LOVE AND SEX IN THE CITY (Episode 15)

FOREWORD: It has recently come to my awareness that some of the submissions I get usually go straight to my Spam. And because I simply click the Empty button, I lose them all. I realized this when I got some queries from some readers of the blog who were sure they sent me write-ups that I was positive I didn’t get. Plus, the last time I emptied my Spam, just before the line-up of bulk mails vanished, I spied a name and the subject ‘Kito story’ attached to the mail.

And so, I’d like to say, if you sent me any piece that I have neither published on the blog nor acknowledged to you, not informed you that I have gotten, please kindly, if it’s not too much trouble, get back to me via email (pantherptb@yahoo.com). Kindly tell me the content of your piece; if I recognize it as something that has been drafted and is pending, I’ll let you know. If I don’t recognize it, then it was probably emptied from my mail. And you may have to resend. I’ll be paying more attention to my Spam from now on. Again, I apologize for any inconvenience this might bring on anyone.

*

I have three siblings – two brothers and a sister. The oldest is Dede. His name is actually Obinna, but he’s much older than the rest of us, six years older than me, and so, what started out as an acknowledgement of his seniority gradually became adopted as the only name he’s called in the house, and sometimes by outsiders as well. The day Mother called him ‘Dede’, she caught herself, gave a self-conscious laugh and said with some self-deprecation, “Chim o, now my son has become my senior.” Dede works and resides with his family in Port Harcourt.

Tonia is the second-born, older than me by a year. We were both born in the month of September, me on the second, Tonia on the fourteenth. So there comes a time every year when the two of us are the same age, just for twelve days, and then she’s back to being my big sister. My parents usually joked that they’d had Dede as an only child for so long, that when Mother became pregnant with Tonia and had her, they’d eagerly gotten back into the sack to try for another child, in a bid to reassure themselves that Tonia’s conception wasn’t a fluke.

Mom, dad, too much information, I’d think whenever they told that story.

LOVE AND SEX IN THE CITY (Episode 14)

FOREWORD: First of all, I will like to say that in recent times, I’ve been getting quite a number of mails from readers of this blog, brothers who are in different points of distress over their lives and relationships. They seek answers from me, and I have tried to give what I can. But I fear that I’m not entirely capable of doing right by them.

And so, in the spirit of helping, I’ve decided to open yet another segment on Kito Dairies. The ‘Dear KD’ segment, where I’ll update the blog with these enquiries, with the permission of the senders of course, and let the house offer ways these people can employ to help them with their circumstances. These updates may or may not bear the blog pseudonyms of the owners. (Whether I post their blog names is up to them)

And also, if anyone else has something, any entanglements that he needs the house to help him or her unknot, kindly email your grievance to me on pantherptb@yahoo.com.

Secondly, I want to dedicate this episode of Love And Sex In The City to all those who have been hounding me to update the series. Most especially to that my witty friend with the witty blog. A lot of peeps have been on my case about the series, but this guy is – unfortunately for me – on my BBM friend list. So he has the unfettered access to bug me nearly every day for the past two weeks that I’ve been slacking. When he finally pinged me with a message along the lines of: ‘You know what? I don’t care anymore,’ I panicked (lol) and decided to get off my lazy ass and get to work. And so, here it is.

PS: If, dear witty friend, I find out that you reverse-psychologied me or something, I will kill you. Lol

PPS: Read and enjoy.

Click HERE for the previous episode of Love And Sex In the City.

*

Mary Jane came late for the Monday meeting of the junior level staff of Fit Plus. One of the Operations junior managers of the company, Mr. Oyebanjo was speaking at the time. I wasn’t exactly paying attention to him. My focus was mindlessly centered on the face of one of my colleagues who sat five seats away from me against the conference table.

Lateef, I think his name is.

That Memorable Dante’s Bath Moment In ‘Sex And The City: The Movie’

There’s much eroticism and lots of racy scenes in Sex and The City, both series and movie, some of them shockingly explicit, which is probably what adds to the appeal of the franchise to the viewing public. You know how sex can like to sell.lol.

