That Article About Gay Nigerians

20111210_MAP502A KDian brought this blogpost to my attention, and when I read it, I kept finding myself veering between amusement and derision for its stereotypical content. Some of it, I have to agree with. Some of it is just worth an eye-roll from Lagos to Los Angeles. Apparently, the writer believes he has the Nigerian gay community all figured out. Can we have your thoughts on this? Read below. (Bear in mind that I did not alter or edit anything on the piece. What you read was culled exactly the way the writer put it up)

*

Do I really need to start defending my sexuality, well here goes nothing. I am not a faggot, I do not find boys attractive, occasionally if I see a guy with six abs and a nice body I’ll stare only because I wish my body was as hot as his, not because I’d wana do bad things with him. I find girls annoying but I love to smooch them and do other BAD STUFF with them. I wrote this article outa sheer boredom just to take jabs at gay people (Why? Cuz I can). I am not homophobic either, I actually have a couple of friends who are gay and also a few lesbians and I don’t judge them. Doesn’t mean I won’t yab them though. Again, I am not Gay.

Well since that’s outa the way, lets talk about gay people.

1. All Gay guys have a Nice fashion sense – Oh yes I said it. Most if not all gay guys have an impeccable fashion sense. Almost all of them are in the fashion industry, 7 out of 10 male fashion designers are fags, trust me this aint a stipulation, I have concrete evidence. Also all these male models you see with em six abs and masculine bodies, 6 out of then enjoy to sit on a dick to relieve stress. Like I said the fashion industry is filled with em faggots. The only thing I like about gay people is that they can dress to kill. Then there’s the cross dressers, these are the one’s who add female dressing into male dressing, I wont call names but we all know that skinny faggot with an Afro who presents, and his boyfriend, that old man that wears lipstick and rides on okadas. I don’t get, why must you crossdress, we get it that you like boys but must you dress like a girl. That’s by the way, All Gay guys have an impeccable fashion sense, well almost all.

2. All (Most Gay guys are Diva’s) – There’s the two type of gay guys, The Butch Fag and the Diva’s, The Butch fags are the one’s who act like guys, you can never know they are gay. An example of a Butch gay is that Nigerian guy dredlocks that won BBA and also attends all parties, he’s also a model (like I said earlier most models are fags), back to the matter that’s an example of a butch fag, you can never catch them. Also any buff guy that claims he’s Bi is gay, there’s no such thing as a guy who is bi. Once you can let a guy park his car in your garage Nigga you aint fooling anyone, YOU GAY. Don’t be fooling us with all that ‘I’m Bi’ shit. The second and most obvious type of Gay ass Niggaz are the Diva’s, the ones who claim to be females trapped in male bodies. If you watch Glee you would know what I’m talking about, Kurt and that fat black girl guy who sings, they are the typical example of the Diva’s. Any guy who talks like a girl or basically acts and behave like a girl is the diva type of gay. I’m sure everyone knows a diva fag, they are very common and little by little they are coming out of the closet. That’s good news, that means more girls for us.

3. All Gay guys are rich – If you’re a gay guy and you’re broke Nigga you’ve dulled yourself. I hear gay booty is worth close to 60-70k pernight and if you add in an extra blowjob you might even get a 100k. Even runz babes don’t make that much. Even if you’re ugly you will still get customers, then if you’re fine that’s the end of discussion, all sorts of men will be balloting for your ass. I hava a Gay ex-friend who is a model, Nigga was from an Ok background but he’s rich. He travels to Dubai and paris as if he’s going to buy bread and beans. Met his boyfriend before, oe man like that. At that moment he told me that was his senior brother, then he told me that was his uncle, then he said family friend. After a while I found out the truth. Anyways when i and the Gay guy were friend (I had no idea he was gay then) he and his ‘UNCLE’ took me out a lot. I went to expensive eateries, they bought me clothes, they took me to expensive shows and mhen I had fun. Then I met all his fellow ‘started from the bottom now we here’ friends who are not from rich families but ended up being rich due to their rich boyfriends. Also I noticed that gay people always help themselves out, Unlike we straight guys who would rather help babes in order to bang em in the end Gay guy help each other out a lot.

