What’s On Your Mind… V

Blog_What's On Your MindA few weeks ago, I went on a trip to one of the cities in the South for the wedding of an old friend. We’d been rather close during our days on campus, but well, life happens to us all, and in the years since we graduated and got busy with our careers, we drifted apart, in spite of the fact that we worked not too far from each other. I guess it was mostly due to a tendency on my part to spend less and less time with people with whom I couldn’t truly be myself with.

Anyway, out of the blue one day, he called me up and after the initial “Nawa o, you dey this country so? Nobody dey see you o, e be like you don hammer and you wan chop ya money only you”, to which I made the usual excuses and some noises about being busy and all, and how we ought to meet up soon for drinks and a chance to catch up. Of course, I had no intention of making this meeting happen anytime soon. And so, he informed me that he was soon to be married and wished that I be one of his groomsmen. I groaned inwardly and eventually reluctantly made up my mind to be part of his nuptials, especially as he subsequently called me several times in the following days to be sure that I would be present at his wedding. I coughed out the money for the groomsmen suit, and soon, I arrived at my friend’s town a day before the wedding. My journey was quicker than I’d anticipated, and so I got into town well before evening. I had to stop over at an old (gay) friend’s place to catch up and get my freak on. Later in the evening, after an exhausting session of bedmatics, I headed over to the apartment where the soon-to-be married guy had arranged for his groomsmen to be accommodated. It was late so I said my hellos and shortly after undressed for bedtime. The groom and a few other old friends made some noise about going clubbing, but I feigned extreme exhaustion from my long journey; I really wasn’t in the mood to party with them. I knew very well that the night would end with all the guys picking up and coming back with girls/hookers. Indeed, I was woken later in the night by the sound of one of the guys going at it with a girl he’d brought back from the club. I clasped the pillow tight to over my ears and tried to shut out their lust-filled sounds.

The next day, the wedding came and passed without a hitch. There was so much to eat, and we all (the groomsmen) had a bit too much to drink. I pretended not to notice the pretty bridesmaid who was subtly trying to catch my eye (lol). Early the next morning, a group of us decided to hire a vehicle together since we were all headed to the same city.

It was a drive of several hours, and so naturally, the conversation started in small trickles and eventually flowed. It ranged from the 2015 elections to business to religion and of course marriage and relationships. And somehow (I still don’t know how this always happens), the topic of the ‘gays’ was served on the conversational platter. I’d being partially part of the conversation all this while, but at the mention of homosexuality, my interest was sharply kindled. I had being about to plug in my earphones and listen to some music, but I instead listened, bracing myself to cringe from the hate-filled comments I was sure were about to flow.

Interestingly, one of the guys informed us that he was straight and would never dream of touching a man sexually, but that he had had anal sex with quite a number of women, one of them who seemed to prefer anal over vaginal sex.

And then, there was the one who, in a venomous voice, launched into the usual chant about how gays were disgusting and irritating. And then he said something about how “gays seek to challenge God, after all God wasn’t foolish when he created two different genders with their differing anatomies.”

After a few more minutes of vigorous gay bashing, which I of course tuned out by plugging in my ear phones, the chatter drifted on to another topic. But I fleetingly wondered at that ‘gays are challenging God’ point of view. It seems to be yet another one of the underlying forces which makes it impossible for an average gay man to be Christian. You get to understand how the Christian God is so perfect, He couldn’t have made a mistake, and you get to hear how heterosexuality is what He ordains for humanity, and then you hear this ‘gays are challenging God’ by living our lives the way we know how, and it all comes back to the notion everyone has that our lives are a choice we make, instead of something we are born with.

*

A short while ago, I was hanging out with a friend (Let’s call him Sammy). Sammy prefers to be totally Bottom and actively seeks out Tops. He is also quite sexually active. Confession: I often live vicariously through him, seeing as I don’t have the stamina for the amount and variety of sex that Sammy is very happy to engage in. I am simply content with sitting back and listening to the graphic details of all his sexploits, and we are close enough that he can tell me all about them, knowing that I shall never ever even think of judging him. And when the gist starts flowing – I can’t lie – the tea dey always SWEET DIE! *uncovers giant steaming mug of Organo Gold Tea and blows over the top gently #DeolaStyle*

