What’s On Your Mind… II

Blog_What's On Your MindSince you asked ever so nicely, I have to admit, I’m surprised I made it again so soon. I never thought I’d be able to put anything down so soon after the last – I am LAZY, I’ll be the first to admit it to anyone who can hear. I know it’s more than a week since my last, but even I am surprised that this was able to come this quickly. I still marvel at how Pinky, James, Bobby and DM are able to churn out high quality work on a regular basis and still find time to lead their lives. Una too mush *in thick Warri accent*

So, guys, here goes.

A few days ago, upon a sudden urge, I went back to 2go – a thing I hadn’t done in like four years. About 4 or 5 years ago, 2go was the hookup app of choice. This was a time when blackberries were not as ubiquitous as they subsequently became, and a time when data was not really as cheap as it is today (at least on the blackberry). And so, I had this sudden brainwave that led me to take a peep into 2go, and so I logged on, realized I’d long ago forgotten my password and went through the password reset and recovery motions. Eventually I was in.

I zoomed in straight to the ‘Naija Gay’ room, but was dismayed to find that it was no longer available. I looked around and found a ‘Men’s Lounge.’ I popped in and, lo and behold, the gaybourhood had gathered up its skirts and moved in there!

I must say, 2go is creepier and trashier than ever. I strongly believe that 2go is the place to be if you want to meet the lowest, scummiest, flakiest, trashiest, loser-ish-est (I made that word up), crappiest gays in the land. The conversation that goes on in there is such that with each passing minute, you feel a small part of you dying slowly and tortuously along with a bunch of your valuable brain cells. Gurl, sitting there, watching the convo scroll through, I could feel my brain shutting down, bit – by – bit. Lemme give you a quick sample of what goes down in there. Note, the updates were transcribed as posted. I did not re-touch a word.

AMUagu: Ike na agum ugbua (I’m craving ass right now), onye ka m ga ara (who am I going to fuck).

Vanessa: Umuahia to visit now for a hot sex, I’m alone.

Solid: Huge dicks add up, Owerri tops add up.

Luvme: If u need a help of a place to live and look 4 job, add me I stay alone I will help Igbo guys only add if u can cum ph now.

Happyboy1: Who will help me this morning conji too much for my body.

Tears-of-love: plz y is dt btm cn nt base 4 1 person,pls btm dis question go to u pple.

Everest: Ph men add me I will suck ur anus till u pour sperm matured men plz

And then, there are the bible-thumping, fire-breathing religitards…

Godson: Gay is evil and devilish, repent. Christ is coming soon

Ted: Go home and tell you father that you are a gay whether he will not commet suicide for you. Foolish stupid gays. Curse and abomination from God

*shudder*

The creepiness and stupidity in there is a never-ending torrent of putrefaction. I wonder what it’d be like to meet and have to tango with any of these creeps in person. Tufiakwa to abominations! *in Pinky’s voice, snaps fingers loudly*

The remarkable thing about this app is its seemingly wide national reach. You can sit and watch gays from all over the country, even small remote towns you wouldn’t expect to have any gay people in – Zuru, Jalingo, Azare, Iseyin, Orlu, Ohaozara, Isuochi… (Where on earth are these places?!) …Avutu, Mbawsi, Agenebode, Illah… (Dear Lord!) I swear, sitting in the 2go ‘Men’s Lounge’ is like looking at a map of the Nigerian gaybourhood. It is a pretty interesting geography lesson, and it is a lively though creepy lounge in there.

*

I once had a chat with a friend about homosexuality being a choice (he’s bi), and he was of the opinion that since the Holy Catholic Church had recently stated that being a homosexual was not a sin, opining that the sin is indulging in gay sex, he was henceforth going celibate. I argued against such fundamentally-flawed logic. In my opinion, it is nothing more than bigotry obscured by a light gossamer veil of doctrine.

Being the ‘good Christian’ that he is, he went on: “If I am born with a tendency to steal, does that justify my acts of theft?”

I replied, “Celibacy is a CHOICE made by a person out of personal or religious conviction.” *rolls eyes impatiently* It just doesn’t seem fair to me to force a (gay) person to become celibate on account of the fact that his sexual preferences are frowned upon by a church, while at the same time permitting a heterosexual person full sanction to explore and enjoy his sexuality on account of the fact that his sexuality is deemed normal and acceptable.

A good instance I’d like to use is this: two babies are born on the same day; one is born gay and the other is born straight. They both grow up and into their teens with each realizing the direction of his sexuality. Going by my friend’s argument, the straight child is free and encouraged to explore and pursue his heterosexual attractions without any condemnation, while the gay kid is condemned and barred from exploring or acknowledging his homosexual attractions, a core part of who he is, simply because the Doctrine says so.

