HIS COMING OUT STORY (Edition 3)

coming-out-of-the-closet“I’m Gay.”

I finally dared to look up. I wasn’t sure what I saw those eyes. Could it be pain? Anger? Shock? I couldn’t define it. I looked back down at my feet. I just had my pedicure done and at the moment, it was the most beautiful thing I could stare at. It gave me joy and sudden hope that whatever the outcome, these beautiful feet would take me to a place where I can be me.

“Are you sure? Why didn’t you ever tell me?” The voice sounded so far and strangled, I couldn’t recognize it.

I looked up from my feet and met those eyes with a piercing gaze of my own. Why? You’re seriously asking that question? Really? Give me one good reason why I should have told you? You always had something hurting to say when the word ‘homosexual’ comes on the news or is randomly passed around by your club members during afternoon tea and some crumpets. Tell me how I could have said something to someone who has an agenda against us. TELL ME!

“What? What do you mean?” My words came choked up. Continue reading

LOVE AND SEX IN THE CITY (Episode 32)

Blog_Love And Sex In The City 02“Who is gay?” Tonia asked again.

She finally settled her gaze on me. Whether she was looking to me for the answer, or she knew I was the one she was asking about, I had no idea.

However, I took a deep inhalation, mentally bracing myself for her reaction, and answered, “I am. I am gay.”

The quietness that followed after my admission appeared suspended, with emotions held up by the tentative grasp of uncertainty. I waited. Fabian waited. And Tonia stood there, staring at me, her expressive face revealing the effort she was expending mentally to process this.

Then her eyes softened, and her lips tilted upward in a small smile, before she raised a hand to my chin. “Oh DeeDee,” she murmured. “How long have you had to carry this burden all on your own?”

“Wait, Tonia…are you supporting this?” Fabian cut in heatedly. Continue reading

What’s On Your Mind?

Blog_What's On Your MindWell, I’m glad you asked.

In a minute, I’ll tell you.

Dennis has his weekly rants, James has his journals, Bobby has his Behind-the-HIV-scenes series, and Pinky’s Loving and Sexing in Lagos City are anxiously looked forward to each week. I have come to realize that I, like most of us on here, witness and create rant-worthy or journal-worthy events on a regular basis. And so, drawing inspiration from these KDian literary works, this is an attempt to share with us all a few of my musings as well . . . you know, to tell you what’s on my mind. And No, I am way lazier than PP, DM, Bobby or James, and so, my musings will likely not be a weekly affair; they will be far less frequent. However, if and whenever they do pop up here, I’d love to hear your thoughts, advice, suggestions, observations, whatever you gat. Bring it on!

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So, yea, that thing on my mind… Continue reading

Empire’s Jussie Smollett Comes Out, Says ‘There Is No Closet.’

rs_560x415-150309083750-634-ellen-Jussie-Smollett-.ls.3915_copyThere’s been a lot of speculation about Empire actor Jussie Smollett’s sexuality since the show has risen in popularity, fueled in part by his reluctance to talk about his personal life in the media. Now he’s made a special appearance with Ellen to sort-of-kinda-come out.

Jussie plays a gay role on the show, and last week, in a recent Q&A, his costar Malik Yoba was asked about the success of the series and its impact, and specifically brought up the gay representation on the show. He said:

“I think that our show represents a huge opportunity to stay in the culture beyond entertainment value and there’s an intrinsic nature of you have the gay factor, right? So, obviously, Lee (Daniels, co-creator) is gay. That was an important storyline for him. I think it’s important for people to see themselves. Even within the Black community. But if you aren’t really, really taking it off of screen and making it live in the community in a significant way … like I know Jussie, he is gay, and he’s very committed to issues around the LGBT community. He and I have a very close relationship.”

