Carl’s Existentialism IV

Blog_Carl’s ExistentialismWhen we were younger, our parents, friends or life introduced movies or music and many more emotional triggers that influenced us. In some ways, these sources of entertainment or situations that we experienced shaped a number of our ideals, or just made us blossom fully into who we are. Barring one of my best friends, no one knows how emotionally vested I am in the world and things around me. I am easily moved to tears. When I watched The New Legend of Shaolin, my heart broke and eyes brimmed with the treatment of Hei-Kung and Man Ting. After watching The Lion King, I sobbed at the betrayal that came from one’s own brother. When Titanic ended, I jejely got up from the chair in the living room, went to the bathroom, and wailed my being out on the floor. I was overcome with emotions for the suffering of characters, who I thought were real. (How could I have thought this? LOL) Continue reading

JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 31)

Blog_KD JournalMarch 7

I just found out two people on my contact list are gay, and they are brothers! I know it happens, but still – Damn!

I got a warm fuzzy feeling and I am so happy for them because they have each other and they are family and that even brings them closer together. And there and then, I realised I wished I had a gay brother.

Do I hear gasps?! How can I be so cruel, you say. Wish the curse of homosexuality on my brothers?! Do I not care for them? Why would I want to allow anyone to go through the rigors of what it is to be gay in a country like this?

Well, for one thing, I know that having a gay brother would make my life so much easier, and his too, because I know the fear of abandonment by family members would not be too pronounced and I’d have someone who has my back even subtly. And being gay isn’t a curse for chrissakes. It’s hard, yes. But it’s only so because of where we are. Continue reading

JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 28)

Blog_KD JournalJanuary 31

Okay… I didn’t want to put anything up this Sunday, because I didn’t have much to write. Actually I had something to write, but I wondered if it would be a bad thing if I put it up. But then I thought, what the heck… All these people know I have a boring journal about my life on a really popular gay blog, but decide to still say and do the things they say and do.

So… This isn’t to spite anyone. This is just me doing what I do, recording my life for those interested in it to read.

It was a fateful morning, not sure what day it was… I was asleep and dreaming about my cat, Chuks, when I was awakened by a knock. I was naked on my bed, so I asked who it was. There was a faint reply. I thought it must be some neighbour chick of mine who I was crushing mildly on, and so I wrapped my bedsheets around my waist and opened the door.

On my threshold was my ex, Duke.

Wonderful. Continue reading

JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 27)

Blog_KD JournalJanuary 23

My money haf almost finish o. Lol.  You see ehn, most adults forget what it’s like to write exams. I cannot afford to cook when I have mounds of parasites, drugs and pathological names to remember. Also my active brain needs nourishment, and if I crave dominos and coldstone, I will go ahead and buy them, because I am relieving stress (By the way, don’t mix ice cream and pizza, unless you have weird taste buds like me).

So, that was my argument with my dad. Not exactly like that. I can be spoilt but I’m not that spoilt. I did tell him that I used most of the money on food and since I didn’t have time to cook, most of it was gone. I also lost my ID card and I had to spend money in the process of retrieving it. And I’ve spent quite a lot of cash on these expensive Nigerian data plans, downloading YouTube videos to supplement my knowledge and streaming porn to jerk off with when I feel über-stressed and need to relax (I didn’t add that one sha). Continue reading

Sam Smith Doesn’t Need Grindr When He Can Have His Pick From Music Video Extras Hanging Around

260182-15be5e38-857f-11e4-9f59-4e93e361b697Sam Smith rose to the top of the pop charts by baring his broken heart to the world, but now he’s met someone who will keep the shattered pieces velcroed together for a while.

Sam met Jonathan on the set of his music video (who needs Grindr when you’ve got an international music career?) for ‘Like I Can,’ where Jonathan (pictured left) was one of 20 extras dolled up in a penguin suit and hitting the town with Sam.

Here’s the chorus to the song, which doubles as a pretty solid pickup line:

Why are you looking down all the wrong roads?

