LOVE AND SEX IN THE CITY (Episode 31)

Blog_Love And Sex In The City 02Uneasiness pooled at the pit of my stomach like a thick Harmattan fog as I climbed the steps toward my bedroom. A myriad of thoughts ran through my mind over the reason why my father would want to speak to us. It wasn’t that unusual, him talking to his children. There’d been a talk when Tonia started dating Eric, and he wanted to impress on us the responsibilities that came with living the adult life. There’d been another talk when I became recalcitrant to my mother’s admonishments over the issue of my church attendance. Dad doesn’t like making a fuss; his parenting is easy, laidback. Mum is the firebrand. And this makes him the parent none of us challenges. His voice calms storms, and his words commands regard. The old man always seems to know what to say.

But what will he say in this situation? the Voice queried.

I don’t know… Maybe he doesn’t know… Maybe Fabian hasn’t told him… I answered silently.

Right. And maybe, you’ll get married to a woman tomorrow. What other thing could he possibly say he wants to talk about in that grave tone?

To caution me on the number of nights I’ve been spending out lately?

With your brother and cousin as the audience? Continue reading

The Struggle With Validation

singles 19Like every other homosexual person, I had a truckload of esteem related issues. As a child, I always sought validation from my dad, who I never got along with. Looking back, I think on some level, he knew I was different and felt he could beat it out of me. So I struggled to earn the love that I wasn’t getting by trying to change and conform as best as I could. My life became about seeking validation and acceptance. I stopped living and started existing for family, friends, and community, and in a way, the society.

I lost myself in the process.

My dreams and aspirations took a back seat. I became obsessed with doing things that the world considered as “normal and acceptable”, from what to study and eventually studying a completely alien course, to just doing everything it took to be considered as one of the boys. I lost me.

With my obsession to please came a deep sense of loss, depression, paranoia and the feeling of constant bitterness. I became dark and moody. I morphed into a loner and kept to myself because I got frustrated with trying to please, but never doing enough regardless of how much I tried and sacrificed. I became good at playing the role of Number 2. You know, the good boy who is good friends with the notorious guy in school or in the neighborhood, the guy who rolls with the It crowd in class, but still manages to blend well with the geeks. All this was to help me not stand out. Standing out would attract attention, and attention would show that I was different. Continue reading

What They Say VI

BOOK Buble 1‘I grew up in a family that was full of love. My uncle Mike has been with my uncle Frank, they’ve been a couple for, 35 years. So when I grew up my mom and dad, in no uncertain terms, said you know Michael, a man can be in love with a man and a woman can be in love with a woman, and there’s no difference between people that are gay or straight. They’re born that way. It’s not something that can be learned or unlearned, or it’s not a phase or anything like that. This is something that you are born with.

‘And so I grew up, never seeing a difference between gay and straight people. Also, I grew up in Vancouver, that has one of the biggest gay communities, so of course, growing up in music and theatre all my friends, or most of my friends were gay or bi. This was something that was just normal for me. The thing is, what really got to me was that, I lived in this bubble, where because I came from this city that was completely tolerant and understanding, I thought that’s just how it was. And I moved to L.A. and it was the same way. People were very open about it and proud. Continue reading

NO SHAME, BABY! DO YOU!

kevin-terry-1FOREWORD: KD Support is now active! People needing virtual support can email us at kds.system14@gmail.com. And now, on to the post of the day…

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It has been over a year since Kevin Terry’s sex tape was leaked. Funny thing is, I haven’t thought about him since the incident, till I was on Bella Naija and I was going through the comments section of one of the posts about Kenny Brandmuse. The infamous Bruno wrote in defense of Kenny “…I want to know his story, it’s a shame he believes in a foolish slave masters religion…”

I understand where Bruno is coming from with this statement. Heck, sometimes I share the same sentiment, but the truth is: Being gay doesn’t mean you can’t believe in God. That is the reason why I remembered Kevin Terry.

You see, Kevin Terry (pictured above) was heading a fast-rising gospel group at the time called “Kevin Terry and Predestined”, and he was slowly developing a core fan base. Just as he was about to go major, his sex tape surfaced online. The video showed him giving some guy a blow job and the internet didn’t find it funny. A blooming career came to a crashing end. Continue reading

The Unfortunate Case Of Leelah Alcorn

HT_ht_joshua_leelah_alcorn1_ml_141231_16x9_992Seventeen years ago in Kings Mills, Ohio, a child was born into the Family of Mr. and Mrs. Alcorn. They named him Joshua. As a young child, Joshua was unusual; he was effeminate and loved to play in girl’s clothing. He loved dolls, long hair and other things that females are normally inclined to. At the age of four, he started feeling like a girl trapped in a boy’s body.

The family attended the Northeast Church of Christ in Cincinnati and Joshua was raised in a strict Christian home and was constantly fed with what most of our parents filled or do still fill us with – several doses of religious doctrines and ample bible texts.