This doesn’t seem fair to me. Well, what do I know? I’d like for our religious brethren to enlighten us more on this issue.

*

A few days ago, one of this blog’s most active commenters, one who has shown his awesome research skills, had his post published, titled ‘Does God hate homosexuals?’ I must say, I was blown away by the depth of research, as well as the precise and logical manner with which it was all delivered. *puts on Gad a glittery pink PhD academic gown with bright sequins and a long flowing silk cap* However, somewhere in the article, the author led us to gather that the bible condemns immoral and idolatrous gay relationships, but appears to sanction loving, committed same-sex relationships, yes? Good. Now, this same author has several times in the past stated In the comments section that he does not believe in gay dating nor does he believe in the possibility of one man sticking to another man #IronicMuch. So, since that day, this piece of contradiction has been rolling noisily round and round in my head like a loose screw. However much I try, I just can’t get it out. I’d appreciate the author’s clarification on this sticky point.

*

I have read many articles where successful Blacks and other ethnic minorities in the US were asked how they were able to succeed despite the considerable odds against them. A common theme amongst many of them has been that you have to work twice as hard as the majority (Whites) in order to prove yourself.

Well, I recently realized that for a gay man in Nigeria, even working (and achieving) 50 times as much cannot save you. Here’s what happened. I have a friend in his late thirties, very successful, he is an IT Engineer with a few flourishing businesses by the side. He’s a pretty well-to-do, decent, well-educated chap. He was engaged to be married a few years ago, but somehow, the walk down the aisle never happened. He and his fiancée went their separate ways, and she proceeded to leave the country, while he has never really been identified with any other woman ever since. He has refused to talk about what happened between them. I’ve pushed and prodded, but he just won’t talk about it. So seeing as I really value his friendship, I have canned the topic and filed it under the “mysteries you shall probably always wonder about but never unravel” folder.

Anyway, he is the second of five children, and professionally and financially the most successful. He also happens to be the only one who is still single and unattached. Tongues have wagged viciously in his direction for ages, but somehow he has learned to ignore them and keep his career flying high. Recently, I was able to drag him out to a bar for a hangout (he always seems too busy and more and more reclusive these days. I suspect his “BUSYness” has less to do with his workload and more to do with depressive tendencies and a desire to be alone). Anyway, Yay! I got him (let’s call him Mark) out to a chill lounge one evening, and over drinks we got talking.

And – boy! – once he started unburdening his soul, it was like he couldn’t stop! It turns out the lady he was engaged to marry a few years ago somehow developed cold feet about him. According to her, she had been hearing some unsettling rumors about him, and his firm insistence on “no sex before marriage since we are staunch Christians” stance made her nervous. And, acting on her unease, she decided to call off the wedding. And he was left with a considerable amount of emotional baggage, resolving to thenceforth “focus on my career and make a success out of my life… If I can do that, I’ll be okay, right?”

Wrong!

It turns out he badly underestimated our society and its propensity for ripping into non-conformists. Recently, he was summoned to a specially-convened family meeting, specially called to “find out why Mark has no wife or any plans to settle down when all his mates are happily married and settled”. By the end of a bitter and acrimonious meeting, he’d been made to feel thoroughly worthless. This meeting was one where words like “efulefu” (failure), “ onye nzuzu” (layabout), and “irresponsible” were freely used on him; a meeting where he was reminded with utmost disdain that “Chinedu Orakwe who was born in the same year and same month as you now has three boys while you’re still here…”; a meeting where he was warned to “bring home a wife soon as your unmarried state is making this family a laughing stock; we can no longer have that”.

No mention was made of the fact that his elder brother has six children he can barely feed and is heavily dependent on him financially, or that he also sponsors the education of a number of extended relatives. No! Expectedly, he has since withdrawn into a depressive state. Outwardly, he cuts the picture of a busy Lagos professional, but inwardly the life is slowly being sucked out of his soul. Now Mark is as gay as a unicorn with a sheath of rainbow-coloured. He is (his own words) “not even the least bit bisexual”. And now, he is seriously contemplating relocating from Nigeria to someplace where he hopes to find some peace and sanity and be away from all the judgmental attitude.

