MY FEARS

my fearsFOREWORD: When I read this, my first emotion was surprise. Considering the person who sent it for publication, I could not believe the depth of vulnerability he showed himself capable of revealing, the way he did with this piece. In the heels of my surprise came admiration at how frank he was with the write-up.

So, here, check on it below. And let us know if you’ve got fears of your own.

*

When you meet me, you meet someone who has everything going for himself. Someone who gained admission into the university at a very young age; I’m not the first child, but I was the first to gain admission and to graduate amongst my siblings. I was even the youngest in my department; not that I was that young, but I attended a Federal University where you see papas and mamas in the same class with pikin. I came out tops in my class and have an award to show for it. I work in a very nice establishment, which I don’t see myself leaving anytime soon, even though the pay is not as much as I desire. I am the shining light in my family, the one that everyone comes to for advice. Once I am at home, the house is filled with laughter, because I have a sense of humor that is infectious. I am the friend you can run to when you have problems and you are sure of getting solutions. I am ever smiling. I am the first to get to work, and most times, the last to leave. I help my people when I’m needed and have secured the admiration of many around me. To the world, I am a perfect guy who has everything going on for him.

In spite of this, all the good things I seemingly have, I sometimes feel empty. There is a vacuum deep within me that nothing has been able to fill. I live a life filled with fears. I am scared of a lot of things, some of which I am here to share with you.

ONE: I fear that I have a prayer that won’t ever get answered.

I grew up in a Christian home and I think I am a good Christian. I attend church regularly and I also read my bible daily and I pray twice in a day. I have occupied various leadership positions in church over the years. I can’t imagine a life without Jesus and Christianity. I have tried over the years to keep away from sin. The Bible is against Homosexuality. My church is against Homosexuality. Yet, I am a Homosexual. Now, I have been to churches looking for ‘solution’ to my sexuality problems. I can’t remember the number of deliverance sessions I have put myself through. The first was when I was sixteen, and I did it in MFM. I did the one-week deliverance programme, which includes three-days dry fasting, without food and water. I suffered my flesh because I wanted to be rid of my sexuality. I pray every day asking for a change.

I persistently wondered why I was made this way. Most of the people I know have stories of how they became gay and such. I don’t have any such story. Nobody molested me. I can’t remember any life-changing event that turned me gay. I simply was. I simply am. Even my male classmates who were involved in some gay related activities in secondary school are all over that phase. They all have girlfriends and screw regularly, while I am still stuck in a loop. I believe God answers prayers. I pray a lot and my prayers get answered. And I wonder why my sexuality prayer does not work. I fear that this prayer will never be answered.

TWO: I fear that if I have sex with a guy, I am going to be afflicted by the spirits in the life of the sex partner.

Let me explain. Over the years, I have come to believe that sex is a covenant and that it involves blood, and that if two people have sex, their spirits will be intertwined. And so, if a girl for instance has fifty demons and she sleeps with a guy with fifty demons, the demons will interchange habitation between the two lovers. So, if I have sex with the girl, she would pass onto me both her fifty demons and the fifty demons she took on from the guy before me. And if I sleep with someone who has had sex with four other persons before me, four other persons with fifty demons each… Hopefully, you get the drift.

My fear of being afflicted by the demons in the life of a person is a driving force that made me to hold back from sex.

THREE: I fear that if I have sex with a guy, I will become so insatiable, I’d be promiscuous.

I know me, and I know that I get turned on by almost every hot guy I see on the road. I have been wearing tight briefs for the years because I know that I would surely have an erection wherever I go, even in the church. My urges are just barely controllable. I fear that if and when I have sex, the floodgates will be opened and I won’t be able to control myself and will end up being my slut.

FOUR: I fear that I am going to cheat on my wife.

I envy those who have made up their minds not to get married to a woman or to elope with a guy and live happy ever after. I really do. I don’t see myself marrying a guy. I decided not to have sex with a guy because I did not want to like gay sex more than heterosexual sex. But I am afraid that when I get married, I will sleep with the male help or the gardener or the driver or my wife’s brother. I am afraid that there will always be someone willing to have sex with me. I know that marriage won’t stop me from having sex with a guy. I know that for a fact. I might be able to control it but I know the feelings would surely be there. It would only be a matter of time for me to break.

FIVE: I fear the notoriety of the gaybourhood.

I officially started chatting with gay guys in early 2010 after I graduated from University. I met the first guy on Facebook and we got chatting. I am still in contact with my first gay friend, but I have never met him. I started adding people up and they became much, and then someone noticed and remarked to me about it, about how much gay friends I have on my list. And so, I had to delete almost all, and created a catfish Facebook account, where I began to make a lot of virtual friends, much more than my real account. This made me jealous of my fake self. And I deactivated the catfish account after a year of its use.

Anyway, I met a lot of guys online and became friends with them. However, back then, the only gay guy I met in real life was a guy I met on gaynigeria.com. (I don’t think the site is functional anymore) And I met him, because I wanted to buy black gay porn DVD. He had it and I was tired of watching clips. I met him twice. During that phase, whenever I bought porn and watched, I ended up feeling remorseful and deleting the porn from my laptop and breaking the CD plates.

I refused to meet guys because I did not want to be known by them. Back then, I feared becoming a popular face on television that most people I have met would see and start telling others that I am gay. And then the calls would start coming, and then the blackmails and the rest.

So I refused any meets, that is, until August last year. That was when I met the second gay guy. I met him because I really liked him and I thought we could have something together. We even met in my office. And he was the first guy I kissed and gave blowjob, right there in my office. I later realized that the guy was also as conflicted as I am, and so it did not work.

Since then I have met a handful of other gay guys, and I did not like most of them and did not meet them after the first time. I am afraid that I am meeting a lot of people and getting known in the gaybourhood. I am not ashamed of meeting gay guys. My fear stems from the fact that some guys love to talk. And I don’t want to be the guy they gossip about.

SIX: I fear the infection of HIV.

I am scared that I would be infected with this virus or a sexually transmitted disease, and will make my mother cry. I have had oral sex with about five of the guys I met; either I sucked them or they sucked me or we sucked each other off. In this five, I have had lap sex with two. And then very recently, I had penetrative sex with one. Although, a condom was used during the penetrative sex, I still have the nagging feeling that I need to go for a medical checkup. I am scared that I might have been infected. As I am writing this, I am waiting for the three-month window to be over before I go for the second test.

SEVEN: I fear that I will be outted to the world.

I am scared that a blogger will publish my name and pictures on the internet as a gay guy, and my family will find out from the media.

EIGHT: I fear that my love for young guys will put me in trouble one day.