Now, Sammy and I were hanging out and he was as usual telling me about his next potential shag. This potential shag (Greg) is a student in a university in the North, and the two of them had made plans for Greg to come over the next weekend after his exams were done. Sammy showed me Greg’s pictures and the lurid chats they’d both being exchanging. I must confess, niccur is HOT! I was tempted to ask Sammy for a piece of the action when he was done, but nah … wouldn’t want the guy to feel like he was being passed around like a piece of candy. (Yeah, I’m considerate of other people’s feelings like that *pats down gleaming blonde coiffure with some self satisfaction*)

So, fast forward to two weeks later, Greg had come and gone, and it had been a fun weekend for Sammy. In his words: “My mangina is still sore, that pikin fucked me like a crazed beast!” Thereafter, I met up with Sammy again and I asked him about Greg, you know, seeing as I was still harbouring a desire to hook up with him and was hoping Sammy would pick up my subtle hints and do the matchmaking.

So, yes, I asked Sammy about Greg in a casual, not-too-interested manner and gurl, you should have seen how he erupted! He started by calling Greg all sorts of names, his inflamed attitude initially causing me to think that Greg had shown himself up to being bad news. But by the time Sammy was done ranting, I was able to piece together what had happened. Apparently, after spending a weekend with Sammy, Greg had left for his school from whence he came, but then, stopped over to spend a night with another guy who incidentally, Sammy had some ‘history’ with. This stopover guy is apparently well known as ‘Strictly Top’ (whatever that means). Anyway, Greg had stopped over at this ‘strictly Top’ guy’s house, spent the night, and from the accounts that later filtered into Sammy’s ears, Greg was the Bottom for the night. Sammy flew into an intense rage upon hearing this, a rage that apparently hadn’t simmered yet, judging from his rant when I mentioned Greg. I expressed surprise at his irrational anger; I mean, it wasn’t as though he was dating either Greg or Mr. Strictly-Top. These were two adult men of full consenting age, who had met and agreed to have sex. Why was Sammy so angry about it all? I queried.

He gave me his answer. It would seem that Greg had led Sammy to believe that he was Top, and that he had never bottomed before. At this juncture, I still didn’t see a reason for Sammy’s anger. I mean, from his accounts, Greg had performed remarkably well as a Top during the weekend that they spent together. So why was it a problem that he had gone and been someone else’s Bottom?

I asked this, and Sammy said, “I can never let any guy who is not a Strict Top fuck me!”

My jaw dropped at this.

But he wasn’t quite finished. He went on to state categorically, “No guy who has been fucked by another guy can top me! I don’t allow it, no matter what!”

I replied, “Sammy, you do realize that some guys are Versatile, right? You do also realize that many versatile guys are good Tops as well as very good Bottoms, according whichever role to what the situation requires? And how do you think you’ll always know for sure that the Top who’s about to fuck you has had his behind plowed by another Top or Versatile, or even a Bottom who’s on a short trip to Top-ville, hmm?”

But Sammy refused to be placated; he was so angry. He’d even gone as far as deleting Greg off his BBM and blocking him on whatsapp. I found his wrath very puzzling and bizarre. I’d heard of such people before though – Bottoms who will only go down for who they believe to be Strict Tops, and never for a Versatile guy. If and when they happen to bottom for a guy and realize that he has bottomed before, they become irrationally angry about it. I know of a guy who broke up with his boyfriend because, not only had he cheated on him with another guy, but that he had been the Bottom in the cheating sex. According to him, he would have pardoned him if he had being the Top. (lol) Oh dear… People dey o. *tightens belt buckle tightly around #TeamVersatile mink coat and walks off slowly amidst a swirl of long pleated skirts*

Till next time, darlings.

Written by Khaleesi

99 thoughts on “What’s On Your Mind… V

  1. I don’t understand yhese labels. Am just sick and tired of people do what they like in bed ohhh. It is not by force.

    • What’s your problem @Absie?
      So because someone took a D, they’re now bottoms and should be confined in that categorization of yours Abi?
      And that was the only thing you picked out from that piece above, right?

      Continue…

      • Max lemme hear that there are not some posts that the only thing you pick out is just one word.