But then the sticky question is “how do I abandon all my investments as well as my promising career and move abroad where I shall most likely have to start life afresh?” This question remains unanswered. My dear friend is deeply confused, and I frankly have no clue what to say to him. Y’all remember the 2015 AMVCA a few weeks ago? Remember how Genevieve Nnaji was trolled and tongue-lashed on the social media in spite of how fabulous she looked? This is how one troll put it: “If you like, achieve all the awards, make all the money and travel to everywhere in this world, if you don’t have a marriage and kids, you’re NOTHING!” Just like that, this troll pretty much captured the essence of our society’s views towards unmarried people. Note to DM, Pinky, Max, to me and other members of #TeamNoMarriage, #TeamJustMeAndMyDogs, #TeamJustMeAndMyAdoptedKidsFromAsia. It’s now clear that unlike the African-Americans and other minority racial groups who could work twice as hard and someday hope to excel by virtue of their hard work, as a gay man in this society, working twenty, thirty, fifty, seventy times as hard would still get you nowhere in the eyes of this society. That is, until you take a trip down the aisle. Then your validation is complete.

There, that’s all I have to say for now. I’m out.

Written by Khaleesi

 

83 thoughts on “What’s On Your Mind… II

  1. Meanwhile. Pinky, why do stories on KD just die a natural death? What became of the missing bro “Ese” who stays in Abuja but traveled to Delta State to attend a wedding? How about the horrible Kito story of the UNN student that we were all so passionate and aggrieved about, and you even promised to bring the culprit here fir public identification… Why are there no follow ups/updates?

  2. When did Catholic Church announced that homosexuality is no sin ? If you want something to make you feel better , find another thing. This article is all over the place .

  3. Today’s post feels like a variety of food served on the same plate, each chunk of it big enough to keep you thinking for a few days and reaching your own conclusion as to what will be best suited for you.

    Nice one Khaleesi!

  4. This Khaleesi I know!
    This piece I understand and sounds more like you. Not the sister from deeper life piece that was ur 1st entry. I Love! Love!! Love it.

    I died @ AMUagu!

    About our Mark friend ***sigh***
    Me don de pray sef say “Father lord, let this cup pass over me” but the cup is fully stationed on the table. Please we can’t stress it enough here, we need MGMs who have been down this road 2 comment or just bless us with a piece about their journey, cos this marriage issue is not funny at all. A lot of us are bound. By a sense of responsibility, and running off is not an option. Its like getting stuck in a maze of frustration.
    Khalie please keep an eye on Mark! Don’t let him draw in into himself, depression can take u to real real dark places. He needs friends, good listeners. He needs them even if says he doesn’t,
    I’m scared but I will be praying 4 him.

  5. Nice piece, Khaleesi. The society is such a portent force that frowns at outliers. The Pope was open to discuss & even soften the Church’s stand on homosexuality but there are bigger forces at play here.

  6. The marraige issue….. And my mum has started ringing it in my ear…. I tell her am just 22 …. Even if am rounding up NYSC… and she tells me the earlier the better, that I should take alook at her and my dad… That they married early, well as Peak said…. The cup is now on my table….. God help us.

  7. The queen has spoken yet again! So many issues to discuss;

    1. 2go? You get mind oo! 2go is like the comments section of LindaIkeji’s blog, it shows you what is wrong with Nigeria and i wont bother myself. I cant have the presence of mind to chat with anyone there, i may loose parts of my grey matter.

    2. One of my best friends that is a pastor always tells me that crap; that I shouldnstay celibate to be holy unto God. I always ask him; if i cannot marry a man and you people only endorse sex in marriage (even though you look the other way when straight people have premarital sex) so i should remain celibate for life? Oga oooo!

    I will always reiterate that christians need to make up their minds about this god; does he love unconditionally? Or is this love tied to dos and donts?

    3 I empathize with your friend and I can totally relate after all that cup has also landed on my table. My views on this subject has not changed, nobody has ever been killed for not getting married. You will be scorned and there will be side talk here and there, but you will be fine if you want to be. In my opinion what you need is success and people will respect you! Dimeji Bankole was speaker as a single man @ 38 was he not? Before he later got married (coughs and drinks water). Did he die? Was he not leader of a House of parliament with predominantly married people?

    Marriage to an unsuspecting woman is not an option for me, I cannot carry on with such a chararde and I dont even want to try. I am not capable of that level of deceit, if its your journey please take it but it is not my journey and my family will just have to deal with it. #TeamBachelorForLife #TeamEternalBachelorsAnonymous #TeamNoKidsEver #TeamMeAndMyEightDogs

  8. Efulefu abi? I have the best answer. Withdraw ALL financial supports to both his nuclear and extended family for a particular period. EVERY single one of dem. Uselessness in one is kuku uselessness in all. Awon oniranu. Boya awon lo ma ba to aya ati omo

    I made a very good friend in that 2go Lounge o. I also had the worst sex with sum1 from that room (my fault). I wish I cud make amends. His dick was soooo thick, I felt like a virgin all over again #sigh
    I think the trick to making sane friends in that craze world is to drop a sensible comment devoid of ASL once in a while. The ppl in d sidelines will holler.

