LOVE AND SEX IN THE CITY (Episode 29)

When I woke up on that Monday morning, a week after the Sunday fiasco at Yinka’s place, I could hear Bryson in the shower. I remained lying in bed without moving, deliciously tired and content. There was a warm, wonderful glow inside me, and I didn’t want to move in case it went away.

I could see from the luminous dial of the clock perched on the nightstand that it was some minutes to 6am. And the glom of the dawn cloaked the inside of the room, not entirely hiding its unfamiliarity from me. In the two weeks since I began officially dating Bryson, last week was when I first visited him at his place, and subsequently began spending the night frequently with him, leaving for work from his bed. It was longer, more tedious commute, from Festac to Yaba, but the prospect of the passion expended on his sheets at night and the contentment that came from waking to his morning musk far outweighed the inconvenience of striving through the hectic traffic of the morning.

“You’re just in the honeymoon phase,” Yinka said when we talked on the phone on Thursday night, the third night I spent at Bryson’s place. “Everything with and about him seems so easy now, so blissful. It gives you the fortitude to simply breeze through everything else. Your parents could disown you now, and you wouldn’t mind. After all, you’ve got another daddy giving you what you truly need.”

I could imagine the impish expression on his face as he said that, and I roared with laughter at the imagination and his words.

LOVE AND SEX IN THE CITY (Episode 28)

“You skanky bitch!”

“I know, right,” I said with a chuckle, missing the venom in Adebola’s voice and misreading good humour in his words.

“You scheming little bitch!” he said caustically.

This time, I didn’t miss it. My head snapped around to face him and my eyes narrowed. “I beg your pardon?” I said.

“You guys never have enough, do you?” Adebola seethed. “You just can’t respect boundaries, can you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Bryson is my friend! My friend! And it was that friendship you ruined when you trotted your ass, like the shameless slut you are, in his face!”

“Excuse me!” I snapped, feeling my temper ignite. “Who the hell are you calling a shameless slut? And speaking of that night, perhaps you’d like to tell us next that it is possible for a dude to force his ass down on someone else’s dick when he’s not consenting!”

“You guys just can’t learn to leave my associations alone!” Adebola roared.

LOVE AND SEX IN THE CITY (Episode 27)

I swayed in my seat as the Keke-Napep swerved rightward to circumvent a pothole on the centre of the road. The breeze from the warm Sunday morning fanned across my face as I typed away on the keypad of my Blackberry.

It’d been exactly two weeks since that other Sunday morning of my near kito experience, since the day I met Bryson. And all of those two weeks had been unimaginably idyllic. I was happy, very happy, the kind of happy that R&B crooners talked about in their songs, all because of the reemergence of Bryson in my life, and I was on my way to Yinka’s place to reacquaint myself with my friends and their lives, which I’d unintentionally stayed away from the past two weeks.

The speed of the Keke-Napep began to drop as the driver drew up toward a mild hold-up. A big truck, some vehicles ahead of us, was gradually pulling out onto the main road from an exit ramp, and its slow progress was causing a delay in the traffic. The lull in the strength of the draft allowed for the dewing of mild perspiration across my forehead, and I began fanning the magazine in my hand across my face, leaning back against the well-worn leather of the passenger seat.

Staring sightlessly at the traffic in front, I let my mind get transported to that Sunday two weeks ago.

LOVE AND SEX IN THE CITY (Episode 26)

FOREWORD: Just a quick one, guys; if you’re on BBM, do kindly join the Kito Diaries BBM Channel. The pin is C00250513. Or you may scan the barcode below. Thanks. 🙂

*

Lagos on a Sunday morning was what I suspected other cities, sleepier metropolises, would be on a bustling day. There wasn’t the usual crush of pedestrians plying the sidewalks, and the roads weren’t encumbered with motorists impatient to get to their destinations and yet unable to make good on their haste. There were not a lot of passengers waiting at the bus stops, and as such, the minimal number of commercial buses in the traffic hurtled down the roads, only pausing for very brief stops.