What if I am caught watching porn in the office or someone reports me to the boss for having sex with him? I fear that I will become like that 30-something-year-old in my neighbourhood, who sleeps with every available young guy. One of his regular lays was a sixteen-year-old boy who lives close to him. He bought things for the boy, expensive things (a PS3 at one time), and the boy was such a big boy amongst his peers. His family thought the man was just a generous person, and did not suspect anything. Then, the boy became sick. His anus was leaking, they said. He was taken to the hospital and was asked what happened. It was then that the boy confessed to his parents that the man had been screwing him for long.

What if I end up like that man? What if all I use my money for is to attract young boys in order to sleep with them? I fear that I will end up being arrested and The Punch newspaper would write a feature story on my sexcapades, and neighbours would be interviewed and they will tell the world how they wondered why I always had different young guys over at my house on a daily basis whenever my wife was away on business trips. Then Linda Ikeji will share the story on her blog, and someone will upload the story on Nairaland. I would become a 45-year-old man who was arrested for molesting young guys, and my wife would have to leave the country with our five kids because the shame would be too much for her.  I would be jailed for fifteen years because the Gay Prohibition Act would be in full force by then, and I would be released at the age of 60 with no one to go to, no wife and kids. And no guy would like to be with me, because I would be a 60-year-old ex convict with a paunch and no money.

NINE: I fear that if I don’t meet someone who will feel for me the same things I feel for him, or if I don’t have enough sex, then I might be led to rape someone, which will get me brutally beaten, arrested or even outted.

TEN: I fear dangerous hookups.

I am scared that I will meet a creep who’ll kill me in my house, like a friend of mine who was killed by his lover. I fear that when this happens to me, nobody would know because I stay alone and I rarely come out when I’m home. I fear then that my body would decompose in my house, and my mother would call my number severally, and would not be able to reach me. And then, she’d call my former flat-mate who will come all the way from Kwali to my house, and he would use his key to enter the house, a key I felt too uncomfortable asking him to give back when he moved out. Then, he’d see my naked body covered with sperm and used condoms, and he would snap me with his Blackberry Torch camera and send the picture to my mother. I play over and over in my mind the look of horror my mother and sisters will get when they see such a gruesome sight. I fear my friend would not end it there; that he would show the picture to mutual friends who would know that I died while having sex. Maybe, someone would pass the pictures on to Linda Ikeji.

ELEVEN: I fear what will happen when I die.

I am scared that if I die, my family will go through my stuff and find condoms in my bag, gay porn in my laptop and phones; they would read my BBM and Whatsapp chats and see the kind of messages I have been sending to fellow guys. They would go through my phone’s gallery and see the nude pictures of guys in my phone. I am not scared of being outted to my family in my lifetime and in death. I fear that they will see things after I have passed which will make them realize that I am not the good and godly person I led them to believe.

TWELVE: I fear the afterlife.

What if God really does hate homosexuals? What if Heaven and Hell are real all along? What if I go to hell because of my sexuality? For having sex, watching porn, wanking, sex chatting or even thinking about having sex with Trey Songz, May D and Durella at the same time. How am I going to spend eternity in hell fire? I have tried to imagine how eternity would be. I have tried and failed to imagine it. I cannot see eternity and doing the same thing over and over again. I hate pain and I can’t stand it. What if hell is as bad as people who claim to have gone there and come back say it is? I shudder at the thought of it all being real. Despite the fact that I am a Christian and believe in Jesus, a part of me wishes that Christianity is a lie and there is no life after death. I wish we all die and fizzle away, never to be seen again. That would be better than spending eternity either in eternal anguish or endless happiness.

I have fears. I try to live my life to the fullest despite the fears. I try to be careful and to control my urges and emotions. That is what makes us different from animals, the power of control. I want to screw some my colleagues at work. I want to screw some of my church members. I want to screw the young son of a prophetess who stays close to my house. I want to screw the husky water seller who brings water for me every Saturday. I want to screw two brothers who operate a Football Viewing Centre in my area. I want to screw that bike man. I want to screw that Hausa mason who has three wives and helps repairs the house whenever there is a fault with the building. I want to screw that guy who comes to smoke weed close to the small stream at the back of my house. I want to screw everyone and be screwed.

But I won’t. I strive not to give in to my urges. I want to screw a lot of people, but I won’t let my desires screw me over. I determine to think with my head and not my dick. I won’t stop acquainting myself with guys online and making friends, but I sure as hell won’t meet everyone I meet online.

I am not going to apologize for being me and being careful. Nobody will be there when the chips get down.

I will not be a one-night stand kind of man. I won’t be the guy you call and tell to come to your house the same day just because you are horny and want to have sex. I won’t be a hookup kind of guy who sleeps with random strangers. I won’t meet you because I want to have sex with you. I will meet you because I like you. I won’t lose sight of the country we are in. and so, I will tailor my desires accordingly.

I am not as strong as you, as accepting as you, as liberal as you. I am simply not you.

I am me. I am Sinnex. And I have fears.

136 thoughts on “MY FEARS

  1. sinnex,your fears are perfectly normal but don’t allow it overwhelm you.
    1.) I grew up in a religious home too & all my schools were missionary except my postgraduate. I can’t really advise you here seeing I have drifted from organised religion & I’m perfectly contented with my lot now.

    2.) sex is a normal physiological need & to the best of my admittedly limited knowledge, have no spiritual undertone except when used as a former of ritual. hearing many men of God denounce what’s perfectly normal shaped your opinion .

    3.) being promiscuous is something you can control.

    4.) I have that fear too. I spoke to an MGM & he told me that you don’t kick something you haven’t tried. fidelity is a societal prescription by the way.

    5.) if you have the fear of being notorious in the gaybourhood,limit your associations to like-minded & matured gays AND stay away from gay parties.

    6.) safe sex make use of the Internet & read up on safe sex especially gay safe sex.

    7.) Nigeria is deeply homophobic & you must be careful at all times. if it happens though,preempt them by telling your family first.netter they hear from you than outsiders first.

    8.) nothing from me here. I’m not attracted to young boys

    9.) you won’t

    10.) who doesn’t? you should be careful with potential hookups. make it your policy not to have sex on 1st meeting & meet in a public place

    11.) your are dead & don’t know what’s happening in the world. your parents will destroy incriminating evidence as they are now the ones to face the music if it gets out.

    12.) I don’t believe there is an afterlife

  2. Sinnex a lot is going on in your head and I just want to give you a big hug. Some of your fears are rational and some are paranoid! You need to breathe, you need to feel alive and step outta yoir comfort zone.

    I am like the exact opposite of you and none of those things have happened to me. I think you need good friends more than anything. You just feel alone!

