‘I Thought Sex Was Bad.’ – Binyavanga Wainaina

binyavanga...In a Facebook post, Kenyan writer, Binyavanga Wainaina, reveals his earliest turmoil as a gay man.

‘In my 20s, I wanted to be asexual. I let my body grow very fat (safe from desire). I become the group rustic – big dreads to hide under, oversize clothes, never shave, a story of huggable bear who never lets anybody close. I decided to love groups, buddies, cliques. Like many queers, become the class clown. Nobody asks you who u are with. U make sure they have no reason to ask you. You put out the vibe that u are beyond sex and loving. U are available to advise everybody. U are a public person, in your room you wank a lot. Alone. I did the work diligently of guiding everybody to not see me as a sexual person a person needing love. I was the highest defender of all closets. I made all those who love me expect little of me. I expected very little of me. It nearly destroyed me. I buried a friend who died of shame ..I would have expired the same way, slowly degraded again and again. Until I was thirty I really thought kisses were dirty. Every women I kissed sexually left me feeling wrong and dirty. So, I told myself sex itself is bad. It was a male escort who kissed me and made me feel I deserved to tingle from a kiss. Imagine that. A French Canadian man in Montreal. Imagine that. Fucker saved my life.’

32 thoughts on “‘I Thought Sex Was Bad.’ – Binyavanga Wainaina

      • @pinkpanthertb lol. Hopefully he or she will get that golden opportunity before checking out of this life 🙂

      • Haba! What is happening here? “A certain KDian?” Nna call the name jor. You people would just be walking on egg shells, call the name make I… err, some of us know who you’re talking about.

      • Look eh, did you want to spoil this my beautiful Saturday? Why did you send me on a suicide mission? What was some of that thrash I read? Look PP, you now owe me, you now owe me big time.

  1. Well im glad he got to love himself…might not be the brightess bird in the flock ( yellow eyes and black lips , the ultimate turn off. *shudders*) but, atleast he loves himself and that’s all there is – Loving yourself! Its something we all have to aspire to attain. Its apparent when ppl dont love themselves, it shows, even on an anonymous gay blog like this

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s