RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 20)

Blog_Rantings Of A Random (GAY) NigerianToday I will be talking about one issue only which has been on my mind for a while and which has formed the crux of many arguments I have had with my friends.

I grew up with many boys – nine boys in total – because daddy had a few sons and took in every stray relative who needed a place to stay. Growing up was always noisy and androgen-filled. And then, as we hit puberty, I started going out with my plenty brothers and we began testing the waters of our raging heterosexual hormones. And all the while, I kept my budding awareness that I liked boys a secret, well and truly hidden by the strength of my mortification.

I eventually lost my virginity to our house help. Her name was Ogonna. I was about fifteen, she was twenty. I had seen a few porno movies in VCR (is that still around?) so I experimented with what I’d seen with her. The first attempt was a disaster, and I came in less than two minutes. *covers face*

Eventually we started having sex regularly after everyone went to sleep. And then, Mommy found out (Actually I was not the only one giving it to her; in a house of ten boys… Go figure), and she was sent home.

I went on to lose my second virginity (is that even a phrase?) to a guy when I was nineteen. The experience was electrical, like an explosion in my brain. And I haven’t looked back since. Continue reading

The Issue Of Too Many Skins On Skin

g45The gay community has developed quite the reputation for promiscuity over the years. It wasn’t long ago that homosexuality was a shameful, unspeakable evil, best left to anonymous trysts in public restrooms. The idea that gays were even capable of having relationships was completely foreign. Through the mid 1970’s homosexual behaviour was thought to be the result of a psychological disorder, and that those who engaged in them were incapable of love the same way heterosexuals are.

Because of this, the ideas of same sex behaviour and homosexual orientation were separated, a notion that conservative Christians still champion as “love the sinner, hate the sin.” And the gay community has done little in the way of a cohesive voice to alter these perceptions. The debate continues as people ask if gays are even capable of monogamy, and liberal outlets are championing promiscuity as a defining feature of what it means to be gay. Continue reading

JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 37)

Blog_James' JournalMay 15

Growing up, I think sex was one of the few uncomplicated things I knew. You were Top, Bottom, or Versatile. It really didn’t matter what you liked because it was all fun for the two parties involved, and if done right, both parties would go home quite content and happy with an afterglow. I bottomed quite happily for people because it was fun. I asked a few times if I could top (disrespectful child), and I was refused. Even by the so-called Versatiles. But oh well… I was a young one and they might have felt uncomfortable or something. I however patiently waited for my university days when, at least, I’d find even some of my age mates that we’d get to flip flop and stuff.

University has however shown me that many more unimportant things have come into defining sexual roles, making things unnecessarily complicated. I can’t even state my role comfortably without being told I should be Bottom and not Versatile. It was just some dude I met and maybe, because I wasn’t edgy or hard enough, he thought it meant I should only get it up the ass. I just smiled sheepishly at that. By the time I’m done dealing with him… Continue reading

That Piece About The Difference Between Fucking, Sex And Making Love

difference-between-making-love-and-sex-gay-guysOriginally published on gayguys.com

I’ve had all kinds of sex, honey – some at my prime, others not so much. What I’ve realized, now that I’m at an age to look back, is that most of what I call “bad sex” happened in my early-twenties when I was still trying to figure it out. Thank God the time has passed and I can share what I’ve learned.

What is the difference between fucking, sex, and making love? We all have our own interpretations of it – I’m sure even after I give my opinion on the topic, you will have an opposing one. To me, sex is more than just about penetration. Sometimes it doesn’t even have to involve it. What matters most to me is the intention behind – that in itself sets the meaning of the word. Continue reading

Would You Date An HIV-Positive Guy?

F53326Matthew Hodson, the Chief Executive of GMFA, writes on the continued stigmatisation of HIV-positive people, and argues that avoiding sex or a relationship with someone HIV-positive is actually a bad strategy. Originally published on Pink News, he writes:

I’ve been living with diagnosed HIV for many years. In that time, I’ve had my share of sexual and romantic rejections on the basis of my HIV status. While these don’t make up any of my happiest memories, I’ve tried to take it on the chin. I’ve always been a firm believer that individuals have a right to work out the sexual strategy that is right for them – and that included rejecting people on the basis of their HIV status. But, you know what – I’ve had a change of heart. It’s bullshit.

