Let’s Discuss…About Age As Just A Number

Actor Gerald McCullouch and college basketball player Derrick Gordon kiss during 25th Annual GLAAD Media Awards in New YorkIs Age really nothing but a Number?

Last year, in April, college basketball star Derrick Gordon came out as being gay. Not too long after that, he made a public appearance with his much older boyfriend, award-winning actor Gerald McCullouch. Some people made a big deal out of their age difference, while others said that “love is love.”

Now, age has played a huge role in most relationships, determining whether they even get to happen or being a factor that brings about the end. You get a lot of older guys, from their thirties and above, declaring that they could never date anyone in his early to mid-twenties, and some twinks can only commit to men years older than them. Some people are less picky with the age bracket, dating above and below their ages, and some others have standards inside which are etched specific age brackets.

I’ve had three relationships in my years on earth, and aside from the first, who was my age, my other two boyfriends were years younger than me, young men whose minds, more than the number of birthdays they’ve had, attracted me. At some point, some friends of mine started calling me a cougar (lol), but I’m denying that label, at least, until Madonna, Sharon Stone and I can come together for a gals’ lunch. When a friend asked me why I’ve never dated an older person, I replied that I’ve just never met any such guy willing to settle down for something serious.

Age doesn’t really matter to me; just don’t wear your age on your face. By this, I mean… well, years ago, when I was 21, I looked incredibly too young for my age. As a university student, this characteristic was frustrating, because most acquaintances I made didn’t like to take me seriously. And in my love life, it was crushing, because a 28-year-old guy I was sleeping with then absolutely refused to ‘put a ring on it’. Why? He said he didn’t date teenagers. Of course I protested that I was 21. But he wouldn’t believe me. And after I showed my birth certificate to him (yes o, I was that determined to make that dude mine), he still maintained he couldn’t date me because I looked too young. And that’s what I mean by wearing your age on your face. And the same applies to older men. I don’t have any daddy issues, so I don’t want to be seen canoodling with a guy one would think is my father’s age-mate, even if he’s that age.

But that’s just me. What about you guys? Is age really nothing but a number? And I’m not talking about sex here; of course, anyone can sleep with anyone, no matter the age. I’m talking about intimacies that are more long-term. When you’re considering someone you want to sleep with more than just once, how much influence does age have on your consideration?

111 thoughts on “Let’s Discuss…About Age As Just A Number

  1. I don’t have problem with age. So far as it isn’t illegal, like say 18 and below. Daddies know how to pamper and spoil someone. And I like me someone pampering. But there’s nothing like a young dude’s energy and mind. Older men are great also. No issues from me. All the guys I’ve had something with were even older than me. But it isn’t just obvious.

  2. To me age is just a number jare…….and ohhh I loooooove Gerald McCullough, I fell in love after watching Bear City, I’d totally tap that. And ohh yes I have plenty daddy issues, but it doesn’t affect who I’m attracted to or anything.

  3. By the way, most of the best sex I’ve had in my lifetime involved much older men, boy does experience come in handy or what!!!!, twas mind boggling, too bad I’m not very much into dating one at this point in my life, but in d near future when I’m fully independent and ready to date again, I’d like to have my own personal daddy bear,( geezus!!!!, I didn’t just say daddy bear).

  4. I’m 20-something. I like very dominant and aggressive men. I’m more drawn to a man lifting a gun than one lifting a wineglass. I generally prefer them bigger, heavier, taller. And I tend to expect these “features” from older men. 30 and above, maybe(?)

    Bottomline: It’s the features that matter to me, not the age. If he is 20 and has an overpowering presence that can sink me to my knees with my mouth open, then we have something in common. 🙂

    I’m not into sugar daddies, and being pampered is certainly not my thing. 🙂

  5. Personally, I prefer to date ppl closer to my age range: not much older,and not much younger.
    Forgive me for “hasty generalization” and “stereotyping”,but I just believe ppl who are too young(early twenties) haven’t seen much of life and love to be able to commit to one person; they are easily excitable and distracted by what they see outside because they have these “mills and boons” images of what love/relationships should be like, hence, when they see someone outside that has ONE thing u don’t have,they “fall in love” with that person. When they see someone else with another thing they like, they “fall in love” with that person too…SOME 20-year olds I’ve known,can be “in love” with 4 guys at a time…and no, they’re not necessarily trying to be dubious; they actually believe that they are in love with these guys because of the romantic-comedy-inspired notions of love that their hormones and unstable emotions give rise to. They are so invested in the idea of movie-type love,that they melt like butter at the sight of anyone that says “hi” with a kind smile….(or a devilish smile,depending on which rom-com they watched last).

