Sony Email Hack Reveals Spiderman Isn’t Allowed To Be Gay

Andrew Garfield as SpidermanAccording to a leaked agreement between Sony and Marvel, there are a great number of things Spiderman can’t do or be: He’s “not a homosexual;” he “does not abuse alcohol;” he “does not use foul language;” he “does not have sex with anyone below the age of 16.”

However, there are also several character traits he absolutely must possess: he is unswervingly “Caucasian;” he “gains powers from being bitten by a spider;” and, though “heterosexual,” he still has the innate know-how to “design his first red and blue costume.”

For a fellow who’s able to shoot thin ropes of spider-web out of his wrists to traverse New York skyscrapers and catch enemies in a viscous mess of goo, the poor guy is kept on an astonishingly tight leash. Continue reading

Eminem Admits To Being Gay in Sony’s ‘The Interview’

eminemplaysgayin22theinterview22Sony gave freedom-loving fans of badly-reviewed comedy films a major Christmas gift this holiday by making the beleaguered film, The Interview, available not only in select theaters, but on various online streaming services.

Anyone who tuned out their family and tuned in The Interview on Christmas day was treated to an Eminem cameo where the rapper — who is frequently accused of homophobia for using the very bad f-word consistently — comes out as gay.

Of course, the entire thing is scripted and presumably not real, but Marshall Mathers deadpans the scene convincingly. “I’m more shocked that people haven’t figured it out yet,” Eminem tells James Franco’s character. “I’ve been playing gay peek-a-boo for years. I’ve pretty much been leaving a gay bread crumb trail.” Continue reading