I REMEMBER

FOREWORD: The following is a work of fiction, written by Masked Man and dedicated to all those who have experienced the loss of loved ones.

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I remember vividly the very beginning. How it all began. I remember it all like it just happened yesterday. Memories etched in beautiful innocence. And every single time, it gives me a feeling of déjà vu.

An 18yr old naïve fresher on campus – that was me back then.  I arrived early to commence registration and get a place in the hostel before it gets all taken. Yes, it was hell of a tough day. As I struggled with my baggage through the door, into the room I was assigned to, my eyes beheld you for the first time. You were standing by the window, clad in black denim jeans and a grey V-neck top. Your slim figure and average height was a nice match. I remember that first smile you flashed at me. It affected me instantly. When you smiled it, it was with all frankness, like one could see your soul through that priceless smile. I still don’t forget how you came over and introduced yourself as Funsho.  

Dear KD: He Is My Best Friend, And He Hates That I’m Gay

I have (had) a best friend, who I also happened to have a massive crush on. But in all the time of our friendship, I have managed to keep my attraction for him under wraps.

However, recently, driven by a need to be more of myself with him, I came out to him. His initial reaction was to understand. But that didn’t last very long. Below is the message he sent me, which broke my heart as I read it.

Him: Guy, see eh! I want you to do me a favour abeg… Dey on your own please. I really can’t pretend anymore, man. I can’t put up with you. I beg you in the name of God, stay on your own please, to avoid any complications. Thanks for your understanding. And please, don’t ever try to visit me again uninvited, because you might not like the outcome. That will be all for now.

Feeling shattered as I read this, I couldn’t stop myself from replying.

The Boy I Never Had (Part 2)

My phone beeped as a text message came in. My pulse quickened as my heart sank. I shook off the feeling of dread that settled on me and opened the text. It was from Timi. The words I read chilled my blood instantly.

I think you misunderstood my soft nature and gestures. I am not what you think I am. A guy falling for a guy? Seriously, this is crazy. I’m not into your demeaning lifestyle.

In that instant, I felt like I had just been slammed by a fully-loaded truck traveling at full speed. The blood in my veins turned to ice. My brain reeled and raced in a wild jumble of thoughts. What did I miss? How did this happen? Perhaps it wasn’t him sending this horrible text… There was just no way on earth the caring, loving guy I had been spending so much time with and who gave off all those positive vibes could be sending such a horrible message. I was in a state of shock and disbelief for several long minutes.

And then, I snapped out of it and went into a defensive mode. And I did something I never thought I’d ever do. I denied my sexuality. Rashly and without much thought, I composed a text: I’m sorry if my text made you uncomfortable, I’m not gay, I just have a tendency to form strong emotional connections with anyone (boy or girl).

As I pressed the send button, a part of me realized that I was making a mistake and further complicating issues. His reply came soon after, and before long, we were engaged in a series of back-and-forth texts.