Let’s Discuss…About Genders And Gay Sex Roles

Blog_Let's DiscussTops are men. Bottoms are women.

Tops are masculine. Bottoms are effeminate.

Tops are dominant. Bottoms are submissive.

Tops are strong and steady as a rock. Bottoms are soft and dramatic.

Tops are the bigger, huskier ones in a relationship. Bottoms are those smaller ones by their sides.

Gender stereotypes have crossed the train tracks into the LGBT lane, and they weren’t driven here by the straight people even. No. It is fellow gay men that perpetuate these ludicrous myths.

When an accepting and curious straight person asks a gay person the question, “So who’s the man and who’s the woman in your relationship?”, it is offensive yet mildly amusing. However, when it’s a fellow gay, it’s downright blasphemous and must be set straight (pun intended). There are two penises involved in man-on-man action, so what’s the deal with people thrusting vaginas into the mix?

Check out below the chatversation that a KDian sent to me, one which he had with a friend of his who is apparently a Top. (This KDian is Bottom and in a relationship, and sought his friend out to talk to about his relationship troubles) Check on it.PicturesPictures1Pictures2Pictures3Pictures4

I read a piece awhile ago where the writer, Donovan Thompson, penned down his scathing objection to the idea of heteronormativity and its applications to the gaybourhood. While writing his piece, he had asked some of his friends about the idea of male-female gender roles being imposed onto homosexual relationships. He learned in these conversations that the formula by which masculinity is determined in relationships resembles one of the primary school math teacher’s indecipherable equations: If fashionable + emotional x Beyoncé = bottom, then football + boot-cut jeans x dirty finger nails = top.

When then happens if you like Britney Spears and booty or football and dick? Now who is the man, and who is the woman? Does the top/bottom role supersede all the other important shit? I don’t know; my head is spinning. Sometimes I feel that the gay community is stuck in some terrible, badly lit porno, written and directed by a closeted married preacher, from which we can’t escape. I don’t like it!

I do know, however, that the decision to be safe and one-dimensional is entirely personal. The need to be tethered to society’s patriarchal norms is a contradiction that limits the ability to just be! Besides, by now everyone knows that the gays are like society’s paintbrushes, bringing color to an otherwise dull existence. What’s the point in being a rainbow and covering up in camouflage to fit in?

But hey, let’s hear your thoughts on this. Let’s discuss genders and what they have to do with gay sex roles.

130 thoughts on “Let’s Discuss…About Genders And Gay Sex Roles

  1. My own is, whatever happens in the bed stays there.. personally I can’t stay in a relationship where one is strictly into roles.. my penis is functional therefore, I like to use it, sometimes I wanna get high and ride a dick too.. doesn’t stop me from being de richer one or de cook or cleaner in the relationship. Because come to think of it, one partner has to lead or else there will be fighting and etc.

    • Oga simba! I will need you to stop with the flip flop. You immediately came to mind after the 1st paragraph. Just the other day, we were all fooling around and u told weirdo that u can’t date a 6ft man who works out. According to u, “How u go fuck another man”. Ppl came at u saying you were being stereotypical, cos u see ur self as a bottom, hence can vision urself climbing a mountain of well formed muscles. According 2 u, if u go become sugar daddy in the future, the “bottom” will be smaller with feminine features. Sorry if this sounds like I’m coming after u, I’m not. Just calling it like I see it

      • My dear.. am not a bottom, am versatile. I was kidding with weirdo tht day, I was in de mood of saying funny things, ..my comment aint contradictory @mandy.. I believe in a relationship one has to assume a leadership role, not sexual role and sexual roles does not in anyway predetermine leadership role. There must be an authority in a relationship. To avoid chaos. And privately am a good bottom, so proud of it.. but a better top, cus u can’t top well without having bottomed lol

      • @Simba, I believe in equality in relationships. The so called leaders always abuse the power given to them by the other party. In the end, one person feels cheated.

      • @max… I believe in equality, it’s my mantra. But every partnership must have a sort of leadership. Example, I should seek a permission to club alone if I have a partner, vice versa. If I earn less I should seek permission b4 buying sumfin I want but don’t need, there must be a sort of control or else it’s not a partnership. Its left for both partners to checkmate the authority each exhibit..

      • Wait pinky. Relax.
        @Simba When u say ‘some form of control’, how do u mean? Precision and clear cut case pls

      • Personally I believe am dating when we live together, share bank account and other things… my examples are for partners living together. @pinky and trysthan… there has to be a certain kind of control, a certain kind of order, a certain kind of responsibility. u can’t be in a relationship with me and be jumping from one club to another, or stay on ur phone more than u talk to me, or ur online friends or any friend knows Whts happening to u than me. Vice versa.. I called it partnership, i quit whatsapp at a time cus my partner was addicted to online ish.. I had to curb it cus I get jealous with another man asking him out or calling him baby and asking for nudes. I ll do anything to protect my partnership even to out myself. That is me.. call it control or leadership.. we can’t be broke and ur buying expensive wristwatches. While I bother abt bills.. its family, ur pains are mine and the progression of the partnership should be mutual

    • Oh simba! Please stop! Just stop! I don’t destroy what’s left of the image I ve of u in my head. Just stop already! Since when did we start substituting “Discussion” for Permission”? O like palmwine? Smh

    • @Simba I do get your point.. You are not just delivering it properly. Using words like “control” “Order” “Submit” wouldn’t do your arguments any justice.