4. They have a Bitchy Attitude, even the nice ones are Bitchy – They are masters of keeping malice and they can like to take things P. If you tell a normal guy ‘no dey do like babe’ he wont take it P. God bless your soul if you tell a faggot ‘no dey do like babe’. He will bring down terror on you. I once had had a serious fight with a faggot all cuz I uttered the words ‘ Nigga your behavior aint manly’, He stood up and gave me a hot slap, of course I almost beat the gay out of him but that slap he gave me was hot. Just last week his friend told him the same thing and that one too chopped slaps. They are always on the defensive side, well you wont blame them. Nigeria isn’t a fun place for gay people. Not all of them are bitchy though, some of them are nice, until you mistakenly tell them ‘stop acting like a girl’.

5. They Love shopping – Well, this is very explanatory. They are basically females with a dick, females love shopping. Need I say more.

6. They love guys (OBVIOUSLY) – That’s the whole point of being gay.

7. They believe every Fine Guy is also gay – This is the part I don’t get. I hear all gay guys have gaydars, some straight guys have gaydars too. What is a gaydar? The ability to tell if a guy is gay just by looking at him, you don’t need to talk to him or hear hi say anything, within a few seconds of seeing him you can instantly tell that he is gay. Mos gay gay have this habbit of believing that most fine vain guys are gay. I don’t know if they wished the guy is gay but the moment they see a guy who is jaw droppingly handsome they will start stipulating that he is gay giving dumbass reasons to back it up.

8. They are relentless Toasters – Once a rich gay guy likes you you’re done for. He will keep toasting you until you succumb. It only takes the grace of God to be able to say no to a rich faggot. If a rich young guy in his thirties who is handsome starts to set P with you and gives you expensive shit and promises you a trip to Dubai and france them no born your papa well make him talk No. You would spread your legs and let him have his way with you. Only a few people have had the balls to say No. Gay guys are go getters, as mentioned earlier they have money and are ready to spend on you. Gay ass is a scarce commodity so they are ready to drop cool cash just to have a taste of your chocolate drops.

*

Now, back to me, you have to wonder, with all these things he seems to know about gay guys, and understanding (from a chizzie-ful point of view) that he’s throwing around words like ‘diva’ and ‘bitch’, do we still think this guy is straight?

101 thoughts on “That Article About Gay Nigerians

  1. Where do I even begin with this early mormor mess, rolled in cow dung. This is by far the biggest joke of the year.
    U are not homophobic, but the write up is litered with derrogatory terms (fag, faggot). I will leave Khali and Max to do the roasting cos I can’t with this dude, I just can’t deal right now

  2. LMAOO…honestly I find this more hilarious than insulting. You took all this time to do this research, and you ‘know’ so many gay people. Closeted much.
    All gay guys are rich??? LMAOO…i must be doing this wrong o. And gay booty is hardly scarce bro.

  3. This is insensitive, obnoxious and down right stupid. Like that piece written by that Danny Boyle character, I did not find this funny one bit.

    The thing about stereotypes! Listen up you idiotic prick, I don’t work in fashion, I don’t spend my days shopping because I cannot afford to, which bursts your rich myth and I have not been to Dubai.

    Oh and one more thing, you are gay! Kid yourself not!

    • @Dennis, calm down o!

      The guy no worth the bile you just worked up.

      Oya take Orijin and soda on the rocks to calm you down.

  4. There was shock and amusement all at the same time.

    It’s a very hot mess!!!

    Will leave our ‘Mother Superiors’ handle this one because shouting ain’t on my To-Do list today seeing what a beautiful Friday it is.

  5. I told my friend recently that in first year we all thought he was gay (he’s not) because he was particular about his looks and clothes and he said, “hian, but YOU are NOT particular about your clothes.” Anyway, I’ve been meaning to write a story in illiterate Nigerian English. I will save this page and study the language when I’m ready to write that story.