  2. Top, strictly top, pure top, fresh top, versatile top, versatile, versatile bottom, pure bottom, masc bottom, power bottom, bottom bottom

    Ndi ala

    Noooooooonse
    **in chika ike’s voice**

  3. Lmfao @Khalee 😂😂😂.. #welcomeToTheTeam
    Some gay men are just funny.. I’ve told you people that this “Top and Bottom” bidniss is foolish. Silly categorization that makes people scared of not getting men if they tell the truth. And btw, why would I travel a long distance just for a shag? Is gay sex that scarce?
    Gay talk always comes up in talk these days. The so called straight people always look for any opportunity to condemn gay people, its becoming alarming.
    Nice one as always Khallie.

      • You know know it deep down.. You know its utter rubbish!
        People should be free to do whatever they like, and not let people guilt them to pick a side and stick to it.
        Sexuality isn’t the only thing that’s fluid..
        What you enjoy in bed is fluid too.
        Today you might crave man pussy and tomorrow you might just want the feeling of a warm rod inside you.
        God forbid a top says he wants a D… He’d be labelled a closeted bottom( which is worse than a cheating top).

        Can’t you see how flawed this categorization is??

      • @Max, I don’t know any such thing deep down. I know my role. I know what I want in bed. And I want to believe there are other people who know exactly what they want in bed. Who are you to dismiss as nonsense someone for claiming to want to stick it in the ass and identify by it or someone else wanting to take it in and identifying by it?
        You don’t get to diss categorizations simply because you are prejudiced against it. For all the fluidity inherent in sexuality and sex roles, not everyone wants to swim from one lane to another, my dear. The sooner you realize that, the better.

      • Max I was gonna ask where I can kiss you, but then I already know where so ama proceed to kiss you

      • “I know my role. I know what I want in bed. And I want to believe there are other people who know exactly what they want in bed” Solid quote Pinky. I didn’t wait 20+ plus years to be sure of what I am, what I like sexually and who I want, to have someone come along and rubbish it. You are top, be a freaking good TOP. Not go behind me and bottom for someone else and then tell me sexuality and preferences are fluid. I’m with Sammy on this one. No versatiles for me.

      • Uh, trystham, I’m actually NOT with Sammy. I wasn’t making my point to back him up. I think he was being ridiculous and his anger was irrational.
        Someone gave you good sex, one which satisfied you. He didn’t fail to impress you. And then you find out he bottomed for someone else, and that diminishes him in your sight? That’s rubbish abeg.

      • Good sex or not, at the base HE LIED. That is the issue as far as I see it. Sammy would prolly av friendzoned him if he told him he was Verse, hottie or not or on whether he can fuck for Africa. I bet Sammy decided to av sex with Greg BECAUSE he claimed he was top. and Sammy was looking for a TOP. It may be irrational to you, but he prolly feels VERY disappointed he got less than what he wanted.

    • Ok..
      I now pronounce you “QUEEN REGENT” of all bottoms
      *places tiara on your head and hands you a staff**

  4. lol…. i think Sammy is intune with his fantasies about who he sleeps with than reality…. Greg did a good job after all.

  5. Oh and-
    Most of the so called strictly tops have taken/still taking a D at one point in their life.
    I feel like slapping that Sammy dude with the back of a frying pan. Idiat!

  6. i remember an incident that occurred while i dated my ex. his friends and i were gisting when i causally said i was versatile. my bf immediately called mi out and gave mi the yabbing of mi life….. apparently, he, a bottom, wanted his friends to have the impression that i was “100%-man” …lol

    • You see the flaw of categorization..
      Top- Man
      Bottom- Woman
      Verse- Only 50% Man

      It’s absolute total rubbish!!!

      • Yes na and it stems from the narrative that female is less than male, there bottoms being the female archetypes are less than tops who are the male archetypes. Many men therefore look at bottom as being beneath them, even tho they secretly crave amu!

        Unu bu ndi ala

      • *shaking head* My dear Max, don’t get your pants in a wad. For every issue, there’s bound to be flawed interpretations of it. Doesn’t make it rubbish. Heck, there are flawed interpretations of your sexuality as a gay man. Does that make your gayness rubbish?

      • Yeah, Dennis just had to whip out his feminist flag……if this passion was channeled into ministry, you’d have made a good pastor.