      Simply put every relationship/ partnership needs a focal point.. That one person that takes responsibility for everything (or most things) pertaining to the relationship/ Partnership. Like you mention it’s all about checks and balances. As humans that we are.. We need to be accountable to somebody or something (hence some peoples need to serve God or a supreme being or something Devine) we crave accoutablilty.. we have being designed like that.. Wired if you like. so we dont go off the rails of life or misbehave. Ofcourse not everyone will chose or has chosen this path.. But for the world not to be in chaos. We have to be accountable to someone or something and that someone can be your partner/ spouse / loved one.
      Hence, the importance of a leader in a relationship cannot be underestimated

      • I agree.
        I lead in my relationship,though I dare not lord it over him.It’s a partnership,he get consulted on every issue before final decision is taken.Heck,he even comes up with better suggestions at times.My parents were like that too.
        This has nothing to do with any stereotype,it’s the way we’re wired as humans.

  2. Balancing the Equation is the Main tin, D**k gets Hard sometime topping each Other Balanced the Equation.Like sitting on a D**k ,you gona try sometin different.

  3. If you’re versatile you’ll be fighting for dominance?, really?, the top has to lead???, who’s d neandathal that cooked up this bull. Mbok people should stop their blatant display of ignorance, and get a life……My own is, I ain’t nobody’s wife or girlfriend, we are partners, which mean all round equality and has nothing to do with me liking a good flip flop….even if I can’t do it anymore.

  4. MUMUity. While I may be effeminate, I most definitely am not weak and the top is definitely not my Lord Protector, Provider, Shield and Buckler. Jesus does a good job, thank u. However, personally, I will not let a guy with a tinnier voice, more drama and less masculinity top me. Its a turn off.

    All this crap about initiating and leading sex bcos his dick will be pounding me…eeish. When u start being too dominant, u r asking for a serious dressing down.

  5. I don’t kiss and tell with that said.. I think People should do wat makes them happy not wat makes ur partner happy except making him happy makes u happy.. Now get ready to go out and Vote.

  6. Horse shit!

    We buy into the male female archetypes and based on our patriachial systems in africa the female is considered less than male! Bottoms are therefore considered less than tops. Bottoms should therefore cook and clean and expect tops to take care of their financial needs.

    Please this is just silly! Two guys are in a relationship, no girls involved.

  7. That’s why I always advise for versatile sex relationship !! In this nobody is going b the defined man or woman in the relationship everybody is going be equal! Same implies to the sex ! I for one love beyonce ! #beyhive love watching and playing football , don’t have dirty nails don’t wear bootcut and am fashionable that doesn’t mean cause if this reason I should be the woman ! We both have ass and dicks let’s use em ! It’s just that simple! Versatile sex in a relationship happen to be the most successful

  8. A very complex topic.
    I’m trying to get my best friend to start dating me. .I feel like he is my wife. I call him wife and he’s like, hei! Hold it there. I’m a guy, stop that nonsense.
    Bottom line is: know what works between both of you. Be ready for lots of compromises. If he’s not ok with it, tone it down.

  9. Thats the most disgusting chat I’ve seen in a while… Some people actually have the time to be arguing with someone who’s a socially conditioned bigot.
    This guy who’s clearly an asshole might have been lucky in his life, meeting people who are willing to spread their legs for him in a snap, Thats why he can spew such idiocy. Advice to all the people who identify as “buttoms” in the house, make your so-called tops take D once in a while. If they refuse, deny them sex.. Deep down inside, many people have that weird and twisted ideology.

    I’m gonna say it again- ANYONE can take a D. It all depends on mind conditioning and how much you love the other person. I dont believe in roles, never have and never will. Its that kind of thing that breeds such myopic way of thinking about superiority.
    I get that some people’s D dont even stand when they see a nice ass, I get that some people are lazy and would rather spread their legs like a contortionist and let the other person so the work, than actually doing anything at all. But it doesn’t make them “naturally” buttoms. People aren’t born to be bottoms, they practice and they get quite good at it. Its a conscious choice.
    This role thing should stop. I’m getting tired of it. The next guy that asks if I’m a top or bottom is getting a rapture.

    • Max, I disagree with you on several scores in this comment. I know being a certain role is learned. But learning has to do with conditioning. You have to want to do it. You have to have the mental aptitude for it. And not everyone does. Not everyone is conditioned to spread his ass for the D to go in. And certainly not everyone is conditioned to stick his D inside an ass. There are people who are actually content with being on one side of the gay sex role track. And its okay for that to happen. I perceive a certain thinly veiled patronization in your comment for such people, and it’s wrong. The issue here isn’t for gay men to endeavour to be versatiles. The issue is for individuals in different roles to respect the individuality of others.

      • As long as the gayosphere believes people should stick to one role and one role only, the issue of who’s superior and who’s not will be a never ending issue.

      • The fight is not for gay people to understand whether a role is superior or not, but for them to understand that masculinity has NOTHING to do with roles. You do not get this. Don’t act like you’re shaming people for being comfortable in their roles.

