That Article About Relationships and Friendships

Titled ‘Love In Periphery: Gay Relationship, Straight Friendships’, this piece was originally published on huffingtonpost.com. read and let us know your thoughts.

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A good friend of mine called me a few days after our wedding at the 56th Annual Grammys to congratulate me. She is heterosexual, married, and the mother of two – a representative of the largest part of my inner circle; heterosexuals, married with children. I know some would like to believe that we all live at the end of a rainbow but that isn’t my case – at least until the weekend. So my sudden nuptials in front of 28 million Americans took most of our loved ones by complete surprise – a sucker punch. And they all wanted to know what was it like?

Did a dove break through the clouds and light on our blessed gay shoulders?

THAT WARRI GUY

This might sound surreal or unreal. It might read like something that can only happen in the pages of a magazine, something that you’d not expect someone of my age to experience.

I am twenty-six years old, and I am gay. I have a thing for younger guys. If you are my age or a year older, I would not be interested, except maybe you have a body like Trey Songz. What a lot of people would not understand is that I have not had penetrative sex before. I have not gone beyond pre-intimacy. Now, don’t take this the wrong way; I am not ugly – heck, I know some not-so-good-looking guys who have sex virtually every day. It is not as if I don’t think about sex or something. I actually do, on a daily basis. It stems more from the fact that I have not met someone that I really like…

All that changed soon enough.

RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 10)

It was mother’s day just last Sunday, and I popped into Warri on Saturday to surprise my mom. She did not know I was coming, I did not even know I was going up till that morning; I got up to go for a run and before I knew what was happening, I just needed to see her and was en-route to Warri before 6am. You see, a mother’s love cannot be measured or understood, and the few times I have had cause to rethink my sexuality and the choices I have made were all because of her. I don’t want to be a disappointment to her (it will totally kill me). However, just like Khaleesi said the other day, I have to find a balance between staying true to myself and holding fast to her love. I must walk this thin line.

Anyway, I got to Warri and went straight to her store and the look on her face was priceless as she hugged me and tried hard not to cry. She probably never expected me to come as things have become awkward between us since she started chanting the M word. My sister came around with her kids, and a few other aunties were around, as my mom has always been the rallying point of both families. I stylishly avoided chatting too long with anybody, before they will ask for their iyawo and when I am planning on bringing her home.

Let’s Discuss…About Age As Just A Number

Is Age really nothing but a Number?

Last year, in April, college basketball star Derrick Gordon came out as being gay. Not too long after that, he made a public appearance with his much older boyfriend, award-winning actor Gerald McCullouch. Some people made a big deal out of their age difference, while others said that “love is love.”

Now, age has played a huge role in most relationships, determining whether they even get to happen or being a factor that brings about the end. You get a lot of older guys, from their thirties and above, declaring that they could never date anyone in his early to mid-twenties, and some twinks can only commit to men years older than them. Some people are less picky with the age bracket, dating above and below their ages, and some others have standards inside which are etched specific age brackets.

What’s On Your Mind?

Well, I’m glad you asked.

In a minute, I’ll tell you.

Dennis has his weekly rants, James has his journals, Bobby has his Behind-the-HIV-scenes series, and Pinky’s Loving and Sexing in Lagos City are anxiously looked forward to each week. I have come to realize that I, like most of us on here, witness and create rant-worthy or journal-worthy events on a regular basis. And so, drawing inspiration from these KDian literary works, this is an attempt to share with us all a few of my musings as well . . . you know, to tell you what’s on my mind. And No, I am way lazier than PP, DM, Bobby or James, and so, my musings will likely not be a weekly affair; they will be far less frequent. However, if and whenever they do pop up here, I’d love to hear your thoughts, advice, suggestions, observations, whatever you gat. Bring it on!

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So, yea, that thing on my mind…

JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 31)

March 7

I just found out two people on my contact list are gay, and they are brothers! I know it happens, but still – Damn!

I got a warm fuzzy feeling and I am so happy for them because they have each other and they are family and that even brings them closer together. And there and then, I realised I wished I had a gay brother.

Do I hear gasps?! How can I be so cruel, you say. Wish the curse of homosexuality on my brothers?! Do I not care for them? Why would I want to allow anyone to go through the rigors of what it is to be gay in a country like this?