    Then older guys(above 45) have seen it all; been there, done that, so they come with their own brand of cynism; they “started” this “game”(yea,to a lot of 45ers and above,being gay is just a “game”), so they believe everyone is playing too and as such,nothing should be taken too seriously. So, no… (plus, I’m not really turned on by pot-bellies and gray hairs)

    Er,Pinky, u saying we shouldn’t wear our ages on our faces,what should we do to the face biko? *side-eye*

    • Sorry to burst your bubble Chestie but I had my first relationship when I was 14. My boyfriend was 5 years my senior and we lasted 3 years. My relationships since then still can’t compare with what I had with him?

      • Wait, Mitch, u’re really going to call a “thing” btwn a 14 year old child and a 19 year old child a “relationship”? Really? Ok.lol

      • Why does age matter, a relationship is a relationship.
        It’s the maturity of the person that matters not the age. Mitch’s relationship lasted three years, that’s more than a lot of us can say.

      • Chestie, it was a relationship. It still is way more real than anything I have experienced ever since. Like Deola said, its not exactly an age issue, its a maturity issue! I was kinda mature enough for that relationship.

        And PP, your’s will come! It sure will. Just give it time

    • As always chestnut came through with his sound takes, if i’m gonna have a relationship its gonna be with someone around my age bracket! We think almost alike and would be going through the same issues of life (pressure to marry, career moves, balancing our sexuality with everday life and so on). Younger can be exciting and fun and colourful……….but at the end of the day, life is deeper than rainbows and fun.

      And mitch that 14 old thing doesn’t count. As a relationship (my opinion) u guys were just really good friends. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was ur bestie at some point during this relationship. 14? Really? Wetin u know then?

      • Peak, some 10 year olds are more mature than people twice their age. Undoubtedly, they may not have all the experiences of those older than them but that doesn’t make them any less mature.
        And as for my bf, he was my cousin’s bestfriend, not mine. My bestfriend was dating my cousin and they are still together. Its been 8 years and it is still counting. Perhaps you need a rethink on relationships. #JustSaying

  6. I cannot date someone younger than I am. I don’t know if its some kinda internalized homophobia, but I always think anyone younger than me cannot be certain homosexuality is the path he has chosen in life. Like there is always a chance he will return to his senses. And as I get older, the bar increases but I just can’t bring myself to thinking their old enough.

    For younger guys, I start playing out the role of ‘elder bro’. Its a zone I automatically place them in. Imagine sex with ur younger bro…ewwwwwwww

    THEN the dick part. Iono where I got the idea that older men have thicker, more mature dicks, but its stuck. I have seen boys with daddy dicks and men with ‘biro covers’ but I still run after the men. #sigh

    Then d idea that older men are wiser…with the idiots that abound, one would think I’d be shaken off that notion. Iro o!!!

    • Call me naive, but I have that notion too. That younger people have immature D’s… While people roughly your age or slightly older have better developed ones…

    • oh btw, my definition of ‘older’ is guys who are older by 1day and above…maybe I shud put the top range at 50. I cannot come and let someone wheeze and die on me. It excludes all guys married.

      • Hahahahahahahaa. Wheeze and die on you. Chai. Jisox! I can see the headlines. ‘SCANDAL! 66 year old businessman found dead on top younger male lover in hotel room.’

      • found ke? I will have disappeared the minute he breathes his last. But let’s not try devil abeg. Let’s avoid those.

    • Hian!!!!, Max and Thrystam, heaven knows where that ridiculous notion came from…LOL, una never jam prick on shildren oooo, trust me, I’ve heard stories from my twink invested friends.

  7. Naturally Older Men don’t arouse any chemistry in me. Seeing them only turns all my urges down and makes me straight automatically. BUT older men who look young and well kept, i mean older men who look sexy, slim, no pot belly (pot belly kills me instantly), fair and look way too younger than their age cause me ‘sleepless nightse’ lol. Hello Dennis?

  8. I dont like old(35 and above) people, don’t like younger people either. You’re more likely to get heart broken by older peeps. And I’ve not seen many old people who still look attractive. Its almost as if a demon invades your body once you hit the big 30 and messes you up. I might be wrong, but I don’t think they’re quite clean down there. And also the last thing I need is someone who’ll be treating me like a child/lady and bossing me around. I absolutely hate it.
    Younger peeps have a lot of baggage, inexperienced in D sucking (yeah Thats so important to me) and also unnecessarily rude.