      • I’m not shaming anyone Pinky. By all means, you should be comfortable in whichever role you decide to classify yourself.

    • ‘make your so-called tops take D once in a while. If they refuse, deny them sex..’

      In other words, if the Top remains adamantly against taking the D, that should be a deal breaker in such a relationship? Not everyone can be a versatile, you know.

      • If they refuse, its because deep down in them, they feel superior and shouldn’t be made to be “submissive”. Thats how most of them see people who buttom.
        If you’ve had the experiences I’ve had, maybe you’ll think differently. Many are not even willing to try it out, just once. I once had a guy lock his asshole up(tighten the muscles) while pretending to not be able to take it. In other words I should just bend and let’s finish this since his A-hole isn’t big enough. I’m sure you know how that story ended.
        Men have been mentally conditioned.. Not only Nigerian men. Most porn stars you see online buttoms.. Even the so called strictly tops.

    • @Pinky and Mandy, I guess you guys missed the memo where a certain somebody is out to make the whole world vers? I pity una two.

      Lol! Did this dude just say he thinks some ppl are too lazy and would rather spread their legs and take the D? Omg! Max! I guess the day has finally arrived that u had me blinking multiple times at ur comment in a bid to comprehend it.
      Are we talking about the same bottoming that requires a serious ritual to prepare for?, that u of all ppl happen to be the champion of “flush ur gut” b4 sex? Having over 6″ of rod shoved and rammed up and down into u is lazy? Lol sorry, I don’t have bottoming experience, but I know enough to tell u its no childs play. Lazy? Really?

      • Lol @Peak. Trust me, the initial penetration is the hard part. After a few minutes your anus relaxes and the D slides in and out like a piston in an engine block. While the person taking the D lies there mostly doing nothing. The thruster spends his energy thrusting and making sure he hits the right spots. Don’t even get me started with the dick strain due to the sometimes uncomfortable positions.

      • Trust me there is not lazy about being bottom..
        Infact you have got have big “Balls” (Metaphorically) to be bottom… Being bottom is no easy business.
        Eps when you love those big churning “Rods”.
        Damn those big rods.. Damn them!

    • Oh pinky don’t be such a bully… You don’t have to expose her like that

      Clearly our madam is just viewing her opinion the way she seemed fit.

      **chuckles**

  10. A good part of my brain power was lost from reading that chatversation.

    This is one of those post where everybody will be too preoccupied pointing fingers, instead of looking inwards.
    Its funny how Tops think they run the world, while bottoms think they are princesses. I want a “MAN” and I expect u to be that way, on and off the court.
    I love a man who is a boss in the street and a freak in the sheets, that doesn’t mean, when we are alone, he expects me 2 open the door 4 him, pay his bill and all what not. I happen 2 be a very domestic person. If I care about you, I will dump all my high handedness to cook, clean and all. Just as I can be very domineeing. In past dealings, I’m more comfortable having my dates call the shot about where 2 meet and what we should ve an all. Does that make me less of a Man? I think a lot of tops are way 2 busy reassuring themselves that they are still men, cos society don’t consider them as one, that they spend a great deal of time and energy tryin to subjugate another man. Its not politics, its a relationship. What’s the craze to ve the upper hand 4? Just cos u prefer to bottom when we are alone don’t mean u should go all soft and submissive, I will just lose interest. Keep me on my toes, challenge me when I step out of line. That’s why I said I prefered old or ppl around my age, cos there is no way someone ur age or older will allow u to boss them around. And ur brain is some how conditioned to give some degree of respect 2 someone older or ur mate, whether u are climbing them or not.

  11. It is a good thing today is a Saturday cos I’ve got serious time for this.
    The first problem is us – bottoms who get called ‘gurl ‘ & ‘iya’ and ‘my sister’ and stuff and don’t mind one bit. We refer to ourselves as women in the real world, did we expect that the small minds of people change concerning this when we are in bed? Being feminine is something that is wired into a LOT of gay bottoms. Many of us like to show it to the world too, even though some more flamboyantly than others. Still, I am mad that the guy in question has a mind like a mustard seed and I don’t mean up to the extent to which it can grow. Some bottoms like to be referred to as girls, some see themselves as that, want to dress like that and stuff while others don’t.
    It is just unfortunate and appalling that most tops feel that because they fuck you, you automatically become their bitch. Well, think again. I may be emotional and stuff but that doesn’t make me less a man that I can’t take the leading role when sex is not involved. To say that one can fight for equality only when he is a verse and in a relationship with one is just deranged. I am glad the bottom in question knows who he is and is not ready to compromise for anyone.
    #GiveBottomsHeadtheydeserve. I’m sure that didn’t come out right

  12. The 2 guys in the discussion attached to this post has so much time to waste on such vain discussions. That said, in gay marriages do we have husband and husband or husband and wife? I honestly don’t know that’s why I ask. I ask because I think the answer will give direction to this discussion. OAN: I urge all eligible voters to go out and exercise their franchise. Note that religion and ethnicity are foolish and unpatriotic yardsticks to consider while choosing a leader.