  6. Well, Dear Writer, you may not judge gay people but, right now, we judge your brains – and it’s not looking like there’s much of that in your head.

    Thanks for the laughs, though.

  7. Chizzle-full point if view.. tht got me confused.. any explanation.. also me self go spread legs for dubai and France trip… and am straight, ask pinky..

  8. So this dumb ass dude wants us to believe he’s str8 he wanna tell me that a str8 guy will take time to observe all these things, lol some gay guys can go any length just to be Internet famous lol

      • If it were before, I will swear that that guy was not gay but now my doubts has been cleared. I used to believe that gays are a special breed,very intelligent and full of wisdom but I have realized that we have all manner of species of mankind. The guy obviously is gay

  9. Like all stereotyping, he got it all wrong so there’s no point of me being angry. I will say a big Amen to number 3 though because am tired of being broke. lol. Gay booty is scarce oooooo unless your cute, have a nice body or you have money. Ask ugly broke gay niggas and they will explain well…..hehehehehe. I love pretty girls too and I do enjoy fucking them also. Am I still gay? I wish I know this writer in person, I will contest him to all the points he raised except the drama part and not being Bisex. Yeah our own drama is more than the average Straight guy’s drama. I concur with that. TBs like drama. Even those that claim to be non-dramatic, just don’t get him angry and then all he’ll will let loose. hehehehhe.

    • Everybody has drama, men and women alike irrespective of sexuality biko. Gay booty IS NOT SCARCE! Even if you are broke, there are horny men every where you look!

      I wish the rich part was true sef!

  10. Lmaooooooooooooooooooooo!

    Funny in an annoying way! This is d kind of dude I would bitch slap into sambisa while still laffing to this monstrosity of a joke he wrote!
    Brother is far reaching!

    *Clothes nd looking good I like, shopping I detest with all d chicken muscles I have!
    *Diva………all gays r not divas. I tear down d dancefloor but outside it, am all me!
    *Being rich…….d witches in my village must b working overtime cause me am looking for money for subscription now! Ewu!
    *All fine guys r gay……… All r potentials in my dreams!
    *And as for being bitchy……….. bitch, don’t confuse my personality with my attitude! My personality is who I am! My attitude depends on who u r! Give me bitchy nd I give u super bitchy raised to power 100!

    As for if bro is straight…….. Bro is more gay than Derenle in his AMVCA dress giving Charlyboy a Lapdance while Elton John plays in d background!

    Ekwusigo m! Gbam!!

  11. First this piece is denigrating and derogatory…. However there is some element of truth in it tho….. But this guy should just come out of the closet already

    Where is Chizzie and the Mother of Dragons

  12. After reading this simpleton-manual, I came to the conclusion that this dude is holding on to the childish ideas I ve about the gaybourhood as a child, or he is simply high on hollywood’s projection of gay ppl.

    1) All gay guys have a high fashion sense? Lol. This idea def came from hollywood. I haven’t met a lot of guys, but a good number of the guys I ve met or their friends, need a lesson in cloths and colour matching. Cos it tight doesn’t mean its for u. So sorry a lot of gay guys can’t dress to save their lives. Some just can’t afford it. But the few that can, do it perfectly. Gay ppl just ve a unique sense of style, which is quite expensive. The fashion conscious once are all about labels and matching. A decent pair of jeans no be shere-shere money oooo

    2) Most gay guys are diva’s – this screams stereotype, but I will let him get away with this one, not after gifting him with a dictionary to look up the word diva, cos ppl just use it anyhow these days.

    3) All gay guys are rich! Lol! I laffed so hard at this delusion. If they are so rich, how come an ordinary potential shag, will question about ur finacial capabilities as if u are apply for a loan from zenith bank. This child no know anything. The gaybourhood is crawling with broke niggurs. I follow sef. So abeg make una tell me which bus stop I go stand ooooo cos I want rub elbows with them big bros. Maybe them go stone me some bricks of cash.

