A MILESTONE TODAY

KD Anniversary 1Every act is a possibility. The will to dare, the will to act are possibilities for new adventure. – Lailah Gifty Akita

When the antigay bill was signed into law last year, the act stirred this country in a way it had never been in quite a long time. There were those who cheered. And there were those who grieved. The blogosphere, as was with all other forums of human contact, became alive with contentions, people and opinion split into several camps. And the mainstream blog I was operating at the time was not left out.

In the aftermath of the law’s signage, I experienced a gamut of emotions. First I was sad. Then I was afraid. Then I became angry. And I penned my anger and blogged it. I welcomed pro-gay articles from acquaintances and published those as well. And then, we took up arms and went to battle against the antigay majority in the comments section.

But my indignation did not blind me to caution. I was after all still in the closet, and had relationships and friendships that thrived on the perception of my ‘heterosexuality’. These same people read what I published. I couldn’t afford any alienation over the scandal of my outing via my writing.

So I toed the line of gay activism. I wrote and published pieces that told LGBT stories from the observer’s point of view, as opposed to the participant’s. And when contributors sent write-ups to me which were to explicit to be dismissed as pro-gay activism, I rejected them. I had to be careful. I determined to be seen as a fighter for the rights of the average Nigerian gay individual, instead of the Nigerian gay individual himself.

This circumspection frustrated me. I felt like the characteristic class noisemaker facing the threat of the teacher’s caning if he didn’t speak in hushed tones. Like the Victorian Age debutante with the streak of rebellion forced to be docile and properly ladylike, because of the puritanical demands of the society. I wanted to take my stories – our stories – beyond the company of those I knew who were in the same struggle, to every- or anyone else.

In the first week of April last year, my good friend, Dennis Macaulay, said to me: ‘Why not open a gay blog?’

I instantly recoiled from the idea. In fact, the more he tried to sell the idea to me, the more ludicrous I thought it was. Me, operate a gay blog?! In this Nigeria?! What am I, crazy?!

But Dennis was relentless. He weighed the pros and cons for me. He argued this and argued that. He practically had an answer for every question I had concerning the venture. And then, he won me over when he said to me: ‘Think about it. You’ll be creating an avenue for the Nigerian LGBT to have a voice.’

That was when I was sold.

I picked a name for the blog. I picked a pseudonym.

I began my transformation.

But I was still hesitant.

So I decided to let my decision rest on the sway of ‘public’ opinion. I began canvassing a select few of my friends. There were varying opinions and feedback. Some were intrigued, some dismissive, and some others not sure which way to go.

It was however Khaleesi who pressed the button that made my mind up for me. He went the way of humour. He started a twitter hashtag called #GiveUsOurKitoDiaries, which he began hounding my every tweet with, until I laughed so hard I buckled, booted my laptop, and clicked on the WordPress page.

And on April 16th 2014, Kito Diaries was birthed.

And even though I know that the next words I’m going to write is a cliché, I’ll say them nonetheless. In this past year, this blog has been a blessing of sorts to me. It has created for me new acquaintances and friendships from which I’m constantly learning. It has emboldened me in my personal life. It gave me the nerve to stare my brother in the face, when he found out about my sexuality, and let him know that I was not afraid of his knowledge. It gave me the fortitude to reconcile myself with a future where I don’t have to kowtow to the expectations of society. It made me laugh. It made me angry. It made me exasperated. It educated me. It enriched me with the interactions of various other people.

And it gave me hope. Yes, my home country is stiflingly homophobic. And yes, I may never get to hold hands with the man I love while waiting for popcorn before movie time in a cinema.

But hope – that persistent, little butterfly – flutters in my heart still. Change will come, subtly but surely. And if anyone asks me, ‘Why do you dare believe?’ The answer I’ll have for them would be: ‘Someone operated a gay blog in Nigeria for an entire year.’

That is change, no?

Written by Pink Panther

104 thoughts on “A MILESTONE TODAY

    • Happy Anniversary Kito Diary. Thank you for making me better appreciate myself as a gay man. Thank you for creating in me a sense of belonging. Barely a day passes without me coming over to read this blog. The level of enlightenment here os way over the roof. Meanwhile for any one interested, I will recommend y’all check out the life time of Rotimi Fani-Kayode. He was a Nigerian gay man born to that famous family, but disowned at 11 after coming out to his family. He however became a very top artist in Britain, but eventually died of AIDS related illness in 1989! Loves, just Google him!

      °Finally bless God for making us unique!

  1. A whole year of undercover interaction in the blogosphere. Phew! MI6 and CIA should all come and hire us. lol.
    Happy anniversary, Kito Diaries and KDians.