      • I’m starting to think you have a thing for Gad,Max. Something serious.You two supposedly don’t get along,but you almost always reply his comments even when he’s not remotely addressing you.

      • “A thing for Gad”.. Too early for jokes. I reply everyone’s comment here as I see fit. He needed some clarity and I gave it to him.

  13. OUCH!!!
    Someone, a friend of mine told me there can’t be a relationship without a leader… I agree. For me, call me the husband, or wife. It could sound romantic!! If it does, I accept. And I believe how far and good we have gone would determine how sarcastic of loving the statement means…
    Sometime here, I read a comment. The writer spoke about role stereotypes and was like…he isn’t a lazy bottom. He carries…(was it two or three jerricans? Dunno!!). But people laughed at his reasoning…
    Recently, I read a post here. The writer spoke about homophobia…painting a vivid, clear, usual picture. Then I saw he said that his school girl mates threatened to beat him taking advantage of his…I think weakness…but something like, not having strength!
    One can be lazy, shy, or weak; and not work. I remember that I was too timid to revoke trouble makers and they took me for granted. This neighbour’s child, a girl was at the top of the enemy list. She would hit me unecessarily… People thought I was too weak and laughed at my stupidity for letting my age mates beat me up.
    One day, I found my self worth and revoked her…she came to attack and, getting tired of her mercilessness, I lunged an attack…(this sort of kill me today, let it end one). At the end, she was running away and crying while I hit her proudly from behind. That was how I realised I had the strength, as a child.
    Any relationship ought to hve sacrifices…which should be given wholeheartedly… If your bottom can cook, you should be there to discuss, or wash plates, or blend tomatoes,…and help in any way. You won’t expect them to play the ”female” roles while you sit down and…not read newspaper ooo….but watch porn and chat other lovers up!! It is unbearable…
    He can understand if you are tired. He could even let you stay out due to personal reasons. If you don’t like it, it’s not by force. We ain’t compatible…SIMPLE!!!
    Also…the post is not for all of us… I didn’t find anything about VERSATILES…

      • Now! there are cooking tops Maxie boo,my 50 yr old ex ex, was the cook and he serves the meal(s) to me in bed……age wise i could be likened to his grandchild…….that said!

        This issue of male and female archetypes that has been marinated into main stream gay relationships is so repulsive and makes me sick to my bones just thinking abt it.
        For cock sake we are men and if i can take D fine,if you can’t take D no qualms,if i feel like being domesticated good but subjecting me to wifey roles and stereotypes because you ram that pain inducing extension of yourself into my nether region is so not going to happen.

        But then cognizance has to be paid to the dynamics of any relationship (hetero/homophiliac).

        I do not subscribe to the above scenerio painted by the writer of this piece in the opening lines.
        I am A PROUD BOTTOM.
        I am a MAN. I am MASCULINE.
        WILL let down my tightly packed bun if i want to. COULD be dominant.
        STRONG and STEADY as a rock. IRONICALLY i have been the BIGGER, HUSKIER one in most of my relationships.
        So there goes the debunking of a stereotypical pathetic myth.
        *sashays away in purple laced trimmed Vera Wang gown*

    • I swear u ppl kill me with ur comments!
      So one has to be domestic and the other doesn’t ? Shey una de see una sef? No be as them give me home training them give you? What do u mean by cooking top and cleaning bottom? U pple are inches away from driving me nuts. So cos u “prefer” to bottom, u ve to pick up a cookery book so you can be the “ideal/complete bottom abi” smh! For who exactly? See as una de open una yansh 4 public. Look! I personally don’t believe I can be bossed around, not cos I top, but cos that’s how “I am as a person”. If u can’t handle that, lemme know so I can hit nEXt. do I want a submissive person? No! I want a good listener, a friends, a confidant a PARTNER!!!!! For the love of god! See ur self as a wife and start acting the part, then we are at the beginning of the end.

  14. This Chatversation is giving me the vibe of those wack Facebook pages filled with ignorant gay guys. It is in this blog someone said bottoms should be denied going to the gym to carry weights cos apparently it is an all exclusive right for tops. I don’t blame some tops for feeling they are the men cos some bottoms will ask for payment after sex, money for transport, money for lunch; forgetting they both have dicks. If you are a bottom and you are depending on your top for necessities, you are his bitch OH! HA!

      • Those ones who think they are the ultimate alpha males abi? Who look like the very arrogant Tyson Beckford (no offense pinky) and think every bottom want to have a taste of their D.
        I retch. I just know I ain’t paying no Akpany piece of flesh any dime to ram me with a D even if it ejaculates molten gold.

    • Heyyyyy!!!! Do not misquote me o. What I said was ‘keep ur fitness programmes OUT of the gym so we wud know who is Brianna and who a Brian is”.
      If u sha like, gaan be competing with Atlas for biceps. Near me waving hand and have tinny voice dey tell me say u be top. If I no vomit on top ur head, my pseudonym is not trystham. Its d same way some tops want ‘straight acting’ bottoms that I like straight acting tops.

      That said, I cannot wash, clean, cook, iron for any body. If I get to ur house, hungry catch me and den u tell me to even cook for myself, na to drink garri, rinse my cup.
      If the room we will have sex in is piled high with dirty laundry, na to shift them one side collect the prick, comot. I most definitely will not spend d nite in such a pig sty. God has blessed me with sensible clean ppl sha.