When mine is the heart and the salt of the soul

There may be lovers who hold out their hands

But they’ll never love you like I can, can, can

They’ll never love you like I can, can Continue reading

EMOTIONS ARE MESSY

singles 9There’s nothing I hate more than laundry, I thought to myself one hot sunny Saturday afternoon as I spread the last T-shirt on the laundry line in the backyard. At least I’m done this time.

I headed back inside, locked the back door, and made my way to the living room, collapsing promptly on the couch. Minutes later, boredom set in, and I reached for my phone. I saw the blinking notification light, and it was a BBM message from Chibuzor, my friend with many delicious benefits.

‘Hey,’ he’d said.

I grinned to myself and replied, ‘Heeey, you sexy thing.’ Continue reading

JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 22)

Blog_KD JournalDecember 4

I’ve got a long list of ex lovers. They’ll tell you I’m insane.

Taylor, you get me so well. My list isn’t as long as yours though. But I still love you.

Anyhoo…I’ve got my phone back and all is right with the world once again. I do hope it doesn’t fuck me up anytime soon again.

I have decided to sing during my faculty week that’s coming up in the next two weeks. I be nervous as hell, but I think it’s time I allowed myself perform in front of a small crowd. I’m not extremely good with the guitar, because I consider my voice my main instrument, but even then, I know people that are waaaay better than me in singing. I was in Port Harcourt recently (don’t ask what I went to do there) and I visited a karaoke bar, and this guy sang three songs and did fabulously well. The bar gave him an ovation and it just made me feel like my voice was bland and boring. Nonetheless, I sang a couple of songs and though it wasn’t exactly a hit, I held my own down.

The kind if singer I hope to be is one that can channel emotion through his voice. Make people feel happy or sad or melancholy and whatnot. Not just someone who can sing and knows how to do riffs and runs. Songs that are memorable to me are those that can channel their emotions to me and I can feel or at least understand what the singer is feeling.

I’ve picked the songs I’d like to sing – Amnesia by Five Seconds Of Summer, and Stardust by Mikka. I can connect to these songs on an emotional level and they seem relatively easy. I’ve done covers of them and people liked them. Maybe if anyone is interested in hearing, they could drop their email addresses with Pinky and I’ll send the file across. But singing a song into a recorder and actually singing to a crowd are two different things. Well… wish me luck and I hope I don’t choke.

Online shopping can be addictive. My mum is out of the country and I’ve been shipping things to her to bring back home for me. I won’t be surprised if my parents cut down my pocket money or I get an interrogation on where I’m getting my money from. I won’t put it past my mum to ask, “I hope it’s not that you are doing that thing and they are giving you money for it,” and I will give her my best innocent look and say, “What thing?” Then skip merrily away with my new found property.

I prefer to buy gadgets over clothes. I have only three pairs of footwear. One for when I want to be cooperate, a pair of All Stars (probably fake), and a pair of fabulous rubber slippers that look like leather (I call them my fabulous slippers). I don’t get people that have more than five pairs of shoes, especially when they use their money to buy them. What is wrong with you people!!!

I be keeping meh hair in a ‘fro and people love it! Me sef, I love it. I’m not one to care about looks (ain’t nobody got time for that!) But once in a while I find a look I like and I stick to it.

One night, I lay up wondering whether secrets are good for a relationship. Like things from one’s past. I think it can be good. As much as it’s great to know all about a person, there’s the slight chance it would get boring, right? But then again, there are some things that shouldn’t be kept from your partner. So I figured it’s just one of those things where moderation comes in. Some things should not necessarily be said. A friend (*coughs*) told me of how he spent the weekend with his boyfriend in a friend’s lovely house. Some weeks later, the boyfriend sort of offhandedly mentioned that he and that friend had shagged many times, and my friend just felt really awkward about it. It might be a bit silly… but I totally see myself in my friend’s shoes. (*coughs again*)

I stop typing here. Reward yourself with a cookie if you read this and didn’t fall asleep. Buh bye.

Written by James