TUG OF WAR (Part 2)

IMG-20150613-WA000Read the previous part of Tug Of War HERE

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At the touch of Kevin’s lips, I stopped my scramble to get up and off him. I was stunned, and my lips stayed unresponsive as his slipped and slid sensuously over my mouth. Then he stopped and pulled away, staring at me. His breathing was heavy like he’d been running for a while.

“Say something goddamnit!” he rasped.

I couldn’t say a word. Instead, I slid back into a sitting position on the swing chair and stared back at him. I still didn’t say anything.

“Fuck!” He sat up and put his face in his palms. Continue reading

WHAT WE ARE GETTING WRONG IN THE “MGM” CONVERSATION

man-wedding-ring-475Definition:

MGM (Married Gay Man) /em ’dƷi: em/ (derogatory) A closeted homosexual in a heterosexual marriage. Usually applied to males, but can also describe a lesbian or bisexual whose spouse is unaware of their true sexuality.

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Whenever the “MGM” issue comes up on the blog, it’s always a cockfight between the Married/Soon-to-be-married guys and the self-proclaimed Never-to-be-married ones. At this rate, we will not make progress in this important conversation.

So here goes: 6 things we are doing wrong in the “MGM” conversation. Continue reading

RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 14)

Blog_Rantings Of A Random (GAY) NigerianA friend and I were having a conversation the other day, and we naturally got to the issue of gay men getting married to women. He said something that I had previously never considered and which frankly made a lot of sense to me given the circumstances. He said that some gay men need the safety of marriage to be able to find their voice and speak up about LGBT issues. He said that the message will be better received in these parts if it’s coming from a married man (assumed to be straight) than from a single man who will be assumed to be gay (especially when he is over a certain age). He went further to explain that if a married man expresses public support for gay rights, Nigerians will most likely try to understand why he’s endorsing gay rights, rather than condemn  him. But if say a single man of forty years speaks up about the same issue, he’d be dismissed as defending his kind.

I was going to argue with him, but then I remembered when the anti gay bill was signed into law, and my friend Ayo Sogunro wrote a lengthy thesis-worthy article on why that law made no sense at all. Now after he wrote that, another friend of mine sent me a link to the article, not knowing I’d read it, and he began to make a case, agreeing with everything Ayo said. Now these points were points that I had previously argued in favour of with this guy before, and he did not buy into them because he believed I was not objective, being a gay man and all. However, following Ayo’s elucidation of the points, he was able to read with an open mind and made sense of it, because it was preached by a straight man who he interpreted as having nothing at stake and was therefore being objective. Continue reading

What The Married Gay Indian Had To Say About His Marriage And Sexuality

tumblr_l9h83lvd201qb2w12o1_1280An unnamed 37-year-old Indian man writes speaks out in an essay titled “My Wife Is Friends With My Boyfriend: A Gay Man On His ‘Situation’”, and published by the Hindustan Times. He shares an honest account of what it is like to be in his situation. Read below.

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I hail from a small district in Rajasthan. I am not sure when I realised I was gay, but I was only four or five when I fell in love with a boy from my area. We would play a game, in which I would be the husband, and he would be my wife. I would wait outside his house for hours to see him. I wanted to kiss him, and be kissed by him. We would sing songs for each other. This went on till I was 10. That’s when he got married.

Back then, child marriage was common in my family, as well as in the area we lived in. Soon, my friends also started getting married. Since my lover had already been married off, I, too, got married to a girl when I was 11. At that time, I did not know that there are other people like me. I did not understand the implications and responsibilities that come with marriage.  Continue reading

RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 13)

Blog_Rantings Of A Random (GAY) NigerianMy friend’s wife called me last week and said she wanted to talk with me, and for that, she needed my Blackberry pin. I immediately sensed something was wrong; her husband is my good friend and an MGM, and I am very close to the couple and their daughters. She eventually came on BBM and literally opened the book of lamentations on me. As it turns out, my friend has been a mean, insensitive and crappy husband, who no longer had time for her. She unburdened a lot to me, most of which broke my heart to read. I could see how bitter and hurt she was. Now she lives in Abuja with the girls, while her husband stays here in Port Harcourt, and they have been married for about two years, with her working to transfer her service to Port Harcourt (she works at some federal parastatal). However that day, she said she wasn’t sure anymore about moving to PHC, that she was beginning to fear that her husband would become abusive if they lived permanently under the same roof.