    4)All gay guys are bitchy? Lol, I will get back to u on that one. Cos KD commenters are prime examples of that number 4

    5) They love shopping? Emmmm see enh! If u are depressive like me enh! And very lil can cheer u up, u just save up ur coin for a couple of exercise in a year. Its called retail therapy by the way. Its the only excercise u can do from sunup to sundown! Even if u are tired and worn out, all u need to do is to run into an item that will make ur surge 4 joy and all the energy to bargain, play and tease is back in full gear. And special high u get when u get home and ve to sit in the mess of all ur purchase………..*sigh* so this why I need the contacts of those stack-of-cash-tossing brothers to help with my addiction problem. Besides straight guys shop 2, grew up with a handful of them. U ve to shop 2 look good, even ray charles can see through that dumb point he tried to raise.

    6) They love guys? Mstchew, he clearly is running out of dumb things to say.

    7) They think every fine guy is gay; straight ppl are guilty of this crime too. So miss me with that bull. Once u pay way 2much attention to urself, ppl just start looking at u some typa way.

    They are relentless toasters? Hmmm I don’t know about that one. I haven’t met any relentless anybody. If anything, they move faster than the speed of light. If u ready, they will kick u to the curb and “on to the next”

    All in all. This shit is some dumb dude having a slow day and decide to come up with shit. And I’m sorry, but this guy ve some hots for guys. He can refute it all he wants but I can smell the self hate 2 planets away

      • I noticed that too @Max.

        @Dennis Macaulay, Peak used a word which is mainly heard in banking and finance sectors to describe money. That tells me something

      • Don’t fight it too hard DM. The heart always goes with its own flow. Besidesm I don’t see no ring on Max’s finger or any sorta chemistry between you two. ***tongue out***

      • There is a ring alright, there is a ring! He just hasn’t worn it yet!

        #NotEveryThingHappensOnKD

    • Hahahahaha @Dennis shey u see me see Max abi! I don begin fill questionnaire be that ooooooooo

      @Max hun! No I don’t work in a Bank.
      Lol, I’m a simple man hustling to stay afloat *smiles* Next question ……….please

    • *sigh*

      Max hun! Just. Get my contact from ur “Bestie” PP and let’s get it over with. I’d like to think of myself as a law abiding citizen. I no want make wan governess come see me finish. We know the rules, u and I of all ppl shouldn’t be violating them.
      And oh I’m 5:11……………. Or 6ft no sure. *looks in Pinkys direction where she is sitted on her throne,scowling at I and Max. I quickly Whisper a silent apology then turn around and exit the hall*

      @Mitch! U are so so wrong.

      • You two have had blow jobs. Flirted outrageously. Staked your domains on each other. And you’re still worried about whether you’ve broken any rules? You think what you and Max are doing is anywhere as remotely unclear as the blue-black-white-gold dress? *scowl*

      • See this Peak apologizing over your ‘peak milk’ that you have spilled everywhere…🏃🏃🏃 😁😁😁
        Y’all aren’t smooth like that.
        We dey see una oh! 😏😂

    • *keeping a straight face* PP I don’t know what u are talking about! Blow Job(ssssss)?????
      Oh come on!

      Abeg what’s the deal about the blue-black-white-gold dress??? Cos its like na only me de carry last whenever the joke is told.

      For what its worth, I’m sincerely sorry for everything …………………well except the Blow job, and it was just one time!!! I don’t know where u got ur “s” from.

      • Blow jobs?
        Max? Blow jobs?

        ***slowly removes revolver pistol from briefcase***

        BLOW JOBS?

      • I was gone for about 5 seconds and they’re already tainting our image ..**sobs.
        The bj was one time @Pinky.. It was even a 69😛😛.. And we did it in front of the whole world.
        @Peak, you just might be the first person I’ll ask PP for his contact. Lets just gerrit over with. Maybe we’ll write a story here about it, or not.
        Yeah yeah we’ve broken rules.. I’m sure we r not gonna get a ticket.☺☺.. PP and I have a mutual understanding. 😀😀
        Dennis honey, don’t be mad. Everyone is looking for a close market. Some of us are scared of going far for shopping.

