Dear KD: I’m In A Relationship With A Guy I’m Not Sure I Should Love

blackmentalkingI accepted my sexuality five years ago, and I would say that I haven’t been so lucky with love. Life has thrown shit at me and I somehow bounce back and carry on. But when it comes to the heartbreaks I’ve suffered, I’m not entirely sure I bounce back from those. There are memories that forever linger. I can only suppress them for a while because they keep lurking inside my heart, threatening to overtake me.

And these failed relationships have made me set up rules and standards that many perceive to mean I’m overly prudish or dramatic; rules like ‘I’m not gonna date a bisexual,’ ‘He mustn’t be my age-mate,’ ‘He must be this and that,’ ‘It must happen this way and that way,’ and so on and so forth. And because of my rigidity, I ended up being celibate for a year and a few months. I had to stick to my rules, because even though I am cool and amazing, I am emotionally vulnerable. Continue reading


This, I believe, is Absalom’s first fictional piece on this blog. Check on it below and enjoy.


g14He surprised me. So we fought and I packed a suitcase and moved out. I didn’t take all my things, just clothes and other essentials: the heavier stuff, like the bookshelf, could come later.

He didn’t look at me as I went through the sitting room on my way out. He just sat there on the arm of a sofa, drinking water. An hour ago, he had been a storm, accusing me of destroying “what we have.” I shook my head, got in my car parked beside his Camry, and drove towards New Benin. I would stay in Edirin’s place until I cleaned up my flat in the outskirts of town.

“Hey,” Edirin said when he came to the door with his dog Rambo to greet me. Rambo sniffed at the suitcase beside my legs. “Going somewhere?”

“No. I left Onuora’s place.”

Edirin’s eyes widened. “Broke up with the boyfriend?” Continue reading


interracial-couplesWriter’s Note: This story is a mixture of reality, fiction and a bit of an active imagination. Translation: Some things did happen, some I wish had happened, and the rest is as a result of too much coffee and Red Bull.


We Lived. We Loved. We Conquered. In the end, We Parted…

JULY 2010

His day began like any other normal day. He arrived in Nigeria via Lagos on Friday evening, and he had a connecting flight to Abuja the next evening. So he had Sunday to relax.

He would have preferred to take another airline to get into Abuja directly, saving him the trouble of using a connecting flight. But being the Vice President for an airline in Canada had its perks, and the fleet flies Toronto to Lagos three times weekly. Plus the airport in Abuja was closed for four days prior to that day, for runway maintenance to reopen on Saturday. So either way he would have landed in Lagos.

He had back-to-back meet and greets within the city center with various government officials, as well as other men and women in the aviation business as himself. They were looking to increase service to six times weekly across Nigeria; two flights to Abuja which would be introduced in the first quarter of 2011, while Lagos would be increased to four flights. Continue reading

He Eats My Cakes And Has Hers

bisexual-menMy name is Lami. I am 24 years old and a fresh graduate. Here’s why I’ll NEVER again date a bisexual guy.

His name is Funsho. We met at a friend’s mother’s 55th birthday party. You see, it wasn’t even a gay party. My friend, Allen had told me, “I’m inviting a few of my close friends, but it’s not a TB party o. Abeg man up, no bitching or flinging of hands. A lot of my straight friends are also coming.”

So on that day, I dressed simply in a pair of jeans and a tucked-in shirt with a simple pair of loafers. I wasn’t dressed to kill or to attract attention. I walked in, went over to Allen’s mother to wish her a happy birthday, flattered her a bit about how pretty she looked for a 55-year-old woman, exchanged greetings with Allen and the few other guys I knew there, and settled down to enjoy the lavish food and drink I could see waiting on the table.

At some point in the party, one of the guys who I didn’t quite know came to occupy the empty seat beside, and we got talking. He introduced himself as Funsho, and said he worked with a logistics company somewhere in Lagos. He was Allen’s friend, and we had never met. For some reason, I assumed he was one of Allen’s straight friends. Nevertheless, he was an interesting dude, as we talked on a wide range of issues from current affairs to politics. Continue reading

Let’s Discuss…About How To Keep A Successful Gay Relationship

I recently stumbled on a post published on, titled ‘5 WAYS TO KEEP A SUCCESSFUL GAY RELATIONSHIP.’ And it got me thinking, especially after I read the content of the post. I didn’t agree with most of the things the writer had to say, but what do I know, I’ve only been in one relationship my entire life as a gay man.

