people conform…
        But in the end, its your choice… No one has ever been killed for refusing to get married to a lady…

    • In as much as I’m trying not to comment regularly here, I feel the need to make this statement. U knew that I’m married bcos I was open enough to say so. I wonder how many married men are here who claim they are 22yrs old students. I’m sure you will be surprised if I tell you that my family(9 siblings),my wife and most senior son all know that I’m bisexual. Lastly, I also know that as a bachelor I was celibate. I started doing guys 2yrs after marriage. I don’t need an apology from you for calling me a hypocrite. I only want you to realise that this world is deeper than your farthest immaginations

      • Wow Gad way to go..you spoke my heart about the knowing that we are married part. Thanx bro!! I am so proud to have met you dear…if only they could walk just 1 mile in our shoes then maybe…oh just maybe they would comprehend! and I forgive them for that!!!

      • @Gad, i tender my unreserved apologies, on my knees abd eating humble pie …. sigh … yes there’s a lot am yet to learn. .. so help me God. ..

  19. I totally love the way you write, Dennis. It was an enjoyable read. As for the issues raised, I think the comments have addressed them adequately.

    • @Dom

      There is a place called beer ban in portharcourt! Its a nice upscale bar with a great assortment of beer. Virtually everything you can find in the beer capitals of the world is there and the prices do not break a bank.

      Next time you are in portharcourt check it out in GRA (King Perekunle street I think), if you don’t mind the expatriate clientele that is!

  20. Nice article/story, relevant topic. However what I’ve noticed about your stories and comments are the subtle quips of arrogance. If u r not supporting a wedding financially you are so relevant financially in your church that they can’t do without ur contributions. On some days you sit on the interview board of ur company on other days you advise your neighbor on what drugs to administer to her daughter. And let’s not forget u reminded us today that your ‘macbook’ changed your avatar. I’m sure there are people here who live more fabulous lives than you but don’t make it a hobby to gloat. If u are going to tell a story or comment, simply be objective about the issue at hand and stick to that.
    I agree with the resident bitch, there’s something very off about you…

    • I don’t get you Franklyn.
      Dennis makes an offhand comment about his macbook.
      He gives a relevant piece of his story about being part of an interview panel.
      He works in the medical field and talks about giving drug advice to his neighbour.
      He mentions helping his friend financially.

      And somehow all these very ‘illuminating’ points make him come off arrogant, seem like he’s gloating, and inattentive to the issue at hand???

      All these excellent deductions from someone who doesn’t know him.

      Right. OK then.

    • Abeg whos this Franklyn? My dear if you’ve become so consumed by poverty that you’ve finally internalized and embraced it firmly, thats your personal problem Sir! I’ve looked and can’t find the arrogance you refer to. Here’s a hard working, upwardly mobile young professional doing his thing and being himself, if e dey pepper you, sorry ooo – drink bleach! Yes there are some people in our society who are too poor to afford 3 sq meals a day but i bet that doesnt stop you from eating 3 or more times/day … if God (yes King i believe in God) has placed you@ a particular level, you gotta stay there and be the best you can be! So … zip it and stop whining when you sense that others lead a more fabulous life than you do! The world has never and will never be a fair place, live with it!

    • I think you are wrong here. I haven’t noticed arrogance except an attack on a particular tweeter user. Verbal outbursts is like food to most gays.

      • That might be a result of the kind of gay men you have out with. You’re a Married Christian man having homosexual sex. By extension, gay men who are mature will stay away from you, since you can’t be in a committed relationship. Maybe you are getting flighty men.

      • I can’t be in a committed relationship? Who placed the ban? How come im not aware that I was banned from being in a committed relationship?

      • You’re cheating on the person you made the ultimate commitment to. It’s logical that you will cheat in other “committed” relatiosnhips.

      • I wonder how it has become a matter for public discus and how many of you are “faithful” in your relationships. Don’t you think I’m entitled to my choice of being married just as those who chose to remain unmarried are entitled to their choices? I expected you to complain any day I ask you for funds to run my marriage just as I will complain when someone that refuses to get married and have kids starts expecting care from my kids @ old age.

  21. The issue with married gay men is that their infidelity marks them as deceitful and irresponsible. If you’re juggling a man and a woman you are being unfair to both of your planners. If you’re fucking several people you’re a health risk. And if you’re willing to even do these things it says something about how responsible you are, and your strength of character.

