What’s On Your Mind… VI

Blog_What's On Your MindA few months ago, a certain KDian was published with a story about his friend who is a good dancer and who intended to partake at a campus competition. This KDian was worried that since his friend is effeminate, his dancing at the competition might draw unnecessary attention to him and perhaps confirm the speculation and rumors about his sexuality, and then he, being close friends with the dancer, would automatically be tagged as gay.

As someone who has become comfortable with his sexuality and in his own skin, it’s easy to dismiss these concerns with an impatient wrist flick. But then, I remember my days at the university, when I was scared to death of anyone even having the slightest flicker of suspicion concerning my sexuality. I was so obsessed with covering up my tracks and ensuring that no one ever had any reason to imagine that I was anything but heterosexual. I devoted enormous energies and resources into being “one of the boys” at the expense of my true self. Apparently my efforts didn’t go far enough, because a few gay gays with very functional gaydar ‘sniffed’ me out and would occasionally come over to ‘say hi’. My response, driven by blind panic, was usually the same – a frosty countenance, and an inward prayer that no one was observing me interact with these ‘gays’. Continue reading

BEING BRUNO (Episode 2)

Blog_Being BrunoRead ‘Being Bruno’ Episode 1 HERE

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When you were fourteen, your mother got a job as an auxiliary nurse at a private hospital a stone throw away from your house. Your mom was ecstatic with the appointment, and when she started work, sometimes, she took you to the hospital and let you stay in the changing room while she worked.

That was where you were that day, the 27th of May, sitting in the lone plastic chair reading Dean R. Koontz’s Watchers, when a blur of movement outside the window caught your eye. You tore your mind from the thrilling story of the smart golden retriever to the window. At first, you don’t notice anything out of the ordinary, just the normal view of the windows into the second-storey apartment of the next building (you could practically see everything in the rooms, given how close together the houses stood, a something commonplace in Onitsha). And then, your eyes moved to the verandah where he stood. Continue reading

JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 36)

Blog_James' JournalMay 1

So, this Bruce Jenner transformation ish has helped me to delve into the minds of the people I call homophobes, and that of my family, as I find myself staring in the face of rejection.

When I found out some of her kids kept silent on the issue or showed some displeasure, I realised I’d find it a hard pill to swallow if my mum or dad or brothers decided to become Trans. I asked myself why? Why should I find it hard to accept them when I wish they’d find it easier to accept me? I sort of realised my family members changing would also change a whole lot of “truths” I’d held in my mind as to what my family is.

And there was the answer – Change. It’s constant but it can be a hard thing to accept. I however would like to reason that my love for them, my being in their shoes sort of would help me overcome that fear of change and help in accepting them.

I still don’t understand Transgenders and their struggle, but some things are similar, so instead of letting the differences divide us, let’s let the similarities in our struggles unite us. Continue reading

Would You Date An HIV-Positive Guy?

F53326Matthew Hodson, the Chief Executive of GMFA, writes on the continued stigmatisation of HIV-positive people, and argues that avoiding sex or a relationship with someone HIV-positive is actually a bad strategy. Originally published on Pink News, he writes:

I’ve been living with diagnosed HIV for many years. In that time, I’ve had my share of sexual and romantic rejections on the basis of my HIV status. While these don’t make up any of my happiest memories, I’ve tried to take it on the chin. I’ve always been a firm believer that individuals have a right to work out the sexual strategy that is right for them – and that included rejecting people on the basis of their HIV status. But, you know what – I’ve had a change of heart. It’s bullshit.

Firstly, as a safer sex strategy, it just doesn’t work. We’ve known for some years now that someone on treatment is very unlikely to pass on the virus. How unlikely? Well you’re more likely to be infected from sex using a condom with someone who isn’t on treatment than you are to be infected from sex without a condom with someone who is on treatment. So when someone says that they’re going to avoid John because he has HIV (and is on treatment), and then runs off with Jonah, whose status is unknown, they’re taking a far bigger sexual risk. Continue reading

JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 28)

Blog_KD JournalJanuary 31

Okay… I didn’t want to put anything up this Sunday, because I didn’t have much to write. Actually I had something to write, but I wondered if it would be a bad thing if I put it up. But then I thought, what the heck… All these people know I have a boring journal about my life on a really popular gay blog, but decide to still say and do the things they say and do.

So… This isn’t to spite anyone. This is just me doing what I do, recording my life for those interested in it to read.

It was a fateful morning, not sure what day it was… I was asleep and dreaming about my cat, Chuks, when I was awakened by a knock. I was naked on my bed, so I asked who it was. There was a faint reply. I thought it must be some neighbour chick of mine who I was crushing mildly on, and so I wrapped my bedsheets around my waist and opened the door.

On my threshold was my ex, Duke.

Wonderful. Continue reading

The Unfortunate Case Of Leelah Alcorn

HT_ht_joshua_leelah_alcorn1_ml_141231_16x9_992Seventeen years ago in Kings Mills, Ohio, a child was born into the Family of Mr. and Mrs. Alcorn. They named him Joshua. As a young child, Joshua was unusual; he was effeminate and loved to play in girl’s clothing. He loved dolls, long hair and other things that females are normally inclined to. At the age of four, he started feeling like a girl trapped in a boy’s body.

The family attended the Northeast Church of Christ in Cincinnati and Joshua was raised in a strict Christian home and was constantly fed with what most of our parents filled or do still fill us with – several doses of religious doctrines and ample bible texts.

At the age of fourteen, after several years of emotional torture living in the closet, he decided enough was enough, and decided to come out to his parents. He did and got a stern negative reaction from them. He also made it known to them that he wanted to be referred to as ‘she’ and Leelah, not Joshua. Continue reading

The Guy Who Said Hello To Him

ALRAAIIITTT! 😀 Kito Diaries has got its first submission, from a brother who would like you to know him as Rio-Dynyel. Very sexy, yes? Anyway, this is his piece, and I found it a very interesting read. I hope you do too.

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blackman-thinkingFirst, he was really young, feeling strange whenever he would see a man without a shirt on. He used to get really giggly and flustered. Picking up little crushes for some men, emotions he didn’t understand.

Then, the years passed. And the things he felt got stronger.

But he began to realize what he was, and what the people around him thought about that. They hated it. They despised it. And he feared their contempt. And the boy who was once bright and open and very talkative ceased to exist; he replaced that boy with one other who was withdrawn, quiet and sad. He felt guilt. He battled depression. He saw his existence as a mistake. He lacked any sense of self worth. Many a time, he contemplated suicide. He would often lie, crumpled, on his bedroom floor behind his closed door and cry his eyes out until sleep would come. He would beg God to help him; he was so scared that God didn’t approve of him.

His family had no idea what he was going through, and he felt no encouragement to tell them the things he felt. How could he? He had heard his sister once say to her friend during a conversation about homosexuals: “If it ever happens that my brother is gay, I will never call him brother again.” Telling his family about his true self, confiding in anyone about who he believed he was, was out of the question.

He was beyond help. Continue reading