At the age of fourteen, after several years of emotional torture living in the closet, he decided enough was enough, and decided to come out to his parents. He did and got a stern negative reaction from them. He also made it known to them that he wanted to be referred to as ‘she’ and Leelah, not Joshua. Continue reading

And If I Were Straight

FRAME_INFORMANTS_1.jpg.CROP.rectangle3-largeI clenched my teeth in anger, feeling the darts of his preaching pierce every part of me. I wanted so badly to scream and shut him up, to tackle him with my own arguments against his (and our collective) religious dogma. A dew of sweat trickled down my armpit, a testament to the uneasiness I felt as I sat on the rug in the mosque, sandwiched between two heavily-bearded and obvious Islamic radicals who nodded in agreement to all the imam was preaching, occasionally whispering “Allahu Akbar” and “Adhusubillahi” respectively to whenever God’s grace and blessings and abominable actions were mentioned by the imam. It was as though that elderly man at the front had me in mind when he chose the topic for the day’s jum’at service sermon.

“THE HORRIBLE ABOMINATION CALLED HOMOSEXUALS…”

My hands intermittently and instinctively clenched into fists, itching so badly to smash the jaws holding the thousand strands of long facial hair on the imam’s chin.

“Homosexuals would on the day of judgement be lined at the very bottom of the pit of hell,” he railed. “Right there, they shall suffer a very great torment, my brothers and sisters in Islam.” Continue reading

Let’s Discuss…About Private Demons

Blog_Let's DiscussBefore I opened the blog, Kito Diaries, I had to convince myself that it was the right thing to do. And one of the avenues I used for that reassurance was by seeking the opinion of a small number of my friends. When I tabled the issue before them, separately, they were split into three camps: those who encouraged me exuberantly to do it, those who weren’t sure whether I should do it, and those who were absolutely against the idea. The last category was made up the fewest number, and their reasons for their disapproval ranged from a variety of reasons including the protection of identity, the absurdity of the idea given the gay clime of the country, and the fact that I could be breaking a law. When I pointed out that Nigerian gay men could use this avenue to express themselves, one sarcastically pointed out that if any guys wanted to express himself on a gay blog, he could go do so on Paris Hilton’s. (That friend is now expressing himself on Kito Diaries, lol. Sorry, buddy, I couldn’t resist)

Among the friends who were averse to the idea of KD is one who is particularly close to me. (Let’s call him Kelvin) After I went ahead and opened KD, everyone in that category eventually came around to loving it; everyone that is, except Kelvin. He stuck to his obstinacy that KD is a bad idea, and rebuffed my efforts to convince him otherwise. When I sent links of KD updates to him, he expressly told me to stop. When I brought it up in conversations, he shut the topic down. It bothered me because I was starting to wonder if his professed concern for me endangering myself because of KD was all there was to his obstinacy. I’d told him how much the blog had grown to be a part of my life, and I felt that the least he owed me as a friend was listen to me about it.

And then, the sad eventuality began to happen. Continue reading

Nine-Year-Old Girl Writes Letter To Her Gay Teacher

File this under the file labeled ‘Awww.’ A 9-year-old girl handwrote her teacher this letter after he came out during a class lesson on homophobia, and it’s safe to say she aced this one.

Unfortunately there are millions of people in the world who aren’t quite as emotionally intelligent as a little girl. Come on, world, keep up.

Here’s what she wrote:letter-490x670 Continue reading

JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 23)

Blog_KD JournalDecember 9

I was in a pretty good mood for the most of last week. Then my mum came in like a wrecking ball and spoilt it for me.

I bought a flip case for my phone. It is sea-green with a black and white zigzag pattern. Not simple but not too complex, and I liked what I saw. It was on Amazon. So I bought it and sent to my mum to bring down to me when she returns. She received the package and beeped me. She said, “Why did you buy that kind of case for your phone?”

I was bewildered, wondering what on earth could be wrong with it. I showed a few of my friends the picture I saw and I trusted they would have told me if it raised red flags.

I ask her to send a picture. She replied with, “Why should I send a picture, didn’t you see a picture before you bought the case?”

I went back to my account and looked at the picture and I couldn’t figure out what on earth she was talking about.

Just then, she beeped me saying, “It has a chain on it like a bag, but I have removed it.”

I was sooooo confused then, because there was no chain on the picture I was looking at. From confusion, my mood changed to annoyance, then disappointment, and then sadness, when she typed and sent, “I will keep praying for you.” Continue reading

Even When In Rome

article-2362973-1AD18C76000005DC-547_634x423What I have to say is something most people do not know or readily talk about. Homophobia among Nigerians or Africans in diaspora is of major concern to me. I often hear of young Nigerians who have journeyed far away from home and away from the scourge of homophobia, to a land where they presume they can be free to be themselves and experience a new environment where they can meet people like them, and yet they cannot enjoy this new found freedom, thanks to the increasing number of African or Nigerian communities in the West.

We read about some very hurtful kito experiences in Nigeria and we cringe and sigh with disgust, but a young naïve boy/girl also experiences daily humiliation and gay-related hostility as a student living abroad, afraid of reporting to the authority for fear of being outed to his family back home or fear of rejection from his/her African community. Those who have actually dared to forget whatever ties they have with home and live their lives freely irrespective, deal with threats and name calling, snide remarks and sometimes discrimination when they encounter fellow Nigerians. Continue reading