That Article About Relationships and Friendships

2014-02-08-1538721_10152252920909048_1056027744_n-thumbTitled ‘Love In Periphery: Gay Relationship, Straight Friendships’, this piece was originally published on read and let us know your thoughts.


A good friend of mine called me a few days after our wedding at the 56th Annual Grammys to congratulate me. She is heterosexual, married, and the mother of two – a representative of the largest part of my inner circle; heterosexuals, married with children. I know some would like to believe that we all live at the end of a rainbow but that isn’t my case – at least until the weekend. So my sudden nuptials in front of 28 million Americans took most of our loved ones by complete surprise – a sucker punch. And they all wanted to know what was it like?

Did a dove break through the clouds and light on our blessed gay shoulders? Continue reading


coming-out-of-the-closet“I’m Gay.”

I finally dared to look up. I wasn’t sure what I saw those eyes. Could it be pain? Anger? Shock? I couldn’t define it. I looked back down at my feet. I just had my pedicure done and at the moment, it was the most beautiful thing I could stare at. It gave me joy and sudden hope that whatever the outcome, these beautiful feet would take me to a place where I can be me.

“Are you sure? Why didn’t you ever tell me?” The voice sounded so far and strangled, I couldn’t recognize it.

I looked up from my feet and met those eyes with a piercing gaze of my own. Why? You’re seriously asking that question? Really? Give me one good reason why I should have told you? You always had something hurting to say when the word ‘homosexual’ comes on the news or is randomly passed around by your club members during afternoon tea and some crumpets. Tell me how I could have said something to someone who has an agenda against us. TELL ME!

“What? What do you mean?” My words came choked up. Continue reading


????????????????????????????????????????????????????I am thoughtless. I am just blank. I’m not angry. I’m not happy. I’m not depressed. I don’t know what I am feeling. I don’t even know what I feel towards Mum, but I know it isn’t a good feeling. It is that kind of feeling you don’t clearly understand, but somehow causes you to end up making bad choices, as long as they help you feel better.

How could she? I thought they understood me? Should I blame it on ignorance? Maybe she really doesn’t know what she is doing? Maybe it’s my fault in the first place? If I hadn’t gone and bagged me some HIV, this wouldn’t have happened.

I simply turn around, away from her, and return to my room to lie down. Whatever I am feeling however didn’t let me be. I’m not at rest, but I can’t place my hand on anything to be the reason. Nothing seems to matter. I plug in my ear phones and start listening to music. I don’t know if that helps, because I am still feeling those things. Continue reading

What’s On Your Mind… II

Blog_What's On Your MindSince you asked ever so nicely, I have to admit, I’m surprised I made it again so soon. I never thought I’d be able to put anything down so soon after the last – I am LAZY, I’ll be the first to admit it to anyone who can hear. I know it’s more than a week since my last, but even I am surprised that this was able to come this quickly. I still marvel at how Pinky, James, Bobby and DM are able to churn out high quality work on a regular basis and still find time to lead their lives. Una too mush *in thick Warri accent*

So, guys, here goes.

A few days ago, upon a sudden urge, I went back to 2go – a thing I hadn’t done in like four years. About 4 or 5 years ago, 2go was the hookup app of choice. This was a time when blackberries were not as ubiquitous as they subsequently became, and a time when data was not really as cheap as it is today (at least on the blackberry). And so, I had this sudden brainwave that led me to take a peep into 2go, and so I logged on, realized I’d long ago forgotten my password and went through the password reset and recovery motions. Eventually I was in. Continue reading


Blog_KD JournalMarch 21

Ella Henderson – Yours

I’m not a fan of putting a song on repeat. I’d rather hear something else first before going back to that song. This song however has been on repeat. It’s not a sad song, but every time I listen to it, I feel all shades of sad. It’s beautiful and simple, and I just love it very much.

This is the last week I’ll be spending in the lab where I’m doing my IT. I feel sort of sucker-punched because I hadn’t been paying attention to the time. Six weeks is just too short.

