A WORD FROM THE ADMIN II

adminI’d just like to regrettably inform you guys that I’ll be taking a short leave from updating Kito Diaries. It’d be for just a couple of days, hopefully. This is to help the transition currently in progress from the wordpress forum the blog is presently on, to kitodiaries.com.

Please, do kindly bear with me. It is my hope that my Sunday, KD will be back on, but this time, on the new site. Thanks as always for your readership.

JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 37)

Blog_James' JournalMay 15

Growing up, I think sex was one of the few uncomplicated things I knew. You were Top, Bottom, or Versatile. It really didn’t matter what you liked because it was all fun for the two parties involved, and if done right, both parties would go home quite content and happy with an afterglow. I bottomed quite happily for people because it was fun. I asked a few times if I could top (disrespectful child), and I was refused. Even by the so-called Versatiles. But oh well… I was a young one and they might have felt uncomfortable or something. I however patiently waited for my university days when, at least, I’d find even some of my age mates that we’d get to flip flop and stuff.

University has however shown me that many more unimportant things have come into defining sexual roles, making things unnecessarily complicated. I can’t even state my role comfortably without being told I should be Bottom and not Versatile. It was just some dude I met and maybe, because I wasn’t edgy or hard enough, he thought it meant I should only get it up the ass. I just smiled sheepishly at that. By the time I’m done dealing with him… Continue reading

RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 17)

Blog_Rantings Of A Random (GAY) NigerianDennis, why aren’t we dating?

I nearly choked on the pizza I was eating when she asked that question, all the while, staring me right into the eyes.

I was in Abuja for (yet) another wedding, and after the wedding, I decided to meet up with Jane, who is one of my oldest friends. She is one of the two women that I have a very strong friendship with, spanning several years. We have supported each other through so many things. Now the other girl knows about my sexuality and is totally cool with it, but I haven’t told Jane because I don’t think she can handle that information. In spite of her foreign education, Jane is very religious and constantly on an opium daze that clouds her perspective on a lot of issues. The other girl sef also told me not to tell her, at least not just yet.

So there we were, eating pizza and drinking coke, and she is asking me one of the questions of the century.

Jane:     I asked why we are not dating. My mom asked me that question the other day, if you and I are lovers, and I laughed her off. But then I took time to think about it and started wondering why I laughed it off.

I nearly blurted out that ‘Honey, we can’t date because I like men’, but I slapped my subconscious shut; one of those few moments when my head can overpower my tongue. Continue reading

RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 14)

Blog_Rantings Of A Random (GAY) NigerianA friend and I were having a conversation the other day, and we naturally got to the issue of gay men getting married to women. He said something that I had previously never considered and which frankly made a lot of sense to me given the circumstances. He said that some gay men need the safety of marriage to be able to find their voice and speak up about LGBT issues. He said that the message will be better received in these parts if it’s coming from a married man (assumed to be straight) than from a single man who will be assumed to be gay (especially when he is over a certain age). He went further to explain that if a married man expresses public support for gay rights, Nigerians will most likely try to understand why he’s endorsing gay rights, rather than condemn  him. But if say a single man of forty years speaks up about the same issue, he’d be dismissed as defending his kind.

I was going to argue with him, but then I remembered when the anti gay bill was signed into law, and my friend Ayo Sogunro wrote a lengthy thesis-worthy article on why that law made no sense at all. Now after he wrote that, another friend of mine sent me a link to the article, not knowing I’d read it, and he began to make a case, agreeing with everything Ayo said. Now these points were points that I had previously argued in favour of with this guy before, and he did not buy into them because he believed I was not objective, being a gay man and all. However, following Ayo’s elucidation of the points, he was able to read with an open mind and made sense of it, because it was preached by a straight man who he interpreted as having nothing at stake and was therefore being objective. Continue reading

THREE DAYS AFTER…

add_admin‘African on African… Black on Black… Minority on minority… The oppressed oppressing the oppressed. This can’t be xenophobia. There must be another name for this.’ – Kenny Badmus.

‘Women, poor people, people of colour, people with disabilities, immigrants, gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, trans people, intersex people . . . We compete with one another. We judge one another. Sometimes we betray one another. Sometimes even within our own communities, we designate who is best suited to represent us, and who shouldn’t even be invited to the party.’ – Kerry Washington.

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It was supposed to be simple. Really.