    The sex and demons part cracked me up **holds laff** I am sorry but do you really believe in such crap? **fails to hold laff, and bursts into hysterical laughter**

    I am sorry bro! Just do you and be happy

    • That is eh. The demon part had be in stitches. Like Wow. How on earth did sex develop such a twisted understanding for people. It is well o. Sinnex darling, sex doesnt have to be this spiritual thing with underworld connotations. It really is just plain physical release most of the time. you know, ‘Get on, get in, get out.’

    • Trust me, Dennis I believe that shit! That post I sent earlier to the blog about not hooking up with someone with weird body marks was spun out of this idealogy. Kids that were brought up in religious homes have so many wars to fight. Some ideologies are not that easy to let go off especially if that is all you were fed with. One day, I lost the opportunity for getting a great job that was promised me. You wouldn’t believe that I felt it was God punishing me for being gay and having gay sex.

      • I was brought up in a religious home oooo! Very strict one at that! I nearly became a catholic priest, which I do wish i did sef now cos nobody will bug me on marriage matter + id fuck all the altar boys #NoTime

        Anyways Even when I was young, I did not believe most of the crap I was being taught and when I became old enough, I handed mummy dearest her opium pipe. I have had enough!

        You guys need fresh air

  3. Yes well said Pete. This is a bit too heavy for me this morning.

    Sinnex I hear you, I feel for you but most of the fears you have are not because you are gay. Whichever way you swing, sounds to me like you are a “worrier” .

    Have you heard of CBT? Cognitive Behavioural Therapy? Look it up on line and get the books.

    And if there is a psychologist / therapist in the house please reach out to Sinnex.

    Oh Sinnex, by the way GOD LOVES HOMOSEXUALS. It may not say so in the Old Testament, but it’s all over the New Testament.

    I would also be weary of the pastor or church member/elder who harps on about gays going to hell and all that. 9 times out of 10, they just had their dicks sucked by a guy before coming to preach.

    I am a Christian. I am gay. My relationship with God is just that – My relationship with God. It is not Church members.

    Like I said to you 2 weeks ago or so…”Be Happy”☺️

  4. **Heavy Sigh**

    Hmmn!

    My life and fears flashing through my eyes via this post.
    Mine would be complete when u add insecurity into d mix! Insecurity has shown me shege! Meeting ppl is a chore nd it makes me feel like being gay is a heavy curse too! Am tired self. I hope I get over them shaa.

    And by d way, this had Sinnex written all over it from d start. And technically, he is not a virgin anymore…….. Or r we talking about ass virgin here?

    • **Gasping for air**

      OMG!!!
      Oh freaking MG!
      Dennis Macauley says am hot!
      **Grabs Pinky by d collar nd shakes him till his teeth rattles** He says am hot!! I am definitely hot then!
      Am gonna take his words nd wear it on a sash!
      Lmaooooooo!

      On a more serious note, my insecurites stems from deep within. Family didn’t help either……. Not much reassurance. Nd growing up as a real woman wrapper a.k.a. Nwoke-nwanyi didn’t help matters. Being d runt of d litter nd object to b picked on.

      And d icing on d cake came ten years ago with an accident that left a lasting scar. I lost my smile with it. Scared for life! Loner for good.

  5. This is deep! Sinnex, it is like you took your pen and wrote my life! My Mum has been asking me several times about my sudden love to be left alone and my mood swings. We don’t talk like we used to. One day, to my surprise, I told her to leave me alone. She was so shocked and I imagined her going to her room to cry because we were so close. She doesn’t know it has nothing to do with her.

    Virtually all these fears you listed haunt me everyday and I think being brought up in a deeply religious home contributed to it. Almost all of my life was spent in church or a religious gathering. Such things have a way of messing up with you and you are left hanging. Should you let go of this way that holds you and your family together or do you let go and a see everything you’ve ever believed in crash to the ground. Sinnex, I wish I could advise you but I am every bit just like you. And it becomes worse when everyone thinks you are the poster child for good behavior. If only they could see my chats, messages and I.G.

  6. This is just paranoia (No one should come here n scream IO)

    This is a very well written piece… I like very much.
    The sex and demons part reminds me of growing up attending MFM. So scary then became funny.

    … I think sinnex just over-thinks everything. It must be the melancholy working overtime. I suggest you just relax and let life happen.

  7. 1. Definitions of “promiscuity” are subjective. We don’t all have the same sex drives. Do you.

    2. Infidelity: You probably will cheat on your wife at this rate. More so as you’re suppressing a very important part of yourself. You’ve not even had enough sexual experience with men (which is your natural inclination) and then you slam a heterosexual marriage on top of that. I don’t know, but you sound like an explosion waiting to happen.

    *

    See, even in a jungle like Nigeria, you can still be a happy, content gay person. But you have to love yourself first. You have to accept yourself. I don’t think you’ve done that. Your closet is too tight. I could feel myself gasping for breath just reading this. All that suffocation! You’re balancing your sexuality against What People Think. You’re looking over your shoulder all the time.

    Can you, for once, think of what YOU think? Can you?

    When I use photos of drag queens on my DP, or when I used the wedding of the Prime Minister of Luxembourg as DP, I wasn’t thinking of what my BBM contacts will say. And they did say! And I answered all their questions; and even called one of my closest friends a homophobe. No time, man! This life is short.

    And stop seeing other gay people as different from you. Don’t be scared to associate freely and publicly. I was there once. But it’s something you outgrow at some point.

    Think of what YOU think. Leave people alone. Sometimes they are not even watching you; it’s all in your head!

    Hugs.

  8. I understand how u feel I to ave my own fears just keep praying n put everything to Gods hands n see his manefestation call me 08094234654

      • DM… I need that coffee too. I really need to join one group of coffee drinkers, looking over the brim of hot coffee and watching the steam rise while holding back shade.

    • And an eerie silence just descended on KD………………

      Have Mercy on him mother Pinky! He knoweth not d rules! Have mercy………….
      Iwe gi adina oku oh!

    • PP, am I safe?
      Anyway, I don’t think there is anything you tell me that would change anything. If you have any ‘solution’, you can share it here for everyone to learn from. Thanks!

      • DM is right , u do have a worrying personality. Reinforced by religion and everything. You won’t be transformed by an online lecture. Some life experiences, a change of country, might free you to see that there is more to life than this. Very touching write up.

