Sex In Prague

Two naked men embracing, mid section

Written by keredim, and originally published on sagbachronicles.com

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It is Sunday. I have been in Prague for two weeks with work. I am horny. I am an arse man. I make no apologies about that. I like them bubble, I like them muscular, I like them pert, I like them visible. When I see guys I like on the street, in the bus, train, clubs, bars, wherever, I check out their backsides. I check out the local guys here, and though majority of them have porn star looks, their arses were flat, sometimes concave shaped. My chances of getting laid seem low.

Previous attempts at hooking up using Grindr and Scruff have been futile. About 80% of the profiles on there are twinks. I am beginning to think this is where twinks are manufactured and sent out to the rest of Europe – a bit like the Skoda. Twinks are not for me. I prefer muscular/athletic body types. I mention this in my profile, but this is ignored. A common trend I find, no matter where in the world I am. No one reads. Why the twinks pose like Victoria Beckham, complete with pouty lips in their profile pics, bewilders me. They send me unsolicited pics of their bums, usually exposing their arseholes. Where I am lucky, they send bum pics in a bend-over pose to accentuate their bony arses. Continue reading

THE HOOK-UP STORY II

Blog_Sex StoriesFOREWORD: This is a tentative nonfictional series (the first out of two, and tentative because the writers haven’t committed fully to the idea) that will be the narration of man’s basic desire – Sex. (Sapiosexuals, you may look away now) ‘The Hook-Up Story’ is a narration of Regal Sweetheart’s sexcapades, and the second series is that of KingBey (he’s still working out some kinks).

If you haven’t read the debut of Regal Sweetheart’s Hook-Up Story, you may check it out HERE. And now, for the second episode, read and enjoy.

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It was supposed to be a Sunday like every other. Wake up early, go to church and be useful, then come back and work till late. I’m one who works everyday to keep the bills paid and have some extra, as I like to be independent. Plus, I love what I do for work. It entails me going from place to place and speaking quite educatedly.

But this Sunday was different. I swear, the heavens must have set ‘Lazy Song’ as my soundtrack for the day, because not only did I not go to church, I also slept back after a few hours of my waking and almost missed the time for work. Almost. Continue reading

Those Hookup Abbreviations You Should Know (Just In Case You Didn’t Already)

Screen-shot-2015-05-14-at-5.09.34-PMIf you ever log onto Grindr, SCRUFF or one of the dozens of other knock-offs only to feel like you’re lost in a sea of newfangled and, at times, completely nonsensical acronyms, you’re not alone.

These days, people are all about efficiency. We used to write letters. Then we switched to email, which became texts. And now we speak in the gibberish of ABS (abbreviations). They’re quicker. And in the land of hookups, time is of the essence.

So WAFA (without any further ado), scroll down for 20 modern abbreviations to help you decipher WTF (what the fuck) guys are typing–as well as what they’re really saying–in their messages.

  1. BRB

What it means: Be right back.

What it really means: Goodbye forever. Continue reading

Questions Of The Heart

singles 34WRITER’S NOTE: This poem is dedicated to the moment I first ached to meet a hookup from Grindr, and to all those moments everyone reading this has desired that someone on the other side of the chatversation whom they’ve desired without meeting.

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Why do I think of you?

Why do I wonder what you are up to?

Why do I care what goes on with you

When you and I have never met

Is this love or lust

Or loneliness crying out for a companion Continue reading

KIZITO SPEAKS VI

Blog_Kizito SpeaksRead the prequel to this episode HERE

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I settled down and was taking in the details of the living room. I wasn’t very comfortable. Lamar’s friend – who he introduced as Joe – had welcomed me briefly and gone back in to finish a cigarette. Lamar went to get refreshment. He mixed Ogidiga with Hollandia Strawberry Yogurt and offered me a glass to sip. I declined, but he was persistent.

I thought to myself, does he want to drug me and then –

But he had mixed the drinks in my very before. Anyway, I took the glass and took a sip. Hmm. Bitter-sweet taste. I kinda liked it. He sat down across me and kept his stare fixated on my features. Me, I simply kept my own gaze on the mute TV and paid attention to the music coming from the stereo.

