Of MGM And Hypocrisy In The Gaybourhood

o-REMOVE-WEDDING-RING-facebookFirst of all let me state that this article is not a sub, neither is it shade or an eclipse; it is merely a musing based on my experiences and conversations I have had amongst my circle of friends. I will need some patience from you because it will be a long one.

Very recently, I was at an art exhibition which was a collective for artists based in the Niger Delta area exploring environmental issues. I like art and book related events because, aside from my interest in art and books, the crowd you run into in these kinds of places are usually not high on an opium daze. Anyway so I ran into this girl (let us call her Erica); she is beautiful but not the kind of Beyoncé beauty that  hits you in the face and makes you want her to trip and fall and be less than perfect (yes I am evil like that). No, Erica is very dark skinned, with angular facial features like Grace Jones, and she was sporting a clean-shaved head just like me. We got talking and I discovered she was an abstract painter and that we had a lot of mutual interests, so we became friends instantly.

We did hang out a few times, and what I thought was going to be a real friendship turned into something else one time when she told me she wanted me. I declined and made up an excuse about being involved with someone and all.

And then she asked: “Is it because you are seeing a man?” Continue reading

Wives And Husbands in ‘How To Get Away With Murder’

tumblr_static_tumblr_static_2gnhr9bsydlwc4ksgs4sgsc4s_1280Okay, there’s really no point to this post. Just sharing a mild movie spoiler; it’s not a shade, not a lecture, no a gibe.

Over the weekend, a good friend of mine and fellow Kitodiariesian blessed me with a hard-drive-full of movies and series. Yes, I felt blessed, especially since I’d finally gotten my hands on the one series I’ve been angling to watch for so long – Shonda Rhimes’ How To Get Away With Murder (aka Murder).

And so far, that woman’s genius is still wowing me. You’d think she’s lost her touch after Grey’s Anatomy and Scandal. Anyway, I got to Murder’s Episode 3 (Okay, this is a bit of a spoiler o), and I watched this verbal fight I thought to share with y’all.

First a little background. There’s Annalise Keating, a law professor cum defense attorney, and five of her law students who also sort of interning for her law firm, assisting her in real cases. There’s particularly these two – Connor Walsh and Michaela Pratt, both of who don’t like each other very much. Not like any of the five like each other very much; they’re interns, currying to be the boss’s favourite. Connor is openly gay, and Michaela is engaged to be married to this cute dude, Aiden Walker, who makes an appearance in Episode 3. It turned out Aiden and Connor went to the same boarding school, and Connor, in his usual relentless taunting of Michaela, lets it slip that he and Aiden had had sexual relations way back when. So of course, the engaged young woman was enraged. Continue reading

THE QUEER CASE OF THE BROTHER-IN-LAW

kd 6Mark watched Chike throughout that afternoon when he wasn’t looking. Clean-shaven head, a mouth turned down at the top corners, thoughtful eyes. He seemed too deliberate, this Chike, in an awkward way.  When he leaned across the sofa to kiss his wife Adaobi, then take her hand, then slide his body closer until the sides of their hips touched, he oozed self-consciousness, like he had spent seconds mulling over such plain acts before deciding to do them.

* * *

Adaobi poked her head through the yellow bar of light from the corridor behind her into the darkness of Mark’s room. The front hem of her nightgown was held up higher than the back by her rounded tummy.

Mark looked up from his phone. It was 11:12pm on his first eight hours in Nigeria in a year. He had just finished a Masters in Manchester three weeks ago and was back to pick up a waiting lecturing appointment with the University of Ibadan’s English department.

Footsteps started to approach from the right end of the corridor, and presently Chike walked past Adaobi towards their bedroom at the left end of the corridor. He did not look left or right. He did not say a word.

“Your husband doesn’t talk much, does he?” Mark asked. Continue reading

LOVE AND SEX IN THE CITY (Episode 18)

Blog_Love And Sex In The City“Get out! Get out, get out!” I panted furiously, tapping Paschal’s thigh with my right hand in small, rapid movements.

