MY QUESTION ABOUT CHEATING

g44I’ve never dated a man whose faithfulness I couldn’t vouch for. But, more importantly, it has never bothered me what my boyfriends might get up to behind my back. I asked my first boyfriend, M, to cheat if he wanted to, if sex with me wasn’t great. Actually, it wasn’t at first – poor him! We were age mates but he was about eight years ahead in sexual experience. It was hard enough being a learner; it was worse feeling like I had to play catch-up to his level in the quickest possible time. (Tick-tock!) So, he had my permission to do as he pleased behind me. As long as we kept the relationship going; emotionally, I still needed him, and I know he loved me.

He turned down the bonanza, the idiot. Said he wouldn’t do it unless it was a threesome. I shrugged: his choice, his loss.

Now, years of watching people hurt and feel betrayed over being “cheated on” has left me with more questions than conclusions. These questions are based on an understanding of Love and Sex, and although the two are best together, this is not always the case. In English: two people can love without sex or “too much” of it (as in the case of my parents who I doubt still rip each other’s clothes off every chance they get); and two people can have regular sex without caring about each other (as in No Strings Attached fun).

My dictionary says cheating is when you secretly have sex with someone who’s not your partner. Continue reading

FLEETING DESIRE

med911021This is the debut piece of KDian, La-Coozee, a short work of fiction. Read and enjoy.

*

At first, I thought him odd. The easy way he smiled, the breezy cologne he had on, the garish stripes on his shirt all contributed to my perception of him. And then, in a hoarse voice scented by Mentos, he turned to me in the bus and said, “I’m Fintan.”

In all the months of our relationship, months when we had hasty sex in my Obalende flat, months when he drove me to Shoprite in his vanilla-scented car, months when he cooked spaghetti garnished with Titus sardines for me, it did not occur to me to ask what his name meant, to ask him about the necessary things, to tell him my fears.

Perhaps that was why we broke up, or there were other things I would never be able to identify. Continue reading

Let’s Discuss…About Open Relationships

Gay LoveIt’s a question of which is better: an exclusive relationship or an open one. Sounds like a no-brainer, right? The answer is pretty obvious. I mean, who wants to share his man with another?

I was having a dialogue with a good friend of mine on the issue of gay relationships, and he expressed an opinion on this, which I’d like to share with y’all. Read below:

‘Seriously, think about it. Exclusive relationships, especially in the gaybourhood, even more especially in Nigeria, on the average, have a shelf life of two months. If you have on the very rare occasion dated someone EXCLUSIVELY for a year, you become a miracle.

‘Open relationships on the other hand, at least the few ones I know of, strangely last longer than the exclusive ones. Think about it. I mean, it should not be! Yet, it is! Continue reading

This Thing Called Cheating

n-gay-men-monogamy-large570Cheating isn’t something new to any of us. Many have done it, many others are planning to. Your dear bae who gives you head ten times before dawn probably had a raunchy session with some loafer while you were at work.

Over time, people tend to try to justify their cheating with excuses like,

*You don’t care about me anymore

*You don’t pay attention to me anymore

*You’re hardly around

*I hardly see you these days

*You don’t tell me you love me anymore

*I was horny and you were not around (I’ve actually heard that one before)

There are so many others. Continue reading

Let’s Discuss…About ‘Monitoring Spirits’

Blog_Let's DiscussTrust is a huge issue in any relationship, straight or gay, romantic or platonic. Trust is everything. Love may be a key ingredient in a relationship, but it still doesn’t bear as much import as Trust does.

That said, what you’re about to read below is a piece Sensei sent to me about a part of his past, and a relationship he had where the issue of Trust played a part in it. Check on it.

*

I believe I’m a simple, straightforward, honest guy. When I’m in an exclusive relationship, I’m focused and I stay faithful. Whether it makes me special or not isn’t the issue here. Perhaps I was wired to be that way, I don’t know. But I have learnt not to judge people who are different from me. It is their life and they are entitled to live as they please.

I have had a few relationships and some were quite dramatic and ended before they even started. Even though I know my boundaries and stay faithful to my partner, sometimes nothing can remove that psychological rat of suspicion that persistently nibbles at one’s trust of a partner. Continue reading

JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 6)

Blog_KD JournalJune 22

There’s this guy I recently started chatting with. Ola. My, my, my… he’s got a smoking body. His face is not all that, but I can always put a paper bag over his face or close my eyes and picture someone else. Lol. Okay, it’s not that bad, but still.

I’d love to get into his pants, but I’m resisting and hesitating because he’s bi. I don’t have anything against bisexual people. It’s just that, there are some that spell trouble for you if you get involved with them, and my instincts were telling me to stay away. He’s one of those guys who will thrash as long as it’s a hole, and he has little respect for those he’s thrashed, and I don’t want to be one of his trophies. He also seems like someone who would lash out drastically, if his sexuality or masculinity is questioned. I have a friend who was outed by some bisexual guy, who carried tales about how my friend purportedly seduced him.

And to make matters worse, I found out this Ola fellow doesn’t even kiss and all that… Blergh! Continue reading