  2. Happy Birthday KD and Yes PP I am so happy you listened and ran with it! I couldnt possibly do what you are doing now!

    In doing this, you have helped me find myself too

    ***raises glasses****

    I would like to propose a toast; to KD may we wax stronger and may we be the go to place for all gay men in Nigeria struggling with identity! And to PP may all your dreams come true!

  3. Wow Its been a year already?? I think i found this blog around its early days, there were only 4posts up and i devoured every one in that day, and did the same the next day and every other day since then..and its been bloody fun. Everyone of you guys are too much abeg, may we see many more years *****big hugsss*****

    PP you know me loves you abi?? ***blows kisses*** keep up the awesome work buddy.

  4. Happy B(log)day mon chéri

    You and I met through this blog and it’s been one hilarious day after another. I don’t think there’s ever been a day that you and I talk either on phone or through BBM or whatsapp that we aren’t lol’ing and laughing like witches

    You published my first ever written piece and inspired me to write even more.

    You’ve given countless people a voice to tell their stories of love, hope, their fears and their dreams.

    I still am amazed at how you maintain your job and this blog and your mainstream blog…

    More grease to you elbow and keyboard Pinky

  5. Happy birthday Kitodiaries! I’m glad I discovered you. You don’t know how much I’ve learnt from you. Thank you PP for heeding the advice of your friends. Stay blessed!

  6. Bon Anniversary KD.. thanks PP and to all those who encouraged u to start this blog.. its bin a blessing to me.. kinda family..

  7. Owwww….so sweet.

    Happy Anniversary!!!

    I have actually learnt a lot since I found this blog. I have been able to discover myself. Most of my questions and confusions over the years has been solved. You have been consistent.

    In all, you try no be small….let’s drink to that!

  8. Omg! 1year it is! Happy Birthday KitoDiaries …. how times flies! It seems like yesterday, Pinky just buzzed me and was like ‘am thinking of starting a gay blog’ … i didnt think that much of it to be honest, but as the days and weeks went by, i actually began to dare to hope that this was something that could become reality – as i sensed some hesitation on Pinky’s part, i went into Pest-Bitch-Mode, i harassed Pinky with calls, texts, tweets – on virtually every platform on which we were connected (Bitch you’re not going to just whet my appetite and then leave me panting and thirsting) until one morning this blog was born. Its been one of my most enriching experiences, i have had the privilege of learning abd interacting with some of the best minds of our generation, i have realised what i suspected for a long time, i actually am not crazt – there are many who think as i do,who share similar hopes abd aspirations and who’s journey in life mirrors mine greatly, i have felt a sense of community which is hard to find anywhere else and of course i have come to see that for most things in life, there are different shades of opinion and all can be valid. On this your 1st birthday ,KD ***falls on knees and speaks in tongues*** i speak life into you, you shall grow and continue to be a source of inspiration, you shall be a beacon of enlightenment, when the story of the struggle is told in years to come, you shall serve as a reference point much like Stonewall Bar or Christopher Street, you shall be a potent tool in the fight against the pernicious scourge of internalized homophobia, i bind and cast out all spirits of internalized self-loathing ***shibarabababababaaa makaa poyakaa maka kundukporo shama kalababama (popping wheezing sounds)**** guys, let’s keep doing this, its been a fun ride – i can’t wait to see what the future holds …..

  9. When they’ll be writing the history of the LGBT Movement in Nigeria, Kito Diaries will definitely be part of it. Happy Anniversary!

  10. Awww Pinky!
    Its been one eventful year of the Good, the Bad and the Bitch *i didn’t mention any name oh!*
    Thank you so much for this avenue which let’s us express who we are and how we feel.
    Looking forward to more years of Drama *my D̶̲̥̅ n ass is bigger than yours* Hilarity, n Learning from each other *without trying to rip each other to shreds*
    Love Ɣ ‘all
    H̲̣̣̣̥ɑ̤̥̈̊ρ̥̥ρ̲̣̣̥ÿ̲̣̣̣̥β̣̣̥ɪ̣̝̇я̩̥̊†̥h̲̣̣̣̥d̶̲̥̅̊ά̲̣̥ÿ̲̣̣̣̥ Kitodiaries

  11. It was just April? Why av I always thought it was February or suntin? I love this blog. Sneaking office internet connections and friends’ phones to read posts and deleting browser history after…I have tried sef. Good work Pinkie.