  15. When I read some comments here, I can’t help but laugh. Some people sha get time ooo…you get angry because of what you read on the internet. You get angry because of someone’s comment. I wonder how your life be like.
    I wonder why some people are complaining. It was on this blog I started seeing guys calling themselves ‘bitch’, ‘girl’….you are what you call yourself. In the long run, whether you like it or not, there is going to be one who plays the male and the other who plays the female. Whether you like it or not, is not my cup of tea.

    Besides what is wrong in being female? Was it not some days ago someone here posted something about the equality between male and female. Is there anything wrong in being female?

    There are numerous hypocrites on this blog. Don’t you guys know that there are guys who believe they are female trapped in a male’s body?

    Just because you don’t like it, doesn’t mean that someone out there doesn’t like it. You can’t force your opinion and perception on others.

    To those who want to marry guys, I wonder how you are going to do it…

    • You spoke my mind once AGAIN.. After yesterday’s mini debacle.(one of your comments I.e) I was beginning to to think I have lost you!

    • “U get angry bcos of someone’s comment” lol, bros its called having a reaction. Its me expressing my shock and frustration, something that you of all ppl should understand, since u almost had a melt down during the week and took out time to address almost every single comment that didn’t agree with ur views.
      You are right though, we have a lot of hypocrites on this blog, but my question to you this morning is, “Have you looked into the mirror lately?” Have a nice day bruh!

    • I’m really having fun today except that being here at this time distracts me from monitoring the ongoing election the way I ought to.

  16. I identify as Vers. Maybe that is why I am taking this post a bit personal because I don’t understand why anyone would feel superior over another in a relationship when they both should be working together. My decision to clean and be all domestic is because I was brought up that way. I grew up in a house where the floors were not just mopped but brushed on your knees, bed spreads are changed every two/three days, my dad loves his meals prepared fresh so I was always helping in the kitchen. That is how I was raised and it has nothing to do with my sexuality. In fact, it should make you as my partner appreciate me as a partner. But if these skills will be a platform for feeding your ego then I will go the way you want. Is it your weight lifting that is making you feel like “the man”? Oga, I push weights as a hobby, is it kick boxing? We will exchange blows over who should do the dishes. God bless the delusional soul of any guy that feels cos I bottom for him then I am his bitch.

    • Can we get married @ Ace and Peak. We can create our own gay Savages love story, without the kidnapping and killing of course. I swear I am a very good cook and very handy too.

  17. I have decided to just keep calm.. Read through comments and then build on whichever I see deemed fit.. Or going with my line of thought… It’s quite tiring and time consuming having to write long comments everyone and then (Una wey dey do am.. I salute)

    That said this what I have to say
    **inserts @Sinnex Comments**
    Let me just add a little something to it…
    First of all I must say is there really any need for this post? You know.. It’s more or less the same with the agendas of most feminist groups all around the world
    “Equality this, Equality that”
    Yall should give a rest will you.. It’s getting tiring. In as much as I do not agree with the school of thoughts ‘women will never get that Equality they want’
    If they like they should dance to tambourine and walk from China to Jupiter.. It’s just not going to happen. It’s a mans world.. A few women will come close.. But for all women to be equal? It’s just never gonna happen. Same can be applied to the topic above (and I know pinky will probably hate me for this) the truth is that everything you said about bottoms and tops and “stereotypes” are mostly true.. Maybe 95% true. Most bottoms do all the things you said and tops do also the things you said… And that only butress the more the facts that bottoms are mostly wired as women (which makes them have women emotions) and tops through thier behaviors and what not will do what men do. Except you just want to decieve yourself 95% of bottoms deep down feel like women.. As soon as you strt taking that “D” it just happens like (it’s an unexplainable feeling) I know guys that they used to be tops but as soon as they strt taking the “D” u just strt seeing that woman element in them.. No matter how minute. It just shows as soon as you strt taking the “D”

    “If fashionable + emotional x Beyoncé = bottom,
    then football + boot-cut jeans x dirty finger nails = top.”
    Call this statement above obnoxious if you like but the truth is.. this statement is 98% correct. (of course you do know that it doesn’t have to be dirty finger nails, it could be some other traits of guys) but most tops are know to act and do certian things and bottoms are known to do certian things. Most times!! Maybe not all the time but most times! So why fight the obvious? Bottoms shouldn’t be regarded as lesser beings. For what? But it should be noted that by nature tops will mostly be the leader in the a relationship.
    As for the versatiles.. I do not know what to say about them.. I am confused by every bit of them.. Let me just say they are the bisexual of the gaybourhood Lol…
    I am not a fan of labels.. But deep down we all know what we are.. (Be it Gurly bottom, manly bottom or Gurly top, manly top or versatile) Whether you come out to say it or not.
    My question is why fight what nature has pre designed?
    It’s no use.. That’s my answer!

    • I agree with almost all you said except…
      “If fashionable + emotional x Beyoncé = bottom,
      then football + boot-cut jeans x dirty finger nails = top.”