    • Uhm, sorry, do you know who sponsored and took care of his fees/fares throughout his school days?

      I’m sure he had some sought of support from these same friends & family – extended & nuclear – to get to where he is today. No?

      • And that makes it OK for them to malign him so? I won’t lie, I’m with trystham. If I were Mark and I began to feel resented by my family, and they’re calling me undignified names like efulefu, I’ll withdraw everything! What was done for me in my upbringing is NO excuse to be audacious in making my present life a miserable one.

      • That aside. They know not the reason why he doesn’t want to get married to a woman and have kids. He should tell them. He’s been silent. He’s not spoken a word. He’s cowering away.

        They feel he’s punishing them. He should talk. If they malign him still, then whatever action he takes is justified.

      • Punishing them how? That I’m using MY penis only to pee? Telling them that what??? “I am prudish and can’t imagine and indulge in premarital sex in this current days when sluts abound?, OR “I am very particular about the toto size of the woman I want to marry?” OR “I am very worried I may be a failure at marriage”?
        Puhleeeeeease. I don’t want to marry (yet). Period. When u do get married nko?
        They will nag if she’s not from ur race.
        They will nag some more if she’s African but not Nigerian
        Its worse when they find out she is ‘nyanmiri’ or ‘ngbati-ngbati’
        There will be war if she has only one child
        She needs deliverance if she bears twins
        Its a Nomenclatural holocaust when she has several children and all are girls.
        Your life is officially over if u have at least two of the above listed problems

        Put ur foot down at one point in ur life. Why not start early? After all, u took care of me, I am taking care of u back. Its not ur business who will take care of me. Nollywood and Patience Ozokwor are still crap. Mtchewww.
        Calling me useless because I’m not married? Ori won o da

    • Hahahahahahahhaha!!!! this trystham character is just mess.com

      Lol. The above points are crazy as hell but true
      Ori won oda l’oto

    • I am with u all the way…taking care of them back is all he owes and he is doing that.

      They should all take several sits as long as he is paying their bills; happy n not complaining OR the bills STOP!

  9. This tendency for the average African to peg his achievement in life to the institution of marriage is one that still baffles me. I still don’t see myself getting married to a woman, ever!
    I once broached the topic of me adopting kids to my family and my mom was like “that’s a very good idea……….for a kid like you”.
    Marriage is, to me, meant for companionship not churning out kids one has no wherewithal to support or sustain. So, forget it! I’ll either marry a man or stay single.

    Oh, and Khallie, do keep an eye on Mark. Let him not be the next sad story we have on KD.

  10. It Takes our. woman a Mountain to Understand.Have. Seen a case whereby the Man. Is a Gay,rich. Handsome has a flourishing Bussiness .getting. Married was ok,cus he explain to the lady “am a Gay”the woman. Accepted,things went well.But I fink that Outdoor service is allowed. 2go Once you need a real KITO jus hook up.and tell ur stories later.

  11. “It just doesn’t seem fair to me to force a (gay) person to become celibate on account of the fact that his sexual preferences are frowned upon by a
    church, while at the same time permitting a heterosexual person full sanction to explore
    and enjoy his sexuality on account of the fact
    that his sexuality is deemed normal and
    acceptable.”
    The Catholic church does NOT PERMIT sex of any kind outside marriage.Call the church uptight,if you will,but sex of any kind outside of marriage is a no-no,not just gay sex.To the church,sex outside of marriage is fornication/adultery,both sins of same high magnitude.Of course,there’s still serious conversation to have about gay marriage,whether to be or not,how the church look upon civil partnership sef.
    Thought to clear up that misconception.
    @Phillip,yes the church does not see being gay,being attracted to one of same sex as sin,just don’t get down and dirty.Has always being so,though that part of the canons was not given much publicity in the past.