  9. as an unrepentant african man i dont think that age is just a number.age comes with its responsibilities. the older has his responsibility to the younger and vice versa.reciprocating of respects and knowing ones boundaries is very crucial for the survival of 2 people with a wide age gap in-between.some fools hides under the guise of “age is a number” to sample the bad behavior they copied from the west.

    • What exactly is an african man? Is there any one static,unchangeable thing that is African? Africanness has changed over the millennia and shall continue to do so … the more you clutch onto your weirdly absurd assertions, the more you resemble the fools you like to deride!

      • Mitch, leave Khaleesi abeg. THAT there is the reason why Africa has remained backward. Clinging tenaciously to nonsense traditions and irritating demands from all and sundry. I guess he expects his wife to give him the largest food portions, eat last, kneel when she presents his food, be seen and not heard. He is one of the kinds of ppl who may have me stuck in the closet for a lil longer. Unrepetant African??? Eiiiiishhhhh!!!!

      • My own is his persistent putdowns of the West. Its laughable, really. When you see every evil in Nigeria as a consequence of Western influence. And then conveniently fail to acknowledge what good comes from them.

      • Trystham, the fact that your father made your mother to give him the largest portion of food,kneel before serving the food,eats last plus other master to slave-like treatments doesn’t mean all men are the same. My father treated my mum like an adorable partner. That’s what I inherited. Please don’t follow your Dad,s steps and erase it from your mind that all African men are like him. Many oyibo men are abusive too.its not an African thing

      • So much defensiveness over fools being derided. Hmmmm. I understand your fight but I bet you if you had remained silent chances are that many might not pin folly directly on you seeing that your likes are not few here. On a more serious note, if you feel like a fool even before the word is used, you need to do some soul searching and do some amendments

      • Gad, whatever his choice of words, and however you choose to use your sarcasm to lash back, the message he’s passing across is undisputable. You need some education. Heck, even culture is constantly changing. So your tenacious defense of ‘Africanism’ (whatever that means) is quite ridiculous.

      • I know his views can sometimes be hokey but lets just give him the benefit of doubt here. A leopard cannot change its spots. In the same manner, its very hard and near impossuble for one to change the views he’s lived with for over 40 years (I’m assuming Gad is). So lets just pipe it down, please

      • @ Mitch dear, you don’t change because everybody is jumping on the bandwagon of change. You change from bad to good and from good to better etc. Check out the African societal system before the whites invaded our privacy and introduced all manner of things. Many of us shouting homophobia should do a study. Homosexuals has always been here but the hypocritical whites came and criminalized it and see where it has landed us. The most disheartening is that those who accuse African societies of intolerance towards gays cowardly excuse the very people that brought us to where we are.

      • In your defense of Gad, you paid him quite the backhanded compliment (or insult?). Do you really think, in this time and age, it’s a thing to be proud of for a leopard not to change his spots?

      • Well this is quite the turnaround.

        In the beginning, the word was with Gad. And Mitch was anti-Gad. And Mitch apologised to Gad. And Mitch became pro-Gad. And the word was Gad.
        (Scriptures according to KD chapter 1 vs 2)

      • One thing dear Daddy has taught me, ‘In the face of the ignorance of stupid men, stand firm and show they are stupid’. So, did I hit a nerve? Your ‘africanness’ will not allow u hear the truth from someone ur 1st son’s age? It surprises me how someone your age, handling a smart phone/computer, knows about this blog can b this dumb to still continue to tout Africanness and all of such rubbish. E pele o. In case u haf 4get, ur african ‘I am not your father’s mate’ attitude will not work here, least of all on me. If you spout nonsense…as u most times tend to, abukun lo ma kan. Frankly, ur charade of happily married man that u constantly shove in my face does nothing to hide the satisfaction your sorry arse wife never gives u. I deal with MEN not confused, over grown wimps circumstance and society has decided to appel ‘older’. My father is not perfect, but I most assuredly DO NOT want to be the kind of person u are now

      • @ Gad, I get your point. The African social system was as unique as a patchwork quilt: seemingly disorganized yet fitting and beautiful. However, blaming the West for everything that has happened to Africa since colonization is very wrong. We have our own share of the blame to carry. Take for instance the case of cultural erosion in Africa. Blame the West all you want; the fact still remains that Africans chose to forsake their culture in the light of the seemingly better Western civilization.