People were supposed to read a post on an identifiable affliction and then commiserate. Share experiences in the comments section. Encourage sufferers. Offer solutions. And just generally spread goodwill. Continue reading

A MILESTONE TODAY

KD Anniversary 1Every act is a possibility. The will to dare, the will to act are possibilities for new adventure. – Lailah Gifty Akita

When the antigay bill was signed into law last year, the act stirred this country in a way it had never been in quite a long time. There were those who cheered. And there were those who grieved. The blogosphere, as was with all other forums of human contact, became alive with contentions, people and opinion split into several camps. And the mainstream blog I was operating at the time was not left out.

In the aftermath of the law’s signage, I experienced a gamut of emotions. First I was sad. Then I was afraid. Then I became angry. And I penned my anger and blogged it. I welcomed pro-gay articles from acquaintances and published those as well. And then, we took up arms and went to battle against the antigay majority in the comments section. Continue reading

ALERT! Kito Diaries Has Been Discovered!

By a straight guy apparently. Lol. Literally. ‘Straight Man’ is his pseudonym. Apparently, even heterosexual persons need pseudonyms to comment on a gay blog. Lol. He didn’t comment on any post, instead he dropped his comment on KD’s About Page. And he must have gone through some of the posts, a testament of the brilliance of KD writers, because he had some things to say. (Relax, KD warriors. He wasn’t vitriolic. So, be nice. lol).Screenshot - 4_11_2015 , 8_11_08 AM

You hear that, KDians? Focusing your good literary skills on writing on LGBT issues is not a sign of positivity. Find a Sunday School project, something political, the weather, the change coming to Nigeria – any of these things should you write on. Forsake all writings about your sexuality. 🙂

JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 31)

Blog_KD JournalMarch 7

I just found out two people on my contact list are gay, and they are brothers! I know it happens, but still – Damn!

I got a warm fuzzy feeling and I am so happy for them because they have each other and they are family and that even brings them closer together. And there and then, I realised I wished I had a gay brother.

Do I hear gasps?! How can I be so cruel, you say. Wish the curse of homosexuality on my brothers?! Do I not care for them? Why would I want to allow anyone to go through the rigors of what it is to be gay in a country like this?

Well, for one thing, I know that having a gay brother would make my life so much easier, and his too, because I know the fear of abandonment by family members would not be too pronounced and I’d have someone who has my back even subtly. And being gay isn’t a curse for chrissakes. It’s hard, yes. But it’s only so because of where we are. Continue reading

Kito Diaries Gets A Mention In The Washington Post

Bisi AlimiBisi Alimi is an international figure, known largely for one of the most controversial issues in the world – sexual orientation. Throw in the fact that he’s from one of the world’s most homophobic nations, and basically, anything he does or has to say gains coverage, both positive and negative.

And so, when he kissed his boyfriend and posted the picture on Instagram as a celebration of his love, there was tidal wave of both appreciation and hate for him. And I do mean, HATE! Gosh! I was on that Instagram thread, and niggas be fuming all sorts of vitriol at the activist.

Anywho, in a post on The Washington Post, titled ‘After I Kissed My Boyfriend, 10 People Said They Wanted To Kill Me’, Bisi talks about that picture, the homophobia of Nigerians, Kito Diaries (Ok, twas just a linked mention, people) and lots of other issues.

Check on it below.

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At my 40th birthday party last month, my boyfriend and I shared a kiss. Like any couple would, we posted a photo of the moment on Instagram. Continue reading

A WORD FROM THE ADMIN

add_adminI know that Freedom Of Expression is a very valuable and catchpenny commodity in modern society, something the press and media hold dear and social media trolls revel in. And this post wouldn’t exist if that was all I had to talk about, because Kito Diaries has proven to be the home of everyone freely expressing their opinions, bandying them about and sometimes attempting to shove them down other people’s throats. All that I don’t mind. Oftentimes, these opinions have been marinated in cusswords and distasteful language. It’s a struggle, but I have made my peace with that too. It is something I’m after all guilty of.

But there is a line I want to draw.

Kito Diaries may be a hot bed of controversy, but it is what it is today because of the willingness of KDians to tell their stories and share them for the readership, delight, commiseration and admonishment of others. People who pen down write-ups, whether fiction, nonfiction or opinion pieces, know to expect either overwhelming support and pathos from the readers, or intense backlash for having something unpopular to say. And those who go ahead to write, in spite of the Big Bad Wolf known as KD commenters, are commendable. I know of some people who are still mining courage from within themselves to tell their stories, unsure what reaction to expect.

And indeed, all reaction is acceptable; freedom of expression is after all everyone’s precious toy to play with, right? Continue reading