        There’s an Igbo adage that says- “don’t chase a dog away from shit youre not gonna eat”. Since you’re not gonna eat it, let the dog eat d damn thing.

    • Hahahahahha. Dennis wan kill me ooooo
      Oga denni! Shebi na u talk say na highest bidder matter? After all na open market? Enh! The market open na! Max aint claiming u, so what’s with all the fuss. Chestnut better come get ur guy. Lol @ ring. You ppl won’t kill me. Nice one.

      And u Deola! ***turns around to glare ferociously @Deola*** since when did u start conniving with outsiders to to shame ur kin?? We will settle this matter in the evening when I get home. U better ve devout apology and a logical explanation for u action ready by that time.

  13. This was hilarious/annoying/offensive…
    Faggots??? Are we still in 19th century?
    This article is filled with subtle traces of gay dissing. Would’ve loved to meet with the writer one on one to show him how wrong he is. “beat the gay out of him”?meaning all gay guys are weak? News flash honey, gay people in my secondary school are the most fierce fighters I’ve ever seen.
    And maybe you’re in a wrong country, cos I’ve never met any rich gay guy who’s willing to take me to Dubai. Half of my gay friends don’t have good fashion sense. Relentless toasters?? Really
    Where there are a thousand and one asses in the market. Gay asses are everywhere, in your school, work place, church and even your compound if you look closely.
    This article is malicious and downright condescending and is in no way a correct description of Nigerian gays.
    This guy’s closet is about 10feet deep. No straight guy cares too much to go on about gay people. And his ” gayness” was made clear from the beginning when he had to declare he wasn’t gay.
    This guy needs another hot slap just like the one his friend gave him, then after that, he should be stripped naked and made to walk down the streets(with the word “homophobe” written in bold bright red on his back).

    • But seriously, how many gay ppl just walks around slapping ppl cos, some says “dem de do like woman” that story didn’t sound right. He was evidently reaching with that jara.

      And the dumb idea that gaymen are weaklings? The kind of labels ppl just put on you on the account of being gay is just astounding

      • Lemme mention a few @Peak
        If you’re gay, youre–
        1 Unholy
        2 Hate God and religion
        3 Have Anal sex @ least twice a day
        4 Unclean
        5 Brush your teeth with cum
        6 Always having fantasies about every boy you see
        7 Want to get into every guys pants
        8 The only thing worth knowing about you is your sex life
        9 Your favorite color is pink
        10 Effeminate
        11 Weak (physically)
        12 Emotional wreck
        13 Mad/foolish/mentally ill

  14. Annoying at first, amusing later on.

    Lmao.

    Chei. Chei. There is illiteracy oh! :s

    Uhm, this got me thinking about Vampires somehow.
    (That Article About Nigerian Vampires..)

  15. I was just laughing at the article, he said he wrote cos he was bored, boredom can peform wonders you know (eg reduce level of IQ)

    Your gay friend and his “uncle” were taking you out so often and you’re straight abi? Ok

    I doubt even Max and Khaleesi would even bother to rip this guy to shreds. This is just some boredom infested article. Me I have heard worse stereotyping.

  16. Which part of Sambisa Forest did this one jump out from? Abeg, oga if you know nothing about a set of people, do not attempt to use your tangerine-sized-brain to produce or provide an explanation of who or what they are.

    As for your misguided notion (like any notion of yours in that writeup was right in the 1st place) that all girly guys are gay, I know a lot of them who are as straight as iron rods!

    But di anyi, all this intricate knowledge you have of Butches and Divas, (drawing my logic from the twisted shit you wrote) NIGGA, YOU GAY AS SHIT!

  17. Faulty generalization.

    I guess he is not wrong in his second point, since he is just reiterating what most of the people here have been saying.

    I still don’t know why people think that all gay guys are rich, biko, where are they? I need me a rich sugar daddy that would pay me 60k for a round.

    As for the fashion sense, I really don’t think that is true. I think Hollywood created the impression that gays are fabulous with nice dress sense. I am still yet to see any gay guy with a very nice dress sense. Besides, there is no difference between the way a straight guy dresses and that of a gay guy.

