JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 41)

Blog_James' JournalJune 27

I don’t have too much to say.

I watched Noah’s Arc, the movie, and it put me in my feels. The acting wasn’t superb, but the story was so sweet, and I love how they addressed issues like condom use, gender roles and how it’s linked to gay sex roles, etc.

So I decided to tell an acquaintance who I was chatting with about it. He said he knows about Noah’s Arc, but that he doesn’t watch it. When I asked why, he said the show is too queer.

I felt myself tighten up like a tiger ready to pounce. How dare he call something “too queer”? What does “too queer” even mean? But I told myself to relax. Maybe this was a chance to educate someone.

So I asked him if they portrayed an aspect of homosexuality he found uncomfortable. Continue reading

‘Looking’ Star Russell Tovey And Those Comments About Effeminate Gay Men

Arqiva British Academy Television Awards 2013 - Red Carpet ArrivalsOn Sunday, Looking star Russell Tovey spoke to the UK’s The Guardian about his life, career, etc. In the interview, Tovey made some comments about presenting as more traditionally masculine that ruffled some feathers online.

“I feel like I could have been really effeminate, if I hadn’t gone to the school I went to,” said Tovey. “Where I felt like I had to toughen up. If I’d have been able to relax, prance around, sing in the street, I might be a different person now. I thank my dad for that, for not allowing me to go down that path. Because it’s probably given me the unique quality that people think I have.”

In response to the backlash that his comments received, Tovey took to Twitter to put out an apology of sorts. Continue reading

Dear KD: He Wants To Dance, And We Wish He Won’t

blackmentalkingThis is going to be a very unpopular ask for advice. I know that, having been a part of this forum for some time now. But I still have to ask anyway. It isn’t in my interest. It is in the interest of my very close friend.

This friend of mine is effeminate, a typical example of Alex Newell from Glee, and his femininity can be perceived five blocks away from him. And because of it, he has never being too far from scandals.

He once participated in a freestyle dance at our school’s inter-faculty dance contest. He rocked his body like Beyoncé and Shakira combined, and of course he won the contest, right along with heavy and scornful speculation of his sexuality. Those of us who are his close friends weren’t spared; we also came under the fierce, unfriendly scrutiny of the speculation.

Fast forward two years later, and he wants to represent his faculty officially at the upcoming inter-faculty dance competition. And yes, he is all set to rock some nasty moves. We, his friends, do not want ‎him to dance, because he has too many baggage and we don’t want him to incur more of it. He seems adamant to go ahead with the dance. We are worried, and I would like some direction on what we should do from you guys. Thanks.

Submitted by Saúde

RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 3)

Blog_Rantings Of A Random (GAY) NigerianMy cousin is visiting and spending some time with me. When she called to tell me that she was coming, I agreed reluctantly, because I did not want to be the Wizard of Oz. What is funny and weird is that, unlike I would have done in the past, I did not go about clearing ‘evidence’ from my house. I do know that if she looks around closely, she’ll probably find a tube of astroglide (which is way better than KY Jelly, by the way) lying around somewhere, and maybe some condoms too. I just did not care and quite frankly, I felt if she found anything and gave me any stress, I’d kick her out. No time.

Now, I am no Bree Van De Kamp, as my bedroom is usually a chaotic mess. However, I thrive in the chaos, and as disorganized as my room often appears to be, I know where everything is. My sweet cousin however thought it wise to clean up my room, and when I got back from work, I practically had a panic attack when I saw the room. All my post-its which I stuck around the room to remind me of stuff to do were all arranged in one part of the room; my notes from Business School were neatly arranged, even though I had scattered and separated them according to modules; my books were stacked neatly, as opposed to the them lying scattered on my desk in the manner I preferred while reading concurrently from them. I totally freaked out and lashed out on her verbally, which I regret in hindsight, as she was only trying to help. This further reminds me why I cannot share my space with someone for life. Continue reading

JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 4)

Blog_KD JournalMay 5

What to write. Lol.

Well, Duke and I seem to have improved. We talk more often now. I also got Ed Sheeran’s album and I’m loving it. I know people would have got it ages ago but I like to take my time to get albums.

I want to write a story. A nice story. About a guy who is in love with his best friend. That would just be the starting. It won’t be centered on their relationship. That won’t be realistic.

I’m beginning to question if love lasts forever. I was talking to someone and he said he’s really liking some dude but they won’t date because there is no future in it. We Nigerian gays have it bad. It’s just sex, you know. And even when we do get into a relationship, we don’t take it serious. We cheat anyhow and that’s because we feel there’s no future in being with one person.

In my opinion, future or not, when you love someone, you give it your best shot. Might not be enough but you can actually say you did and it didn’t work and have no regrets. No need to wonder what would have happened if you tried a little bit harder. Continue reading

10 REASONS WHY YOU CANNOT SAY “STRAIGHT-ACTING”

Gesture_raised_fist_with_thumb_and_pinky_lifted1. You are not straight.

2. You suggest there is a set way straight guys act.

3. You suggest there is a set way gay guys act.

4. You know 2 and 3 are stereotypes, not to talk of ridiculous.

5. You see, even if 2 and 3 were a little true, then “straight-acting” would be synonym for “pretending to be someone else”, and unless you’re between a script and camera lights, well…

6. You set a precursor to prejudice against effeminate men.

7. You endorse the suppression of self-expression.

8. You endorse heteronormativity.

9. You raise problematic concerns about gender, misogyny and patriarchy.

10. You just can’t.

PS:

The right to your preferences? Yes.

The right to your prejudices? No.

Written by Absalom

WHAT IS ‘STRAIGHT-ACTING’ ANYWAY?

06-effeminate-060912It was a Friday and I was happy. It had been a terrible week at work, with me throwing tantrums a few times from the pressure. I was happy to get home, have a few drinks and hook up with a nice guy (don’t we all?). So after I got home, logged into xxxxx.com (sorry I had to cross that out), I had a new message (clearly Aphrodite was happy with me). I read the message, he dropped a blackberry pin and I went ahead to read his profile. I loved it, the profile picture was hot, I was drooling until I saw…“likes straight acting guys only”. I just sighed, logged out and went into the room to sleep.

I hate the term ‘straight acting’, and I will tell you why. We live in an extremely homophobic society, a society that doesn’t believe in the diversity of humans. A society that regards any sexual relations out of that between a man and a woman as abnormal. Now when we use the term ‘straight acting’, are we endorsing the position that heterosexuality is the right way? And that in order to validate ourselves, do we have to behave in a certain way that is deemed straight acting? Continue reading