WHEN LOVE KNOCKS

Kiss: Sean Chappin + Juan ValdezI knew exactly what Love would look like

I’d always thought

I hadn’t met Love yet

But I knew if Love wandered into my room

I would recognise him at first glance

Love would wear a crucifix necklace

Love would play acoustic guitar

And know all my favourite Beatles songs

I was patient

Love would come

And when Love comes

I would know

*

But when Love finally showed up Continue reading

OPEN LETTER TO MY SON

A_BLACK_FATHER_AND_SON_PICTURED_AT_AN_OUTDOOR_WORSHIP_SERVICE_AT_CHICAGO'S_WRIGLEY_FIELD_DURING_THE_JEHOVAH'S_WITNESS..._-_NARA_-_556146My dear adorable son, I love you very, very much. My love is without condition and I honestly hope that you’ll forever know that, no matter your age or how stubborn you’ll become, I’ll always love you unconditionally.

A recent incident has prompted me to write this open letter to you, and I do hope I’ll have trained you well enough to read it with an open mind.

While you were barely two years old, I went to a children’s birthday party with you. And feeling like a proud father, I took pictures of us and posted them online. A ‘friend’ saw the picture and gave me a call – two friends actually, but I’ll focus on the first. He said and I quote, “Guy, your son is too fine, way too fine. You better not send him to a boarding school. Send him to a day school, so we don’t get another gay convert. We already have enough gays; we don’t need to add your son as one more.” Continue reading

LAST WORDS

heartbreakHere I am, writing down my emotions, because I’d rather do that than speak a word about what I’m feeling. Recently I don’t even know what I feel.

I dated a man. He was strong, handsome, unique, interesting. He also had a baby mama, who he says is alright with his bisexuality. I guess she was, until I came into the picture.

He introduced me to her when he and I first started dating. She smiled at me and said hi. She shook my hand, and then we danced together. It was a party, and her friends were there too. They kept staring at me and talking amongst themselves. I wasn’t comfortable with that, being the new boyfriend suffering the distant dissection of my beau’s ex female love interest. But it was a party. So I kept on drinking and dancing.

And then, as I got comfortable in my relationship, she got less comfortable with me being around. There was drama. There was hate. And there were children involved. It broke my heart that she was using their children as a weapon to drive a wedge in between me and my beau. The entire brewing mess affected me in ways I thought wasn’t possible. I wanted the best for my man as much as I wanted him with me, but then I loved the way his eyes shone when he talked about his kids. Before the drama. Before the mess. Continue reading

THESE BRUISES

singles 23One

I wish I could nail these hands to the edges of stars

I would sacrifice this body to the sky

Hoping to resurrect as someone spiteful enough to not care about you anymore

Two

Staple me to a cross.

Pierce my side with a broken promise

And I will bleed all the crippled reasons why you deserve one more chance.

Three

Loving you was the last thing I felt really good at. Continue reading

I REMEMBER

sad-black-manFOREWORD: The following is a work of fiction, written by Masked Man and dedicated to all those who have experienced the loss of loved ones.

*

I remember vividly the very beginning. How it all began. I remember it all like it just happened yesterday. Memories etched in beautiful innocence. And every single time, it gives me a feeling of déjà vu.

An 18yr old naïve fresher on campus – that was me back then.  I arrived early to commence registration and get a place in the hostel before it gets all taken. Yes, it was hell of a tough day. As I struggled with my baggage through the door, into the room I was assigned to, my eyes beheld you for the first time. You were standing by the window, clad in black denim jeans and a grey V-neck top. Your slim figure and average height was a nice match. I remember that first smile you flashed at me. It affected me instantly. When you smiled it, it was with all frankness, like one could see your soul through that priceless smile. I still don’t forget how you came over and introduced yourself as Funsho.   Continue reading

You Can’t Save Them All

scared-black-manYou can’t save them all. It’s not for a lack of trying, because you actually do try. You try to be a good friend. You try to always be there, to let them know that it’s going to be alright.

But in the end, you can’t save them all.