  12. Mark… should summon his inner strength and don’t succumb to family pressures… we all deserve to be happy… he needs a friend/friends… please khaleesi stay very close by with or without his consent. *we all rememba the story of that student that was posted here*

    Now marriage LOL… 22 years and som1’s mom is already hinting? Nawa oooo… mother’s though… if I was the one, I will give her one cold freezing look!!! mscheewwwww

    Then 2go… tried it for the first time and last year nov/dec and it’s surely crap… but like som1 said: drop a sensible comment and sensible people (in d sidelines) will Holla… I met a sensible individual there last month… for some people, they don’t know any other means of meeting people (this my friend doesn’t even know grindr)

  13. It’s refreshing to read a write-up here that is devoid of rancour, theatrics and melodrama. Nice one Khalie.

  14. “The conversation that goes on in there is such that with each passing minute, you feel a small part of you dying slowly and tortuously along with a bunch of your valuable brain cells.” 😂😂😂😂.. Haven’t had the app in my phone in years..
    You didn’t tell them the meaning of Amuagu(Tiger’s dick)
    This issue of marriage is one which can’t be over emphasized. Society has used fear-conditioning to make people believe they can’t live happily alone. They’ve made them believe there’s no happiness without a wife and kids. Sadly most gay men have bought into the idea. Its sad and sickening. Makes my stomach turn and ache each time I think about it.
    You didn’t add the word akaliogoli nwoke(useless and worthless man) to the list. People trash talk, condescend and say all sorts of aweful things about single people. The more I hear about it, the more hardened I become about the issue. I want to prove to them that there are some people you just can’t bend. Your friend is strong.. Tell him to leave if that’s really what he wants to do.. Liquefy his assets and seek happiness elsewhere. Life ain’t worth living if you aren’t happy. Staying unhappy in a toxic environment because of career is not the best choice.
    I’m gonna try not to be depressed about this today.. Today is supposed to be a happy day..we r closing early 😀😀..

    • Akaliogoli nwoke…. hahahahahaaa, i dont know what that word means, it probably doesnt exist in my dialect but whatever it means, its funny as hell …

  15. nice piece… personally, I intend to be single for as many years as possible… no amount of family meetings or side talks would make me go into a marriage am not ready for. Am afraid i might not be able to conjure up an erection to fuck the girl. not to mention that I feel nervously awkward when a girl comes too close…..

  16. “Mark should summon his inner strenght and not succumb” lol. Until I start getting “version of events” from an MGM or someone who is in his late thirties and determined to stay single, I will not be taking comments on issues bordering on “Gay and Marriage” here seriously. I ve observed that a good proportion of the commenters here are under the age of 25. How in hell’s name am I suppose 2 take advise on issues on love , being gay and marriage frome you? Forgive my one way line of though, but I will like to pull my “Age is more than a number plaque” out.

    Some of “us” don’t understand the dynamics of family. U come from a liberal family doesn’t mean everyone did. Mark clearly has a sense of responsibility and comes across as a very rational man. he must ve weighed the option of cutting ties with his families and came up short. I told a friend recently, that some of us don’t ve our lives to ourselves. Its dictated 2 us. Yes its the 21st century and all that blah blah crap. In real life. Some of that shii don’t count.

    I can’t turn into a cold hearted bitch who cuts funding to ppl who need them on the account of being bad mouthed. That’s like defeating the concept of who u are as a person. God made Mark kind and generous, I expect him 2 remain that way, and not allow innocent children suffer on the account of their myopic parents **glares at pinky while holding back my outburst**. Turning bitter is like allowing society win cos u allowed them 2 get to u.

    I don’t know a way out cos I’m drowning in that pool of confusion myself. So let’s try and be mindful of how we dish out comments, some really sensitive things are discussed here, and I just feel like ripping someone’s head off and hauling it against a moving train, cos of the degree of levity they apply 2 major issues. Let’s spend more time to critically analyse issues, before dishing out recommendations. A wrong advice u give today, can have a negative ripple effect and wreck more lives than you could possibly imagine.

    • Peak you’ve made really valid points and yes we have very few MGMs here to give concrete advice as to what it’s like walking in their shoes. Also I definitely agree with you that Mark still feels some sense of responsibility to his family despite their put downs.

      But you just admitted to drowning in a pool of confusion, like you’re just gliding through life rather than actually living life. But really for how long shall you continue to live like this? It’s almost like a zombie or a puppet. Do you keep on hanging on to assassin while he stabs you continuously or you let go and save yourself?

      Being gay and Nigerian is by no means an easy feat at all. But there comes a time in a man’s life where he just says “fuck this”… not only to families but to anything that is a source of unhappiness.