“What?” he muttered uncomprehendingly.

“I said get out!” Irritation and pain sharpened my tone.

He stiffened and then began to pull back. There was no care to his withdrawal, and the removal of his penis pulled at my anal skin, unlocking pockets of pain that caused my sphincter muscles to clench and another choked scream to erupt from my mouth.

“Gently, please…gently…” My voice broke, and tears stung my eyes.

My distress must have finally communicated itself to him, because he began to gradually inch out of me. Even with his deliberate motions, I still felt pinpricks of pain shooting up my spine from the orifice. When he was finally out, I felt the slight rush of air inside the ass hole that came from such a release, but with the pulsation of my sphincter muscles, the draft stung.

“Oh no, Declan…” Paschal breathed out behind me.

What – what is it?” I asked, turning my head around as I spoke.

He was peeling back the condom from his cock, and I could see that the latex was stained red. The colour of what could only be my blood. A wave of nausea at the sight surged through me, and I moved my right hand to my derriere, wincing as I tentatively touched my fingers to my anus. It felt moist to the touch. The pain throbbed.

“You’re bleeding…” Paschal said. Continue reading

Cameron Diaz Is Not Looking For A Husband, Marriage Or Children

celebs 46The 42 year-old actress isn’t going to let society influence what she should do in her personal life.

In the past, Cameron Diaz has clearly stated why she doesn’t want to settle down with a husband and child, but as recent rumours claim that she is engaged to Good Charlotte‘s Benji Madden, the Hollywood actress, who covers Marie Claire‘s November 2014 issue, has asserted that tying the knot isn’t an absolute necessity. “I’m not looking for a husband or marriage, not looking for that stuff,” she told the mag. “I’m living, not thinking what I should or shouldn’t be doing with my life.”

And as for motherhood, Diaz will not let the public’s perception dictate when she should have a child. “We live in a society where everyone has kids, so they want other people to have kids. There is this culture that says celebrities are supposed to be just like us, so people think, ‘I have children, why doesn’t she?’ But I’m not going to do something because it’s expected,” she said.

“If a family happens, then it happens,” the 42 year-old blonde beauty continued. “If children come to me, then I would do that, but I’m not someone who feels like she has to do something because it’s expected.”

We live in a society where everyone has kids, so they want other people to have kids…

… I’m not someone who feels like she has to do something because it’s expected.

These points are what this post is about. First, that the fact that society thinks something is the status quo doesn’t mean you are a freak for wanting to do it differently. And secondly, the word is your life. Yours. Why then would you let it be scripted by the expectations of others when they are not the ones living it for you?

THE CALL

o-CELLPHONE-EAR-facebookRecently, I got the call.

I just don’t mean any phone call. This was the call from mummy dearest. It was the one call that most gay men dread; the call that comes from some member of the family, when they want to bring up the issue of the big M.

One of my cousins got married recently and he is about the same age as me. I did not attend because I have started skipping all extended family related events, so that when the pressure starts, I shall only have immediate family to deal with. I have also started drawing lines with immediate family, but that’s story for another day.

Anyway, so mummy dearest called me and the following conversation ensued:

Mummy Dearest: Did you hear of Ifeanyi’s (not real name) wedding? Nna, you did not come…

ME: Yes, I had an exam that day, I could not make it. (Big lie, I was with Mrs. Macaulay)

MD: The weather is so hot these days, my car AC is not working. So driving under the sun is hard. Your sister’s kids are growing really fast…

Let me tell you something about my mom; if there is an “elephant in the room” that she wants to discuss, she will keep running round the matter in circles, not knowing how to approach it until you help her bring it up. On that day however, I decided that two can play that game, as I already knew where she was headed. So I determinedly let the lead be hers to take.