  9. – Your are gay that’s not changing.
    – Demon, afterlife, prayers. It’s your choice to believe these things. Even if we tell you it’s all poppycock, it’s not like you’ll change your mind
    – If you do have sex, please use a condom. Always. This cannot be overemphasized.
    – If you do hook up, you have to be responsible. Oral sex in your office doesn’t sound very responsible.
    – There are are a lot of great gay people you’ll meet and have good friendships and relationships with.
    – If you want to get married and have a happy home. Having a stable gf and making her happy now is a step in the right direction. Your online encounters with dudes isn’t preparing you for the life you want.
    – If you lock your devices with a password (that you don’t tell anyone) no one will get into them without having to wipe them
    – You have to love yourself and accept yourself. It’s a recipe for having a better life.
    – Please don’t screw the husky water seller. Sounds like like trouble 🙂

  10. Hahahahahahahahahaha😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 I laughed through all this…
    Honey, its all in your head, all of it. You’re as paranoid as fuck.. **hands over the paranoia tiara**.. I thought I was paranoid… Yours is raised to power 100. I use to have those fears too.. Till I did the math.. Mathematics saved me. Chances of any of those happening are very low.
    You lock your phones and laptop don’t you?
    So even if you die, nobody is gonna be able to open it.. They’ll have to destroy all the data to open it. And the other fears you have are just irrational (paranoia). I think I might know who you are.
    So you’re not a virgin after all…I knew it was a lie.
    And also, you still have internalized homophobia… I know its hard to get rid of.. And you love church so much… You can only get rid of it if you stop paying so much attention to what the bible says about homosexuality.. Bible was written by humans after all.. Always take that into account. Everything you’re feeling has been felt by almost all of us at some point..
    Accept yourself dear and experience freedom and happiness.
    You’ll only become a sex freak if you want to(hello hoes! 🙂 ). Its not a function of having sex. Go out there and have fun..

  11. Oh my love. These are much. You need fixing and reorientation. You need to break free from the shackles of religion. A whole lot I want to say to you. You need to realise that in the long run, it is your happiness that matters, and not those of your family or anybody.

    • Oh yeah… He needs to be put in the ultimate platinum fixing regimen..
      His fears are just damn much..
      Reorientation too..

  12. Bhet wait ooo what is my own if people find out that I am gay after I die? I wont be around to witness the hate and rejection na! why will I be living and be obsessing over something that will happen AFTER I AM DEAD AND GONE?

    You guys need to chill and have some coffee

    • @Dennis: I think the fear is related to their legacy being tarnished by the discovery

      @Sinnex oh boy you might need to see a shrink or with time all these thoughts will fade like they did for me. It is well with you biko.

  13. Sinnex,u’ve had penetrative sex (with a condom)? Why do u call urself a virgin here,everyday? What do u really think the word “virgin”,means? *confused*

      • Lol…but u referred to ur (faux) virginity just yesterday,in d “pregnant-hand-afterlife” post…
        Anyway,let me cease and desist! *grin* Do u,boo. I know u’re young,but u’re no longer a child either. I think most of ur fears are unfounded. U’re not the first gay man, and u won’t be the last; a lot of gay guys have good stories and responsible lives; why do u think u can’t be like those ones? Why do u automatically think ur life would become modelled after the life of “bad or irresponsible” ones? Honestly, I think if u’ve had enuff discipline to keep ur…*ahem*…”Virginity” for so long, u’d also have enuff will-power to control urself and be responsible with ur sex-life. I think u’re good in that aspect,dear.
        As for ur other fears,well, some are illogical. Why do u think up d most absurd situations? Hahaha. Like I said, u’re not the first and u won’t be d last gay man.ppl have survived and lived a happy/healthy/responsible life (and even a shame-free death), so u need not worry. U probably won’t be d exception.
        OAN: Ehn,so true,true, you have started to fuck,dis boy? Hmmm…this life is full of mysteries o…

      • Haba….it’s not easy to let go na and besides it’s all fun… ‘Here comes Sinnex, the 26 year old virgin’…..hahahahahahaha

  14. And that crap about demons exchanging is one horrible religious lie. If that’s the case, DM, would have been a flying demon with ten horns, breathing fire on kdians. Lol

  15. This piece reeked of what I call “Essence of Sinnex” from the very beginning.

    Well Sinnex, we all have fears. For some of us, our fears are more real and more abundant than others. I’ve been there and back so many times in my life, I forget how much.

    I still fear that God hates homosexuality and I would end in hell. I’m plagued by fears of my family finding out how much I’ve lied to them and my mum finally making good her threat to either kill or disown me because of my homosexuality. I’m scared that I haven’t prayed hard enough, long enough or well enough for God to heal me of homosexuality. I fear that I would somehow catch a venereal disease because of God’s rage at my taking his grace for granted and I would die in shame, an unfulfilled man. My aggression stems from my deepest fears and insecurities.

    But in all this, I console myself with one thing. I love God and my family and I would never do anything to hurt them. So if God truly loved me, he would either have healed me long ago or not have created me with a cross too heavy for me to bear.

  16. Awwwwww Sinnex Darling….
    This really a different side of you than I’m used to.
    Its okay to have fears. Heck we all have ours.
    If you don’t mind, I’d like to meet you so I can help you allay some of your fears *i can’t say how much but I’ll try Мy best*
    Besides it wouldn’t hurt to have another Gay friend who could help answer some of your pressing questions
    You’ll be just fine Hunnay… Just Fine
    Hugs n Kisses

  17. Sinnex i will be sincere with u, i value ur fears and i can only advice u to stick to it. The fear of HIV infection is sumtin i dnt fink anyother dread more than i do and that of Eternity has become part of my existence. That small still voice always whisper to me ‘remember hell fire’ as m a Catholic to d core. I myself have come to adore these main fears of mine and they hv helped me in curbing my ‘activities’. Pls stick to that fears if u can. This post of urs is nt merely a post for me, but sumtin deeper. Thanks for that.

    • @McGray some fears would eat you up alive and spit you out! Fear is good and but not the amount of fear Sinnex is sharing in this post. I’ve been there and I’m glad I’m out of it. Those fears lead to suicidal behavior.

      If one has to be truly born again to avoid hell fire then I’m sorry even the Pope sef isn’t safe from it. That born again ish is just a myth.

      • Max i wonder the effect uy fink ‘internalised homophobia’ would hv on ppl whenever u use it. FYI i wsnt imposing anything on anyone. ”If he can” i guess u didn see dat part. And pls Max nt everyone shares same fantasy as u do. U myt want to understand that sum1 will after seeing a luxurious life, choose a simple quiet life instead, nt bcos he cant afford it but bcos thats wat he wants for himself. I hv seen life and all things it offers, both gud and evil, and i hv seen churchy things and i alone knows what works best for me. Not ev’ry fear is suicidal. I hv these two main fears and i hvnt even for one day tried harming myself. Pls everyone shld just respect one’s choice here. J. Jamina wrote sumtin worth emulating here yesterday, i guess u equally read it.

