KIZITO SPEAKS VII

Mark. Pot-bellied. Short (when you consider my height), with a Hippo kinda look. He had a huge crush on me – an unnerving, lust-filled desire. He was in love. And I didn’t even like him. I had no interest in him whatsoever.

Mark is a typical Igbo business man (if you know what I mean). He agitated me with the way he chatted and talked. And Mark, God love him, could like to call and talk nonsense! Tufia!

Anyway, I was aware he genuinely liked me. I’d used this a little to my advantage while he was still in the country (he’s out to look for a greener pasture). So, he was chatting me up on 2go one time; a time when I was in need of a better phone. (These times come often though, as I always find myself owning one palasa or another. :|).

DEAR KD: I Know The Man She Wants To Marry

I need advice on this.

So there’s this lady, a nurse here in Bayelsa who I call my ‘mummy’, because she’s like a mother to me. She is quite advanced in age, but unmarried. And she knows about my sexual orientation, yes. She once saw lots of gay porn on my phone the day she was looking at my pic. So I had to come out to her, and she responded with the reassurance that it doesn’t change our relationship. She promised that she was cool with who I am. And she subsequently showed some curiosity on the gay issue, frequently asking for lectures on Gay Sex 101. Our talks on the subject were always fun.

Anyway, there’s this suitor that she’s been telling me about recently. And then, last week Thursday, she told me the guy would be coming over on Saturday, and would be staying a whole week. I couldn’t wait to meet him; she’d told me so much about him.

Transgender Model Gisele Alicea Shares Her Journey to Finding Happiness

Originally published on glamour.com

FOREWORD: This has been a big week for the transgendered community. First, there was Caitlyn Jenner’s Vanity Fair cover, and then, Make Up For Ever unveiled its campaign with model Andreja Pejic, making her the first transgender model to land a major cosmetics contract. And now, another trans woman, Latina model Gisele Alicea, talks about her journey of claiming her true identity despite all the challenges that lay ahead. Much like actress Laverne Cox, who recently said that diverse representation is needed is the media, Alicea agreed. “I want to be treated like everyone else, with respect.” This is her story.

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Years before I heard the term transgender, I was a seven-year-old boy who loved dressing up in girls’ clothing. Named William Alicea and raised with three sisters by a single Dominican mom in the predominantly Hispanic Hamilton Heights section of New York City, I knew even then how the Latino community expected boys to behave. I’d overhear my family say men shouldn’t cook or clean, because that was women’s work—and other such machista comments. And they definitely didn’t think boys should dress like girls. But I did it anyway. My mother didn’t love me prancing around in my older sisters’ clothes, but I know that she was just trying to spare me from being hurt.

Throughout childhood I had crushes on boys and knew that I was gay, but I didn’t tell a single soul. No one ever talked about homosexuality—ever! I was 15 when I came out to my school guidance counselor, who referred me to a support group at the Hetrick-Martin Institute at the Harvey Milk High School. When I finally told my mom that I was gay, we cried together. She tried hiding her sadness, but I could see right through it.

A Handy Flowchart To Make You Know If Your Friend-With-Benefits Is Boyfriend Material

Dating apps have revolutionized how gay men hook up. Gone are the days of dark, smokey bars and online chat rooms making small talk with strangers. These days, all it takes is the swipe of a finger to locate your next bedroom conquest, zero feet away (and up!).

But despite the simplicity of modern hooking up, dating apps actually create confusion, particularly when it comes to labeling a relationship. Because what do you call the guy who you’ve been having sex with every weekend for the past month and a half? Is he still just a fuck buddy? Friend With Benefits? BF?

Those Awkward Moments (Episode 6)

Previously On THOSE AWKWARD MOMENTS: Subsequent to Jude getting shot and losing his memory, his sister, Janet, blames Kevin and bans him from their lives. In order to avoid thinking about Jude as fast as possible, Kevin resumes work as a junior songwriter in Highland Records. Expecting to run errands only, he is surprised when informed by his boss, Josh, that he will be the major contributing writer for the upcoming album of Nigerian-turned-international singer, Demoniker.

But things don’t go as expected when Demoniker bluntly shuts down the idea of having an ‘amateur’ songwriter, embarrassing Kevin greatly. Provoked and going on a stint to prove himself brave like Jude, Kevin confronts the star.

And that’s what you missed on episode 5.

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“Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit!” I kept repeating to myself as I stood in front of the sinks in the men’s room, staring at my wet face and brown eyes in the mirror as the tap rushed.

It had been about thirty minutes since I stormed out of the dressing room, thirty-one minutes since I confronted one of the music industry’s biggest creations – Demoniker. After she condescended so outrageously to my capabilities, I was provoked and proceeded to tell her how wrong she was. I didn’t stop there. No. I had to let my anger ride me on to calling her talentless, unoriginal and boring. Now skulking away in the men’s room, I was staring at the reality that my career and reputation as I knew them were finished.

LAST WORDS

Here I am, writing down my emotions, because I’d rather do that than speak a word about what I’m feeling. Recently I don’t even know what I feel.

I dated a man. He was strong, handsome, unique, interesting. He also had a baby mama, who he says is alright with his bisexuality. I guess she was, until I came into the picture.