      • @Max… i think every relationship has its pattern… and this is usually fixed, even for heterosexual couples. for example, there are certain family settings where the wife is the bossy one and the husband mellows. this patterns are usually fixed to aviod conflicts. I believe even when gay partners are versatile, there are some elements about their sex lives and relationship in general that are fixed.

  7. Hian!

    Sister Samantha should take a chill pill biko! Y para for the whole of Africa! He do you nd they do am, nobody lose/man no go vex! He plays both ways nd played according to ur desires, no biggie! I think the ish here should b that he couldn’t even wait to go back to his city b4 shagging abi being shagged by another! Wareva shaa.

    On the ish of gay challenging God, I think it is pure rubbish! God is d one that even has to answer lots of question! A kid that hasn’t seen ppl of same sex getting intimate b4 yet he/she is attracted to a fellow of same sex @ a tender age, how is he challenging God? Me ma tire for some ppl oh!

    And Khaleesi, I thought u were my Sister in *coughs* but it seems u r blowing hot nd cold ehkwa? U just left me feeling bereaved…….*sobs on Pinky’s shoulder*

  8. There will always be labels: sexuality labels, religious labels, tribal labels, marital status labels, race labels, height labels, complexion labels…

    It all lies in the philosophy of differentiation.

  9. Why do I find this hilariously funny….Lol…Sammy reminds me of someone I know.

    I guess we all have preferences. Like some people here would say, “I no fit bottom for bottoms when I no be lesbian….” #nuffsaid

  10. As Max said, it’s misogyny/homophobia. Why is so much value attached to never getting fucked? Bottoms like these are trouble. It seems they have self -esteem issues. If you think bottoming is disgraceful you’re probably homophobic

    • Dalu. Its almost as if bottoming reduces your “TOP” value, or Manliness value. Its something the society has made many believe about bottoms.
      This shit should stop!!! Please!!!

      • Pinky it’s the same oh!!!!!!
        They don’t want proclaimed tops(who occasionally bottoms) to top them because they lost their top value when they got topped.

      • That’s one issue. You’re also hacking away at people recognizing their sex roles, and attempting to rubbish the fact that some people actually are one thing and not two.

    • Self esteem issues? I beg to differ. On tge contrary, I believe they realise their self worth, know what they want and are not shy about it.

      Its even more annoying where u need to lie to get sum1 to bottom for you knowing fully well u r versatile. Are u that desperate or so unsure of urself?

      • trystham, could you explain why a top that has never bottomed is more attractive to you than one that has?

      • NEVER??? Thats an extreme I don’t like to use where this sexuality matter is concerned. I have topped ONCE and I was experimenting then. So the Top may av bottomed once upon a time, but for me, it has to be that HE IS SURE he intensely dislikes it enough to not wanna repeat it again. Not bend over everytime he wants to be tickled and then claim ‘top’.

        The attraction? Balance. My Psyche. The Definite assurance that I’m sleeping with someone who sticks to what he wants and not just anything available *takes a sip of my Chapman*

      • Lol! @trystham now I understand ur point.
        The way you sound so passionate about the matter though. U just gave crystal argument.

      • @Tiercel Please try it. You just might like it…or not

        @Peak How we go do na? This prick matter na serious matter.

      • @trystham,I’ll pass.
        Been topping right from the get go,it’s what I feel very comfortable doing,role that feel right for me.Have never given bottoming a thought.

  11. Right now the lines of caategorization in the community have been blurred due to the ever dynamic nature of the community members.
    So stick to whatever floats your boat @ the time and if you are tired, well… Board another boat.
    Its all so difficult trying to balance Faith n Sexuality but then again, you just have to live right and all other things will fall into place…
    I hope….

  12. Nobody says u shouldn’t be versatile Max but pls u don’t have to lie or give a half truth to somebody cos u wanna shag the person.

    I am a strict bottom and I personally don’t like having anything sexual to do with versatile guys but it doesn’t mean I hate them.they are human beings too and are really cool as friends.

    Nice writeup Khaleesi.

  13. Once again, I still don’t understand the obsession with gay people! A couple of months from now we are going to ve someone complain of how gay ppl are always all up in their face and their secret agenda to take over the world. Live and lets live.

    I swear the whole Top, Bottom, equilibrium and all what not is really getting exhausting.