      I am not fashionable, emotional or ‘Beyonce’-don’t even like her songs; On the other hand I hate football and anything sport like, boot-cut jeans???? I don’t understand this part. Dirty fingers? Mine is not dirty….

      My point is that I don’t fit the stereotypes of being a bottom or top…where does that place me?

      There are some bottoms I know who are football freaks, they are as manly as they come, while I also know so top who are extremely soft and hates sport with passion…..

      • That’s why I said most.. Not all.. So yes you do not fit the bill.. You could be aming the 2% to 5% who isn’t…
        Am sure yall (like always) except you Sinnex i.e do not get where I am coming from. It takes someone extremely intelligent to understand my point of views at times.

      • Look at you, Tef, trying so hard not to act like you’re ass-kissing. You know, that crime you accused the rest of us of doing.

    • As in ehn, my jaw dropped open at this crap spew – make i vote finish under this sun make my brain cool ***marinated crap***

  18. So much, even from the so-called feminists. In a bid to defend our masculinity, we sacrificed our female counterparts.

    In the human society, everyone is equal. Like in (business) partnerships, people sometimes give up some rights for whichever of the plethora of possible reasons.

    I believe in equality but I will often let my partner call the shots–it changes nothing. We are in it to complement each other, not compliment the other.

    It’s all about (love and) respect. And no, it isn’t “two men/dicks involved”, it’s two PEOPLE.

    I was disappointed by you all.

    *Hello Max!

  19. Abeg how is that chat conversation arranged? Someone help me out, is it from TOP to BOTTOM?

    I cook, hate football, occasionally have dirty nails, moderately fashionable, not emotional, like Beyonce. OMG! What am I? Who am I? Am I a hybrid? Am I gay? Am I even human?
    I’m going to church to seek answers.

  20. These stupid outdated notions of gender superiority that africans have stubbornly refused to abandon when others are embracing gender equality and feminine advancement. .. smh …. its completely stupid to think that because you can put your dick in a hole and rub it back and forth till you reach orgasm, that somehow you’re superior! Its dumb as hell! I think of myself as a sexual person with roles relegated to obscurity. If i like a man, i like his entire body, i want to have his dick and his ass and every part of him in a sexual way. The fact that his dick goes in me or mine goes in me frequently doesnt mean much to me. I just want to have sex with him. I have personally met guys who are like ‘am strictly top, i dont kiss or suck and you’re not allowed to touch anywhere near my ass’ and i point them towards the bathroom ‘there’s plenty of soap and water in there, have fun & please don’t make a mess, whenever you’re done, thats the door,walk through it and never come back!’ …. i respect the fact that some guys due to their peculiar anatomy are truly unable to bottom – its not an issue of their empty ego/pride. I always try to get inside a man’s head before i have sex with him, if i detect any hint this stupid hetero – normative crap about tops being the men and bottoms being women, you can be sure as the rising of the sun that even if you’re as hot as Trey Songs, Pablo Hernandez, Boris Kodjoe and Alexx Ekubo all rolled into one, you’re not getting anything even remotely related to sex from me. To all ye avowed and sworn bottoms, sometimes learn to get your man to take your dick, play with his ass just as much as you play with his dick. .. explore his body, that you’re bottom doesn’t automatically mean you’re designed to lie limp and passive in bed like a used condom.
    I refer to my friends in feminine terms – nne, sista, bitch, girl, girlfriend, momma etc … its all fun and games, i do it irrespective of their preferred roles in bed. I have dated tops whom i used these terms on and we both laugh over it – cos its nothing more than fun and games. .your physique doesnt have a lot to do with your preferree role, we all know masculine bottoms (Macho Marys & Buff Brianas/Brendas) and feminine tops abound all over the place – i know so many. Abeg i just cant with anyone who still reasons so backward in 2015. The what can i say? A peep into the ‘men’s lounge’ in 2go wi show you that there are still a massive number of gays who cling to this flawed logic….
    ****standing under my pink parasol in the sun waiting to vote … i should have worn flats ooo, these heels are killing me****

    • “To all ye avowed and sworn bottoms, sometimes learn to get your man to take your dick, play with his ass just as much as you play with his dick”. ..

      You have my unending love.

  21. I wish the person defending being bottom but not girly kept quiet and let the nigga think what he wants to think. You know who you are and what you believe.. No need to argue it out with some guy.

    people deal with their being gay in different ways… To maintain some semblance of normalcy they import heterosexual things and forget there’s nothing heterosexual in a guy and guy fucking. Sure the ass acts as a pussy but so does the hand and mouth and so can we say the guys that give bjs or hand jobs are girls too? What makes a female female seff.. Isn’t it the presence of a vagina? Just because bisi dresses like a boy and pegs her bf doesn’t turn her into a man..

    And about there being a leader in a relationship.. If that’s the way you feel your relationship will work then by all means go for it. Personally I feel a relationship is about people taking charge where they are best equipped to take charge, two people complementing each other and those are the kind of people I will consider dating.

    It shows here on KD that there are bottoms who want to be treated like princesses and tops who want to be treated like kings, there are versatiles who want the best of both worlds and there are bottoms who believe they are to be treated as equals with their partners. The diversity is plenty.. Let everyone believe what they want to believe, they will find those who have the same belief as them and make some babies or whatever. This argument shouldn’t even exist seff.

