How To Be Better at Bottoming

Purchase this image at http://www.stocksy.com/187531Originally published on tabsattractorfactor.wordpress.com

Have you ever looked at gay porn and thought, “How can they make bottoming look so easy?” A hung top sticks it in like a glute inject and the bottom doesn’t even flinch. Bottoming isn’t just about the physical sensation of being penetrated, it’s the emotional high of accepting someone else’s presence in your body. It’s the psychological thrill of being momentarily “owned,” of submitting yourself to the strength of another man.

This is the single biggest emotional stumbling block gay men have about bottoming—being labeled less than a man. For many of us, bottoming isn’t an opportunity to enjoy a pleasurable sexual experience but an act that threatens our sense of masculinity and the respect that goes with it. Many gay men believe that if they bottom, they will become “a bottom.” They fear that bottoming will create a new unwanted identity for them. It just may be that you haven’t been able to bottom (or been able to enjoy it) because you have so many emotional issues around the act. If you can get away from the falsehood of bottoming as an identity and see it for what it is—an erotic activity—the more relaxed and receptive you will be. Continue reading

‘I want a kid, a husband and a dog…’ – says singer Sam Smith

_72187831_72187830Twenty-two-year-old British singer, Sam Smith says he wants domesticity.

The breakout star on the global music scene this year, with the massive hit ‘Stay with me,’ recently opened up about the subject in an interview with Teen Vogue.

He even admitted that some days, he feels like breaking down and crying right there on stage. ‘I stand onstage and I wanna cry for the entire thing because people know my business. You all know me. You can read as many interviews as you want, but if you put on my record, I’m telling you, that is me,’ he said.

Smith revealed that part of his debut-album was inspired by love gone wrong. ‘I fell in love with someone last year, and he didn’t love me back,’ he shared. ‘I deleted him off Whatsapp, and it felt like I’d just broken up with him. On the record, you can hear heartbreak, and there’s a beauty in it that I will always treasure.’ Continue reading

KARMA 2.0

karma_purple3There are those days when everything just goes south and you have a very shitty day. But just when you think it’s the worst day possible, something happens that makes you smile that evil grin. I had one of those days recently, but before I tell you the story, please journey with me down memory lane.

I was posted to Rivers State for my NYSC (scratch that, I got myself posted to Rivers State), and I was in for a fun year. I was young and I wanted to explore the “deep, round riches” of the Garden City. There was this weekend someone buzzed me on Badoo, I looked up his profile and he was this cute, young guy. I responded, we took it to BBM, and four hours later, I was in a cab going to his uncle’s house where he was staying. (Shut up, don’t judge me)

We had the best night ever (or so I thought); we went out for drinks, came home drunk and horny, and then we did the nasty over and over. In the morning, it was great waking up to entwined arms and the feeling of satiation, and I reluctantly got up to get dressed and leave. An hour later, I got home, sank into bed and retrieved my Blackberry to ping him.

“Thanks for a good time,” I pinged. My message didn’t deliver. Alas, he was no longer on my BBM. Bitch had deleted me! Continue reading

How To Be Better At Topping

Purchase this image at http://www.stocksy.com/185455Originally published on tabsattractorfactor.wordpress.com

For formality’s’ sake, a top is the partner doing the penetration during anal sex – this label is limited explicitly to sexual roles and says nothing about perceived masculinity or dominance in bed. Gay men usually seek to define their sexual role with labels like top, bottom and versatile to indicate their inclinations when it comes to penetration. With that out the way, here are some tips on becoming better at topping.

Relax and Arouse your partner

There’s a lot more to sex then just putting your penis in and humping until the point of orgasm, there’s a certain finesse that comes with being a good top. The first priority should always be getting your partner aroused and relaxed enough to enjoy sex. Pay attention to his body language, if your partner is nervous and tense, the overall experience might be less than rewarding. Stay above the belt and consider kissing and lighting touching or licking erogenous zones on his body.

Stimulating the neck sends signals to the circulatory system stimulating blood flow and excitement, so try lightly kissing and stroking the nape of the neck, the back of the neck or the ears. The most popular zone for most men is the chest, particularly – the nipples. However, some men might have ultra sensitive nipples while others might not enjoy having their nipples played with, go slow and listen to his body, and if you don’t know his opinion on nipple play, ask him. Continue reading

JUST THAT ONE TIME

gay_couple_in_bedThere was this guy that had been bugging me for sex for years, Dotun, and I had been turning him down every time. I just didn’t see it happening. We met on Facebook. He was attractive alright, a model even. But I found him rather slow upstairs. I am a stickler for wit and intelligent conversations, so I felt he’d have nothing to offer.

I graduated from the University and moved back to Calabar. He was still on my case, with hope that I’d move to Lagos and give him a good fucking. I laughed at his delusion. We still hadn’t met.

I was posted to Taraba for my NYSC. I started the service there, but my parents would have none of it. They had me moved without my consent to Lagos. Dotun was happy. He begged to meet me and I kept posting him.

A year and a half afterwards, I’d secured a job and moved to my own apartment. His persistence wore me the hell out, and so I invited him over. We talked, or rather, he talked and I listened. I was bored, but I did find him immensely attractive. Night had fallen, and there was no light. The room was hot, so I told him to take his clothes off. He did so; I could tell he was a little shy, which i found odd, because as a model, shouldn’t taking clothes off at the drop of a hat be part of the job description? His clothes came off, and he laid back on the bed and we were silent for about three minutes. The longest three minutes ever. Continue reading