      It’s hard no doubt and it takes a great deal of courage to do so. But when push comes to shove and the burden gets too much, you have two options: crumble under it or throw it away as far as possible

    • Peak boo, I have MGM’s as friends and I have late thirties too as friends.
      MGM’s are miserable, they warned me against going through it, to be stronger than they were. Forget the “happily married” charade they front to the outside world.
      An MGM friend of mine was murdered two years ago, all because of his sexuality.That was the last time I cried. My older friends(late 30’s/40’s) are planning to move out of the country.
      You still know my stand about relationship with age and wisdom…

    • JArch and Max, I get ur take on the matter.
      Some of us have had to reach the sad conclusion that we are not destined 4 “Happy”. “Happy” is a concept that will forever elude us.

      Yes, I’m gliding through life. I’m at a point in my life where it would take multiple ” live and breathing” case studies of MGM and men over 40 who are flying the “Gay but single and proud” before my medieval views about being gay and single “Might” start changing. Some of us can afford “fuck it(s)” because the cost is far too expensive to bear.

      Being different and persecuted all ur life does a number on you. We don’t know about Mark’s family history. Some of us are just meant to sacrifies our lives to make our families happy. Yes! Its a sick,twisted, sad and pathetic way to live, buts its the truth, some of us live with. you are not in my shoes and don’t know what brought me to this junction. Just as I’m not in Marks shoe and can’t speak for him. All I can do is imagine how impossible its been for him base on how terribly hard its been for me so far. I’m not entirely trumping down ppl’s views on the matter, I’m just saying we should learn to leave room for untold stories in every picture we see, cos a picture of bright smiles doesn’t always mean “HAPPY”

      • Peak I can’t say I wholly understand what it is you’re going through, Am not a regular church going person ooo, but I believe in God a whole lot and I believe in his word, so permit me to quote the bible a bit for you. There’s a verse that God made a promise in Jeremiah 29:11

        It say: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

        Another translation says

        “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, said the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”

        The above verse promised happiness, so telling me that happiness is an illusion for some people is just bullshit (excuse my language but I need to come clear). Everyone deserves to be happy my dear, one way or another, it’s your GOD GIVEN RIGHT.

        Shey you know if you let your unhappiness consume you (and God forbid kill you), your family that you killed yourself for, by sacrificing your happiness for theirs will keep on living and enjoying their life one way or another without you? If they were dependent on you, when you’re gone, they’ll move on to someone else. Life continues

        Shikena

      • ** stands up to give JArch a standing ovation**

        That was a brilliant argument. A direct and a clear cut one at that. But one thing we both agree on, is that u don’t know the whole story. Trust me I totally agree with u particularly the ” part about dying and everyone carrying on”. Maybe some of us are just cowards or just too weak to go against the norm.
        I’m learning, and will always be open to fresh but sound theories and experience on the subject. Nice one.

    • Ehen!!! I have heard u. Let us at this moment take time to remember an unknown, but much known brother. The pakistani MEDICAL DOCTOR who commited suicide because of the stupidity of his family. *bows head in a minute silence*

      Khaleesi, u did not say ur friend is gay so its beta for him. Sha dnt let him near bridges, tall buildings, knives or cords….on 2nd thots, he needs chaperones on the roads.

      • “Now Mark is as gay as a unicorn with a sheath of rainbow-coloured. He is (his own words) “not even the least bit bisexual”.”

        You’re welcome.

  17. As always, my favorite human Swiss Army knife is back

    2go… Nigeria’s home grown version Grindr lol…. full of looneys and what not, stopped using it after a few weeks In 2011, and never looked back since, and that was when the app was the coolest thing since sliced bread. Why does it not surprise me that you went back to have a peak, curious much?

    Homosexuality and the church? This topic I’ll forever avoid.., having made peace with myself and my God, all other school of thought/opinion can simply take a several seats away from me abeg. There will always be people who want to try and shove down their beliefs down your throat, sometimes it takes the grace of God not to shove my fist down theirs, so they see how uncomfortable it is.

    It’s funny what depression can do to a person, makes you feel worthless. plus when the people whom you felt should have your back are the ones leading the charge in bringing down your happiness, the chokehold that it has on you becomes even stronger. I agree with Max 100% he should liquefy his assets and move elsewhere, even if it means starting all over, so long as his sane and happy. No amount of money can buy happiness. Of course the fear of uncertainties will always be there, but the fear of high blood pressure (and subsequently early death) is ever more present if he continues to accept his status quo.

    I know not many people have the resolve like Dennis et al of #TeamNoMarriage, and that makes it even harder, but I remember there a verse in the song “Let It Go” (Frozen OST) that says

    “It’s funny how some distance
    Makes everything seem small
    And the fears that once controlled me
    Can’t get to me at all!”

    Loosing your family by putting some distance between you and them is the hardest thing ever, but when family becomes toxic, you’ve got to let it go.