    • And that just goes to show how HOLLOW you could be as if that was the import of the subject at hand. @ khaleesi I don’t have so much words for you but only to say that YOU HAVE STOOD IN JUDGEMENT OVER ME!!! Not wise my broda for YOU DONT KNOW YET WHO FIGHTS FOR ME!!! @ Dennis I feel you and understand where your coming from and totally agree with you that YOU SHOULD NOT BE HANGED FOR YOUR CHOICE!! Only you made that choice and only you should be left to answer for it @pinky am amazed that you do not put someone like khaleesi in check for what he utters here which is sometimes termed as if he is a god!!! Please can you also give out the rule that name calling should stop PLEASE!!! His words are not SCRIPTURES no matter how intelligent HE SEES HIMSELF TO BE!!!

      • @King, nobody fights for you… Nobody!!!.. If that God you always claim to serve could hear you, he’d strike you down with 5,000,000 volts of electric shock right where you are.
        You’re an epitome of the article above… Sitting on an imaginary high horse doing your thing(orgies etc)… Whore monger by day and loving husband by night…
        Stop Calling God all the time.. You don’t know him and he doesn’t know you either. The sooner u realize it the better for you. Stop deluding yourself with your so called scriptures which you claim you know.. A true christian wouldn’t do half the stuff you’ve done and still do… We r sick and tired of hearing about your faith.. Your faith is worthless to me .. If the fictional rapture happens today, you ain’t going nowhere… So Zip it..

      • Exactly. God does not allow you be gay, so you are the definition of a hypocrite. Your God – calling is neurotic, some introspection and therapy is required. You are probably conflicted and this is why you are drawn to such reckless and unsafe behavior. As I mentioned, my issue with you is that you put people at risk of disease and more. Liars affect the emotional health of their partners.

      • @Max, you’re such a darling! I couldnt habe put it better if i tried, thanx for cutting down this hypocrite to size!
        @King, you’re as usual being your archetypical hypocritical self – spewing out your twisted scriptures when it suits you and flagrantly disregarding their injunctions when you feel like. Who am i to judge? Abeg i never judged you, its your conscience (tadah!! You still have one, that’s judging and lampooning you, not me biko ***scampers off on brand new ferragamo heels***)
        As Max said, this article correctly describes you! I shall never forget the horror and repulsion i felt the day you described being gay as a ‘bad side habit we pick up on the side’ … this must have been how you justified your orgying ways while wearing thr mask of devoted husband/father ***throws up all over your windshield*** … abeg dont try to delude us (seeing as you’ve successfully deluded yourself) with the whole ‘God fights for me crap’ … am sorry, i dont suffer hypocrites gladly … and i ask again ‘how do you freaks do it?’ I dont know you and i honestly ajf wholeheartedly have absolutely not a single modicum of desire to know you my dear, deceit and hypocrisy along with persons who revel in them upset my stomach badly ***pukes some more over your windshield and walks off slowly****

      • Wow and I thank you all for your kind words!! Well said you all….am also very sorry that I made you all feel this way! if only I had known then oh maybe just maybe I wouldn’t have made my acquaintance here at all as my aim was to bless and not CURSE anyone. I might not EVER make any comment here again and I would wish that no one mention me again here too! My last wishes (apt isn’t it) is that THIS PLEASE BE OBEYED!! I will never say anything and I hope NOBODY will IMPERSONATE me here! Bye and very sorry again!!

      • @ king, I took this decision about sometime ago but after careful thought, I came to the realization that the people who exhibit bad character here constitutes a mere 0.05% of the people here. Besides, when noble men quit, charlatans will hold sway. No need to feel bad about the actions of guys that one might never meet. I want to request that you stay on.Your contributions here has been invaluable. Please revisit your decisions.

      • @King, like i said, i have no power nor desire to condemn or judge, if your conscience is lampooning you, thats your personal problem, deal with it as best you can – i wish you all the best.
        I hope you like us all remain a regular contributor to this blog, please do come around as often as you can, we’d love to hear from you however ratchet and 2-faced you might be. If you however choose to vanish into oblivion simply cos i told you the stark bitter truth, i can neither judge nor stop you no matter how much i want to. The choice us always yours – peace my 2-faced, orgy-loving brother ***blows you kisses in the air, while struggling to hold back puke***

      • Read this post before heading out this morning and there wasn’t a single comment, only to come back and … ((((MINDBLOWN))))))
        @khaleesi, @max & @chucks
        In as much as I do not support nor share any of Kings’ ideals… I can’t help but think you all are bully’s, and it’s just really sad.

  22. Oh! The joy of going offline for a bit only to return and see bombs and landmines all over the page. *Walks carefully over Landmines and picks loots of knowledge scattered all over* Pheew! The comments got me singing Soulja Boy’s “Yes Bitch, Yes!”

