Questions Of The Heart

singles 34WRITER’S NOTE: This poem is dedicated to the moment I first ached to meet a hookup from Grindr, and to all those moments everyone reading this has desired that someone on the other side of the chatversation whom they’ve desired without meeting.

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Why do I think of you?

Why do I wonder what you are up to?

Why do I care what goes on with you

When you and I have never met

Is this love or lust

Or loneliness crying out for a companion Continue reading

Anti-Gay Pastor’s Grindr Activity Is Exposed, Church Warns Congregants Not To Read Story

grindrRecently, the news was broken of a Reverend Matthew Makela, a pastor in Midland, Michigan with a track record of making damaging statements towards the gay and transgender communities, and how he cruises Grindr for sex with gay men (Read HERE). Following the exposé, the Reverend had had to step down from his position at St. John’s Lutheran Church.

On Tuesday, the Senior Pastor of St. John’s, Reverend Daniel Kempin, posted an open letter to congregants on the church’s website.

“It is my grief to inform you that Pastor Makela announced his resignation as a pastor of St. John’s through a letter that was read in worship on Sunday, May 17,” he begins. Continue reading

RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 16)

Blog_Rantings Of A Random (GAY) NigerianI have often talked about my disdain for (many) civil servants; they are often the laziest, meanest and rudest bunch of people who to serve the public. I reckon I am generalizing as I have no empirical data to support this claim. However after having dealt with soooooo many of them, I think I can make this statement. In the course of my job, I interphase with lots of government agencies, and quite honestly, any day I have to go to any government agency is never a good day for me. I dread such days.

Let me share one experience with you guys. Very recently, I went to the Ministry of Health to sort out some issues regarding the HIV management programme of Rivers State that we are involved in. I needed to get some documents from the ministry which someone high up the food chain needed to prepare a report.  Now government offices are mostly labeled wrongly; so reading the signs to find the office that I was going to was a big fail. I also had to take the stairs to climb to the 12th floor of the secretariat. After my experience at NNPC office here in Port Harcourt, when my colleague and I were stuck in an elevator for almost thirty minutes, I made a mental note never to take the elevator in a government-owned building; besides I am very active so taking the stairs wasn’t so bad. Continue reading

IDENTITY THEFT

identity-theft3I was going through some grindr profiles as I usually do when I get bored, when a profile caught my attention. The profile had the picture of someone I knew, not personally though. The guy is someone whose Facebook profile I’ve come across and gone through a number of times, even though I’ve never sent him a friend request. This isn’t because I mind being his friend. It’s because with a look at his Facebook profile, one can immediately tell that he is gay. This is due to the sort of pictures he uploads. Now, I have nothing against people who upload raunchy pictures on the social network; my misgivings about this guy however stemmed from the fact that he is young and his pictures are too revealing, some of them of the fact that he’d just had sex, most of them of him with other males in not-so-subtly compromising positions.

Anyway, because of this, I just could not add him on Facebook because I know I have some people, friends and family, who snoop on my Facebook profile, as though waiting for me to do or say something. I remember some years ago, when I had numerous gay friends on Facebook, there was this male friend of my younger sister, who I’d gotten close to because I had a thing for him. And one day, he asked me if I was gay, because (according to him) I had too many gay friends on Facebook. I laughed off his supposition. He however persisted later in telling me to be careful. So, I had to whittle my (gay) friend list to a negligible number of those who do not post ‘funny’ pictures. Continue reading

Guys Whisper The Highs And (Mostly) Lows Of Online Dating

Gay dating websites can be an awesome way to connect, but can also be a real drag. Messages go unanswered, hours seem wasted scrolling through endless profiles and something that’s supposed to hook you up leaves you feeling as isolated as ever.