The bus conveying me soon got to Oshodi, and the passengers alighted, some of them staying put when the conductor began yodeling, “Cele-Ilasa-Mile Toooo! Cele-Ilasa-Mile Toooo!”

I was headed for Mile Two, but I had had enough of the rickety heap the driver, himself as aged as his vehicle, was powering. In spite of the day, Oshodi was quite astir with activity, unwilling to succumb to the unhurriedness of Sunday, like a young mother reluctant to let go of her only child on his first play-date. The area didn’t have its characteristic horde of people and traffic, but there was still enough chaos and the day was warm enough to make me wish I was spending the day back home, in the comfort of my bedroom.

I soon located and got into another bus, a newer-looking vehicle with a younger man behind the wheel. Both driver and conductor were puffy-eyed, coarse-voiced and in good spirits, as though still riding the high from a very good last night.

Where are you now? Jaja pinged me the moment I got settled inside the bus.

LOVE AND SEX IN THE CITY (Episode 25)

RAINBOWMAN SUN 7: 02 AM

THE COMMANDMENTS ACCORDING TO THE GAY SCRIPTURES (Hate-ehros, stay away please)

1: Thou shall practice Safe Sex whenever and wherever you see thouself. Always slip on that CD. But if there’s none available at that moment, then wank! A raw Kporo and Shobo must not make contact to avoid taking ARTs for the rest of your life.

2: Thou shall not let a Shobo/Kporo go to waste. Whenever you’re presented with an opportunity, don’t waste it, but do this while putting the Number 1 rule in practice. This is because a wasted opportunity may not repeat itself again for you.

3: Thou shall not pay any visit to any guy you meet online especially if he’s unemployed, a student, keeps asking you to come over, has a shady appearance, appears too good to be true, is from Badoo, doesn’t know his Role when you asked him at first, tells you it’s his first time… Ask such a fellow to visit you or better still…RUN!

4: Be good at whatever you do. If it is dick-sucking, suck it well. Make him nut. If it’s kissing, kiss well. Don’t bite or kiss with an unclean breath. If you’re Bottom, take that Kporo properly, whyne that waist well and make him gasp your name. If you’re Top, pound that Shobo well, make it memorable. Make him sing hallelujah songs. Keep this particular commandment well, and trust me, he will always come back for more.

5: Market Importation is good and healthy: Stop doing roro in your neighbourhood. It is always better to import your market from afar, but please make sure the market is genuine to avoid Kito in your house.

Keep these rules and thou will be fine and well.

LOVE AND SEX IN THE CITY (Episode 24)

It was Saturday, and we were waiting for Dr. Ernest Ebiowei in Adebola’s house.

“Do we have to be in here already?” I complained as I shifted in my position.

Ekene giggled. “I like it, so cloak and dagger. I feel like 007 right now.”

“Only without the guns, the fancy gadgets, and the women,” Biola intoned.

“Definitely not the women,” Jonathan interjected as the four of us laughed.

“Well, what do you know,” I said, with a smile directed at him, “someone’s got his sense of humour back.”

He returned a wry smile at me. “I’m just glad you guys are here, doing this, helping me out.”

“Of course, of course,” I said. “We’ll always have your back any day.”

“Uh, the only back that should be the focus of the day should be Adebola’s,” Biola cut in. “His back on the ground is the reason Jonathan is getting out of this unfortunate situation. Let’s not forget that.”

A moment passed before Ekene said, “Uh…Biola?”

“Yes?”

LOVE AND SEX IN THE CITY (Episode 23)

FOREWORD: KD Support is now active! Volunteers and people needing virtual support can email us at kds.system14@gmail.com. And now, on to the post of the day…

*

“I think my boss knows about my sexual preference for guys, and he is acting like one determined to expose me.”