      • @McGray I’m not trying to rubbish your love for living in/with fear oh. Please feel free to indulge in it if it works for you. I was just dropping my 2 cents as there seems to be a steady rise of psychotic peeps amongst the gays for Naija and these fears play a huge role. No be on top my head person go break down one day and start acting mighty irrational/suicidal/murderous ever again IJN. Lord knows I’ve had enough of that baggage and crave some sanity in my life.

        Like I said before, if you, Sinnexxx and others have a grasp on controlling these fears and making them work in your favor without affecting others negatively , carry go con mucho gusto 😉

      • Bia Oga Francis elee ihe ishiga? Was i talking to u? Dude chill mbok i was talking to everybody and i was talking to nobody. Francis if u dare me eh i will call on d Lipstick Gang to teach u a lesson till u cum begging me!

      • @McGray oh well. the comment was left after mine and Max’s so wetin you want make I think?

        Calling out your lipstick gang on me won’t have any effect as I’ve come to learn that in certain situations, pindrop silence is the best reaction. 😜

    • @McGray, I’ve always smelt your internalized homophobia from your comments.. This just confirms it. There’s no such thing as a born again.
      If God starts judging everyone by all those impossible rules in the bible, no one will make heaven. Thats why I think the whole thing is just a load of crap meant to scare humans to be good people.
      Live your life without fear, or die being a scared man.

  18. Whoa!!! I do hope when I die, my good will outweigh my bad so much so ppl will remember the former more. But guy, not everyone is that fuck-worthy na. Your mind must be a 24hr orgy fest. Hian!!! How do u cope? Your tights are not enuff. You need IRON pants.
    But I am going to go to more gay parties, dance, meet ppl sensibly, forget ppl and live happy. That much I will try to give myself…in this same country.

    • @trystham as long as I live in this Naija, gay parties are out of it for me. Ain’t no way I’m offering my neck on a platter of gold for the pleasure of the homophobic part of society.

    • Never gone to a gay party and not planning on attending one anytime soon. The clime isn’t comfy enough to be hosting such parties for now. I can’t go to a place where I’ll keep wondering when the cops are gonna barge in because someone snitched.. Bitches always snitch.. They just can’t keep their mouth shut. And Nigerian police (my mortal enemies) always love to exploit such opportunities. So unless I know the party planner and go through the details of the setting, location, security plans, invitees etc, I won’t be attending. Thank you.
      And also @Sinnex, if you’re scared of ppl finding out you’re gay, chances are, they already know you are. Most gay men can identify each other in any location.. So don’t bother yourself about being “notorious” or “known” by everyone… 95% of gay men who see you already know you are.. So your fears are just… Irrational

      • No its not. And yes, they will always be loud mouth bitching snitches. But for all the parties I av been, there is that teensy bit of adrenaline my pretty boring life gets. The thrill we may be rounded up anytime soon (God forbid sha). And thats where I get to do my KB dance without drawing unnecessary attention

      • Ah ah

        **removes Max’s name from the guest list of my 29th**

        We have been having house parties in this obodo porracort ooo! Just small parties with less than 20 people. They are safe and fun

      • Your 29th? Coughs… Aren’t you gonna have your straight colleagues there?
        #AskingForClarity

  19. Wow this is officially one of the best piece i ever read in here,kudos sinnex.Honestly we r similar in so many ways in terms of family background,academic success,being d poster child, tho i lost my own virginity tey tey!Most of this fears i do have too infact being gay&nigerian is such heavy burden its not fair for one person to handle,and bout afterlife and God’s position about gayism i know bible brings out new testaments which kinds of accomodate some parts of gayism which honestly in my opinion xtians just twist d words of God to their own benefit no shade in mind just my own opinion.Well maybe am not too conversant but my own Quran is just one version since creation of life and will remain so till eternity and it clearly states there is life after death right from ur grave infact right from d moment those dat went to bury u turn to leave the burial ground.Homosexuality is a sin also and deserves death as punishment which makes me sad every day of my life thinking what am doing is wrong,what if i die what happens?but yet i love men,i luv everyting about a man since i was as young as 5 or 6 i guess some things will never be answered oh well.I wonder when i die who is going to get hold of my phones and see all the super nasty details of my life?On a lighter note our own sinnex had penetrative sex?lol finally hope u have finally lost that V card u proudly always wave at us.I guess lets just live life one day at a time.

    • The use of punctuation marks cannot be over-emphasized.
      Most parts of your comment is why I might not be able to date a Nigerian again. Khaleesi was right..

      • My dear so long as u get what am trying to say why bother?like really?this aint school nor am i trying to write an exam honestly worry ur pretty head over other serious issues in life than my way of writing it aint that serious!Very last time i will be addressing this issue if u dont like it scroll away in peace no need for unnecessary comments.Its a beautiful monday morning wont want to go off on any one on this matter u mustnt throw shade everyday of ur life.

      • Who cares if u date a nigerian or not?like i give a hoot or even care about ur life !My way of writing is never gonna change i express myself how i want so deal with it.

      • Max u just had to say that right*Lol*.
        The average Nigerians English is so poor even the poorest countries in the world have a lot of hope.

        Posh it’s not about being in an exam or school. It’s about ur rep.

        Who knows, it may be this that’s stopping u from getting that dream job or promotion u need

    • Lawyers to the best of my knowledge dont rely on lies from frauds like Ahmed Deedat. They go into independent study in search of real truths on subjects. The Bible is not changed yearly nor its contents tampered with at any time. what happens to the Bible is that different versions are published(not yearly) for easy comprehension. Now,walk across the street,pick different versions of The Book at random and compare if there is a thematic difference. If the Quaran is subjected to scholarly scrutiny the result will be disastrous. Need i tell you that the Quaran instructs you to always refer to the people of The Book(xtians) when confused.

  20. Bruh! You are walking around with too much weight you ve no business with. I totally understand the need to hold on to ur fears cos its the only thing that (u feel) keeps u safe and stops you from making a mess of what seems to you as a well organised life. Like keredim said, u are worrier. I know this cos I’m a worrier too and the signs were pretty much all over the post.

    Pete and Keredim69 pretty much covered everything but I will make an attempt to build or add to what they already said.