    Lovely piece as always Khaleesi

    • “It’s funny how some distance
      Makes everything seem small
      And the fears that once controlled me
      Can’t get to me at all!”

      That part of the song spoke to me in a way that makes me run back to it once I feel threatned.

      • My best part is – “Let it go, let it go, that perfect girl (boy) is gone, here I stand in the light of day, let the storm rage on, the cold never bothered me anyway”

  18. 2go is not that bad. Although there are some creepy people there, that when you add them, the first thing they ask for is your address or nudes….I have also met some cool guys there, Professionals in fact. If you can be on 2go, don’t you think that there would be someone like you there? If you add someone and you don’t like the person, just delete them, it is your gocredit, and you can use it however you deem fit…

    As for the guy being pressurised to get married, I really have nothing to say. I think the people you mentioned are in the right position to get married, but all I will say is that if his family considers him a failure because he is not married while he is taking care of them, then I think his family is dysfunctional. Why would he still be taking care of them when they don’t think he is good enough? If I was in his position, I would stop everything. The only set of people I’d pity are the kids, so, if there is a way he could help the kids directly without involving the parents, I think that would be good…

    In all, this is a nice write up….

  19. This #MGM issue would always be a thorn in the nigerian gay man’s flesh. While I do not agree with being pressured to marriage, I am not totally opposed to the idea. I don’t believe all #MGMs are unhappily married either. Some people actually desire to be married to women and have kids of their own. Love goes way beyond sexuality (speaking from experience). I also understand that some guys can barely stand the thought of having sex with a woman. Whatever your choice is , you have to own it and make peace with it. Importantly , it has to be your decision.

    • D-boy, I think u subtly raise a vital point. Would love to build on it, but its best to let it go. Touching that that matter will raise a mob, ready to scream “stereotype”

  20. LMAO!!! Gay men be getting married like M&Ms and popcorn. Shame.

    Here is the brutal truth people. Unless gay Nigerian men stop marrying women and fueling the facade of HML (Happily Married Life) then you are pretty much left with a shitty pie that you just have to eat. Nothing is going to get done unless some sacrifices are made. Now, Khalessi, I’m not saying your friend should come out but he shouldn’t feel that he is letting them down or bow to the pressure. In fact he should be the ones castigating them. It’s not his responsibility to finance his brother’s family. Point blank. He can help but he is certainly not an ATM card to draw from and then have his balls kicked in the process for not being married.

    Nigeria is sitting on an lgbt atomb bomb which is about to explode if nothing is done. 2go is just a small sample of the millions of gays and lesbians men and women who feel trapped. Sometimes if your backs against the wall, then break the damn wall.

    If i were him I’ll say damn the haters and the folks who can’t deal. Career first.

    Now if you will excuse me. I’ve got to get this report done while listening to some Earth, Wind & Fire.

    Hujambo!

    Wazzos

    http://www.wazzos.wordpress.com

    • Lmaoo getting married like M&M and popcorn…. You’re just a mess for this
      That stuff is tasty though, I did try it once with salted popcorn and it was good

      You’ve definitely raised very valid points for sure… Totally agree

      • LOL Thanks Jarch. For real though! You should try mixing it with vanilla ice-cream. It’s a one way ticket to diabetes.

        Your allowed to be a mess once in a while!

    • Washere bobo yi. I liked everything u said up until that ‘wall’ part. You will still keep backing down after the wall is broken. Gather energy, use the wall as propellant and head butt, gore, ur way out of the situation…infact bare ur fangs away from the situation. If they don’t give any quarter, their loss

      • Much respect for your thoughts @trystham. LOL. I much your prefer your analogy on how to handle the situation. We most definitely have to ‘wolf up’ in this country or we will keep finding ourselves taken out by the herd.

  21. The disappointment of writing a very long comment but no one adding a rejoinder to buttress or argue on your point!

    **the struggle is real** Lol

    **reading through comments.. While sipping my very hot chocolatey Organo Gold coffee***

  22. Here is an idea everyone. What if everyone decided to come out of the closet in Nigeria all at the same time?

    What would be the result?

    Chaos?

    Confusion?

    They couldn’t possibly lock everyone up and you can be certain that it will be a media frenzy.

    The downside is that hospitals will packed with a lot of female patients.

    Just a thought…

    P.s for all the neo-soul lovers you need to get the the new D’angelo album asap.