Anyway, I was going through my movie collection recently and I happened on SATC: The Movie, Part 1, and I remembered this scene where Kim Cattrall’s character, Samantha Jones, walked in on her oh-so-sexy neighbour, Gilles Marini’s character, Dante, taking a shower.

Ayayayayai! That was the moment that guy joined my string of Hollywood actor crushes. I scoured YouTube for a clip of that scene so I can share here. If you look closely, you might even catch a glimpse of Dante’s d**k. 🙂

LOVE AND SEX IN THE CITY (Episode 11)

UNKNOWN: Fake boy.

D: Who is this please?

UNKNOWN: Fake boy like you,

D: Well, that’s an improvement. I was beginning to think your vocabulary was limited to just two words.

UNKNOWN: Idiot! Faggot like you! Who da hell do you think you are?

D: Someone who has gotten sick and tired of your pestering, that’s who. Now kindly do us both a favour and get a life.

UNKNOWN: It’s your asshole that is sick and tired. Disgusting faggot! Lousy idiot!

D: It says a lot about me that I don’t even have your number stored in my phone. To me, you’re a nonentity. Thank God for Whatsapp’s block button, because after this response, I’ll be blocking you. So don’t bother sending me any more of these childish messages.

D: Get. A. Life!

*

I sat in the hallway that adjoined the conference room inside where moments ago, I’d sat with Mrs. Oguzie, Estelle and Dotun for a preliminary grilling session, during which my superiors shed light on the issue surrounding the complaint filed against me.

LOVE AND SEX IN THE CITY (Episode 10)

“Oohm, you guys, this is a week day. Do I really have to be a part of this expedition?” I complained as the cool evening air rushing in through the open window in the backseat of Adebola’s car slapped across my face. “By the time we finish this waka, whenever that time is, I still have to get home and prepare for work tomorrow.”

“Let’s hear word abeg,” said Adebola as he turned around on the front passenger seat. Biola was the one behind the wheel. Adebola doesn’t like driving to places he doesn’t already know how to get to. “Is it only you that has a job in this car sef?”

“Abeg help me and ask him o,” Eddie interjected, turning to look me up and down with rapid eye movements.

I chuckled. “Last I checked, I’m the only one here who has a job to get to tomorrow. Biola is on leave, Adebola, you, you are a master of your own work hours. And Eddie, well –”

“And Eddie what?” he rounded on me with exaggerated indignation. “Ehen? And Eddie what? Is it because I don’t have a white collar, nine-to-five job, you now want to condescend to me, ehn? Better take several seats mbok.”

LOVE AND SEX IN THE CITY (Episode 9)

Foreword: So guys, (and I’m using the male term because I believe this blog’s readership is vastly male), I was wondering if there’s anyone here with lesbian friends. It would be nice if we had ladies up in here, reading and commenting and sending in stories for publication. If y’all have lady friends who are of like minds, well, heck, spread the gospel of Kito Diaries to them. This here isn’t a Guys Only Club. 🙂

*

“Declan.” Dotun’s voice was low and husky, as though he was whispering into his phone.

“Dotun, how far?” I answered, lifting files off the conference room table into my arm. There’d been a briefing which ended moments ago, and I had taken down the minutes. Everyone else was gone, and I was just bringing up the rear. “This is the second day you haven’t been to work. What’s going on? Just this morning, Mrs. Oguzie asked about you, and –”

“Declan, I need you…”

I paused. Dotun’s voice also sounded shaky, trembly, like he was battling tears. I was instantly alarmed. “Dotun, what’s the problem?”

LOVE AND SEX IN THE CITY (Episode 8)

FOREWORD: Here’s a little amebo from me 🙂 Benjamin Robson, the married man we once talked about right here on Kito Diaries, the young father who came out in a touching video (Read HERE), apparently stumbled on the post and has spoken out in a comment. Check on it, shall we?

And now, for today’s episode of Love And Sex In The City. . .

*

I was about to draw the bolt on the toilet stall in the men’s room in order to pull the door open and step out, when I heard the convenience’s main door whine open, and then I heard footfalls. A second later, Kizito’s voice rumbled, “Tunde, have you seen Declan?”

I froze, softly sliding the bolt back in, and waited.

