KD’s Fashion Police: BET Awards 2015

Hey guys, its John Oceans again. Since my last post, I have met a guy, fallen in love, cheated on him and gotten dumped. So, I’m back on the market again. Any takers? *side eyeing PP*

Anyway, it was the BET awards last Sunday, and I was kinda, sorta disappointed with the Red Carpet. There was no Wow factor, nothing very breathtaking – like perhaps, a Kardashian getting a PhD. So, here’s my judgment of the Red Carpet. Check on it, and either send out arrest warrants for the offenders you agree with me or bail money for those you don’t.

THE GOOD

Zendaya Coleman

One word – Flawless, Amazing! Oh shoot, that’s two. Zendaya was all shades of fabulous in this dress. Yes, it’s a bit too short, but the former Patchouli-Oil-And-Weed starlet pulled it off!

Rihanna

This girl is a star after my fashion heart – a style savant. What is amazing about Riri is that clothes that other women would look trashy in leave her looking classy. She can show up naked at an event and still look classy – Oh that’s right, she already did that. She is a star!

KD’s Fashion Police: The Met Gala 2015

Hello, guys, it’s John Ocean again, yes that John Ocean, and no thank you, I did not. So, the Met Gala came and went, and I loved every minute of it. I did not want any secondhand stories, so I had to buy black market *sigh* to charge the inverter the day before, and then still filled the generator tank for the day (only Nigerians will understand). I mean, this is the Oscars of Fashion. We cannot leave matters in the hands of PHCN.

The red carpet did not disappoint. These ladies (and gentlemen) brought their A-game. Not minding a few disappointments, I was reminded that our stars on this side of the planet are light years behind on the fashion stakes. Meanwhile, when I saw Kris Jenner, I was positive Kanye had nude photos of Anna Wintour that he is using to blackmail her, because Kris has no place at the Met Gala. Anna had previously said she does not invite reality TV stars to the event, because she does not consider them actors. But then, Kanye blackmailed her into letting Kim attend last year. Now Mama Kris this year. No nau! Kanye is blackmailing Anna. Simple! And I shall find out why.

Anyway, let’s delve into some fashion with my Hits, Misses and the ‘Erm…Okay’. Feel free to disagree where necessary.

THE GOOD

Sarah Jessica Parker

She came like a warrior with blazing guns to a pistol fight, which is really not surprising, considering she played Carrie Bradshaw on Sex and the City. The Philip Treacy headpiece was amazing and I believe this picture was what Alicia Keys had in mind when she did the ‘This Girl Is On Fire’ song.

I think she embodied the theme of the event very well and looked like a Chinese goddess coming down to destroy the Kardashians.

Madonna and Katy Perry

They both wore arty gowns and coordinated their outfits in a sort of Goth-sexy way and I loved it. I especially love Madonna, that woman keeps defying her age! She is the real queen. #NoShade

STITCHES AND BRITCHES

All my life, I have tried to understand the world of fashion. I have tried to understand why I shouldn’t wear brown and black together (I refuse to use the word ‘can’t’ here), but it seems to be a mortal sin by some people’s standards). I have tried to get the drift of colour blocking, layering and every other fashion trend that has made it to the forefront every year. I have tried to know the importance of why a large buckled belt is more suitable for my jeans than my simple black thin belt. I really have tried, but in the class of fashion and style, I seem to always sit in the dunce corner with my cone-shaped hat steadily on…and that’s just men’s fashion.

So, imagine my absolute incredulity when I woke up on Tuesday morning to see my BBM and Instagram timelines flooded with images from the Met Gala. It has to be said that this annual event is really a fundraiser for the benefit of the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Costume Institute, and it heralds the beginning of the exhibition for that year. So in line with this, there is a running theme every year; and guess what? China was served this year. In spades! No one asked how much was raised o…not at all! It was all about who wore what.

KD’s Fashion Police Officially Debuts With The AMVCAs

Hello my name is John Oceans (very distant relative of Joan Rivers), and today I will be playing judge and jury and serve you my hits and misses from the AMVCA red carpet. This is my first time writing, enjoy and feel free to disagree.

HITS

Genevieve Nnaji: If anyone doubted who the queen of Nollywood is, this picture laid rest such dissension. This lady is a star and is proof that even if you are not born with class, you can acquire it.

Kate Henshaw: This is a woman in her 40s giving the 20-year-olds a run for their money. She knocked it out of the park.

Our Celebs Dressed For The AMVCAs, And The Fashion Police Were Watching

The 2015 Africa Magic Viewers’ Choice Awards took place on Saturday night, and seeing as it is one of the biggest Award shows/night to come out of Africa, people talked about it – about our celebrities and what they were wearing.

And this year’s red carpet showed a wild evolution of styles.

Take Alex Ekubo for example, who stepped on the red carpet in a blazer that had heads turning, and had some others seeing red, blue, white and gold all at the same time. Talk about making yourself a rival of the rainbow.

Well, a friend, self appointed officer of the Fashion Police, saw the crime Alex committed, and below is his fine. Lol.