A number of times on this blog, the issue of whether men are born gay or whether they are turned away from their ‘normal’ heterosexual yearnings and onto the gay path has come up. This is one issue that often twists and turns in my head like a loose bolt.
Some commenters have given instances of straight guys being turned gay after money, jobs or other favours were placed on the table to sweeten the deal. There have been insistences that these guys were totally straight previously and only agreed to be with a man on account of the material inducements.
I believe sexuality is a complex topic; the closest attempt at explaining sexual behaviour is by use of the Kinsey Scale, which presupposes that every human lies at some point along the scale, with some individuals being at either of its two extremes. I believe that these guys who are ‘converted’ are merely guys who lie closer to the heterosexual point on the scale with their bisexual side so deeply repressed (not hard to imagine in a thoroughly homophobic society such as this). The ‘conversion’ process was simply a triggering mechanism which helped them discover this deeply suppressed facet of their sexual identity.
A friend of mine disagrees with me and firmly states that every man on earth is capable of swinging either way. But most – if not all – of us know gay guys who are unable/unwilling and totally repulsed by the idea of having heterosexual intercourse. Methinks that these are guys who are at one end of the scale and therefore cannot operate at any other point along the scale. If there are guys who cannot bear the prospect of heterosexual sex, no matter how sweetened the deal is, isn’t it reasonable to think that there are guys who are their exact opposites, that is, so heterosexual that even for all the petrodollars flowing through Emirate of Qatar, they cannot bring themselves to have sex with other men. These are the guys who, no matter what, cannot be ‘converted’. So, I think that a lot of these guys who run around claiming to have been converted through the use of money or gifts or whatever else are actually gay/bisexual guys who have been living in denial or deceit, or who simply were never aware that they had or could have a bisexual side.
But that’s just my supposition. The man next to me might have a different opinion to express.
Family is Overrated.
This has become like a catchphrase on KD; every few weeks, it gets tossed out, sometimes with fiery adamance, other times with casual concurrence.
Now… *sits on ornate gilt-edged throne with manicured taloned fingernails drumming a rhythm on the armrest* …I do not totally agree that family IS overrated. I prefer to say that family CAN BE overrated. I love my (immediate) family to the furthest edges of the galaxy and back. The love we have for each other cannot by any stretch of imagination be regarded as “overrated”.
However, when for example, a sibling upon discovering that another sibling is gay, proceeds to out him to the larger society or takes other measures to make life difficult for the gay sibling, then he has shown an instance of family being overrated. I remember a story recounted by Dennis Macaulay, about a gay man who was outed to his prominent politician father by a brother, and who ended up being coerced into a hellish sham marriage. (By the way, I think the said gay man is a weakling of the worst sort, and I hope someday he wakes up and realizes that it’s never too late to snatch your life back from the greedy jaws of despair and hopelessness). Any family that would contrive such a marriage is indeed overrated, and were I to be faced with such a situation, I have no doubt in my mind what I would do – pack my bags and walk away. *flipping weave with a determined shake of my head* #TryToStopMe!
In the end, all that family connection and money will not fill that deep feeling of despair and helplessness; besides, who says you can’t (if you work hard and believe in yourself) make your own fortune?
At the end of the day, the direction of every individual’s life with respect to his family is dependent on his family dynamics. That is why the ratings of family cannot be encompassed in the absolute. Family is not overrated. It simply can be.
Written by Khaleesi