“I like your music…” I said. Continue reading

Hopscotch To Abuja

Abuja night lifeMost people I meet are through Instagram, so I can’t quite relate when people mention meeting people on grindr, manjam, and the like. I am Instagram addict, and that is because I’m a selfie addict. I take pictures like every time and everywhere. And on this particular day, I’d posted a picture of me shirtless and pouting on Instagram. Fifteen minutes later, a notification popped up. A comment against the picture post – ‘You are so cute, where are you?’ I checked out the commenter’s page, and saw that he was not a bad-looking dude. So I replied and told him to DM me instead of commenting on the picture. He did and subsequently asked for my BBM pin. We started getting acquainted on BBM, but he was the one asking all the questions in getting to know me. He didn’t give much detail about himself, only that he worked with the presidency and lived in Abuja. (Let’s call him Fola)

A few weeks later, I was on a short break from school. I am always happy whenever I have to be back in Lagos, because I get to have fun, go on dates, hang out with friends, and try new foods (Yea, I’m a foodie). It was a week to the end of my break when Fola pinged me, asking if I could come to Abuja. I promptly told him to book a flight for me, and I would be there. He agreed and said he’d send me my flight details by the weekend. Now, because of this potential face-to-face meet, I had to verify the dude’s market. So I showed his picture around to my friends, wanting to know if any one of them knew him. Nobody knew him. I was unsettled. I really wanted to go on the trip, but I couldn’t help the questions that nagged my mind, like, ‘What if this was a setup, or a ritual thingy? Or perhaps, he was into organizing lays for politicians…’

Questions, questions… Continue reading

KIZITO SPEAKS V

Blog_Kizito SpeaksEver gotten to a point where the phrase “You are cute” has no effect whatsoever on you, where if feels like just any other phrase. In my case, it annoys me. I am good looking, I know. But hearing that compliment one too many times makes me sick. Gives me the feeling that the admirer just wants time in ‘my heaven’.

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“Follow your heart but take your brain with you.” I stumbled on this quote from an Ex one time. And I thought, he couldn’t be more right. I mean, I should have known better.

My previous relationships drained me. I was so in it to please my partners, I thought less of myself. And it didn’t even pay. Heck, now, I come first in everything. “Me” should be number one priority. Family comes first before Bae sef. (If you get where I’m coming from)

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Badoo is like the only hookup site I’m into. And it’s not so bad. I’ve met good people, ugly people, egocentric people, ignorant people, knuckle heads, bone heads, idiots, and far better/worse people through this app. Continue reading

Guys Whisper The Highs And (Mostly) Lows Of Online Dating

Gay dating websites can be an awesome way to connect, but can also be a real drag. Messages go unanswered, hours seem wasted scrolling through endless profiles and something that’s supposed to hook you up leaves you feeling as isolated as ever.

Below is a Whisper round-up of revelations made by men who are either disillusioned or ambivalent toward online dating.w1 Continue reading

RAMBLINGS OFF A DISSATISFIED HOOK-UP APP USER

others 52I have been celibate ever since my steady lay, Chibuzor, got himself a proper boyfriend. I don’t really think about it, because work keeps me pretty preoccupied and I’ve been working on some personal projects. But the body is not firewood.

Sure, porn and a little hand lotion can relieve the tension, but such behaviour is very addictive and I don’t want to be a slave to bad habits.

But yeah, I bust a nut once in a while. Once in a too often while actually. Lol.

Anyway, Easter was approaching and I’d taken a few extra days off from work to add to the long Easter weekend. I’d decided to take a trip to Calabar to visit the mother and grandmother, and I knew that I couldn’t spend such a long time in Calabar without sampling the local delicacies. (And I’m not talking about food)

I was going to get laid whether the devil likes it or not. Continue reading

What’s On Your Mind… II

Blog_What's On Your MindSince you asked ever so nicely, I have to admit, I’m surprised I made it again so soon. I never thought I’d be able to put anything down so soon after the last – I am LAZY, I’ll be the first to admit it to anyone who can hear. I know it’s more than a week since my last, but even I am surprised that this was able to come this quickly. I still marvel at how Pinky, James, Bobby and DM are able to churn out high quality work on a regular basis and still find time to lead their lives. Una too mush *in thick Warri accent*

So, guys, here goes.

A few days ago, upon a sudden urge, I went back to 2go – a thing I hadn’t done in like four years. About 4 or 5 years ago, 2go was the hookup app of choice. This was a time when blackberries were not as ubiquitous as they subsequently became, and a time when data was not really as cheap as it is today (at least on the blackberry). And so, I had this sudden brainwave that led me to take a peep into 2go, and so I logged on, realized I’d long ago forgotten my password and went through the password reset and recovery motions. Eventually I was in. Continue reading