Firstly, as a safer sex strategy, it just doesn’t work. We’ve known for some years now that someone on treatment is very unlikely to pass on the virus. How unlikely? Well you’re more likely to be infected from sex using a condom with someone who isn’t on treatment than you are to be infected from sex without a condom with someone who is on treatment. So when someone says that they’re going to avoid John because he has HIV (and is on treatment), and then runs off with Jonah, whose status is unknown, they’re taking a far bigger sexual risk. Continue reading

Guys Whisper The Highs And (Mostly) Lows Of Online Dating

Gay dating websites can be an awesome way to connect, but can also be a real drag. Messages go unanswered, hours seem wasted scrolling through endless profiles and something that’s supposed to hook you up leaves you feeling as isolated as ever.

Below is a Whisper round-up of revelations made by men who are either disillusioned or ambivalent toward online dating.w1 Continue reading

MY QUESTION ABOUT CHEATING

g44I’ve never dated a man whose faithfulness I couldn’t vouch for. But, more importantly, it has never bothered me what my boyfriends might get up to behind my back. I asked my first boyfriend, M, to cheat if he wanted to, if sex with me wasn’t great. Actually, it wasn’t at first – poor him! We were age mates but he was about eight years ahead in sexual experience. It was hard enough being a learner; it was worse feeling like I had to play catch-up to his level in the quickest possible time. (Tick-tock!) So, he had my permission to do as he pleased behind me. As long as we kept the relationship going; emotionally, I still needed him, and I know he loved me.

He turned down the bonanza, the idiot. Said he wouldn’t do it unless it was a threesome. I shrugged: his choice, his loss.

Now, years of watching people hurt and feel betrayed over being “cheated on” has left me with more questions than conclusions. These questions are based on an understanding of Love and Sex, and although the two are best together, this is not always the case. In English: two people can love without sex or “too much” of it (as in the case of my parents who I doubt still rip each other’s clothes off every chance they get); and two people can have regular sex without caring about each other (as in No Strings Attached fun).

My dictionary says cheating is when you secretly have sex with someone who’s not your partner. Continue reading

My Take On The Movie ‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’

fifty-shades-of-greyI got home after class and I was super bored. So I decided to go see a movie. I got to the cinema and then I made a dash to the movie counter, went through the movie list and finally settled for Fifty Shades Of Grey, because I wanted to see what made everyone so excited about the movie.

I got into the movie hall after getting my popcorn from this hot guy, (*blush*), went up to the last seat in the row, and got settled, coolly waiting for the movie to start so I could start criticizing.

Twenty minutes later, I began regretting settling down for the movie. I was bored. So I took my bag and my popcorn and got up to leave the movie hall.

On my way out, he – Christian Grey – finally spoke…said something intriguing and hot. Christian was trying to get Anastasia to agree to his kind of sex, and after doing that, he says, “When I am through with you, you won’t be able to sit for a week.” And I was like, OhMyGod!

So I settled back down and resumed watching. Continue reading

Porn Stars In Love

brent-corrigan-theo-fordI once went through a porn star stanning phase, during which time I caught up on porn stars, mostly whites though, and their careers and who was sleeping with who (off-camera, of course) and who was breaking up with who, and who was committing suicide out of depression. And notably amongst the off-screen hook-ups were Pedro Andreas and Daniel Marvin, Francesco D’Macho and Damien Crosse, amongst a few others. Even then, I’d always had my reservations about porn stars in relationships. I mean, how does that even work, you getting to screw random men in front of the camera, and then going home to screw your man… Isn’t there supposed to be a joke in there somewhere?

Anywho, before I get carried away, this post is about porn star, Brent Corrigan (left in picture above), who has been updating his following on snippets of his life that makes us realize he must be in love. With who, you ask. Fellow uprising porn actor, Theo Ford (right in picture above). Continue reading