What’s On Your Mind… III

Blog_What's On Your MindIt’s just one thing today.

A question, really – Who exactly is an African Man?

One major weapon which homophobes deploy in their gay bashing is “homosexuality is unAfrican”. If I could get a barrel of crude oil for all the times I’ve heard this weird logic, I would be competing with the kingdoms of Qatar and Bahrain on the Rich List. It’s even more tragic that a good number of gays have internalized this homophobic notion. We have probably all met gays who insist that “your gay side is only a phase to be explored in your youth and to be abandoned later in life when you (should) revert to your default straight mode.” *giggles*

A regular commenter on this blog once laid down a list of things which are expected of an Africa man. This same KDian (known for his impressive research prowess) is also always quick to whip out the many ways in which an ‘African Man’ differs from other races, mostly the Westerners. Continue reading

That Article About Relationships and Friendships

2014-02-08-1538721_10152252920909048_1056027744_n-thumbTitled ‘Love In Periphery: Gay Relationship, Straight Friendships’, this piece was originally published on huffingtonpost.com. read and let us know your thoughts.

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A good friend of mine called me a few days after our wedding at the 56th Annual Grammys to congratulate me. She is heterosexual, married, and the mother of two – a representative of the largest part of my inner circle; heterosexuals, married with children. I know some would like to believe that we all live at the end of a rainbow but that isn’t my case – at least until the weekend. So my sudden nuptials in front of 28 million Americans took most of our loved ones by complete surprise – a sucker punch. And they all wanted to know what was it like?

Did a dove break through the clouds and light on our blessed gay shoulders? Continue reading

What’s On Your Mind… II

Blog_What's On Your MindSince you asked ever so nicely, I have to admit, I’m surprised I made it again so soon. I never thought I’d be able to put anything down so soon after the last – I am LAZY, I’ll be the first to admit it to anyone who can hear. I know it’s more than a week since my last, but even I am surprised that this was able to come this quickly. I still marvel at how Pinky, James, Bobby and DM are able to churn out high quality work on a regular basis and still find time to lead their lives. Una too mush *in thick Warri accent*

So, guys, here goes.

A few days ago, upon a sudden urge, I went back to 2go – a thing I hadn’t done in like four years. About 4 or 5 years ago, 2go was the hookup app of choice. This was a time when blackberries were not as ubiquitous as they subsequently became, and a time when data was not really as cheap as it is today (at least on the blackberry). And so, I had this sudden brainwave that led me to take a peep into 2go, and so I logged on, realized I’d long ago forgotten my password and went through the password reset and recovery motions. Eventually I was in. Continue reading

Daughters, I Will Learn To Teach You…

Father-daughter-dad-the-trentWhen I finally decide to blow brazenly into the capacious life of mother – er, fatherhood, synthetically, with a rock and another man’s name, I do not hesitate to say that I would want to raise all girls – two girls.

I don’t want to be a mother (father) to sons.

If I’ve learned anything about being a man, it is that being a father is designed to be a contact sport, and far too many of us retire before we even see what the field looks like.

If I’ve learned anything about a woman, it is that no matter how empowering they seem, their existence was designed to never stand a chance. But it’s a lie. They are strong, in some ways stronger than men. I think women are foolish to pretend they are equal to men. They are far superior, always have been. Continue reading

Let’s Discuss…About Age As Just A Number

Actor Gerald McCullouch and college basketball player Derrick Gordon kiss during 25th Annual GLAAD Media Awards in New YorkIs Age really nothing but a Number?

Last year, in April, college basketball star Derrick Gordon came out as being gay. Not too long after that, he made a public appearance with his much older boyfriend, award-winning actor Gerald McCullouch. Some people made a big deal out of their age difference, while others said that “love is love.”