    Yes! There are roles.
    Ýes! Roles can be fluid and flexible.
    Yes! Some men ve their shit figured out and know what role they are comfortable with and stick to it.
    What I can’t stomach is sammy’s kind. Its hard enough that a lot of lies thrives in the gaybourhood, why give reasons for fabrication of more lies?Sometimes its not about how the job is done, but how well it was done. Shouldn’t the priority be how well he beat up ur cat? Niggas stay trippin!
    The otherday trystham said he can’t ve a dude that more effeminate Top him, today is a guy that TAKES D! Or has EVER taken one. Where do u guy get these rules from?

    The otherday we ve guys complaining of shortage of brother who are handy and can do their job right! Here comes along a brother who did nothing stort of an excellent job, but you are getting hot and heavy cos his service isnt uniformed. He gave u one service that suited ur needs and gave ur neighbor a different service, that suited his own needs which differed from yours. I’d say greg deserves a raise for being so talented. I we create so much limitation and headaches for ourselves. Too much drama and demands in the gaybourhood.
    One day we will ve someone come out and say he only fucks untouch prick and nyash. Make una rest dakun!

  14. Peak nobody’s saying u shouldn’t be what u want.read the story well.. Sammy’s angry cos Greg didn’t tell the complete truth just to make himself happy. Now that’s unfair. I know Sammy went a bit over the top cos he’s not dating either of them but really, there’s no reason to lie.

    PROUDLY BOTTOM!!!!!

    • Brother Gold abeg, what part of the story did the sammy “enquire about greg’s role anh greg “didn’t tell the complete truth”. Please do well to point me to that part o the story, I’d like to do a reread.

      • Please ask him. All these labellers should look for a job in labelling companies. They’ll do quite well on the job.

  15. In all fairness…sammy should jump off a cliff.

    What fascinates me abt the creation story is that after God created Adam he commanded all he created ( including Adam) to be fruitful and multiply. How then did he expect Adam to multiply without a woman. He created the woman afterwards when he saw that Adam was lonely. If Adam weren’t lonely, Eve and the entire woman race wont have existed, but Adam would have still had to multiply either ways…
    Thats for the ppl who argue dt homosexuality goes against God’s purpose of creation or His essence of creating women.

  16. “Sammy is angry because Greg didn’t tell him the complete truth” before the fucked?? You mean like discussing if he has STI’s?? Isn’t it funny what our priorities are.

    First…
    Are all MSM’s gay?? Are gay men who’ve fucked women straight?? So a man is wrong to seek to know the pleasures in bottoming?? Or to enjoy them if he finds them?? You can choose to be strict top, strict bottom or vers, but you don’t try to blackmail people to picking one. I was once rejected by a vers guy after I told him I was top (I may understand his case though).

    Tomorrow we’ll hear “a strict top isn’t a good top“. Aren’t we turning into just another lost cause??

    Secondly…
    Isn’t sex meant to be about pleasure–our own pleasure?? What is our business with what people do for their own other pleasures??

    The question we aren’t asking is; how much was Greg paid to fuck Sammy?? How much does Sammy pay his “strict tops”?? Would any Greg out there lose anything from not fucking the Sammy’s, Thrystam’s & Absalom’s out there?? N–fucking–O!! There are thousands of Pink Panthers, Max’s, Peak’s, Khaleesi’s… out there ready to give you the shag of your life. Imagine saying I’d never fuck with someone who’s topped someone else. Abeg, na who I wound?? Shey na me konji go dey kill??

    Finally…
    It’s obvious who thinks people with ‘bottom’ preference are lesser beings. Clearly, it has never been the ‘tops’.

    I’ve been in situations where I was caught up with guys who prefer to top. Since none of us is willing to take it, we simply made out and jacked each other off. I’ve also been in situations where the other agreed to take it. Now, I haven’t taken it not because I don’t wanna (I’m gonna, soon), it’s only because I’m scared shit of how it’d hurt.

    With most dudes who prefer to bottom, they’d never dare touch body with someone with same preference. Wouldn’t someone who’s bottomed before be in a better position to know the drill?? It is never fun for me asking a million awkward questions just know understand what someone expects.

    Greg rocks. Sammy sucks.