He introduced me to her when he and I first started dating. She smiled at me and said hi. She shook my hand, and then we danced together. It was a party, and her friends were there too. They kept staring at me and talking amongst themselves. I wasn’t comfortable with that, being the new boyfriend suffering the distant dissection of my beau’s ex female love interest. But it was a party. So I kept on drinking and dancing.

And then, as I got comfortable in my relationship, she got less comfortable with me being around. There was drama. There was hate. And there were children involved. It broke my heart that she was using their children as a weapon to drive a wedge in between me and my beau. The entire brewing mess affected me in ways I thought wasn’t possible. I wanted the best for my man as much as I wanted him with me, but then I loved the way his eyes shone when he talked about his kids. Before the drama. Before the mess.

Hopscotch To Abuja

Most people I meet are through Instagram, so I can’t quite relate when people mention meeting people on grindr, manjam, and the like. I am Instagram addict, and that is because I’m a selfie addict. I take pictures like every time and everywhere. And on this particular day, I’d posted a picture of me shirtless and pouting on Instagram. Fifteen minutes later, a notification popped up. A comment against the picture post – ‘You are so cute, where are you?’ I checked out the commenter’s page, and saw that he was not a bad-looking dude. So I replied and told him to DM me instead of commenting on the picture. He did and subsequently asked for my BBM pin. We started getting acquainted on BBM, but he was the one asking all the questions in getting to know me. He didn’t give much detail about himself, only that he worked with the presidency and lived in Abuja. (Let’s call him Fola)

A few weeks later, I was on a short break from school. I am always happy whenever I have to be back in Lagos, because I get to have fun, go on dates, hang out with friends, and try new foods (Yea, I’m a foodie). It was a week to the end of my break when Fola pinged me, asking if I could come to Abuja. I promptly told him to book a flight for me, and I would be there. He agreed and said he’d send me my flight details by the weekend. Now, because of this potential face-to-face meet, I had to verify the dude’s market. So I showed his picture around to my friends, wanting to know if any one of them knew him. Nobody knew him. I was unsettled. I really wanted to go on the trip, but I couldn’t help the questions that nagged my mind, like, ‘What if this was a setup, or a ritual thingy? Or perhaps, he was into organizing lays for politicians…’

Questions, questions…

Would You Date An HIV-Positive Guy?

Matthew Hodson, the Chief Executive of GMFA, writes on the continued stigmatisation of HIV-positive people, and argues that avoiding sex or a relationship with someone HIV-positive is actually a bad strategy. Originally published on Pink News, he writes:

I’ve been living with diagnosed HIV for many years. In that time, I’ve had my share of sexual and romantic rejections on the basis of my HIV status. While these don’t make up any of my happiest memories, I’ve tried to take it on the chin. I’ve always been a firm believer that individuals have a right to work out the sexual strategy that is right for them – and that included rejecting people on the basis of their HIV status. But, you know what – I’ve had a change of heart. It’s bullshit.

Firstly, as a safer sex strategy, it just doesn’t work. We’ve known for some years now that someone on treatment is very unlikely to pass on the virus. How unlikely? Well you’re more likely to be infected from sex using a condom with someone who isn’t on treatment than you are to be infected from sex without a condom with someone who is on treatment. So when someone says that they’re going to avoid John because he has HIV (and is on treatment), and then runs off with Jonah, whose status is unknown, they’re taking a far bigger sexual risk.

JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 34)

April 10

I was listening properly to a song on David Guetta’s ‘Listen’ album. You know how you might hear a song but never really hear it. Well that day, I heard it. The song is Lift Me Up.

We’ve all got our struggles and are just trying to make it home. Some people seem to have their shit figured out, but even then, I’m sure they’ve still got demons to fight. Some people are just better at hiding their demons than others.

I’m often saying how we need to be tolerant of each other, how we need to learn to lift each other up because we are different but still fundamentally the same. It’s beginning to sound like an old tune but I don’t think things can be better with us at each other’s throats, looking for ways to put each other down and undermine our accomplishments and struggles. If you’ve got nothing good to say, then don’t say anything. And if you feel you must point something out, then maybe do it as nicely as possible. Don’t let it seem like the other person didn’t do anything tangible.

HIS KITO STORY (EDITION 14)

WRITER’S NOTE: My name is Teflondon. I have been reading Kito Diaries since last year, but never thought to contribute until now. And I must admit, I have been more than impressed by the work done here daily, from the articles posted to the comments and different opinions expressed. Before I start my story, let me follow a few protocols of ass kissing and butt licking. I want to appreciate Pink Panther first of all for bringing all this together, for making such a platform where learned LGBT can interact. I am not by any means an awesome writer, maybe average at best. And I am amazed at the brilliant minds of everyone that writes on this blog. I can’t write fiction because my mind is not as imaginative as the lot who do so. However, the story I have to share is real. Here goes.

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This happened a few years back. And I remember it all, because the turn of events changed my life forever.

I was listening to my James Blunt album on my iPod, seated outside my (father’s) house. There was no light and my dad was not home, as he always isn’t. I was very broke, and so had no money to buy fuel for the generator. I was also bored. And as any spoilt twenty-one-year-old fresh graduate of a prestigious private school would do when he is bored, I put a phone call through to a friend, Tolu. Tolu was my supplier of hunks, and I was looking for him to hook me up.