Well, for one thing, I know that having a gay brother would make my life so much easier, and his too, because I know the fear of abandonment by family members would not be too pronounced and I’d have someone who has my back even subtly. And being gay isn’t a curse for chrissakes. It’s hard, yes. But it’s only so because of where we are.

JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 30)

February 26

This is a long ass post. You have Pinky to blame for that one, since he asked for my spot last Sunday. Happy reading.

I’ve started work in Lagos. As I write this, I am there looking at all the weird machines that will hopefully become familiar with time.

Working – no, learning here is dull. My supervisor does a lot of paper work where she has to record her findings and stamp stuff. Whenever I notice she’s doing a test however, I go to meet her and start asking questions. She’s never called me to see anything so far. She’s a nice lady, she seems easy to get along with.

There’s another IT student who schools in the polytechnic of my city, and she’s pretty friendly. We got talking and she asked what church I attend, and I told her I go to church frequently when I’m at home but hardly when I’m in school. She then went on to call me a “big boy” which I took as sarcasm. Whatever… I genuinely enjoy going to the church in my hometown. I feel some semblance of safety there, and what they teach, I understand. I may not agree with them all the time but I understand.

UNDESERVING

It feels good being with him. It always does. I smile to myself as I grab the two orders of ice cream off the counter of the Coldstone creamery outlet at the Palms mall, in Lekki. I turn around and smile at the young man in a denim shirt sitting on a bench a few feet away. His name is Rotimi and he is my boyfriend.

Rotimi and I have had a rocky past. We first met two years ago and started dating, and I fell madly in love with him. Unfortunately, we had to end it a few months down the line because he slept with someone else. The issue wasn’t the infidelity, really. I was just pissed that he cheated on me with an individual that was way, way, WAY below the average level of attractiveness. I mean, why would he leave all of this and go and sleep with a dog? I had every right to dump him.

However, my heart refused to forget him, and after a year and some months, we were back together, and I was happy once again. To be really honest, nobody else had been able to make me as happy as Rotimi made me, and nobody had been able to turn me on as much as he did. Oh yes, some people had come really close, I mean really, really close, but Rotimi takes the cake *insert drooling smiley here*

Anyway, we are both out on a date, spending well-deserved quality time with each other, and I am in cloud 9. I really love this guy, I know. Sometimes the extent to which I do scares me.

THE PROMISE

It was the distant crow of a cock that roused Paul to the morning of Valentine’s Day.

He tried opening his eyes. It seemed like a huge task, absolutely impossible. He could feel himself mentally trying to lift his eyelids, but it still remained shut, felt like it was glued together. And then he realized with a start that they were glued shut – with a masking tape. He made to move his hands, to lift them up so he could tear away the tape from his eyes, but those too were immobile, strapped to his back by masking tape as well.

What is going on? he thought, feeling a niggling of uneasiness trickle down his spine.

Then he heard a sound – a whisper of a movement in the room, one which made him freeze. Was someone in the room? He turned his head around in the direction of the sound, his ears straining to make up for his enforced blindness. He didn’t hear the sound anymore. Was he imagining things? He tried to remember.

Of course, someone was in the room, he thought as recollections flooded his mind. He’d had a guy over from the club last night; quite the looker, and boy, was the sex amazing. What was his name again? Busola… Abbey… Kehinde – yes, Kehinde.

Porn Stars In Love

I once went through a porn star stanning phase, during which time I caught up on porn stars, mostly whites though, and their careers and who was sleeping with who (off-camera, of course) and who was breaking up with who, and who was committing suicide out of depression. And notably amongst the off-screen hook-ups were Pedro Andreas and Daniel Marvin, Francesco D’Macho and Damien Crosse, amongst a few others. Even then, I’d always had my reservations about porn stars in relationships. I mean, how does that even work, you getting to screw random men in front of the camera, and then going home to screw your man… Isn’t there supposed to be a joke in there somewhere?

Anywho, before I get carried away, this post is about porn star, Brent Corrigan (left in picture above), who has been updating his following on snippets of his life that makes us realize he must be in love. With who, you ask. Fellow uprising porn actor, Theo Ford (right in picture above).