    1st of all you need to forego everything the church preaches about homosexuality. Its a hard task, judging from the fact that u are heavily invested in ur religious faith (I wasn’t). Find and accept urself and slowly work ur way towards reconnecting with God. We were told all our lives that christianity is a personal race, a 1 on 1 relationship with God. Tune out all the extra stuff and just focus on on building ur relationship with God. They say he is a mercyful God, he understands all things and doesn’t make mistakes. So he didn’t make mistake by making u gay, and if he did, he would ve heard ur cry and supplications and make things right. Even if u are living in sin, he is always merciful to forgive and look past ur short comings and understand ur struggle and grief. After all u ve made attempts to change. So accept urself, ur attraction, do right by God and ur fellow beings and live the rest to his mercy and saving grace (Damn! I would make a wonderful pastor)

    Promiscuity? Dude! Take it from someone who had his 1st consensual gay sex a year ago (6th of june to be exact!y). All that crap about becoming a cum thirsty whore is a big fat lie! I can still count my body count with both hands and ve a finger or 2 to spare! And that includes my 3some and the 1 night stand shit. Its ur life, ur body! U hold the key and reins. Nobody will force u to do what u don’t want to do. U become a renown whore out of ur own volition. I don’t ve ish with ppl like that, so long as u own it and take responsibility 4 ur actions and save the blame game for the birds.

    About th irregular erections and everything looking fuckable? Trust me. When u start having sex, u would ve a type, ur erections might just even be subjected to seeing someone u exceptionally like or if something gay related plays out in front of u, as opposed to having a random logs and bulge all the time.

    About marriage and kids? Oga one step at a time. U ar lik what?….26? U have time to worry about all that. Find ursslf 1st, be comfortable in ur skin, decide if u wanna be the relationship type, FWB type or just some random dude.

    For someone who doesn’t want a notorious reputation, u sure love the online game. Look meeting ppl online only give u a temporary high. U fool around, putting urself out there and end up meeting no one. Cultivate a small circuit. Of gay men. Tap into their wealth of experience b4 heading out. U become more comfortable with urself with every sex. What u should be worried about is the emotional roller coaster that comes with getting involved with gaymen. Breathe! U are doing just fine. Th rest is a product of ur imagination. I don’t worry about being put on blast in the future. Gay men are mostly concern about their next shag to be worried about u. U should be worried if u have a nasty reputation in the gaybourhood IMO. If not, then no need for the extra extra headache.

    Practice safe sex and get tested regularly that’s the major thing u owe ur friends, family and the gaybourhood. Be responsible with ur life and every other thing will flow naturally

    Remember! One step at a time muddling everything up is like asking 4 high blood pressure, depression and suicidal thoughts all rolled into one. When u die, what will then be the purpose of all the torture u subjected urself to? From one worrier to another, breathe and take it one step at a time. U are not in a race with anyone. No body is checking for who has the best finish time. Ur pace shouldn’t be the same as mine. So take ur time and get comfortable in ur skin regardless of how long it takes. So that u don’t hurt urself and others in the process.

    I will get off here. Thank u

  21. @Peak

    Eerm……..

    I will get off with u Sir Peak! Where r we heading? Ur place or mine? My place is definitely off! Ur place it is then!

    Take me to d Peak baby! Take me to da peak……

    U actually said everything, but words r more easier. It could be worked on but…….

    But online hooks has it perks oh! D security nd all. U only fantasize nd it ends there……. Online. Trust me, talking from experience.

    My Motto: All about d teasing nd less on d pleasing!

    • Nwanne, how long do u wanna keep teasing? Like I said, on line shit is just temporary. Its like running around in th market under a hot sun and buying nothing. What sinnex needs are men with vast wealth of experience to pull from. If u ask me, one shouldn’t be concerned with quantity but quality of ppl. Whatss the point of know 100 gay men and only 3-5 can impact ur life meanfully (mentally, sexually etc)

      E get wetin person de grow pass. Rolling around online when u don’t want to be known by everyone is like surfing and saying u don’t wanna get wet

    • The truth is that online hookups have not been helpful actually. Everyone I meet wants to have sex. I am like ‘is being gay all about sex’. If I have a way, I would delete all the social networks because I just end up being sad. Also, in my head, I love everything about gay sex and all, but in reality, it is just bleh…maybe because I have not met anyone I truly liked.

  22. Your fears, points are valid. And I know the feel mostly because I go through most of the fears mentioned above.

    I Have lots to say on the issue raised But I don’t have the time to type a long message. But I’ll leave you with this.

    You have passion! Lots of it. Just like myself. You are not just Channelling it the right directions.
    You have fears? Pray! Sinnex pray!
    Thank God you were raised in a christain home and you believe in God.
    Most of the fears you mentioned I go through them. And all I do is Pray and have faith. I am not ashamed of God and I am not afraid to talk abt him on here. Do I sin? Yes! but does that stop me from praying? Hell no!
    Whenever those fears pop up.. Just PRAY! And believe (No matter how short the prayer and little the faith)
    As for making heaven.. It’s only the Grace of God that decides that.
    Do you know what conquers all these fears mentioned above. It’s simple.
    GRACE OF GOD.

    • The truth is that I actually miss you. This is not me kissing your ass. There are some times I chat with friends and I need advice on some issues then I say to myself ‘only Tef would be able to show me the way forward’
      I guess we all have our strong and weak points. You my friend, have a very ‘big’ strong point.

      • About to make up again, are we? Issorait. But after this kiss and makeup, if there’s another lovers’ quarrel, biko thou shalt not put blame on Pink Panther’s doorstep o. I just swept that doorstep and it’s looking clean and blameless.

      • Sinnex
        Awwwnn! Now you make me want to cry. **tries to hold in tears from destroying my Mary Kay foundations and make up**

        I miss you too Sinnex. I have so many gossips and gist to divulge. When I look around my contacts, no one really does it or know what it feels or how I feel like Sinnex. I have SO MUCH to tell you. A lot of things have happened. And I mean ALOT! While you went on your hiatus.

        **sigh**
        So I guess this me saying I have been such an ASS! Dickhead! And whatever name I can contort from Max’s evil and twisted mind.
        I guess this is me saying ‘I am Sorry’

  23. Awwww Sinnex u worry too much.

    I advice u get this book ‘Why You Act The Way You Do’ by Tim Lahaye.it has helped me pass through that phase and I believe it’ll help u.

    U are a chronic worrier and, I believe a perfectionist. And from ur write up I see ur very self sacrificing. Those are the traits of a melancholy (worrier).

    I’m like that too and I had the same fears with you and even more. But that book has helped me so much.

    I’m still a very shy and introverted person but I’m coming out of my shell.

    Get the book fast.Thank me later.

      • Honestly to me self help book is just a joke well doesnt work for me.I get bored the minute i start reading it like how can a total stranger who knws nothing bout my life tell me how to act or feel?its all in u,all in the brain i believe one step at a time.I get moody n depressed sumtymz but i get out of it on my own i guess u just have to figure out what lifts ur mood and knw u deserve to be happy.