    • Exactly what u was trying to say.. Before some “Iya Oloja” (Market women) came after me with Thier pangs.
      Some bottoms like to be treated like girls.. Some don’t. Same goes with tops… Some bottoms don’t want equality.. Some do! It all depends on individual conviction. Some bottoms (most I dare say) just want a loving kind man.. That would make them feel like a princess even tho the man clearly see himself as “THE MAN” in the relationship.
      To be honest this things are personal and no one can actually beleive because he feels a certain way then everyone has to feel that way. You can’t fight nature.. This things are based on personal beliefs and convictions. It’s a non argument! It shouldn’t be a “Big deal” in my opinion.

    • “…two people complementing each other and those are the kind of people I will consider dating.”

      ‘complement’ NOT DOMINATE. Thats all that I agree with.

  22. And Gad.. I’d like to speak in private with you over something. Would you be so kind to allow pinky gimme your email. Thanks.

  23. Biko Heteronormative at best is going on through the comment section.

    Someone somewhere said being bottom is as same as being a girl and someone else said that guys that think of themselves as girls trapped in a man’s body. Can we stop confusing being trans or aspiring to be as being bottoms and being bottom as a replacement for opposite gender.

    What happens in our bedroom isn’t the same as what happen in other parts of our house or in public.

    Not everyone can be verse. Leadership is for both parties in a relationship not one person.

  24. I was “Teflondoned” while reading some comment.
    Brian Collins, that came in handy.
    Moving on…

    While I was dating my ex and shortly after coming out to two of his friends, he introduced me to them. Because they perceived me to be somewhat effeminate, his “straight friends” would say things like “I can tell you’re the man in the relationship” with a little wink or nudge. Now, I know they were trying to express solidarity with him, saying “See? We’re not so different, you’re a man just like us.” What they were actually saying is “We respect you more than your boyfriend because we perceive your boyfriend to be the ‘girl’ and therefore inherently inferior to us.”

    As a community, we seem to forget that topping and bottoming are things people do, not something they are. Why do we allow are sexuality to define us, and why do we so frequently feel the need to revert to traditional gender roles and corresponding stereotypes in our relationships? Many of us like to consider ourselves to be liberal and enlightened, but how does this subconscious respect or disrespect of tops and bottoms inform our prejudice toward females?

    We have the advantage of being in same-gender relationships, which should not be subject to the outmoded archetypes and sexist stereotypes that exist in our misogynistic culture. We are privy to something unique, liberating, and free from the shackles of single-minded gender roles. Sure, people can have preferences in the bedroom, but why do we allow our preferred sexual position to define our identity? We are capable of a full range of emotional, physical, and romantic connection. We must never bow the pressures of the gay community to conform to limited possibilities and perceptions of who we are. Be masculine, be feminine, be something in between, but in all things be true to yourself.

    • ****standing ovation****

      Vhar you have captured all i want to say!

      ****goes back to standing under the sun to vote****

      • How’s the situation of things down there,Dennis?.We keep getting reports of pockets of violence,some overblown I’m sure

      • MacArdry so far so good! Card reader worked well here, less than 3 minutes I was accredited. Voting has started! It is still safe here

    • Teflondoned? Meaning what exactly?!
      Dumbfounded? Really? Great! Yall should keep throwing shades here and there.. Deris God!

      In a bottom-dominated blog (Pun not intended) Its understandable all the comments I am reading… But I must say it’s really beginning to feel like I am in some sort of feminist group empowerment programme!

      • Feminist group empowerment programme? Feminist?! Wow. You’re just… Wow. Kindly pick up a dictionary and find the meaning of feminism. Last I checked, this wasn’t a gender equality discourse.

      • “feminism – The belief that women (Bottoms) are and should be treated as potential intellectual equals and social equals to men (Tops)”

        And yes that’s how it feels around here right now!

      • Bottoms are women and tops are men? Well, gentlemen, here’s one person that agrees with the idiot on the post. Can’t say I’m shocked. Teflondon must be a right little wife in his husband’s kitchen.

      • Any selfish person can light up a room. But a truly selfless person leaves the room (without saying goodbye to anyone) right before they get in a bad mood. See the distinction Tef??

      • @TeflonDon, with each passing comment and with each passing day, you show me how skilled you are at reaching down into never before seen depths, pulling up new levels of stupidity and like a child enjoying a carefree outdoor shower, covering yourself in the said inanity which you are so adept at pulling up ***claps slowly, with scorn and derision*** bravo gurl, ride on! Keeo doing what you do best!!!

      • All I don’t get what all the “Fuzz” is about.. You don’t expect me to break down every ‘detail’ of my comments At ‘ALL’ times do you? Ofcuz when I say things about bottoms (I don’t mean all… Most!) I keep emphasizing that.
        And I didn’t by any way accredit the person you are comparing me to with my statements by any means.
        I said it felt like I was in a “feminist group programme” with all the comments I was reading. “IT FELT LIKE”
        You just have to try to calm down on certain statements.. Understand what the person is trying to say before jumping to all sorts of conclusion you have being known to jump to.. Recently!