Now, age has played a huge role in most relationships, determining whether they even get to happen or being a factor that brings about the end. You get a lot of older guys, from their thirties and above, declaring that they could never date anyone in his early to mid-twenties, and some twinks can only commit to men years older than them. Some people are less picky with the age bracket, dating above and below their ages, and some others have standards inside which are etched specific age brackets. Continue reading

BEHIND THE PURPLE CLOUDS

others 139I narrated this personal experience around May last year to Charlie Boy when I was at his residence in Gwarimpa, Abuja. He is writing a book, and wants to adapt my story. So y’all will be the first to have an insight of what his book will read like.

About this story, when I considered writing it for Kito Diaries, I didn’t know where to start, why I wanted to write it, to relive the past. But I believe that the more I familiarize the past with my present, the less hold it has over me.

My name is not Law, and I am twenty-one years of age. I grew up, knowing full well that I have always had a thing for guys, but I didn’t understand the feeling. I grew up in a strict Catholic home, and after my primary education, I was sent to a Catholic missionary ‘boys only’ school, one with very stern, high standards. When I was in my JSS1, on a Monday morning, six SS2 students were expelled on the account that they were involved in homosexual acts. At this time, I was so righteous I even assisted the school chaplain, as a spy, to nab the defaulting students. I thought homosexual acts were immoral and abnormal. I was naïve. I didn’t know any better. Continue reading

The Struggle With Validation

singles 19Like every other homosexual person, I had a truckload of esteem related issues. As a child, I always sought validation from my dad, who I never got along with. Looking back, I think on some level, he knew I was different and felt he could beat it out of me. So I struggled to earn the love that I wasn’t getting by trying to change and conform as best as I could. My life became about seeking validation and acceptance. I stopped living and started existing for family, friends, and community, and in a way, the society.

I lost myself in the process.

My dreams and aspirations took a back seat. I became obsessed with doing things that the world considered as “normal and acceptable”, from what to study and eventually studying a completely alien course, to just doing everything it took to be considered as one of the boys. I lost me.

With my obsession to please came a deep sense of loss, depression, paranoia and the feeling of constant bitterness. I became dark and moody. I morphed into a loner and kept to myself because I got frustrated with trying to please, but never doing enough regardless of how much I tried and sacrificed. I became good at playing the role of Number 2. You know, the good boy who is good friends with the notorious guy in school or in the neighborhood, the guy who rolls with the It crowd in class, but still manages to blend well with the geeks. All this was to help me not stand out. Standing out would attract attention, and attention would show that I was different. Continue reading

Let’s Discuss…About The Visibility Of What Society Doesn’t Want To See

Blog_Let's DiscussA friend of mine and follower of KD wanted to know, a couple of days ago, what comment made in disparagement of someone’s HIV status that brought on the collective wrath of the blog. I directed him to the contentious post, and when he was done, he returned to our private chat with an opinion about the KDian who shared his HIV story on KD: “Not a good move, if I must say… smh.”

And so the following is a bit of how our chatversation went after this tersely expressed opinion.

ME: Why? Why was it not a good move to share something to inspire people? Because someone will have something bad to say? So, by that standard, Kenny Badmus should not have talked about his coming out as well?

DUDE: Do you not see the resultant effect? Besides, Coming Out and HIV issue are two different things.

ME: Oh really? Educate me. Continue reading

NOW, A THOUGHT FOR KENNY BADMUS’ WIFE

Spanish F1 Grand Prix - RaceWritten by Akin Akintayo, and originally published on akinblog.nl

On the one hand, praise.

A couple of days ago, I celebrated the coming out of Kenny Badmus on both the matter of his sexuality and HIV-status with the hope that his decision will give strength and encouragement to the many who suffer under the societal strictures of conformity and despair.

However, it was impossible for the matter to just end there, because there was one key guiding principle that I had to revisit after a bit of reflection and discussion, the one of people who are hurt by those actions we take when we are faced with other difficult options we refuse to choose.

Now, Kenny Badmus said he learnt this from his father: “Die for your own truth, even if it’s unpopular, but don’t harm others with it.” Indeed, I believe there is a very strong influence of this in his decision to accept who he is, but that lesson has come long after damage has been done.

On the other hand, however… Continue reading