I’m not anticipating going back to school. It’d be back to lectures I couldn’t care for, my few ratchet friends I love very much, and worst of all, being alone in my room. Lol. I know I said I like being alone in my room, but I dunno anymore sha.

I didn’t get on grindr almost all weekend last weekend because I was in school. When I finally logged on, I was greeted by new messages. And I saw one from a fellow KDian, and it went along the lines of:

“You look really skinny and sickly in this picture…” Continue reading

Piers Morgan blasts the Dolce and Gabbana boycott, says it’s another word for bullying

_54288832_piers_morgan_bbcPiers Morgan has savaged the boycott of Dolce and Gabbana after the pair’s dismissal of ‘non-traditional’ families – claiming that a boycott is “just another word for bullying”.

Legendary fashion designers Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana – who are gay themselves – made the controversial comments in an interview this week, when they said in part: “We oppose gay adoptions. The only family is the traditional one. No chemical offsprings and rented uterus: life has a natural flow, there are things that should not be changed.”

Sir Elton John – who has sons Zachary and Elijah with his husband David Furnish – told the pair: ” How dare you refer to my beautiful children as ‘synthetic’… your archaic thinking is out of step with the times, just like your fashions. I shall never wear Dolce and Gabbana ever again.”

Writing in the Mail, former journalist Piers Morgan said that while he supports gay rights and supports Sir Elton, he believes boycotts are “bullying”. Continue reading


Blog_Love And Sex In The City 02“Who is gay?” Tonia asked again.

She finally settled her gaze on me. Whether she was looking to me for the answer, or she knew I was the one she was asking about, I had no idea.

However, I took a deep inhalation, mentally bracing myself for her reaction, and answered, “I am. I am gay.”

The quietness that followed after my admission appeared suspended, with emotions held up by the tentative grasp of uncertainty. I waited. Fabian waited. And Tonia stood there, staring at me, her expressive face revealing the effort she was expending mentally to process this.

Then her eyes softened, and her lips tilted upward in a small smile, before she raised a hand to my chin. “Oh DeeDee,” she murmured. “How long have you had to carry this burden all on your own?”

“Wait, Tonia…are you supporting this?” Fabian cut in heatedly. Continue reading


151-53919new_extra_baggage_600x260Author’s Note: This story is a mixture of both fiction and reality but based on recent events surrounding a person who meant something to me at one point. Any resemblance in characters or misrepresentation of places or events is highly regrettable.

January 5th 2015

My phone rang. The Caller ID read ‘Gandalf.’

“I was just thinking about you now sef. I planned on calling later tonight,” I said. “I thought you’d be busy with all your fellow wizards or something.”

“Good, save your airtime, as I’ve got one better. When can you come home?” Gandalf asked.

“Hian! Just like that? Where would I even get a ticket at this time of the year to begin with mbok ette?” I asked.

“Just answer the question and stop asking me stupid questions. Did you think I hadn’t considered that?”

“Don’t be such a grumpy old man,” I said. “The original Gandalf was never grumpy, plus it’s bad for your skin and can cause wrinkles. I’m your only gay son, so I know.” Continue reading


Blog_Love And Sex In The City 02Uneasiness pooled at the pit of my stomach like a thick Harmattan fog as I climbed the steps toward my bedroom. A myriad of thoughts ran through my mind over the reason why my father would want to speak to us. It wasn’t that unusual, him talking to his children. There’d been a talk when Tonia started dating Eric, and he wanted to impress on us the responsibilities that came with living the adult life. There’d been another talk when I became recalcitrant to my mother’s admonishments over the issue of my church attendance. Dad doesn’t like making a fuss; his parenting is easy, laidback. Mum is the firebrand. And this makes him the parent none of us challenges. His voice calms storms, and his words commands regard. The old man always seems to know what to say.

But what will he say in this situation? the Voice queried.

I don’t know… Maybe he doesn’t know… Maybe Fabian hasn’t told him… I answered silently.

Right. And maybe, you’ll get married to a woman tomorrow. What other thing could he possibly say he wants to talk about in that grave tone?

To caution me on the number of nights I’ve been spending out lately?

With your brother and cousin as the audience? Continue reading