      • For those that find pleasure in calling me out and insulting me at every slight opportunity…

        “Agwo emeghi nke o jiri buru agwo
        , umuaka achiri ya hie nku.”

        “If a snake fails to show its venom, little kids will use it in tying firewood”

        A word is enough for the wise… Khaleesi & Co
        Like Sinnex always says “Nobody get land for here” we are all here to view our opinions and exchange knowledge/ ideas.

        (I am not ibo by the way)

      • Pinky; So because you (& Cohorts ) do not agree with my statement.. It’s now tagged “Stupid”

        Nways Thank God we are on “Your” blog…
        (No one would dare say that to me face to face)
        If this is how you treat people with different opinions to yours.. It’s just down right sad and pathetic! On a normal day.. With this recent debacle.. I should just stop visiting this blog (like a lot have done).
        But I refuse to be bullied away because I have decided to be different (sounds familiar??) with my views and the way I see things…
        That said..
        I’ll be here for a verrryyy verrrryy!! Long time. Ain’t going no where!

      • No one would dare say that to you face to face? Ha. Don’t flatter yourself, ‘madam’. The day we meet and you tell me becos I’m bottom then I’m a woman, I’ll tell you you’re stupid to your face. And you won’t do anything more than the frying pan you’re using to make breakfast for your man.

      • Rate This
        “No one would dare say that to you face to face? Ha. Don’t flatter yourself, ‘madam’. The day we meet and you tell me becos I’m bottom then I’m a woman, I’ll tell you you’re stupid to your face. And you won’t do anything more than the frying pan you’re using to make breakfast for your man.”

        Frankly speaking “Pinkin” Oops sorry “Pinky” the statements above belittles you.

        @Gad don’t worry! I don’t take these things too personal.

        **just here sitting, laughing and sipping my Very hot Chocolatey Organo Gold coffee** it’s being a very chilled rainy day..

      • Yea, you would know all about being belittled, wouldn’t you? Seeing as you’ve been doing so to yourself all day right here. I wonder why you’re still around. Don’t you have some womanly duties to carry out for whichever ‘lucky’ man is in your life

      • I went to sleep for a few hours and all this has happened? 😂😂😂😂😂😂…lmfao @Pinky. Some people really don’t know when to throw in the towel do they? You can’t say that to his face, seriously?? Where are we again? Pre-school?
        Well, can’t say I’m surprised. Its what we’ve come to expect from the head house wife of this blog. Anything less than that would’ve been disappointing.

      • Aunty Pinky.. You must be tired from all the “venom” you have poured out today… I’ll suggest you take a nap! You must be really tired and I think it’s begining to show in your reasoning.

        Mandy or whatever No one called you to the party darling… Run along now!

        @Gad it’s raining heavily in Lagos

  25. Jeez, why can’t we all just fuck (safely) without being so political about it?? And if we must be political, lets fight for the right to be ourselves (top, bottom or sideways) without the fear of getting 14 years in the slammer.

  26. 1. Bottom & Top are roles people play in bed, when they fuck. It’s like acting.

    2. Gender is your decision in your head of whether you are female male or in between.

    3. Masculine or feminine is how you portray yourself as defined to society’s pre-constructs of what a man or woman should act like.

    4. Biological sex is whether you have penis or vagina or bit of both or none

    5. Sexuality is your emotional connection with other people: whether you love men or women.

    6. Sex or fuck is a mechanical activity that may or may not have emotional basis.

    7. Gay or straight or Bisexual or… Is an identity you choose and are comfortable with.

    Summary: Any mix of the above is possible, beyond your wildest imaginations, and is the subject of research in some universities.

    For example I could be a Biologically Male Transgendering Masculine Gay Woman who emotionally prefers other women but fucks men using a strictly Top role in bed and identifies as Bisexual….Confused?

    How many bottom profiles have you seen on BGC? Hardly any. Yet we know more than 80% of gays are “bottoms” in real life.

    In Nigeria, many bottoms hate being called bottom because they feel it means ashawo so they identify as verse, just as there are a few bottoms who proudly identify as power bottom.

    Partners should please each other. That’s what counts.

    • Biologically Male Transgendering Masculine Gay Woman who emotionally prefers other women but fucks men using a strictly Top role in bed and identifies as Bisexual….

      Boy! That was horribly confusing. Lol.

    • 1. You are a bisexual woman (post reassignment surgery).
      2. You are a bisexual-transgender woman (pre reassignment surgery).

      Love your analogy but we know no one would really use that – no space for such on govt ID. “Male/Female/Other” should do, sexuality shouldn’t really concern the govt.

      They don’t capture my favorite food nor preffered partner body size…so they need not capture who I’m attracted to.

  27. People are scaring me with ugly statements. No matter how much of a woman or man you are, you will never really be one, you will always be both under one umbrella-gay.
    And who thinks that women are slaves who should work overtime cooking for husbands? I agree it is showing love and care to their man but, love and respect are reciprocal… The man should be willing to show that love and care to her back when he can…
    Do all of those for your man if you want to, and if it makes you happy. But don’t advice anyone you love to; male or female… Let them decide…
    This becomes humanism; not feminism… Except someone is telling me that all gay bottoms are rather transgenders…

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