  23. Wow so much hatred. To each his own. Enjoying and rocking my bisexuality like it’s golden. If you hate me for that you can go use aboniki wank. Ko kan aye

  24. @all: Guys i think the comments about King’s personal life are very unfair. in your zeal to make a point, we dont have to lose our civility. Please we have been too harsh on Gad and King. We should leave them alone!

    • Exactly! Why is everyone going off on King? I consider it petty. So person no fit express himself without this bitches (yes i said it cos i am pissed) picking out newly found words in their dictionaries and throwing it about. This is why people hate to identify with the gay community cos your business is just hanging on the tip of one pissed off douche. So fuck what! The guy is married and had an orgy how does it make him less human to share his opinion without someone throwing projectiles of hate. Get off your moral high horse and save the saliva for your next blowjob. Don’t come here and be all over someone’s business. Loose lips sinks ships, you are men, stop being delusional and act like one for fuck sake!

      • Bro e tire me. I was fighting long ago with some friend that said ‘God forbid he can’t comment here’ but now I feel like apologising to him. The hatred and attack in all corners. Just like Linda Ikeji and the rest.

      • @Ace, i frankly don’t care if anyone is married and has orgies stretching from Abuja to Abidjan, i frankly don’t give a shit nor do i have the desire nor power to judge. But what i care and take exception to is when you sit on a high horse and attempt to preach like you’re holier than thou, when you use condescending words like

        ‘being gay is a bad side habit we pick up along the way’

        ‘You should get married, have children and grow up, realise that its not all about you’…
        Thrusting your scriptures out at others like a weapon. Yes, thats what i have a problem with, the hypocrisy abd condescension which is exactly what this article is all about …am sorry if i hirt anyone’s feelings but the truth has to be said however painful ….

      • @ ace, thanks for bringing my thoughts back on track. I just remembered that the people here are “men” and not market women.lol

  25. There’s a level of mediocrity that people show and you start wondering about them. Sadly that’s what I’ve seen with this Khaleesi-Max-(still checking out the third name) clique. And in Khaleesi’s presumed hifalutin living, the one where he collects art (assuming he knows what the original one naira coin looks like), one would think he’d show more decorum than he did today. But we’ve seen today that the Versace tag is really on an okirika dress. #justsaying!!!

    • You have just summarized it all! The truth is that when people use words callously against the person of others, one starts wondering the type of up-bringing they had,the type of family they belong to,their education,the sanity of their minds etc. Nobody will like to be in the midst of people who through their utterances exhibits lack of decorum,benevolence and public spirit but I have long realized that their population is just about 0.05% therefore not note worthy. The administrator,s inactions or seemingly active connivance on the use of uncomplimentary remarks on persons is sadly visible. One can only take solace in the fact that the beautiful ones here far out number the 0.05%

      • Gad, I have very deliberately and steadfastly continued to stay away from you and your caustic comments about me and what you seem to think is my inaction. In spite of my silence, every time, you seem to be drawn to calling me out. If you want to preach kumbaya amongst gay men on this blog, by all means, go ahead. If you want to take on anyone’s mess, keep at it. But kindly leave me out of your every censure. You don’t know me, dude. You don’t know what I do tirelessly with respect to this blog.

        But you own your mouth and opinions. I have resolved to never contest them with you. Keep mouthing off against me, you hear? When you are done exhibiting this your persistently annoying woe-is-me attitude, you will kindly do me the favour of shutting up about me and concentrating on whatever issues are updated on the blog.

      • A contest on opinions never crossed my mind once. If I win an argument, im sure I won’t get a prize or even a certificate so am out.No need for a contest. We are complaining about verbal attacks on persons here. If I remember correctly,you are the first culprit. It might have happened on impulse but it has clearly emboldened people who ordinarily would have felt odd to manifest their bad manners here. Its not too late to correct that mistake. I don’t need to emphasize how far that will go towards making this place a haven of sorts. Its an observation and not intended to annoy anyone

      • You are the admin. Don’t forget. The bulk stops at ur desk. I will henceforth resort to contacting you privately via emails

  26. Ah! E leyi gi di gan! This one is strong oh! I cut cap for some ppl here oh! See me thinking I get mouth! Went through the comments wit my jaw hanging open through out! D mouth on some guys is just acidic! Choi!!

  27. Hi guys…its been a while I commented. No need to say much more cos its been covered by various responses. I could kiss u, Max, for ur 5,000,000 volts comment….took the words right out of my mouth and expressed them better than I could, lol. PS: I would like to be outside friends with Williams….I’m a huge tennis fan 🙂

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