Tunde answered over the rush of water in the sink as he undoubtedly washed his hands. “No, I haven’t. Check our office nau.” Tunde must have been the occupant of the only stall whose door was shut when I came into the convenience several moments ago to ease myself. Otherwise he’d have known I was in here as well. He is also my officemate, works in the Human Resources with me.

“I’ve checked. He’s not there. Estelle said he stepped out not too long ago.”

“Then check Dotun’s office. He’ll be there. That is, if he has not already left. You know it’s almost five.”

I looked at my watch. Seven minutes to 5pm. I’d planned to go on home from here anyway. With any luck, I would make it out of the building without running into Kizito.

Love And Sex In The City (Episode 7)

FOREWORD: The first part of what I have to say is unrelated to the story below. I just want to quickly say how much I appreciate every contributor who sends write-ups for the maintenance of this blog. I can’t be grateful enough. However, I have recently gotten curt emails from a couple of contributors, expressing their displeasure with me for not instantly putting up their pieces after receiving them. They were also of the opinion that because I didn’t respond to their emails after I received their materials, I must not think them good enough. And then, they rounded up by instructing me not to bother publishing their articles.

Both suppositions are wrong. First of all, if I think a piece does not measure up, THAT IS WHEN I WILL respond with an email, informing the contributor of what I think is wrong. If I do not reply, it can only mean one thing. That I have read, approved, edited and drafted the write-up for future publication. Secondly, with the exception of ‘Love And Sex In The City’, ‘James’ Journal’ and ‘Bunkside Frenzy’ which are episodic and have to be published every week, every other write-up gets in a line. There are only seven days in a week, and a lot more articles than that. I urge my contributors to be a lot more patient and understanding. Everybody wants to be heard, and that is the medium this blog provides. That objective has not changed.

The second part of what I have to say is about this episode of Love And Sex In The City. This episode was inspired by a conversation I observed and participated recently in with a group of acquaintances. It is a conversation of sorts, expressing a difference in opinions concerning one of the random issues plaguing the Nigerian gay community. So after reading, it would be nice for you to express your own opinion in the comments section, so we can all learn and understand the varying views. Thank You. 🙂

*

“KIZITO KISSED YOU?!” Yinka hollered, staring at me like I’d just told him that I was invited to the Aso Villa for a sexual orgy.

I shrugged, and before I could respond, Adebola intoned, “What’s the big deal about that? Straight guys kiss gay guys all the time.”

Yinka turned to him. “Maybe it happens to you all the time –”

“It does happen to me all the time,” Adebola preened.

“But how many times,” Yinka barreled on, “have you gotten hot and heavy with two different straight guys in the space of one month, eh?”

Adebola had nothing to say to that.

Love And Sex In The City (Episode 5)

Dick, come on, don’t do this . . .

Stop calling me that . . .

Ok, baby, please . . .

Don’t call me that either . . .

Stop giving me a hard time, Declan . . .

You know what to do to make me stop . . .

You know I can’t do that . . .

Well then, I can’t give you what you want . . .

My fingers danced furiously on the keypad of my Blackberry as I chatted with Basil. I kept my focus on the phone, even after he sent me a grumpy-faced smiley and told me he was signing off the chat. He just couldn’t go on chatting with me while I was like this.

Like what? Answer me, I typed. Then I PINGED him, and PINGED him again, and watched as my messages remained unread.

LOVE AND SEX IN THE CITY (Episode 4)

The bar cum restaurant in Yaba where Jonathan had us gathered was already becoming full of life at about 5pm the next evening. It was a public holiday, and so, none of us who had jobs were here after a hectic day at work. So far, we were all present except Adebola.

And Bryson, a little voice whispered inside my head, as my heart picked up a slightly faster beat at the recollection of his name. I craned my neck around to the entrance of the joint, but there was no sight of the two guys that were yet to arrive.

“Don’t worry, darling,” Ekene said beside me, “he’ll be here.”

“Who’ll be here?” interjected Paschal as he leaned in toward Ekene and I from my other side. He looked at my face and continued with a grin, “Oh, you mean, Bryson, Mr. Straight-guy that Madam Slut here says fucked him.”