The +++ Journals: Entry IV

Blog_The +++ Journals 02“We are going on a road trip!”

Josh laughed. It felt good to hear his throaty chuckle after a long time. (For someone who I was constantly in communication with, a few days without speaking or chatting with him always seemed like an eternity)

“Road trip ke? Where we dey go?” Josh replied with a yawn.

“Egbeda,” I deadpanned.

Mumu!” he burst out with another laugh. “You have started throwing shade again ba, this early morning.”

“Haba! I am not throwing darkness of any sorts, oga. But really, anything beyond the Third Mainland Bridge is a road trip and I will not apologize for it!” I retorted.

“For your mind, you sef, you are forming Island Big Gehz, ba? You don’t even live in Old Ikoyi, Parkview or Phase 1 o! Your house and Epe, no difference. Dey there dey deceive yourself.”

I let out a hearty guffaw. It indeed felt good, talking to Josh. Continue reading

The +++ Journals: Entry III

Blog_The +++ JournalsDaberechi and I were destined to be friends. I believed it was beyond serendipity to keep bumping into her on various Social Media platforms. I guess this was because we seemingly played around the same circles and had a handful of mutual friends. While I mostly enjoyed playing Switzerland online when community-related debates and issues sprang up, her opinions and reactions were vocal and unpretentious. I particularly admired her brazen approach and grace against the harsh criticisms and lashing she often faced from trolls and cyber-bullies.

So I decided to friend her on Facebook and although our chats were seldom, I managed to stay in touch with her over the last year or thereabout. I had promised her countless times that I would visit and bring over some material for the Human Rights Initiative she managed, especially since she always seemed to have answers for me when I reached out to her.

“Hey girlfriend,” she said after a loud yawn. Continue reading

BEING BRUNO

Blog_Being BrunoFOREWORD: Dennis Macaulay has decided to take a little break off writing his weekly rants because of some study engagements. It’ll just be a few weeks. Until he returns, here’s a new series to occupy Wednesday’s foremost update.

WRITER’S NOTE: This story isn’t about what you’re going to learn at the end of this chapter. Secondly, I felt prompted to debut my writing on KD because of Bobby; after reading the ‘Before I Die’ series, I decided it was time. This story is fiction. All the characters and the plot are the works of my imagination, and any resemblance with real occurrences is purely coincidental.

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It began with – “It might be HIV o!”

That was what Robert said to you.

And just like that, your life changed. Continue reading

The +++ Journals: Entry II

Blog_The +++ JournalsThe 21st of February was like every other Saturday morning. This meant I would probably wake up hung-over and foggy-brained from too much drinking the previous night. There would be a dull but persistent throb in my head, a dryness in my throat and sometimes a dark, often beautiful, but always naked body snuggled against mine. Or if I were less fortunate, I would have to deal it with an oblivious Josh who snored and threw himself carelessly from one end of the bed to another. So yeah, it was another typical Saturday. But it was just me in my bed this time. Hung-over. Naked. Alone.

Besides the overwhelming urge to pee and need to quench the dryness in my throat, the heat from the rising morning sun pushed me out of bed. I stumbled to the bathroom and did my business before opening my cabinet to get out some Panadol for the headache.

And there it was – the Home Kit. My nemesis was staring at me. Continue reading

The +++ Journals

HIV-1728x800_cFOREWORD: Coming on the heels of the conclusion of Bobby’s Before I Die series, and here to share Tuesday mornings with Reverend Hot’s Those Awkward Moments, is another riveting real-life story about a KDian living and journeying through life with HIV. It is stories like this that make me proud of what we’re doing here on KD. Read below, be inspired, and share your thoughts below.

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People always say that the very beginning is the best place to start, and I agree with them. So it was only natural that I would try and find my own ‘Once upon a time’ over the past few weeks. But I have tried and tried, searched old diaries and my fickle memory to the very day when it all began and why. Yet I can’t seem to. Perhaps this is because, for me, there are so many beginnings that I cannot tell which is relevant anymore. Or it could be because I have wandered so far off that even if I tried to retrace my steps, I couldn’t.

So I’m starting from here, this lonely Sunday evening, sitting here and typing my very first journal entry. Hopefully I can pick up the pieces as we travel along.

My name is Temidire Oluwadurotimi Cole and I am HIV positive.

Wow.

HIV Positive.

Plus (+). Continue reading

Would You Date An HIV-Positive Guy?

F53326Matthew Hodson, the Chief Executive of GMFA, writes on the continued stigmatisation of HIV-positive people, and argues that avoiding sex or a relationship with someone HIV-positive is actually a bad strategy. Originally published on Pink News, he writes:

I’ve been living with diagnosed HIV for many years. In that time, I’ve had my share of sexual and romantic rejections on the basis of my HIV status. While these don’t make up any of my happiest memories, I’ve tried to take it on the chin. I’ve always been a firm believer that individuals have a right to work out the sexual strategy that is right for them – and that included rejecting people on the basis of their HIV status. But, you know what – I’ve had a change of heart. It’s bullshit.