    He is right in some of his points and I am less concerned if he is gay or not, and I think it is not in the place of KD to out anyone.

    If he says he is straight, then he is straight. It is nobody’s business what he does in the privacy of his room.

      • ABSALOM NER- I really hope this performance of stupidity you call a blogpost is a one-off affair, Opeyemi, because I shudder to think how diseased your “mind” must be.

        And next time you see that gay guy who slapped you, thank him for me. You deserve more where that came from. Maybe it’ll reset your brains. Assuming you have any.

        BLOGGER-Do I really need to start defending my sexuality, well here
        goes nothing. I am not a faggot, I do not find boys attractive, occasionally if
        I see a guy with six abs and a nice body I’ll stare only because I wish my body
        was as hot as his, not because I’d wa…

        Na wa oooo….una no go leave the poor guy. Besides the guy is cute. Plus sized, but cute.

    • “I still don’t know why people think that all gay guys are rich, biko, where are they? I need me a rich sugar daddy that would pay me 60k for a round.”

      Hellooooooo!! @sinnex tho I am not a daddy. Young man like you I am.

  18. “I want to jab…because i can” i love dat. If u wanna do things do it and be ready to face anyone. Dude u r a darling.

  19. He is trying so hard to convince himself that he is straight.
    But thanks to our magnificent gaydars, we don’t need to see him in person to know that he is gay.
    And he seems to be a bottom for that matter.

      • no, Pete, dear, I don’t have any problems with bottoms.
        I’m sorry if I came across that way.

        it’s just that I wanted to show that I could even decipher his preference from the tone of his words. I might be wrong sha.
        But I obviously have no problems with any sexual role preference.

  20. This article is interesting.
    My favourite was where it ended.

    On a more serious note though, confidence and intelligence will forever be beautiful. That said, I think this writer is a disgrace to Local dogs because only local dogs waste time conjuring stuffs like this out of boredom.
    O ga o.

  21. Lol as dumb as this article sounds most of it describes me.yes i like fashion /very vain majorly and very conscious of my looks infact my sisters ask for my opinion when going out,yes i like beef i can keep malice forever dou am getting better with that life isnt dat serious,yes i like shopping dat it takes serious self control not to buy anything anytime i go out and pass fancy stores dou i cant spend more dan 5mnths without changing my phone till date and also yes maybe it was luck but back in my uni days God knows my abj trip from skul with my patners in crime use to fetch better cash aww abj was fun o well dats where my longer throat and vainess got out of control.

  22. Will @PP atleast give me some credit for sending him the link to this article… I thought I deserved some credit for bringing to your attention something I knew was worth talking about.

    The “guy” (very cute one at that even tho I marvel at his level of IQ) in question is a blogger and he is a contact on my bbm list. You can visit his blog.. Just incase you Think he needs some bashing.

    Maybe I am wrong but I don’t want to believe there’s some sort of favoritism going on this blog. As I believe If this article were brought to PP’s attention by them they would be given some sort of credit for it.
    Like I said earlier I hope I am wrong..

    *This is me being emotional right now*

    • @Tef, I hear they make “portable” versions of self esteem now in a bottle. They even come in pink colour. Do yourself a Favour and get one from “Losers close” down the road, so you could dab it two or three times daily before stepping outta the house.

    • This has got to be the most conceited comment I’ve read today. You are miffed becos your name wasn’t mentioned up there, are you for real?! Pray tell, have you seen other acknowledgements here, or you think PP comes by every post on this blog all by himself?

    • @Max and @Mandy Hain! Why are yall all up on my case all the time…
      This was btw I and @PP (don’t I just love to mention that name) but if he has refrained from giving me an honest reply… (Which I think i deserve as a concerned Kdain) it’s no probs.. It’s Nothing personal.
      Seriously am fine..
      **cleans tear off eye**
      I’m okay.

  23. So now I am KD poster boy….. Let me just sip my zobo with my sunshades on like a typical ibadan man….. Lol

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