The world is filled with many broken hearts, filled with many people going through unbearable emotional pain. And you try to fix them. You’ve gone through heartbreak, you’ve had your share of emotion-crushing depression and you always believe you can relate. You have that belief that if you could just reach out to them all, you’ll be making a difference in their lives.

But you can’t save them all. Continue reading

Those Awkward Moments (Episode 5)

Blog_Those Awkward MomentsPreviously On THOSE AWKWARD MOMENTS: Jude’s antagonistic elder sister Janet blames Kevin for her brother’s accident and subsequent memory loss, and says she never wants to see him near Jude again. (That’s gotta hurt!) Kevin is so sad by all these events, that he breaks down and starts crying, with only Samuel left to console him.

And that’s pretty much it with Episode 4.

*

The days flew by surprisingly fast, and with ease. Before long, I was feeling better, snuggling up in my couch with a bag of extra salty Doritos Chip bag and watching reruns of Pretty Little Liars on TV.

Then I heard someone knock at the door, a lot like the way the robbers had done. To my amazement, I didn’t even feel an ounce of fear as I darted off to answer the door. I opened it and saw that it was Jude.

“Hey,” I said in the sexiest way possible. Something had to be wrong somewhere; I’d gone from awkward Kevin to thirsty flirt in a snap.

Jude must have loved the new me because he didn’t even greet back; he simply grabbed me and started kissing me, holding my ass a little too firmly. But I was too ‘in the zone’ to care.

Within seconds, we were in my room doing the nasty – I’m talking, fifty shades of grey nasty. We were sweating and grunting and grasping each other . . . Until I woke up. Continue reading

Those Awkward Moments (Episode 4)

Blog_Those Awkward MomentsPreviously On THOSE AWKWARD MOMENTS: Well, besides Jude being shot in the head and leg by thugs, and forgetting Kevin altogether… Nothing much happened.

*

I was too distraught to leave the hospital premises to locate any nearby business center, so I begged one of the nurses in the hospital to lend me her phone. When she did, I immediately called my friends, as well as Jude’s elder sister, Janet; she was his only living family member, and he lived with her and her second husband. (Remember how I predicted she wouldn’t last with that one who she was wedding the day I met Jude?) She screamed into the phone as I relayed the news to her, and broke out into a flurry of cusswords and rants, hurling them at me as though I was the one to blame for her brother’s predicament. She and I had never gotten along well in all the time I’d known Jude. I disliked her from that first day of her wedding, a feeling that intensified when she began to act resentful toward me, ever since she remarked on how ‘unmanly’ I was. Sometimes, I wondered how much she knew about my sexual orientation and about my closeness with Jude.

“As I said,” the doctor was saying several minutes later, when Janet was around, “the brain vessels are fine. It’s just an effect of the damage done to the left side of his brain. But honestly speaking, at the moment, there’s no way of knowing if the memory loss is going to be short-lived or long lasting. We’re looking at a period lapse of about five years.” Continue reading

MOVING FURTHER AWAY FROM THE CLOSET

jamie-marks-is-deadYou came out to your family and a few friends, and no one ever talked about it at all. No one asked if you’d found love. No one asked if there was someone you were currently seeing, or even how you were feeling.

You came out from the closet and stepped into a room full of broken bones on a very squishy wooden floor, and every step you made was like a wakeup call to the wild animals that there was a foreign object in the room.

And you wondered: Which is better, the stifling closet or the awkward lounge?

Nobody talks about the next step after coming out. Scratch that. Nobody knows the next step after coming out. Well, here is an idea: if you are still in the closet, enjoy the comfy dark confinement. And if you are out, welcome to the living nightmare where all you once knew . . . well, life just became a blank, nasty slate.

A couple of months after coming out to my family, I began to notice that things were good, but not great, and definitely not the same. I used to be a loner even among my family members, but now I make loners look like party people on steroids. Most times, I just wish I remained in the closet where my worst fear was how long it would take my travel documents to be ready so I can move to Europe.

But I am out. And I am not going back in. Continue reading