    • Wazzo, soon Nigeria will have a repeat of the Uganda case, where many gay men were routinely exposed in newspaper lists. People here aren’t that discreet – on facebook, etc. If the government wanted to round up gays, just going on facebook/twitter will give them a list

  23. Nice piece, an enjoyable read. Valid points were raised and as usual personal opinions have sounded off in the comments section.
    Conversations here can be feisty but let’s not forget the wearer of the shoe. To those who know about depression, offer your advice to the young man on how to cope, he really needs it now.
    About family dynamics, some are tight while others are not. The really close knit ones are the ones that go through such depression at the thought of breaking off from their support system. Yes, despite the fact that the family does not know they have a gay son, the son still uses them as his emotional support system. That link cannot just be severed by singing “Let it go” or “it’s raining men”.
    We have called on the MGM to sound off on how they cope but why would they want to when we create the impression they are monsters for ‘caving in to the pressure’ while projecting the facade of happily married. A lot of factors create a happy home but I guess we’ll never find out.
    Life is really so complicated, to each his own. Was it not Kerry Washington that gave a speech on United minorities? We watched, spoke on how we love her and how the speech was fantastic. Oh, if she could see us now.
    Remember, our paths are different, let’s not stand on our golden brick road and mock those trekking it out in the mud.

    On the subject of 2go, I never really got to understand the app when it was all the rave. Maybe I should pull a ‘khaleesi’ and reactivate.

    On the issue of religion and sexuality……I’m sleepy, let me answer, today is a mini public holiday Biko.

    • @Colossus
      Just another one of your numerous.. Smart comments!
      I just have to give it you.. Brilliantly said.
      Dishing out point after point without having to add a few vitriolic comments or the use of “foul” language to express your points.

      After reading “Gibberish” upon “Gibberish” all day in the comments aspect.

      **its quite refreshing having someone with in depth knowledge on most issues.. Without the need to Gloat**

      As for the 2go please don’t do a “Khaleesi” we wouldn’t want any of your wonderful brain cells dieing now.. Would we?!

    • Well said, Colossus.Yes, everyone’s path is different but if we all katow to society then the cycle continues. Somethings got to give at some point. Don’t know when though.

      • Yes, some bow to society but some don’t. We all are not cut from the same cloth, some people committed suicide because they can’t stand being gay but we are still here, we are surviving.
        There are some gay men who genuinely want a family, who wants kids and since this is not a western nation where the various processes are at least easier compared to here, how do they go about it?
        Just like there are people here who are proudly #teamsingle, shouldn’t there also be those who should be proudly #teamfamily without being blasted for it? Oh well, what do I know, I don’t have the solution

      • Lol. Neither do I. We can only recommend solutions, sir. No doubt that everyone has their own cross to bear. I just hope that one that it would be possible for gay men and women in this country to be free and to have families with the people they love. I know that day is a long way away but we can at least set down the tracks. After all, change is the only constant. #apc #deliveryourstreets #saibuhari

        🙂

    • ANY married man who cheats on his wife with another man, woman or even animal is the scum of the earth. If its any consolation to the MGMs here, they fall in the same category as straight men and bisexuals. Many factors make a happy home but cheating definitely destroys it.
      So my dear, there is actually NOTHING a married cheat can say here than will sell (to me). If you can’t put a sock to ur randy affairs, u had/have the choice to remain single.

      • @Colossus My comment wasn’t directed at u personally. I was only reacting to ur comment. I just read thru and it seemed too personal.

  24. I miss KD though. This upcoming exam feels like an 10 inch dildo being shoved up my ass. I’ll probably take it well and wipe sweat off my forehead after but the thought of it really scares me. Sapping my strength and leaving my breathless. I do mean my exams, they have to be a huge success.

  25. In the article ” Does God hate homosexuals?” Gad can’t remember saying that he obeys the scriptures to the letter just as he can’t remember ever saying so in his numerous several comments. I will deliberately not comment on some aspects of the article in focus for obvious reasons but let me say this, helping family and other people to some of us is a covenant that must not be broken. To some is just part of us. Personally, I feel I’m doing myself a favour by giving a helping hand. My father even fought me on my “charity” towards my siblings but I just laughed and expanded outside the immediate family. He even called a meeting to warn that none should bother me again until I told him my secret which was my agreement with God after my secondary school before he relaxed. Max said,(I hope this won’t be called a crush) that all his MGM friend,s warned him never to enter into marriage because it’s a sham. I’m not surprised. Like Max like friends. Many straight marriages are a sham so are some MGM marriages. Many straight marriages are built on love and mutual bliss just as many MGM marriages. There are straight guys who didn’t get married. You don’t marry because you have to. People should marry if they feel it’s their calling. There are couples that don’t want kids and there are those who do.Peak I read your comments and would like an interaction with you. Send your pin via Pinky if okay by you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s