Firstly, as a safer sex strategy, it just doesn’t work. We’ve known for some years now that someone on treatment is very unlikely to pass on the virus. How unlikely? Well you’re more likely to be infected from sex using a condom with someone who isn’t on treatment than you are to be infected from sex without a condom with someone who is on treatment. So when someone says that they’re going to avoid John because he has HIV (and is on treatment), and then runs off with Jonah, whose status is unknown, they’re taking a far bigger sexual risk. Continue reading

BEFORE I DIE: 8 (The Sex-Hunger Games 2)

????????????????????????????????????????????????????I am still on the journey of reconciling my status with my sex life. My guilt is still there and I know it is going nowhere. I have had sexual advances from friends, which I turned down. If you could see the guys I have been turning down, you would slap the gay out of me. I am doing this on purpose. I am taking time to process. I’m the kind of person that, when I want to feel, I feel very deeply. When I don’t want to, I’m as hard as igneous rock. I am letting myself feel all the guilt there is, so that when I am ready to not feel and someone tries to remind me, I can remind myself that I have been there and back.

And I am getting to that point gradually. All this while, I have been practising self-pleasure, with my PEARS Baby Oil. It isn’t much, but it’s enough to get by. I have also been googling safe sex with a HIV patient, and I think I have it down to a science. It comes down to three things.

1) No blowjobs, no rimming, no matter how big and chocolatey the dick looks.

2) Kiss on the lip only, as passionately as possible, without the tongues touching.

3) Use durex condoms with plenty of lube. It’s known for its durability.

4) And if the condom breaks, it’s not my fault. Someone is manipulating that person’s destiny and it’s certainly not me.

Yes! Continue reading

The Pilot Entry II

intro_about_us_01Hi, KD.

My name is not Bobby. I am a passive member of this blog community, and I have never commented on any post. But I do read them all. And I must say, y’all are a really intelligent and funny lot.

I like to be direct and plain. So I’ll just go straight to the point. No smart words. Turns out I’m HIV positive as well, and I commend the previous guy who came forward with his story. I commend your bravery, dude.

I talked to Pink Panther about a series, chronicling my life, from the moment I discovered I had the virus. PP said it’s a cool idea and asked me to write a pilot. I did and he said it was lovely. I asked him to name the series, and he called it “Before I Die.” I fell in love with the title as soon as I heard it.

The series is going to be about what I have been going through from that moment that changed my life, and how I’ve been managing everything. Expect drama, a little comedy. It’s going to be educative as well. Some people don’t really know what it’s like, so this is my way of teaching them.

I’m not much of a writer though, so don’t forget to drop your criticisms. Whether you choose to be constructive about it or not, words don’t get to me. So anything you talk, nah you get ya mouth. Lol. Enjoy sha.

Let’s Discuss…About The Visibility Of What Society Doesn’t Want To See

Blog_Let's DiscussA friend of mine and follower of KD wanted to know, a couple of days ago, what comment made in disparagement of someone’s HIV status that brought on the collective wrath of the blog. I directed him to the contentious post, and when he was done, he returned to our private chat with an opinion about the KDian who shared his HIV story on KD: “Not a good move, if I must say… smh.”

And so the following is a bit of how our chatversation went after this tersely expressed opinion.

ME: Why? Why was it not a good move to share something to inspire people? Because someone will have something bad to say? So, by that standard, Kenny Badmus should not have talked about his coming out as well?

DUDE: Do you not see the resultant effect? Besides, Coming Out and HIV issue are two different things.

ME: Oh really? Educate me. Continue reading

A WORD FROM THE ADMIN

add_adminI know that Freedom Of Expression is a very valuable and catchpenny commodity in modern society, something the press and media hold dear and social media trolls revel in. And this post wouldn’t exist if that was all I had to talk about, because Kito Diaries has proven to be the home of everyone freely expressing their opinions, bandying them about and sometimes attempting to shove them down other people’s throats. All that I don’t mind. Oftentimes, these opinions have been marinated in cusswords and distasteful language. It’s a struggle, but I have made my peace with that too. It is something I’m after all guilty of.

But there is a line I want to draw.

Kito Diaries may be a hot bed of controversy, but it is what it is today because of the willingness of KDians to tell their stories and share them for the readership, delight, commiseration and admonishment of others. People who pen down write-ups, whether fiction, nonfiction or opinion pieces, know to expect either overwhelming support and pathos from the readers, or intense backlash for having something unpopular to say. And those who go ahead to write, in spite of the Big Bad Wolf known as KD commenters, are commendable. I know of some people who are still mining courage from within themselves to tell their stories, unsure what reaction to expect.

And indeed, all reaction is acceptable; freedom of expression is after all everyone’s precious toy to play with, right? Continue reading