So, read below what the Native Prince had to say, and in the comments section, you can let us know your thoughts on the subject.


o-INTERRACIAL-GAY-COUPLE-facebookI don’t often disclose the intimate details of my personal life – and I don’t intend to start now. What I will say, though, is that I’ve reached a point in my life where I know what works and what doesn’t in a relationship. The answer: nothing. There is absolutely no prescribed fix for any given situation in terms of relationships. But to borrow from an old saying, I’ve learned from my mistakes – and his – and would offer these tidbits of advice for making your relationship last. Continue reading

Suite 419

kd suite 47Suite 419 was where everything happened; the meeting, the loving, and the breakup. The first time Kene met Chiboy and Peter, he fell immediately for Peter. That night, the moon did not shine because a great cloud covered the sky. A cool breeze blew that night, plastered Kene’s face with water. By the time he got to Timber Avenue, the breeze had turned into a gale, tossing everything in its path. Kene ran into a compound and called his cousin, Val. “Where are you?” Kene asked. “I have the books.”

“Just stay put,” Val said. “I’ll send someone with an umbrella.”

That person was Chiboy: tall, slim, with a delicate fair-skinned, red-lipped handsomeness, like he would break if you touched him too hard. He shook hands with Kene and said “hey” with the deepest voice Kene had ever heard. They walked quickly, closely, sharing the umbrella. Kene did not say much; Chiboy did all the talking.

When they got into the house, the living room was dark. Power had been cut, and Kene could hear someone trying to put on the generator in the balcony. Two people were talking in the balcony. Kene could make out Val’s voice, rough and grainy. Chiboy helped Kene into a seat. Soon, the light came on, the living room awash in a white brilliance. Val came in, laughing at something the guy behind him had said. He smiled at Kene. “This guy na idiot,” he said. “And him get good name oh, Peter. Imagine!” Continue reading


Blog_KD JournalJuly 4

‘I could be staring at somebody new

Stuck in my head is a picture of you

You were the thunder, I was the rain

I wanna know if I’ll see you again

I said I love you

You said goodbye

Everything changes in the blink of an eye

It’s been a while, I still carry the flame

I wanna know if I’ll see you again…’

I remember the first time I heard those lyrics. It was a pure moment. That moment when a song connects entirely with what you’re feeling. It was when I broke up with John. I remember going to his room practically begging that he not say it’s over and that we try again, but he just told me that he was tired of trying. It hurt like crazy. It hurt like hell. It hurt so much I cried because my love for him was that strong and irrational. I don’t feel embarrassed that I cried… It helped because even as the tears fell with the realisation that what I had and cherished was over, it also made me realise that I had the chance to do something new. I tried to not spend too long being heartbroken. I had exams coming up and I refused to let something like heartbreak cause issues for my education. I threw myself into my books and the only time I’d feel pangs of longing and sadness was when I’d lay down to sleep and hug my pillow. Continue reading


Blog_KD JournalJune 22

There’s this guy I recently started chatting with. Ola. My, my, my… he’s got a smoking body. His face is not all that, but I can always put a paper bag over his face or close my eyes and picture someone else. Lol. Okay, it’s not that bad, but still.

I’d love to get into his pants, but I’m resisting and hesitating because he’s bi. I don’t have anything against bisexual people. It’s just that, there are some that spell trouble for you if you get involved with them, and my instincts were telling me to stay away. He’s one of those guys who will thrash as long as it’s a hole, and he has little respect for those he’s thrashed, and I don’t want to be one of his trophies. He also seems like someone who would lash out drastically, if his sexuality or masculinity is questioned. I have a friend who was outed by some bisexual guy, who carried tales about how my friend purportedly seduced him.

And to make matters worse, I found out this Ola fellow doesn’t even kiss and all that… Blergh! Continue reading