Would You Date An HIV-Positive Guy?

F53326Matthew Hodson, the Chief Executive of GMFA, writes on the continued stigmatisation of HIV-positive people, and argues that avoiding sex or a relationship with someone HIV-positive is actually a bad strategy. Originally published on Pink News, he writes:

I’ve been living with diagnosed HIV for many years. In that time, I’ve had my share of sexual and romantic rejections on the basis of my HIV status. While these don’t make up any of my happiest memories, I’ve tried to take it on the chin. I’ve always been a firm believer that individuals have a right to work out the sexual strategy that is right for them – and that included rejecting people on the basis of their HIV status. But, you know what – I’ve had a change of heart. It’s bullshit.

Firstly, as a safer sex strategy, it just doesn’t work. We’ve known for some years now that someone on treatment is very unlikely to pass on the virus. How unlikely? Well you’re more likely to be infected from sex using a condom with someone who isn’t on treatment than you are to be infected from sex without a condom with someone who is on treatment. So when someone says that they’re going to avoid John because he has HIV (and is on treatment), and then runs off with Jonah, whose status is unknown, they’re taking a far bigger sexual risk. Continue reading

JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 34)

Blog_James' JournalApril 10

I was listening properly to a song on David Guetta’s ‘Listen’ album. You know how you might hear a song but never really hear it. Well that day, I heard it. The song is Lift Me Up.

We’ve all got our struggles and are just trying to make it home. Some people seem to have their shit figured out, but even then, I’m sure they’ve still got demons to fight. Some people are just better at hiding their demons than others.

I’m often saying how we need to be tolerant of each other, how we need to learn to lift each other up because we are different but still fundamentally the same. It’s beginning to sound like an old tune but I don’t think things can be better with us at each other’s throats, looking for ways to put each other down and undermine our accomplishments and struggles. If you’ve got nothing good to say, then don’t say anything. And if you feel you must point something out, then maybe do it as nicely as possible. Don’t let it seem like the other person didn’t do anything tangible. Continue reading

BEFORE I DIE: 8 (The Sex-Hunger Games 2)

????????????????????????????????????????????????????I am still on the journey of reconciling my status with my sex life. My guilt is still there and I know it is going nowhere. I have had sexual advances from friends, which I turned down. If you could see the guys I have been turning down, you would slap the gay out of me. I am doing this on purpose. I am taking time to process. I’m the kind of person that, when I want to feel, I feel very deeply. When I don’t want to, I’m as hard as igneous rock. I am letting myself feel all the guilt there is, so that when I am ready to not feel and someone tries to remind me, I can remind myself that I have been there and back.

And I am getting to that point gradually. All this while, I have been practising self-pleasure, with my PEARS Baby Oil. It isn’t much, but it’s enough to get by. I have also been googling safe sex with a HIV patient, and I think I have it down to a science. It comes down to three things.

1) No blowjobs, no rimming, no matter how big and chocolatey the dick looks.

2) Kiss on the lip only, as passionately as possible, without the tongues touching.

3) Use durex condoms with plenty of lube. It’s known for its durability.

4) And if the condom breaks, it’s not my fault. Someone is manipulating that person’s destiny and it’s certainly not me.

Yes! Continue reading

MY DICK IS BIGGER THAN YOURS

g17I solemnly swear that I have no judgment for anyone’s lifestyle, no matter how debauched; I may be filled with distaste, but I will not give voice to my opinion, unless the individual is someone I care about, or the lifestyle borders on folly and destructive to other individuals.

The true story I’m about to tell is an instance of the second scenario.

I live in Abuja. That city, with all its sedate glitter, can fool one into thinking that there isn’t much that is shocking and dirty going on in its underbelly. I mean, any such decadence is what you’d expect to find in Lagos, the city where anything is possible. Not so in Abuja. Here, we are supposed to do things with a dignified pace. We should live dignified lives. Interact with dignified airs. Live in dignified surroundings. Have dignified sex. And well, break the rules in a dignified manner.

But the man I want to talk about is too much of a hot mess to be dignified. Continue reading