Below is a Whisper round-up of revelations made by men who are either disillusioned or ambivalent toward online dating.w1 Continue reading

RAMBLINGS OFF A DISSATISFIED HOOK-UP APP USER

others 52I have been celibate ever since my steady lay, Chibuzor, got himself a proper boyfriend. I don’t really think about it, because work keeps me pretty preoccupied and I’ve been working on some personal projects. But the body is not firewood.

Sure, porn and a little hand lotion can relieve the tension, but such behaviour is very addictive and I don’t want to be a slave to bad habits.

But yeah, I bust a nut once in a while. Once in a too often while actually. Lol.

Anyway, Easter was approaching and I’d taken a few extra days off from work to add to the long Easter weekend. I’d decided to take a trip to Calabar to visit the mother and grandmother, and I knew that I couldn’t spend such a long time in Calabar without sampling the local delicacies. (And I’m not talking about food)

I was going to get laid whether the devil likes it or not. Continue reading

Dear KD: I’m Caught Between My Fear And My Desire

blackmentalkingSince I moved outside Nigeria, I have been either too busy or uninterested to hook up with anybody. Contrary to what all my friends believe, I am not exactly having the ultimate sexual experience. I am either caught up with school, work or some activity (cue in church).

Recently, a friend suggested I download Grindr, and after much contemplation, I did. The place was just filled with freaks, and just when I was about to uninstall the app while I was at the gym, I got messaged by some good looking brother. We chatted a little and after a while, we exchanged numbers and I progressed to uninstall the Grindr app. Continue reading

RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 12)

Blog_Rantings Of A Random (GAY) NigerianMy landlord does not live in Port Harcourt, so he drops in and out of town, which works well for me, because the guy can like to hold you with political gist after a long day at work. He was a supporter of GEJ and with me being a Buharist, that ensured we were always on opposite sides of the coin. This man will jump out the moment you drive in and bring up one matter to argue over, even though you just got home and want to take a shower.

Anyways, I got home on this day and saw his car, so I knew he was around and I hurried inside before he would come out to hold me up to analyze the presidential elections. A few minutes later however, he sent someone to call me, and I groaned inwardly as I was not in the mood to argue. But he’s my landlord and old enough to be my father. So I went to answer him. Read our paraphrased conversation below. Continue reading

Wife Speaks Up After Finding Husband On Grindr

171371988A mother has asked for help on Mumsnet – after catching her husband using a gay hookup app.

The user of the parenting forum asked for help after finding her husband’s profile – complete with a picture of him posing in his underwear in their en suite bathroom.

“Today I found my DH on Grindr,” she wrote. “Without a doubt it is him. Posing in our en suite bathroom. Confronted him. Says it is not him but refuses to let me see his phone. He is refusing to talk to me. Two children. 7 and 10. I am 43. Don’t know what to do. Please some advice.”

When other mothers were unfamiliar with Grindr, she explained: “It is a gay pick up site… You can see some of his face. God, I even recognise his pants and moles on his chest. He went ashen when I showed him and then defensive and then silence.” Continue reading

RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 10)

Blog_Rantings Of A Random (GAY) NigerianIt was mother’s day just last Sunday, and I popped into Warri on Saturday to surprise my mom. She did not know I was coming, I did not even know I was going up till that morning; I got up to go for a run and before I knew what was happening, I just needed to see her and was en-route to Warri before 6am. You see, a mother’s love cannot be measured or understood, and the few times I have had cause to rethink my sexuality and the choices I have made were all because of her. I don’t want to be a disappointment to her (it will totally kill me). However, just like Khaleesi said the other day, I have to find a balance between staying true to myself and holding fast to her love. I must walk this thin line.

Anyway, I got to Warri and went straight to her store and the look on her face was priceless as she hugged me and tried hard not to cry. She probably never expected me to come as things have become awkward between us since she started chanting the M word. My sister came around with her kids, and a few other aunties were around, as my mom has always been the rallying point of both families. I stylishly avoided chatting too long with anybody, before they will ask for their iyawo and when I am planning on bringing her home. Continue reading