How To Be Better At Topping

Purchase this image at http://www.stocksy.com/185455Originally published on tabsattractorfactor.wordpress.com

For formality’s’ sake, a top is the partner doing the penetration during anal sex – this label is limited explicitly to sexual roles and says nothing about perceived masculinity or dominance in bed. Gay men usually seek to define their sexual role with labels like top, bottom and versatile to indicate their inclinations when it comes to penetration. With that out the way, here are some tips on becoming better at topping.

Relax and Arouse your partner

There’s a lot more to sex then just putting your penis in and humping until the point of orgasm, there’s a certain finesse that comes with being a good top. The first priority should always be getting your partner aroused and relaxed enough to enjoy sex. Pay attention to his body language, if your partner is nervous and tense, the overall experience might be less than rewarding. Stay above the belt and consider kissing and lighting touching or licking erogenous zones on his body.

Stimulating the neck sends signals to the circulatory system stimulating blood flow and excitement, so try lightly kissing and stroking the nape of the neck, the back of the neck or the ears. The most popular zone for most men is the chest, particularly – the nipples. However, some men might have ultra sensitive nipples while others might not enjoy having their nipples played with, go slow and listen to his body, and if you don’t know his opinion on nipple play, ask him. Continue reading

THAT THING CALLED HIV

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????If for some reason you have not heard the recent WHO recommendation concerning HIV and MSM (Men who sleep with men), I am trying really hard not to be surprised at you. Perhaps you had your head stuck in someone’s ‘glory hole’ for the past few weeks and I am pretty sure you cannot watch the news or browse the internet in there. How did you breathe though? Did you somehow manage to fit an oxygen tank inside? Anyway, that’s none of my business (sips Lipton tea).

HIV, however, is my business. I lost a brother I love so much to this virus and he was also gay. Does this mean the gay gene runs in my family? At this point, I think you need to take a sip of Lipton. Since I am nice, I will not let you stand while you imbibe my toxic brew. You will need to take a whole stadium of seats while you sip it. As I was saying (clears throat), HIV took my beloved brother and for that reason I have got personal issues with that goddamned virus. Since I have made this matter my business, I invite you to join me as we look at some facts that concern the homosexual and HIV virus. Continue reading

Let’s Discuss…About The Stereotypes We Perpetuate

Blog_Let's DiscussSociety thrives of stereotypes more often than not. And when those stereotypes surround issues that society does not have a firm grasp on, it tends to find it hard to shake off these conceptions. And that is why there are lots of stereotypes about homosexuals which may often times be true, but are simply not as blanket as the general population would like to believe – such as that all gay men are sluts, all gay men want to drill ass, HIV is a given with gay sex, all gay people are religious deviants, yada-yada-yada. These are the reasons why movements for the gay cause exist, to educate society in the need to see us as people first, and homosexuals second. Perhaps, that will help eradicating these pesky conceptions of our sexuality.

But what about those stereotypes that gay people themselves perpetuate amongst themselves? An acquaintance of mine shared something with me, a recent occurrence in his life. And because it’s something that I find galling, I decided to share it here, to know your thoughts on the issue. Here’s what he had to say: Continue reading

My Rebound Story

HomokissI still remember the first day I met Babangida. It was a sunny day, really hot. If you have ever lived or been to Gwagwalada on a sunny day, then you can appreciate what I am talking about. All my efforts at looking fresh, nice and sexy fell to ruins. I was sweating profusely, the handkerchief in my left pocket was already soaking wet.

Now that I think of it, I’m not sure if it was just the sun doing its evil job, or my nerves totally focused on ruining our first meeting. Thankfully, Babangida had a car. And better still, its air condition was fully functional.

As I stepped into the car, the chilly air felt like heaven. For a full two minutes, I sat down blank. Baba was speaking but I wasn’t listening. I was too busy absorbing the chilliness.

When I finally regained my composure, I quickly apologised for the silence. Baba understood and we drove straight to town. Continue reading

Love And Sex In The City (Episode 7)

FOREWORD: The first part of what I have to say is unrelated to the story below. I just want to quickly say how much I appreciate every contributor who sends write-ups for the maintenance of this blog. I can’t be grateful enough. However, I have recently gotten curt emails from a couple of contributors, expressing their displeasure with me for not instantly putting up their pieces after receiving them. They were also of the opinion that because I didn’t respond to their emails after I received their materials, I must not think them good enough. And then, they rounded up by instructing me not to bother publishing their articles.

Both suppositions are wrong. First of all, if I think a piece does not measure up, THAT IS WHEN I WILL respond with an email, informing the contributor of what I think is wrong. If I do not reply, it can only mean one thing. That I have read, approved, edited and drafted the write-up for future publication. Secondly, with the exception of ‘Love And Sex In The City’, ‘James’ Journal’ and ‘Bunkside Frenzy’ which are episodic and have to be published every week, every other write-up gets in a line. There are only seven days in a week, and a lot more articles than that. I urge my contributors to be a lot more patient and understanding. Everybody wants to be heard, and that is the medium this blog provides. That objective has not changed.

The second part of what I have to say is about this episode of Love And Sex In The City. This episode was inspired by a conversation I observed and participated recently in with a group of acquaintances. It is a conversation of sorts, expressing a difference in opinions concerning one of the random issues plaguing the Nigerian gay community. So after reading, it would be nice for you to express your own opinion in the comments section, so we can all learn and understand the varying views. Thank You. 🙂

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Edited“KIZITO KISSED YOU?!” Yinka hollered, staring at me like I’d just told him that I was invited to the Aso Villa for a sexual orgy.

I shrugged, and before I could respond, Adebola intoned, “What’s the big deal about that? Straight guys kiss gay guys all the time.”

Yinka turned to him. “Maybe it happens to you all the time –”

“It does happen to me all the time,” Adebola preened.

“But how many times,” Yinka barreled on, “have you gotten hot and heavy with two different straight guys in the space of one month, eh?”

Adebola had nothing to say to that. Continue reading

THE HOE ISSUE

gay-bed1My tale is not quite different from every gay boy that grew up in this country. The feeling of being alone, scared and judged by everyone you know, even your parents. I had my first sex at 18, with a boy I really cared about. However, it didn’t take long before our egos took over the relationship. By this time, I had accepted who I am. A boy that loves to eat and fuck ass.

Then, this urge came in. The urge to fuck, to caress and dump my load in some pretty boy. My friends said my urge was normal and I was acting out because I broke up with my boyfriend. But no, it was more than that. I craved sex, not love. Does this make me a hoe?

I wanted it. I didn’t want to belong to anyone. Love didn’t mean much to me anymore because of the state of the nation. Different laws that prevents the embrace of my sexuality in public places. So I took my phone and created a second profile on twitter and began to meet people and do hook-ups in different hotels and even their places. Continue reading