        As for your view pertaining homophobia, I believe you’re wrong as its neither African nor Western. Its simply a human inability to tolerate, respect or condone something they don’t understand. It’s not a race-specific problem. It’s a human problem.

      • I haven’t said that Africans are naive copy-cats or that the west are harbingers of evil indoctrination. The average African sees himself including his culture as inferior. That’s how we got to where we are today. It has very little to do with how old one is. After all our fathers were competing over who wears the best english suite till the younger generation raised alarm and changes started taking place but sadly this feeling that because you are African you have to adopt the ways the west dress,talk,etc to feel among. That’s where I’m coming from. Now back to age, its African to respect age.The notion that age is a number is western and I find it ridiculous. If anyone doesn’t, let him prove that he is not a hypocrite by addressing his parents and uncles with their 1st names.the west is not entirely bad,mind you,i can go into an unwritten agreement with a British but never with a Nigerian.

    • “as an unrepentant african man” *scoffs* You must be one of those chauvinistic males that think you are God’s gift to mankind or womankind. I must av mentioned ur type in my prev comment

      • @ Trystam,Your guess was right. I’m God’s gift to mankind. I didn’t realise it until my Bishops and Priests told me. Even my village elders said so too. I thought my family was pulling my legs when they were saying it. If you are not a gift to mankind,I wonder what you want to be. As for what you failed to capture in your write up,its not too late yet

      • @Trystham, its unproductive to waste your energy on him. You’ll make better use of your time petting your cat(if you have one), or walking your dog, or even sleeping.

      • Stow it,trystham.
        Kini gbogbo eleyi gan?.O se fiyen lati ‘bere?.Ewo wa n’ti baba ati iya t’e fi ns’apejuwe?

      • o n da asiwin agba, oponu jatijati, alainironu radarada ara e l’ohun ni? Eni to ti se’pe fun lati ile wa.

  10. It depends on chemistry to fall in love. However, this rule doesn’t just apply to the ones younger then me…lol. A year younger and I’d have this phobia. I feel they don’t even know or are sure about their sexuality, and that I am aiding them to make the mistake…
    I’m sapiosexual. I love mature,conventional minds. Someone who we’d always get into hot conversations (not sex actually), and argue a lot (with valid reasons); I get to learn in the process and I love that feeling… Somehow, I haven’t found many people like this… A school mate of mine (not gay) is fun to be with actually…we are always arguing…

      • @ Mitch,while growing up,my father took me to ancient sites in some parts of igboland,told me stories which i will relate in my next article.though that was not my Dad,s motive but what he told me about a particular lady whose tomb we visited and the outcome of some personal research convinced me strongly that gays has been here and were not just tolerated but loved. if you are oppurtuned to witness an igbo cultural festival especially in parts of anambra and enugu states,chances are that out of a 100 male masqurades ,you will see one female one.the person behind the mask of the female masqurade is an effeminate boy. that role is the exclusive reserve of effeminate boys.our culture also has a role for them.the west came and criminalized and poluted our minds and now we have issues with homophobia.i say it again,anyone that thinks that age is just a number should start addressing his parents and uncles with their first names.

  11. I cherish maturity a lot and in my opinion; a guy who’s below around 25 is barely out of his teens and hence frequently in the throes of childhood. I prefer my men in the 25 – mid/late 30s range. I cant stomach the wide age gap b/w 1 and an 18 or 20yr old,i know age is a number, but some numbers are way higher than others and that is a problem for me, also, a guy who’s below 24 usually doesn’t have the fully developed physical features of a man but still looks ‘too boyish’ for me, since i prefer to sleep with men rather than boys, this is a problem as well. As i am not a JAMB or WAEC lesson teacher, guys in their late teens or vert early 20s are usually a no-no for me, they haven’t seen enough of life, they usually (not always) still live in the dream fantasy world – a world i no longer live in and as such we probably won’t find too much in common. I like a man who is around or ahead of my present phase in life who can easily understand the complexities of my circumstances. But … sigh … a lot of guys from their mid 30s onwards need to take better care of their bodies and diets, its getting so hard to find fit good looking men above 32 in these parts! Flabby and saggy bodies are a major turn-off for me ….