I became really concerned at this point and, quite frankly, very angry too. Continue reading

What’s On Your Mind?

Blog_What's On Your MindWell, I’m glad you asked.

In a minute, I’ll tell you.

Dennis has his weekly rants, James has his journals, Bobby has his Behind-the-HIV-scenes series, and Pinky’s Loving and Sexing in Lagos City are anxiously looked forward to each week. I have come to realize that I, like most of us on here, witness and create rant-worthy or journal-worthy events on a regular basis. And so, drawing inspiration from these KDian literary works, this is an attempt to share with us all a few of my musings as well . . . you know, to tell you what’s on my mind. And No, I am way lazier than PP, DM, Bobby or James, and so, my musings will likely not be a weekly affair; they will be far less frequent. However, if and whenever they do pop up here, I’d love to hear your thoughts, advice, suggestions, observations, whatever you gat. Bring it on!

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So, yea, that thing on my mind… Continue reading

JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 30)

Blog_KD JournalFebruary 26

This is a long ass post. You have Pinky to blame for that one, since he asked for my spot last Sunday. Happy reading.

I’ve started work in Lagos. As I write this, I am there looking at all the weird machines that will hopefully become familiar with time.

Working – no, learning here is dull. My supervisor does a lot of paper work where she has to record her findings and stamp stuff. Whenever I notice she’s doing a test however, I go to meet her and start asking questions. She’s never called me to see anything so far. She’s a nice lady, she seems easy to get along with.

There’s another IT student who schools in the polytechnic of my city, and she’s pretty friendly. We got talking and she asked what church I attend, and I told her I go to church frequently when I’m at home but hardly when I’m in school. She then went on to call me a “big boy” which I took as sarcasm. Whatever… I genuinely enjoy going to the church in my hometown. I feel some semblance of safety there, and what they teach, I understand. I may not agree with them all the time but I understand. Continue reading

NOW, A THOUGHT FOR KENNY BADMUS’ WIFE

Spanish F1 Grand Prix - RaceWritten by Akin Akintayo, and originally published on akinblog.nl

On the one hand, praise.

A couple of days ago, I celebrated the coming out of Kenny Badmus on both the matter of his sexuality and HIV-status with the hope that his decision will give strength and encouragement to the many who suffer under the societal strictures of conformity and despair.

However, it was impossible for the matter to just end there, because there was one key guiding principle that I had to revisit after a bit of reflection and discussion, the one of people who are hurt by those actions we take when we are faced with other difficult options we refuse to choose.

Now, Kenny Badmus said he learnt this from his father: “Die for your own truth, even if it’s unpopular, but don’t harm others with it.” Indeed, I believe there is a very strong influence of this in his decision to accept who he is, but that lesson has come long after damage has been done.

On the other hand, however… Continue reading

That Piece about how To Know Your Man Is Another Man’s

4232075099286640360noThe write-up was penned by a Daniel Teinye, and published on Linda Ikeji’s blog, titled ‘15 signs your man is another man’s Man’.

If you haven’t already seen it, well, here’s the article to thoroughly delight you. 😀

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The recent law on homosexuality has turned most Nigerian men Bisexuals. You have to be scared, not because Ikenna is flirting with Judith, in fact clap for Jesus if he is…because Ikenna could be Kingsley’s lover.

Here are the signs your man is another man’s man. Continue reading

Of MGM And Hypocrisy In The Gaybourhood

o-REMOVE-WEDDING-RING-facebookFirst of all let me state that this article is not a sub, neither is it shade or an eclipse; it is merely a musing based on my experiences and conversations I have had amongst my circle of friends. I will need some patience from you because it will be a long one.

Very recently, I was at an art exhibition which was a collective for artists based in the Niger Delta area exploring environmental issues. I like art and book related events because, aside from my interest in art and books, the crowd you run into in these kinds of places are usually not high on an opium daze. Anyway so I ran into this girl (let us call her Erica); she is beautiful but not the kind of Beyoncé beauty that  hits you in the face and makes you want her to trip and fall and be less than perfect (yes I am evil like that). No, Erica is very dark skinned, with angular facial features like Grace Jones, and she was sporting a clean-shaved head just like me. We got talking and I discovered she was an abstract painter and that we had a lot of mutual interests, so we became friends instantly.

We did hang out a few times, and what I thought was going to be a real friendship turned into something else one time when she told me she wanted me. I declined and made up an excuse about being involved with someone and all.

And then she asked: “Is it because you are seeing a man?” Continue reading