  17. @trystham, if I’m reading your claim right, you are only attracted to men who exclusively top other men. Your pysche is therefore a “passive/receiver” pysche?

    IS there anything more to this psyche than the sexual action? I’m trying to understand how these roles work.

    • and the ‘psyche’ part is just about all you saw? Good of u. Anyways, I am SEXUALLY attracted to exclusive Tops.
      Dearest Max, keep em rolling.

      • I’m not gonna do this with you Trytham, not today.
        Just know that you may have been screwed by a not-so-strictly top who claimed to be one.
        So your rules don’t really make much sense. There’s no way you can “truly” know if someone has taken the D.
        So good luck finding your virgin ass Top.

      • @trystham, the “psyche” part was the part that I found unclear. You like people who know what they want. Tops, bottoms and versatiles can know what they want, that part is not limited by role/preference.

      • Oh but I don’t doubt that. But like I said, I’m not looking for ‘virgin’ top (are there any sef) not meaning to gross anyone out, but e get some strong shit wey don tear nyash pass big prick sef. Just one who has tried bottoming and realises “hell. Bottoming is not for me”

      • @Chuck O ga o. You sha want to put me into trouble today. Tops, bottoms, verses who know what they want, iLike. Where our wants overlap, sex. Where it doesn’t, friends. ‘wants’ being a function of MY preferences as determined by my psyche. I am turned on by Exclusive Tops. Not Verse Tops, Not Verse Bottoms, no matter how more in tune with bottoming and how very considerate of the bottom they may be.

  18. Me i understand Max here, Sammy’s grievance is really bothering on silly. I have bottom friends who say they can never allow a versatile top them and i say why, they say that it feels shameful that someone who also takes D fucked them and they liked it. When me dey find versatile Bf for hia. These days flip fuck porn videos are the rave for me. The best is a threesome with a top, a versatile and a bottom/another versatile

    • our browser history must look alike then…cos that’s the category that has been catching my fancy lately.

  19. 71 comments, and I’m like “today, I must ignore the comments section “. That’s it.

    Nice one though Khaleesi.
    For a moment I thought I was reading Dennis.
    But then, it appears Dennis has thrown a few drops of his saliva at your general direction. Lol.
    Weldon.

  20. @Trystham, I understand your claim. What I don’t understand is why. Have you ever examined why exclusive tops are the only tops that turn you on, regardless of technique?

  21. Hmmm I have been reading comments all day n it’s been quite intriguing.
    True to what DM said in his post about what his friend said- a lot of people here aren’t being true to themselves (except Trystham n Max tho)
    D ish here is all an Ego or Self Esteem matter.
    We unfortunately live in a clime where d Top Guy is given a Superior positon n d bottom guy takes d back seat. Pls let’s not even feign ignorance dat we don’t know n buy into ds Opium dats been sold us all.
    Sammy is raged because he feels his ego n self esteem has been crippled.
    He feels just like d last man on d “food chain” because dat which “subdued” him has been subdued.
    He’d get past it tho but we cnt help much with dis stereotype tingy.
    It’s come to stay.
    Whatever makes U sleep at night,b sure to do it!

  22. Max u don’t get the point. A preference is a preference. Because u like this doesn’t mean another person would like it.

    I’m a strict bottom. That doesn’t mean I haven’t tried topping before. It didn’t work out fine when I tried it cos I didn’t enjoy it so I decided to stick to what I enjoy. After all, isn’t sex for pleasure??

    Now I’m not saying Sammy is right cos he’s very wrong but pls I and others who share the same feelings as I do must not conform to ur pattern.

    Stop being ridiculous pls.there isn’t only one pattern in being gay.we all have our different patterns and we follow them.I don’t have to bend or change that to make u happy.

    Thanks.

  23. *Sigh*

    “I go kill you if you ever tell Ebuka say you fuck me. I be Top, I no be bitch!” — Someone.

  24. The juice that spilled from this post… Lol! Chai! I really don’t know which I find intriguing, the story or the comments. The hustle is real! Even in our community that is beleaguered, we still have wars to fight. I guess there is a reason why straight folks are called “straight” because all they need for a good time is an erect dick and a girl they find attractive. But in our own case, after worrying about kitoes, we’ll now worry about roles, masculinity, financial status… Kini kan kini man! Na wa oh! God dey.

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