Many on social media were upset that Yoba apparently outed his costar. Continue reading

LOVE AND SEX IN THE CITY (Episode 31)

Blog_Love And Sex In The City 02Uneasiness pooled at the pit of my stomach like a thick Harmattan fog as I climbed the steps toward my bedroom. A myriad of thoughts ran through my mind over the reason why my father would want to speak to us. It wasn’t that unusual, him talking to his children. There’d been a talk when Tonia started dating Eric, and he wanted to impress on us the responsibilities that came with living the adult life. There’d been another talk when I became recalcitrant to my mother’s admonishments over the issue of my church attendance. Dad doesn’t like making a fuss; his parenting is easy, laidback. Mum is the firebrand. And this makes him the parent none of us challenges. His voice calms storms, and his words commands regard. The old man always seems to know what to say.

But what will he say in this situation? the Voice queried.

I don’t know… Maybe he doesn’t know… Maybe Fabian hasn’t told him… I answered silently.

Right. And maybe, you’ll get married to a woman tomorrow. What other thing could he possibly say he wants to talk about in that grave tone?

To caution me on the number of nights I’ve been spending out lately?

With your brother and cousin as the audience? Continue reading

Let’s Discuss…about Doing Things Differently

IMG_20150130_143724_4389FOREWORD: I would like to apologize for the two-day hiatus recently experienced here on KD by the admin. This was a consequence of an extenuating circumstance, one which has been resolved, and hopefully will not persist.

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I was recently chatting with a friend, and he let on to me that he believes he’s gay because he grew up with males. There was a custody battle over him when he was a kid in the States, and the judge ultimately let the decision of who he wanted to live with rest with him. Predictably, he chose his mother. Mother soon went on to marry a widower with three sons of his own. The youngest was a year older than my friend, and was his first sexual encounter some years later. These days, he’s still struggling with his sexual identity, and clings to the belief that his homosexuality is a choice he can put away when he’s good and ready. Whenever such a time is.

At the end of his narration, I asked him, “If you could go back to the time when the judge asked you who you’d like to live with, would you change your decision?” Continue reading

‘I’d rather live so I can keep fighting.’ – Bisi Alimi

bisi 1In an interview with Blanck Digital magazine, Nigerian gay activist, Bisi Alimi says he can’t come to Nigeria because he’s scared for his life. Bisi who came out as gay on National TV many years back has been living in the UK since 2007. Bisi says Homosexuality can be accepted in Africa as Africans are neither idiots nor senseless.

“Since I left Nigeria in 2007 I have never been back, it’s not a safe place for me. It would be sheer foolishness on my part to go back to Nigeria after the failed attempt on my life or the never ending run-ins I had with the police. It is one thing to be a martyr and another to live to fight another day, and I think I would rather want to live so I can keep fighting.

More excerpts of the interview after the cut. Continue reading

Let’s Discuss…About The Visibility Of What Society Doesn’t Want To See

Blog_Let's DiscussA friend of mine and follower of KD wanted to know, a couple of days ago, what comment made in disparagement of someone’s HIV status that brought on the collective wrath of the blog. I directed him to the contentious post, and when he was done, he returned to our private chat with an opinion about the KDian who shared his HIV story on KD: “Not a good move, if I must say… smh.”

And so the following is a bit of how our chatversation went after this tersely expressed opinion.

ME: Why? Why was it not a good move to share something to inspire people? Because someone will have something bad to say? So, by that standard, Kenny Badmus should not have talked about his coming out as well?

DUDE: Do you not see the resultant effect? Besides, Coming Out and HIV issue are two different things.

ME: Oh really? Educate me. Continue reading

NOW, A THOUGHT FOR KENNY BADMUS’ WIFE

Spanish F1 Grand Prix - RaceWritten by Akin Akintayo, and originally published on akinblog.nl

On the one hand, praise.

A couple of days ago, I celebrated the coming out of Kenny Badmus on both the matter of his sexuality and HIV-status with the hope that his decision will give strength and encouragement to the many who suffer under the societal strictures of conformity and despair.

However, it was impossible for the matter to just end there, because there was one key guiding principle that I had to revisit after a bit of reflection and discussion, the one of people who are hurt by those actions we take when we are faced with other difficult options we refuse to choose.

Now, Kenny Badmus said he learnt this from his father: “Die for your own truth, even if it’s unpopular, but don’t harm others with it.” Indeed, I believe there is a very strong influence of this in his decision to accept who he is, but that lesson has come long after damage has been done.

On the other hand, however… Continue reading