    Hey Mike, with time, ur podcast will be so widely listened to, we’d need appointments and shifts

  12. Happy birthday KD. I’m glad I found this place out. I remember being almost overjoyed especially especially when I found out this this wasn’t just some place for erotica but a place to be educated and it it reminded me that there’s so much more to being gay than sex. I’ll also be forever grateful that it allowed me to express my thoughts and opinions and stuff through my journal. Thanks Thanks to DM and Khaleesi for hounding pinky pinky thanks to pinky for being brave and giving in to peer pressure. Lol.

  13. Anniversaries are great points to be joyful and celebrate as well as take stock of the last yearand then plan for the next.

    It has been a really good beginning.
    I recall tthe days of single daily posts when I preferred to stay away for a few days to whet the apetite and then relish a lenghty read of several stories.

    There has been ups and downs.
    The discovery of great writers and philosophers as it were. **( pays tribute to Justjames, Absalom, Lothrario & Sensei amongst others).**
    The discovery of “those kind of people” too has been both funny, sad, shocking, **( please insert choice adjectives) **

    Tribute is also paid to the hardworking admin Pinky himself. This is no small job. Daily posts? Reading and editting? And then the constant comments of “I sent you a nysc pinky; pinky Wats ur email?”.
    Certainly a lot of effort and resources have gone into this non-profit blog.

    I have also been told by 1 or 2 silent followers that there are a few behind the scene guys who pull strings to ensure that what appears on d blog daily is readable and nicely polished.
    I don’t know them but whomever you are; know that you are also duly appreciated and commended.

    As for d “general house” of commentators; a blog thrives with the crowd following.
    Appreciated too are y’all.
    Try not to b too nasty n petty ( those concerned).

    Here’s looking forward to greater milestones in the future.

    Cheers!

  14. Thank you for the the blog. Thank you. I find it entertaining, inspiring and educative. Thank you Pinkpanthertb, you ve gone international, no doubt. Try and not be taking sides with blog readers though:) Longlive KDiaries.

  15. Happy Anniversary KD….u have no idea how addicted i am to ds blog since i discovered it via twitter in December. Keep doing the good job. We expect some change henceforth (gifts for commenters or blind dates as welll hehehe)

    Have a Fab 1 pinky.

  16. Happy anniversary to KitoDiaries.
    PP keep up the good work.
    I swear this undercover stuff is really exciting.
    That said, I’m a first time commenter here though I’ve been following this blog for almost a year now….. Congrats KDians.

  17. Happy birthday KD. 😀😀☺☺🙌🙌.
    I’ve learnt so much from here since I discovered this blog, made cool and brilliant friends and discoveries which wouldn’t have been possible without this blog. Honestly I don’t know how you do it Pinky. I’ve been struggling with reading today’s posts since morning, but you had the time to pen it all down into a readable piece and still find time for work, and you continue to deliver day after day even in the face of challenges. I salute you. Kudos.
    Let’s keep up the good work people and stop being petty and homophobes. Hating yourself won’t make the “gay” go away. Accept yourself so you can be free, free from metal and religious torture forced down on us by the ones who came before us.
    Free your mind and live.

  18. So Dennis and Kaleeshi were instrumental in the existence of this blog? That would explain alot. Happy anniversary.

  19. Happy birthday, KD. Llnp, Ggmub, Ysp, Gby.

    *blinks*

    I only came for the Cakes and the Dicks…sorry, drinks.. :s

  20. Before this blog was birthed, I was scared for you, scared of what would happen if somehow it outed you.
    Is the fear still there? Yes, but now I don’t get to dwell on just that singular emotion. I see the joy, peace and acceptance the blog brings to your friends, your readers, and the fear is weakened.
    You’re an amazing fellow, I hope you’ll forever know that.
    To the many readers and contributors, I pray for many more years of this, your brains forever stimulated to do great things and pen even greater stories.

    Happy anniversary KD.

    Alles Gute Zum Jubiläum.

  21. Wow! It’s 1 year already? I remember days, weeks, months.. Went by that The links to this blog was bein sent to me by a dear frnd.. I always ignored it. **What do I have to gain from a gay blog?** I always tot to myself.. But then one day I saw a link to a very touching story with a catchy headline and I decided to follow the link.. Alas! I came upon KD and I read and how was amazed at everything I saw and read. The posts, the comments etc filled with so many brilliant brilliant people. An then I strted on the journey of reading but not commenting.. I was engrossed in the happenings daily. And I became addicted.. But I noticed most of views on here didnt tally with mine. Not all gays are fabulous.. And we don’t all think I like.. So I decided to do something about it.. And I strted commenting, I’ve never regretted that decision. KD of late as being a get away for me.. Somewhere I can truly feel at home (asides the occasional shades here and there).
    I appreciate PP for bringing this to life and sustaining it also.. It’s one thing to bring it to life and it’s another thing to be able to maintain it while living your normal life. It’s something to be admired.
    God bless KD!
    Good bless PP!
    Good bless Kdains!
    Happy anniversary!
    **cheers**