  24. Wow!!! this came from a deep and dark place roiling and rumbling with all manner of unpleasantness. I shall never tire of airing my opinion on the huge pile of centuries old, layered on medieval bullshit that religion is!! Yes, i do believe strongly in God, in his infinite wisdom, he created me the way i am.After years of pain, anguish and a continuous battle which is still ongoing and may never end, i have learned to love and fully embrace myself – no priest nor pastor nor whatever standing on any pulpit can ever take that way. Religion is largely a man-made societal construct designed for the control, domination and manipulation of the gullible and vulnerable for the benefit of the hypocritical who know better but enjoy tremendous perks from the status quo! Most of what is paraded around as religion is NOT the will of God! God is merciful, loving, compassionate etc, religion is mostly NOT!! If anything it breeds tremendous amounts of intolerance and bigotry ***flicks manicured hands impatiently***, its easy to get irritated @ people who still permit themselves to be bound tightly by the unhealthy clutches of religion, but no, i shall show understanding and compassion.
    Sinnex, i feel deeply sorry for you, you are allowing a lot of fears which will likely never come to pass, rob you of living a rich and full life. Its even more saddening seeing as you’re so young. Its like you’re throwing away the best years of your life on the altar of NOTHING! I personally dont give a rats wrinkled balls about the afterlife, I am occupied with the present, I shall till i draw my last breath, do as much good to my fellow man as i can, explore my potential to the best of my humanly ability, seek and gain a deeper understanding of myself (including my sexuality which is a core component of who i am), and when my allotted days on earth are over. I shall GO with a smile on my face (hopefully), to join the billions who have gone before me to fertilize and nourish the earth as well as to make some space for coming generations, I hope that when that time comes, i can look back with a smile and think of the rich, full life i lived, the opportunities for happiness that i grabbed eagerly, the men i loved and lost, the good and bad romances i had and everything else that goes into making life full and rich!
    About hell – it doesnt take a lot of intellectual ability to see this big bold – faced lie for what it is!! However, rest assured that if hell is real (obviously not), 95% of the populace (which includes 150% of all clergy in all religious denominations from the TOP down to the very BOTTOM, pun intended), will be seated in the first class sections of the largest hell – bound jumbo jets, and upon arrival, the hottest parts of hell would have been well prepared for their arrival. So, if hell is real, it certainly wont be lonely @ all, heaven will probably be a far far lonelier place! – Bullshit anyway!
    But sha, the religious conditioning that went on in your life was so well thoroughly done. The results are amazing – my mouth kept dropping open …
    As for your fear of being associated with gays, well, thats up to you! gays are human like everyone else. If i like you as a person and enjoy your company, whether you’re gay or straight then I shall regularly seek out your company. After all, humans are designed to be social animals abi? You sexuality is secondary to your personality in my opinion. however, you have to hang out with whomever you feel most comfortable with. But think about the great firendships you might be missing out on, the opportunities for bonding on a deep emotional (perhaps non – sexual) level, are you being kind/fair to yourself? Is it really worth it? who are you trying to please/impress? and to achieve what? Carefully answer these questions for yourself …
    You seriously need to spend just a few months in a progressive and more tolerant corner of this large green earth, you need it like DM needs a regular supply of “Pre and Post – Jambite” Twinks. It will put things into clearer perspective, it will give a different slant to a lot of your long held beliefs, I predict that you will find that you have been fed to bursting point with a potent brew of opium infused lies!
    Finally, i hope that someday soon, you will see how pathetic it is that you are actively mortgaging your true self in exchange for the perceived approval of society/persons who may not care that much about you after all. Persons, who are busy leading their own rich and full lives as was intended while you wallow and waste away in a vast lonely wilderness of nothing covered with a fragile layer of fear and lies….
    ***hugs brother**** …
    Damn – that was cathartic, its been ages since we had such a deep ponderous post, more of these please please Pinky ….

  25. Bhet wait ooo, this sex and demons matter? Hmmmmm **scratches beard**

    Judging from my body count, it then means that my name is LEGION, cos I have wayyy to many demons.

    Hello my name is Dennis Legion Macaulay

    #iDied

  26. Your fears are one too many, I think you need to stop indulging in them too much and get out of your head. With every decision in life we make; they are pros and the cons, your choice is influenced by which you’d rather focus on. I don’t see ur predicament as unique, we’ve all had to go through them, but then, we grew some balls and decided to take the leap.

    But I wonder, what was your intent of penning this article? Are you trying to justify your fears? Because that would be you succumbing. Also you suggesting that you are not as strong, and as accepting etc. That’s a very defeatist mentality. We all should aspire to overcome our fears not succumb to them. That’s what separates the brave from the cowardly, so safe to say…

  27. And remember, noone has to approve before you be you cos everyone will not approve of the same thing at a time…
    A step @a time.

  28. “Let me explain. Over the years, I have come to believe that sex is a covenant and that it involves blood, and that if two people have sex, their spirits will be intertwined. And so, if a girl for instance has fifty demons and she sleeps with a guy with fifty demons, the demons will interchange habitation between the two lovers. So, if I have sex with the girl, she would pass onto me both her fifty demons and the fifty demons she took on from the guy before me. And if I sleep with someone who has had sex with four other persons before me, four other persons with fifty demons each… Hopefully, you get the drift.”

    Well if I put this statement above into perspective. I think it’s safe to say.. I’m Lucifer himself. Cause saying I have demons would be an understatement.
    Threesome, foursome and whatever-some is a norm in my household. Lol
    #TeamProudHoe #TeamLoveIsBullShit #TeamMyRoughnecksOverTrueLove

  29. “In the midst of life we are in death. Who do we run to for safety if not God” I have stopped relaying personal experiences here for obvious reasons. You may wish to get in touch so we talk privately but i can’t guarantee that I have all the answers to your “fears”.

    • How can you trust someone who doesnt pray, if he abandon his Maker,
      what makes you think he wont abandon you, just a quote…..

      • People generally tend to be more loyal or believing of what they can see, feel and touch. So this your quote is flawed. Judging a person’s humanity based on his lack of faith in God is inherently flawed.

      • @PinkPantherTB over to you. E be like say Gad get something for him mind to share as topic for the day. I’m out.

      • Gad, I’m not going to debate this issue of faith in God with you. You’re too married to your Christian faith to imagine that there could be people living meaningful lives who aren’t believers of God. Your blindness to this fact however doesn’t stop it from being what it is.

        Not everyone believes in the Christian God. And not everyone’s life is governed by faith in a supreme being. Different people have different tenets guiding them. And those who aren’t Christians are not lost, hopeless or slow-hearted. That you, at your age, are too narrow-minded to understand this, doesn’t even surprise me. Look around you, sir. the world is full of people living good lives and being good people and being their brothers’ keepers…and they are not all bible-thumping believers of the Christian faith. Christians honestly need to get off that high horse of condescension. Especially when you look at Nigeria, with all its glorying in religion, and observe how it hasn’t made us the better part of humanity.