Finally… Continue reading

Ten Things The Christian Learned About Gay People in Ten Years (Part 2)

7c623122Jesus talked about equality a lot; it made the powerful quite uncomfortable.

Written by Kathy, and originally published on canyonwalkerconnections.com

6. ASKING GAY PEOPLE TO DENY THEIR NATURAL SEXUAL ORIENTATION IS DESTRUCTIVE. Recall, homosexual orientation is no more a “behavior” than is heterosexual attraction.  Both are orientations, innate attractions. Reparative therapy (Exodus-type programs that offer results that take away “unwanted sexual attractions” or allude to a gay-to-straight conversion) treats homosexuality as if it were a “behavior” akin to other life choices like drug and alcohol usage, adultery, cheating and lying.

You would expect that the elimination of bad behaviors would result in life benefits.  However, if you force a gay person to “not be gay,” loneliness, depression, isolation and shame can result.

Some gay people do make a choice to live celibate lives.  This is called “Side B” for gay Christians; they come to a personal conviction that God is calling them to be celibate. This is not the same as the imposition of celibacy by an outsider for acceptance before God. Celibacy does not take away attraction; it only means a person is not engaging in sex. A celibate straight person is not “no longer straight” simply because they are not being sexual.  Likewise, a celibate gay person is not “no longer gay” simply because they are not being sexual. Continue reading

Ten Things The Christian Learned About Gay People in Ten Years

7c623122“God, is the truth as I understand it about being gay and Christian Your truth?”

Written by Kathy, and originally published on canyonwalkerconnections.com

In 2001, if you had asked me, “Kathy, can you be gay and Christian?”  I would have hedged a bit and fallen on the side of “No”.  I did not have any close relationships with gay people nor had I ever studied the issue in the Bible.  I did not even know one gay Christian that I knew of.  It was from this paradigm that I formulated my opinions about the lives of gay people and made assumptions about their status with God.  All that changed when I met Netto on a hiking trail.  It is now ten years later and I offer ten things that I wish straight people, especially Christians, knew about gay people.

People who do not understand the views of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people are not all bigots; and people who are fully affirming in their support of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people are not all heretics.  This conversation often is relegated to love and hate, right and wrong, but there is a wide expanse between the two sides.  And that middle group is, for the most part, silent.  You are the ones to whom I am offering these insights, from experience, knowledge, study, relationship and with a genuine interest in engaging the too-often-silent middle.

With Bible in hand and in spirit, an open mind and heart and a willingness to listen to people, I entered the conversation that often brings out the worst in people.  I hope to inspire you to move and to speak up with the Jesus-voice inside you. Continue reading

She Is A Lesbian Who Married A Man

man-and-woman-holding-hands-in-sunsetBy EJ Levy, previously published in salon.com

I was in a bar in Chicago when I told a close friend of 20 years that, despite being a lesbian, I was marrying a man. My friend and I hadn’t seen each other in a while, but we fell back quickly into our old intimacy — those long, rambling conversations we used to have in coffee shops all over Minneapolis. When the subject shifted to an activist group she was part of, I said I’d be glad to help, if they needed a lesbian on their board. She laughed, dismissively. “You can’t call yourself that anymore.”

Of all the weird reactions I’d gotten to my engagement, that one pissed me off most.

I had not been surprised when my fiancé’s friends — Washington insiders with the respect for convention that city inspires — expressed shock when they discovered I was a dyke. We came from different worlds; with my long brunette hair and short skirts, I hadn’t read as queer to them. But no one had presumed to re-label me, to retrofit me to their categories — at least, not to my face.

But here was my fabulous Portland pal trying to claim me for the Bi-Het team (which sounded like a synagogue rather than a sexual identity, and certainly not my own). She wasn’t the only one: An ex-girlfriend and a sophisticated poet cousin said the same thing, as if my lesbian license had been revoked.

So let me be clear, since I can’t be the only one: I am a lesbian marrying a man. Continue reading