Blog_Rantings Of A Random (GAY) NigerianAfter the US Supreme Court made the landmark decision to legalize gay marriage across the 50 states of America, there were lots of reactions across the world. Nigeria in its true fashion went ballistic, mostly with people condemning the ruling and saying all manner of horrible things about the country. The hate that was spewed online could actually bake a cake. America was called godless, satanic and all, even by people who had applied for American visas several times and would move to America in a heartbeat.

I went on the attack, hacking down any hateful comment that made its way to my timeline on all my social media accounts. I did not care whatever impression these commenters had about me. I just attacked and hacked at every homophobic post that I saw till I got exhausted and realized it was really no use. Just as Khaleesi has often pointed out, homophobia is entwined in the DNA of Nigeria as a nation. So I gave up and resorted to blocking/deleting. If I saw any hateful comment or post, I either unfollowed its owner or blocked him. And by the middle of the day, I had deleted over 12 contacts on BBM alone and was looking forward to a no-negativity internet experience. Continue reading

That Article About Gay Nigerians

20111210_MAP502A KDian brought this blogpost to my attention, and when I read it, I kept finding myself veering between amusement and derision for its stereotypical content. Some of it, I have to agree with. Some of it is just worth an eye-roll from Lagos to Los Angeles. Apparently, the writer believes he has the Nigerian gay community all figured out. Can we have your thoughts on this? Read below. (Bear in mind that I did not alter or edit anything on the piece. What you read was culled exactly the way the writer put it up)


Do I really need to start defending my sexuality, well here goes nothing. I am not a faggot, I do not find boys attractive, occasionally if I see a guy with six abs and a nice body I’ll stare only because I wish my body was as hot as his, not because I’d wana do bad things with him. I find girls annoying but I love to smooch them and do other BAD STUFF with them. I wrote this article outa sheer boredom just to take jabs at gay people (Why? Cuz I can). I am not homophobic either, I actually have a couple of friends who are gay and also a few lesbians and I don’t judge them. Doesn’t mean I won’t yab them though. Again, I am not Gay.

Well since that’s outa the way, lets talk about gay people. Continue reading


Blog_Rantings Of A Random (GAY) NigerianI love weddings and I attend a lot of them, so much so that my friends often tease me about it, saying I should start charging people to attend their weddings. Now, the funny thing is that a few years ago, I did not like weddings and I rarely attended them, because attending such ceremonies back then, when I was still struggling with my sexual identity, was like throwing darts at myself, frequent reminders of the things I would never have. I even had fantasies of sticking out my leg when a bride walked down the aisle and having her tumble on the floor in an indignant mass of lace and tulle (lol).

However my perspective changed when I began to live on my own terms, and I started to enjoy weddings as parties that they are and subsequently started attending all the weddings I was invited to. It doesn’t hurt also that I love jollof rice (mogbomo branch, anyone) and wine, plus I totally enjoy flirting with bridesmaids, especially if I’m serving as a groom’s man. Many bridesmaids come to weddings looking to find a man, and I love when they consider me a potential boyfriend (or fiancé….lol). And I flirt shamelessly with them until after the wedding when I start to ignore them on BBM, and they get the picture and move on. Continue reading

An Opinion About Roles And Stereotypes


FOREWORD: KD Support is now active! Volunteers and people needing virtual support can email us at kds.system14@gmail.com. And now, on to the post of the day…


Human beings have a knack for stereotyping and the male LGBT community doesn’t make it any better. Asking or telling someone that one is Top, Bottom or Versatile tends to create a mental picture in the mind of the other person (with or without facial contact). It’s automatically assumed that the Top is alpha masculine, is the “Man”, has everything going on for him, has a huge dick, is very macho, doesn’t shed a tear, is either the suit-and-tie guy or the shirt-and-jeans guy. It unfortunately is also stereotypically ingrained that the Bottom is the “Female”, weak at heart, feminine in many ways than allowed by society, weaker generally.

In reality, those ‘roles’ aren’t what define us. They are the things we enjoy in bed and not a personality or character. It’s that flawed mentality that has corrupted the shallow thinkers and sadly, initiates, and that has caused the sort of infraction that we have in the community today. The Bottom soon believes that (because) he is Bottom and so should become more feminine, softer, be pampered, more relying than reliable. The Top sees himself as being Top and so should become more masculine than he already is or can be, stretch himself further, become a walking dick, get an inflated ego because he believes he’s a rare specimen provided to the community and should be worshiped. Then there’s the Versatile, the one who likes to take the dick just as well as give it; because of the stereotype of Bottoms, he chooses to be Top, and VersTop when probed further. Continue reading

Let’s Discuss…About The Stereotypes We Perpetuate (Part 3)

Pictures (2)FOREWORD: KD Support is now active! Volunteers and people needing virtual support can email us at kds.system14@gmail.com. And now, on to the post of the day…

If you were a fan of the hit TV series, Desperate Housewives, and you were very familiar with the characters, then you’d probably remember the gay couple that occupied Wisteria Lane, opposite the street from Susan Mayer. One of the characters was named Bob Hunter, played by actor Tuc Watkins (pictured above left).