The rest of us stared at Jonathan, momentarily robbed of speech.

“Excuse me?” Biola was the first to break the silence with the words that revealed his incredulity.

“I don’t understand,” Eddie followed after. “What do you mean?”

“What don’t you understand?” Jonathan snapped. “My boss, Doctor Ebiowei, suspects something about me, and he is embarrassing me with whatever it is he knows.”

“How old is your boss?” I asked.

“I dunno…old…”

“Has he hit on you before?” Adebola asked.

“No.”

“Have you hit on him before?” Paschal asked.

“Are you kidding me with that question?” Jonathan returned coldly.

LOVE AND SEX IN THE CITY (Episode 22)

Guys, please, whenever y’all finish from your day this evening, come over to my place. I need to share an urgent situation with you. I need ideas. I need strategies. I need help!

I glanced for what has to be the umpteenth time at the broadcast that Jonathan sent in the morning. When I read it immediately after he sent it, I’d felt an instant anxiety over what the problem was. Jonathan is not one given to theatrics, so the tone of the message was very worrying. If either Ekene or Eddie had sent this, I wouldn’t be so bothered. I’d immediately pinged him back in the morning, but none of my messages delivered. When I tried calling him, he didn’t pick my calls. A quick succession of calls to the rest of the gang revealed nothing. Neither of them knew why Jonathan wanted to see us.

“I was even going to call you to find out if you knew what is going on with him,” Adebola said when I quizzed him.

“No, I don’t,” I replied.

“That’s odd.”

It was odd. The seven of us were best friends, but even within the gang, we had subtle factions, cliques made up of those who migrated more easily to one or two other persons than the others. Yinka, Ekene and I were a tighter-knit group, in much the same way that Biola and Adebola were, as well as Eddie and Paschal. Jonathan had always been the solitary one in the gang, primarily because he felt that the rest of us were gayer than he was. He after all had a woman in his life, and we didn’t.

LOVE AND SEX IN THE CITY (Episode 21)

Previously on Love And Sex In the City. . .

George Emoefe, a blast from Biola’s past steps back into his life, reintroducing himself as a guest to the gang’s Sunday ritual at Biola’s place. (Episode 19 & Episode 20)

*

Paschal turned to George and said with a bright smile, “Well, look who’s here! George Emoefe, what, in the devil’s nuts, are you doing back here, away from Sunday School?”

George smiled at him, a tad self consciously, and said, “Well, Sunday School is long over. So it’s safe to say that I did not cut class to come hang with you guys.”

A few chuckles broke out in the room as Biola said, “I saw him the day before yesterday at Obalende, on my way back home from work, and we got talking” – he lifted his shoulders in a careless shrug – “and so, I asked him if he would love to hang with us today.”

“And you said yes?” Ekene said dramatically, his widened eyes trained on George. “You said yes to hanging with poor sinners like us?” The smile on his face took the sting off his words.

George gave a small laugh. “Oh come on…” he started.

“Oh, have you backslidden?” Paschal interjected with a smirk.

LOVE AND SEX IN THE CITY (Episode 20)

Before anyone could react further to George’s presence in the room, someone shrieked, “What the fuck is this?!”

We were collectively startled, turning around toward the corridor, facing the guestroom from where the shout had come. There was the sound of a mild scuffle, before the same voice shrieked again, “You’re a bastard, Paschal! How can you do this to me? Is this what I came all the way here for?”

Then we heard the muted rumble of Paschal’s voice as he, no doubt, tried to cajole what seemed to be his enraged sex partner.

“What has he done to the poor boy, I wonder,” Ekene mused out loud.

“Given him piles perhaps?” Jonathan suggested, his lips twitching.

Yinka and Adebola chuckled as Biola said with a faintly cross look, “I hope that drama doesn’t lead to anyone breaking any of my things in there o.”

“Why, Biola, I think you might already be regretting your benevolence,” I gibed.