  22. I found KD some time in june of 2014, and for the 1st time in a long time, I felt safe. Yes safe!!!!!! I wasn’t so scared that I was different, it was ok to feel things for another man, it was ok to be scared of HIV/AIDS, it was ok to be insecure about certain things about myself, it was ok to admit to depression among other things. It was ok cos I was not the only one going through it. For once I had ppl who are sharing in my burden, that made my burden lighter. For once I had ppl I can laff with to the point that you forget how horrific the world is. For once I had friends, friends that I dont ve to play pretend with. I may not know or ever meet them in person, but the fact that there are ppl whowho would give advice on boy business, ppl who would educate me about sexual health and most importantly help me up when I’m down is good enough. KD is family! KD is home. Long live KD!!!!!!

    To our dear PP, the man with the strenght of
    10 arabian race horse and a heart the size of the moon, dont know how you do it man, and i too lazy to find out. more grace bro. To dennis and khalie, I salute.

  23. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY KITODIARIES!!!

    ALL I PRAY FOR IS ‘CONTINUITY’ ON THE ADMINS PART AS WELL AS WITH EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US…

    🙂

  24. Happy birthday, KD. Many happy returns. I’ve enjoyed myself. I miss Alpha Papi. 🙂

    Pinky, this is a good time for reflection.

    We should have a “My Crotch is Heavier Than Yours” segment on the blog. Where endowed KDians take shots of their VPL and post. Some of us like to analyse that kind of…Thing, you know? 🙂

    Once again, happy anniversary KD.

    • Lol see someone that said I was spoilt the other day..
      Absie You should really consider changing your monicker to ‘Aunty Sluttyna’
      #SuchSluttyness

  25. Thank you Pinky for being brave enough to break from the norm and do this. Honestly, KD is the place of my maturity, acceptance and most of all, intellectual maturity. To Rapum – who practically forced me on KD, Dennis Macauley – the ever opinionated one here, Deola, Absalom, Dimkpa, Colossus and Sensei – the brain boxes, Trystham, KryxxX, Khaleesi, Chestnut and Peak – ever funny and crazy bitches, Gad – the MGM who both infuriates and inspires me, and everyone else here, thank you for making this blog a safe haven for us. Remember: We are Here, We are Queer and We are Fabulous!

    Happy Anniversary, Joyeux Anniversaire, Alles Gute Zum Geburtstag, Janamadina Mubaraka KD!

    • This comment is so lovely and poignant, in just a few sentences, it delivered a depth of emotions. Once again HbD to KD, on this day, we should commit to remembering that there are yet so many who are not yet reached who wallow in ignorance and deep self hate, if each of us can bring just one of such persons to this blog, imagine what a big difference that would make, ponder on the ripple effect of it all over time …

      • Talking about bringing new people here.. I was chatting with someone (a stranger to me) until yesterday.. And the person revealed to me that the way yall attack newbies and people with diff opinion scares TF outta him, he finds it hard commenting or even visiting the blog… Since PP khaleesi and The likes all strted this KD.. I’ll suggest you take note of this and find a way to fix this concern of impending newbies.

        **this is me talking from a perspective of someone that truly cares for the growth of this blog**

      • The truth is that most people just read and go. It is not easy to keep up with the attacks you see here. I have friends who say they won’t visit this blog again because of the comments they read here. They say there is no difference between Nairaland and LIB. If your own cannot accept you and understand where you are coming from, how do you expect the general public to accept you for who you are.

        Today is an holy day, so it is not a time to trade blames and the rest. But reading the comments of today, my eyes have been opened. I now understand numerous things that were unknown to me before.

      • One have to be strong mentally and psychologically to stay on this blog despite the wonderful work that PP is doing here. It is the attacks and obnoxious remarks that some blog visitors make, it is enough to scare the regular reader away never mind a newbie. Some visitors just take the attack really far and make it even personal, hence their opinion is not constructive or enlightening. A toxic or caustic tongue is scary, and i was thinking women would be worse. Hope to see change change with commentators on here.
        Once again well done Pinkpanthertb.

  26. Pinky! Omalicha Nwoke m. The Blessed sperm that fertilized the egg that will be remembered in history as the creator of a platform for LGBTI people. You don’t know the intensity of what you’ve done, history will have your name embossed in gold. The first thing that struck me on this blog was the powerful minds it brought together. It was simply breathtaking. God bless you.