Last year, Watkins took a shot at the Modern Family gay couple (pictured above right), Mitchell Pritchett (played by Jesse Tyler Ferguson) and Cameron Tucker (played by Eric Stonestreet). He said he had “a hard time laughing at the gay guys on Modern Family,” arguing that the show’s portrayal of a same-sex couple “doesn’t feel ‘modern’ at all.”

“It feels a little bit like the gay equivalent of ‘blackface,’” he added, according to reports. “Sure, people come in all shapes, sizes etc. So why are we fed such ‘80s stereotypes every week.”

I googled ‘blackface,’ to find out that it was a form of theatrical makeup used by white performers in the 19th century to represent a black person, and it apparently contributed to the proliferation of certain stereotypes surrounding the issue of race. In other words, by drawing parallels between blackface and Modern Family, Tuc Watkins was trying to say that the TV show was nourishing the stereotype that gays are…well, a feminine, superficial lot. Continue reading

Speaking About Stereotypes: Those Things Straight People Get Wrong About Gay Men

kd stereotypesOriginally published on thetrentonline.com

Acceptance of gay people doesn’t end with acceptance. It also includes post-acceptance sensitivity and awareness. Unfortunately, just because someone’s heart is in the right place doesn’t mean his or her foot will be, too. Here are eight common straights-on-gays misconceptions that can lead to inserting it directly into one’s mouth, which must be as awkward and uncomfortable for them as the gaffes are for us.

  1. We’re all either “tops” or “bottoms.”

I never imagined that anyone who isn’t gay would even care who’s a “top” and who’s a “bottom,” or that they might not realize that some guys are versatile and others don’t enjoy anal sex at all. Then a straight woman recently inquired about the assigned sexual positions of a gay couple in our vicinity. I cringed, not so much at the question itself as at the possibility that straight people might be as curious about it as gay guys on Grindr are. She immediately tried to qualify and excuse her curiosity by citing her plethora of gay friends, but the damage had been done to my peace of mind.

She insisted that she’d never wondered that about any gay couple before, but the ease with which she had asked made me certain that it wasn’t an uncommon train of thought for her. What about other straight people? While they’re assuming that we’re all either one or the other, are they actually trying to figure out which one? Some questions are simply better left unasked. Continue reading

‘Bisexuality and Monogamy Aren’t “Mutually Exclusive”.’ – Anna Paquin

Anna-Paquin-True-Blood-la-sortie-du-placard_portrait_w532True Blood star, Anna Paquin came out as bisexual in 2010 and is crusading against the crude stereotypes about those who identify as bisexual – or gay, lesbian, transgender, or otherwise.

Paquin spoke about her own sexuality and her relationship to husband Stephen Moyer. In recognition of LGBT Pride Month, she tweeted in June, “Proud to be a happily married bisexual mother. Marriage is about love not gender.”

“There’s people that are going to probably go to their grave thinking whatever they think about the LGBT community,” she said in the interview with HuffPost Live. “That’s their problem, not mine. And there’s people that think that monogamy and bisexuality are mutually exclusive. Again, their problem not mine.”

The X-Men star has been married to Moyer, 44, since August 2010. They got engaged in August 2009 after meeting on the set of the HBO series True Blood.

“The reason I feel like it’s important to talk about this stuff is that the more normal and, frankly, mundane and boring this stuff becomes, I think the better it’s going to be for everyone who is part of our community,” Paquin added.

Let’s Discuss…About The Stereotypes We Perpetuate

Blog_Let's DiscussSociety thrives of stereotypes more often than not. And when those stereotypes surround issues that society does not have a firm grasp on, it tends to find it hard to shake off these conceptions. And that is why there are lots of stereotypes about homosexuals which may often times be true, but are simply not as blanket as the general population would like to believe – such as that all gay men are sluts, all gay men want to drill ass, HIV is a given with gay sex, all gay people are religious deviants, yada-yada-yada. These are the reasons why movements for the gay cause exist, to educate society in the need to see us as people first, and homosexuals second. Perhaps, that will help eradicating these pesky conceptions of our sexuality.

But what about those stereotypes that gay people themselves perpetuate amongst themselves? An acquaintance of mine shared something with me, a recent occurrence in his life. And because it’s something that I find galling, I decided to share it here, to know your thoughts on the issue. Here’s what he had to say: Continue reading

The World Health Organization Is Perpetuating Gay Stereotypes

By Patrick McAleenan, originally published on The Telegraph

COLOUR - plse save tuesThe World Health Organisation has recommended that all gay men take antiretroviral drugs to stop the spread of HIV, but surely education – not more drugs – is the answer.

Anything else they’d like us to take responsibility for? Famine in Africa? Unemployment statistics? Binge drinking in Magaluf?

Being gay can often feel like the world is against you, and yet again the planet’s HIV epidemic is being firmly placed on our shoulders. I’m talking about the news that the World Health Organisation has announced for the first time that men who have sex with men should take antiretroviral drugs, in a bid to try and contain the growing rates of HIV in gay communities around the world. That’s all men who have sex with men. No mention of men who have sex with women. Are they all suddenly having safe sex? Continue reading