      • For starters,do you believe that God exists? If you do fine. If you don’t, fine.it doesn’t change anything. The only difference is however, when one who doesn’t believe in the existence of God offers to help another by apparently trying to make him toe the same line. That there are people of faith who are involved in acts of wickedness doesn’t affect God’s existence. Truth be told,what is the % of people of faith who do acts of love as against those who are godless. Stop deceiving people. You believe in God and you encourage others not to.You think you won’t be held to account for your deceits someday? Wait a minute, who are you really working for? What is the objective of this blog? To lead people astray? That wasn’t what I was told at the inception of this project. On a final note, my Bible, God’s word said ” the fool thinketh in his heart that there is no god”.

      • *sighs* And this is why I’ve decided NEVER to touch staunch Bible thumpers and church goers. Una wahala fit depress person. Twice bitten forever shy

      • Nna is it not better to be on the opium of religion than be on the high way of self-deception? A 29yr old yesterday told a 42yrs old that the generational gap between them was like a very wide gulf . That’s a good example of self deception.

      • Gad,
        You make me laugh.
        You truly do, oh righteous one.
        Did you read your comments? Do you honestly know how ridiculous you sound? And honestly, you thought Kito Diaries is some sort of spiritual succour? You make me laugh.
        Oh, by the way, I work for Illuminati.

      • I never suggested that this place is a spiritual forum just as I’m of the strong opinion that this place shouldn’t be a place to recruit unsuspecting vulnerable people into atheism,satanist movements etc nor to turn guys against their families simply because they are yet to understand that being bisexual or gay is a nature’s call and not a choice. I believe (I hope I’m not wrong) that this blog is a place where we come to tell each other the truth,encourage the faint hearted and help those still struggling with coming to terms with who they are. I wont be surprised if you work for illuminati or the likes.

      • Just when I thought I’d perfected my illuminati cover, you had to come and blow my nyash open. All my hard work… All my undercover recruitment of innocent people to the dark side… And you’ve jeopardised it all. Aaarrrgghhh!

      • Let me point something out to you and your likes, Christians are not a bunch of perfectionists. We are aspiring saints. There is no saint that was not a sinner. The only difference with christians and others is what WE DID WITH CHRIST and HIS FREE offer of salvation. Accept Him and your sins are forgiven reject Him and your sins holds you fast and take you to hell.

      • …..and my mantra for the day thus goes as “there is no saint who was not a sinner”
        However whose report would one believe, the faithless or the faithfull?
        Personally, i feel more comfortable in the company of a believer.

      • My dear Chris, for your own good, let not the words you’ve just said be what you actually practise. Let it not be that all you require to trust in the companionship of a person is the fact that he shouts ‘Hallelujah’, goes to church and can quote bible passages better than Saint Paul. Cos if him being a believer is all the endorsement you need, *shaking my head* I don’t even have anything to say to such folly.

      • Hey Pp, first of all, a believer would be, not a hearer of the Word but a doer of the Word. Secondly a believer is a person who believes in a Supreme Being. Judaism, Muslim, Buddhism, Christianity and traditional believers all accord and acknowledge the existence of a Higher Being.

        As said above by Gad, there is much difference between the godly and the godless, wide berth. However, not to truncate anyone’s opinion, It is my personal take on the matter, hence i said it is easier for me to trust someone who acknowledge and make room for his Maker, the Almighty God.

  30. God is the personification of love, they tell us. He loves us sooooo much, more than anyone could ever love us. He is love.
    Yet somehow, they have made us believe at the same time, that He who is perfect in love is also capable of putting his children into an eternal fire. Not only that, they would cry out for mercy for ALL ETERNITY and he wouldn’t save them.

    The contradiction is OBVIOUS but generations come and go and FAIL to take notice.
    That is the power of indoctrination.

    Don’t think about it, they say.

    And obediently, you DONT.

    Zombie

      • @Gad make you direct that question to atheists who day in day out act Christ unlike some of una wey dey like Bible for head while committing atrocious things for backyard. 😝

    • an atheist can help another human being. That is fact number one. Number two, i am not one of those people who jump at an opportunity to show people how much they know God. Rather, i always ponder about how much of Him i DONT KNOW. But it is a journey and i will get to know Him better…

      • I guess i will never understand those non belivers in God.Like how can a human being exist and not have a believe in a superior being,life is too hard and difficult not to have sum1 to look upto like Mercedes said in glee.During hardtimes,when u are troubled,when things arent going as u planned what do the athiest actually do?and nigerians at that.Well i knw of Wole soyinka but i really need to be enlightend oh,cos even d illiterates or traditionalists sef still have idols they worship so…….

      • “… rather, I always ponder about how much of Him I do not know. But it is I journey and I will get to know Him better”. To this I will say “Amen”.

      • Becos have seen pastors n imams healing,delivering casting demons and jinns out of people.Back in secondary school sef it was a normal thing my fellow classmates get possesed,som1 u are so familiar with just becomes a total stranger u hear a totally different voice,d black in their eyes turns to white totally and we are always shocked.These school pastors n imams have to pray seriously right in front of us and these students get healed.So pls the athiests in the house do u guys actually believe God doesnt exist or u disown him cos he doesnt support our lifestyle?

      • @posh6666 not every display of were is a manifestation for that demon in the exorcist. Enough mental illness dey this world and be rest assured that most of these displays are setup to rope in gullible folks like…..

        P. S: I’m not an atheist neither do I believe everything written in the Bible. Just like you staunch believers I cherry pick the Bible. I take what works for me and dumps the rest like the mess I think it is. Never forget that book was written by men “allegedly” inspired by the Holy Spirit. Politics don dey this earth tey tey and peeps would do anything to keep others in check and kissing their ass for eternity

  31. Sinnex dear, I can see ur fears hv paralysed u. U better get out of d way before a truck crushes u. Fear, fear, fear. If u dat good a Christian, den u shld know dat d devil is using dat fear to keep u from achieving n expressing ur potential.
    Didn’t d same bible teach u dat d opposite of faith is fear? Biko, step out of ur fearzone for once n see life on the other side. After all, how can u tell if chloroquine is bitter if u hvnt tasted it?
    I don’t find ur fears justified.

  32. Yea it really hard being gay I mean I also hate these life but I have to live it cuse have. Fallen in love with like 3 guys but I don’t know if they are gays or straight it painful really painful

  33. Hon, you seriously have to breathe…… You really need to. It’s not so easy, but you need to take one step at a time.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s