  27. I discoverd you in a most bizzare way and you turned my life around.

    Just when i needed assurance,i found you
    You flow in my veins thicker than plasma
    And gave new definition to what it’s like to be Gay and Fabulous.

    I found you
    No!, you found me in the bleak of the orb i was curled in
    You pulled and i was drawn by the Kaleidoscope of your interior
    Now you are olden and agean,
    Like sweet white wine left to musk in silent depths.

    Happy Birthday KitoDiaries
    Happy KD Day Diarisians
    It gets’ better cos we #Lived!

  28. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KD, Thank you PP for this blog and all its posts. KD has been a silent teacher to Many and your friends are just Amazing for pushing you into creating this platform. Thank you

  29. These ‘friends’ who are swearing off KD because of the comments section… Quick question, is it the comments section you’re here to read? Of course we know there’s a large world of LGBT out there who don’t comment but read, but to say you are no longer going to visit KD becos of the unfriendliness of the comment section… Aish!

    Well done, PP.
    Happy anniversary KD.
    And may your growth be assured, onward and in leaps and bounds.

  30. I look forward to April 16 being World Kito day(in a good way) a few years down the line.
    it has been truly refreshing experience here with alot being learnt and with me being inspired.
    Kudos pinky for your relentless work and a big shout out to every participant here.
    I will like to spare a thought for our missing brother Ese (Iduke), all the victims of kito/homophobia, PLWHA and of course those living with self hate and entertaining suicidal ideations. We hope everything gets better in the end, if it doesn’t improve hang on its not the end yet.
    Bon Anniversaire

  31. Omg! So KD is a year old? As in just a year old? Omg! I’m impressed, Pinky you’ve done so well with his blog. When I started reading July I felt I had missed a year or two worth of awesome, witty and educative post home brewed. Didn’t know I was not that late sef. Shey i for back track read am all 😑

    This blog saw me through my break up in July, it felt like home, like the family I had always wished for. It inspired me, made me stronger, made me realize I’m not alone in whatever struggle I was going through. It was my daily humour fix. Thanks once again to Pinky for such platform and thanks to all guest writers/contributors. Y’all be so fabmazing. And I’m not done spreading the kito gospel. All mankind must be kitolized.

    But wait o, why wasn’t I consulted when a name was to be chosen? Now I got personal beef with you. Am I the only one that misses Chizzy? 😭😭😭

  32. May Kd grow from strength to strength. May God grant the promoters of kd wisdom to sustain it. May all those who visit kd find succor therein and obtain wisdom. May the positive aspirations of all who genuinely use platform to reach out to the faint-hearted,the tired and all who are struggling with self and the world. May all the gainsayers and the deceitful be silenced. CONGRATULATIONS

  33. Wow… I look back and all I can say is ‘’Job well done Pinkie’’. I remembered like yesterday, the day messaged me asking my opinion about this blog. Needless to say I was shocked beyond belief. I tried my best to convince you otherwise because of the simple fact that I was afraid for you and what may befall you if anything happened considering what one hears about Nigeria on the daily.
    Needless to say if you really know Pinky, you will understand that when he does put his mind to something nothing will ever change his mind except maybe a shag to calm him down. You all are to be commended for making this kito community what it is today. I like hundreds more who read the contents of this blog religiously never comment and this will be my first comment even though I have been with you since day one.

    I believe we all have something special stirring inside and maybe a voice which for most part is quashed on here. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to open a night club. Maybe you’ve dreamed of volunteering for a political campaign or simply be an activist. I wanted to make a film and write some books. The odds were not in my favor — financially, physically or emotionally, but I tried it anyway. And I’m pretty happy that I did.

    On that note I implore all of us to continue to be the best we can be and also be the funniest we can without seeking to make others feel less of themselves. I know my worth and so do you. To understand this is to know that conformity is boring.

    Finally I now know why Pinkie and I have fought so much over Dennis and Khaleesi. I duff my hats to you both as I now realise that even though you may have come across as monsters to most of us who have never met you, you both were the pioneers of the Kito Blog dream and thus always seemed to be the kito bullies all in a bid to protect a dream you helped conceive and thus feel the need to protect.

    I think I now have the nerve to submit an article which I wrote in June of last year for Pinkie to publish and then I got scared as not all of us have the heart of #JustJames [bless him] to deal with backlash. With his permission he will publish when he does seem fit. Please note that the details of the article may have become obsolete as most people have changed over time but let’s just assume it is a throwback to the shade that has been passed around on Kito Diary.

    For someone who has never darkened the shores of Nigeria, I am more than excited to visit at some point despite all the odds given the amount of education I have received on almost every subject known to the average Nigerian man.

    Happy Anniversary Kito Diaries and wishes of better things to come.

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