A KDian brought this blogpost to my attention, and when I read it, I kept finding myself veering between amusement and derision for its stereotypical content. Some of it, I have to agree with. Some of it is just worth an eye-roll from Lagos to Los Angeles. Apparently, the writer believes he has the Nigerian gay community all figured out. Can we have your thoughts on this? Read below. (Bear in mind that I did not alter or edit anything on the piece. What you read was culled exactly the way the writer put it up)
Do I really need to start defending my sexuality, well here goes nothing. I am not a faggot, I do not find boys attractive, occasionally if I see a guy with six abs and a nice body I’ll stare only because I wish my body was as hot as his, not because I’d wana do bad things with him. I find girls annoying but I love to smooch them and do other BAD STUFF with them. I wrote this article outa sheer boredom just to take jabs at gay people (Why? Cuz I can). I am not homophobic either, I actually have a couple of friends who are gay and also a few lesbians and I don’t judge them. Doesn’t mean I won’t yab them though. Again, I am not Gay.
Well since that’s outa the way, lets talk about gay people.
1. All Gay guys have a Nice fashion sense – Oh yes I said it. Most if not all gay guys have an impeccable fashion sense. Almost all of them are in the fashion industry, 7 out of 10 male fashion designers are fags, trust me this aint a stipulation, I have concrete evidence. Also all these male models you see with em six abs and masculine bodies, 6 out of then enjoy to sit on a dick to relieve stress. Like I said the fashion industry is filled with em faggots. The only thing I like about gay people is that they can dress to kill. Then there’s the cross dressers, these are the one’s who add female dressing into male dressing, I wont call names but we all know that skinny faggot with an Afro who presents, and his boyfriend, that old man that wears lipstick and rides on okadas. I don’t get, why must you crossdress, we get it that you like boys but must you dress like a girl. That’s by the way, All Gay guys have an impeccable fashion sense, well almost all.
2. All (Most Gay guys are Diva’s) – There’s the two type of gay guys, The Butch Fag and the Diva’s, The Butch fags are the one’s who act like guys, you can never know they are gay. An example of a Butch gay is that Nigerian guy dredlocks that won BBA and also attends all parties, he’s also a model (like I said earlier most models are fags), back to the matter that’s an example of a butch fag, you can never catch them. Also any buff guy that claims he’s Bi is gay, there’s no such thing as a guy who is bi. Once you can let a guy park his car in your garage Nigga you aint fooling anyone, YOU GAY. Don’t be fooling us with all that ‘I’m Bi’ shit. The second and most obvious type of Gay ass Niggaz are the Diva’s, the ones who claim to be females trapped in male bodies. If you watch Glee you would know what I’m talking about, Kurt and that fat black girl guy who sings, they are the typical example of the Diva’s. Any guy who talks like a girl or basically acts and behave like a girl is the diva type of gay. I’m sure everyone knows a diva fag, they are very common and little by little they are coming out of the closet. That’s good news, that means more girls for us.
3. All Gay guys are rich – If you’re a gay guy and you’re broke Nigga you’ve dulled yourself. I hear gay booty is worth close to 60-70k pernight and if you add in an extra blowjob you might even get a 100k. Even runz babes don’t make that much. Even if you’re ugly you will still get customers, then if you’re fine that’s the end of discussion, all sorts of men will be balloting for your ass. I hava a Gay ex-friend who is a model, Nigga was from an Ok background but he’s rich. He travels to Dubai and paris as if he’s going to buy bread and beans. Met his boyfriend before, oe man like that. At that moment he told me that was his senior brother, then he told me that was his uncle, then he said family friend. After a while I found out the truth. Anyways when i and the Gay guy were friend (I had no idea he was gay then) he and his ‘UNCLE’ took me out a lot. I went to expensive eateries, they bought me clothes, they took me to expensive shows and mhen I had fun. Then I met all his fellow ‘started from the bottom now we here’ friends who are not from rich families but ended up being rich due to their rich boyfriends. Also I noticed that gay people always help themselves out, Unlike we straight guys who would rather help babes in order to bang em in the end Gay guy help each other out a lot.
4. They have a Bitchy Attitude, even the nice ones are Bitchy – They are masters of keeping malice and they can like to take things P. If you tell a normal guy ‘no dey do like babe’ he wont take it P. God bless your soul if you tell a faggot ‘no dey do like babe’. He will bring down terror on you. I once had had a serious fight with a faggot all cuz I uttered the words ‘ Nigga your behavior aint manly’, He stood up and gave me a hot slap, of course I almost beat the gay out of him but that slap he gave me was hot. Just last week his friend told him the same thing and that one too chopped slaps. They are always on the defensive side, well you wont blame them. Nigeria isn’t a fun place for gay people. Not all of them are bitchy though, some of them are nice, until you mistakenly tell them ‘stop acting like a girl’.
5. They Love shopping – Well, this is very explanatory. They are basically females with a dick, females love shopping. Need I say more.
6. They love guys (OBVIOUSLY) – That’s the whole point of being gay.
7. They believe every Fine Guy is also gay – This is the part I don’t get. I hear all gay guys have gaydars, some straight guys have gaydars too. What is a gaydar? The ability to tell if a guy is gay just by looking at him, you don’t need to talk to him or hear hi say anything, within a few seconds of seeing him you can instantly tell that he is gay. Mos gay gay have this habbit of believing that most fine vain guys are gay. I don’t know if they wished the guy is gay but the moment they see a guy who is jaw droppingly handsome they will start stipulating that he is gay giving dumbass reasons to back it up.
8. They are relentless Toasters – Once a rich gay guy likes you you’re done for. He will keep toasting you until you succumb. It only takes the grace of God to be able to say no to a rich faggot. If a rich young guy in his thirties who is handsome starts to set P with you and gives you expensive shit and promises you a trip to Dubai and france them no born your papa well make him talk No. You would spread your legs and let him have his way with you. Only a few people have had the balls to say No. Gay guys are go getters, as mentioned earlier they have money and are ready to spend on you. Gay ass is a scarce commodity so they are ready to drop cool cash just to have a taste of your chocolate drops.
Now, back to me, you have to wonder, with all these things he seems to know about gay guys, and understanding (from a chizzie-ful point of view) that he’s throwing around words like ‘diva’ and ‘bitch’, do we still think this guy is straight?