  12. Ahh yes, a lot of very young guys are very confused about their sexuality and will sometimes find a weird way to blame you for drawing them deep into the gaybourhood along with whatever perceived or actual issues come with it. A guy’s confidence and bed skills usually mature from around 25,26 – he knows what he wants in bed from his man and he knows just how to get it and give it! I don’t know sha but i think guys from their mid-late 20s on have usually totally mastered the art of the fuck and have fewer inhibitions about displaying their mastery …

  13. Lol… People and sex though… They never forget to mention ”Mastery of Sex”. You know, like it’s some university degree or something… Some mature people would have the harshest, yet unromantic sex ever, while the young (I didn’t say small or younger then their partner) one could take it easy and satisfy…or vice versa.

  14. Age isn’t really a point I consider before I enter into a relationship. Never done anything with a younger guy all my life. Still dating a younger guy kinda twists my insides. I could *manage* a guy I’m maximum, 2 years older than. As for older guys, above 35 and you’re off my list. Brains and physical fitness catch my fancy above age.

  15. Um PP I would like to make a correction here, anybody cannot sleep with anybody regardless of age. I ve never been able to picture myself with any one younger than 22. Its crazy but I just feel like I’m taking advantage of ppl. Its weird and crazy don’t ask me how and why I think that way, but twinks scare the shit outta me. I just feel they are too young and are still finding themselves so eating that fruit is just a no no

  16. Some of you guys know you’re going to get older right? You’re going to hit 35, 40, 45? Let’s have this discussion then. Just like pinky is getting older and suddenly turning into a cougar, who knows what some of us might turn into, cradle robbers?
    Here is my advice, as you get older, please still look good else you’ll have a sad lonely fuckless future.

  17. Lol.. Can’t date younger hpeople cause they are so full of issues? True, they are full of issues but as some oldies and even not so old have shown here everyone is full of issues… Some even more than the young ones.

    Personally I think only patient people can date a youngie.

    Everyone is allowed to like what they like sha.

  18. Let me start off by saying that everything boils down to preference first and then secondly chemistry (outside the bedroom). I am unashamedly proud of my men, both past and present. I prefer to be in an interracial and intergenerational relationship. Derrick Gordon is a celebrity extension of myself. I relate a lot better with older men and we have amazing sex too

    Most of you who read my story that I posted here called “Intersection” got a glimpse into my life and how it ended made some cry. We lasted 2 wonderful years and would have probably gone further. My other Story “Extra Baggage” talked about my relationship with my first boyfriend, he too was older but we barely made it to the one year mark.

    I believe that age isn’t just a number, which age comes responsibility and experience, notwithstanding there are some younger guys who are probably 25 in reality, but 60 in their minds and therefore come across as more matured than their peers. But you still can’t cheat nature no matter how hard you try. So telling me to date a guy my age or younger isn’t going to happen. Friends yes, anything more than that you’re on own.

    You need to understand that being in an intergenerational relationship is a lot harder than being in a relationship with someone closer in age. There’s that gap in things you both like and love (besides sex) and it is a factor to consider before dating an older guy. I think older men are fragile but more emotionally stable, they know what works for them and that’s what appeals to me. There’s that feeling that I can let loose with my daddy and he’ll just shake his head say “you’ve gone insane again haven’t you?” and we’ll laugh about it.

    Tapping into his vault of knowledge and experience is another thing I enjoy being a daddy’s boy and he too can tap into mine as well. I can’t count the number of times I’ve had to edit my ex’s speech or work presentation to give it that more edgy and new school feel, then when he comes home he’ll just be smiling like someone who won a million dollars. That feeling you get that when you see him smile and you know you’ve genuinely made him happy it’s not because you’re at the same financial level as he. You don’t need have a Mark Zuckerberg account balance to be able to pamper a daddy. Dedicating your time and energy to something that means the world to him is more than enough pampering need.

    That companionable silence is what I love the most. I don’t even need to be cuddling up next to him to feel his presence. Just knowing he’s within reach is enough.

    Don’t get me started on the sex, I’ll probably write a longer thesis, than what I’ve written here.

    Overall, older men do it for me, not just sexually and financially, but emotionally and mentally. We balance each other out. Old school meets new school and magic happens

  19. I’ve always dated people older than ♍e̶̲̥̅̊ *Daddies, Bears and Cubs*
    I basically think age is just a number tho there’s something satisfying about dating someone who’s had more experience bout Life, Love and Sex.
    Well… Different Strokes for Different Folks

    • I’m Currently with Мy Partner of 4yrs who is 7yrs older than I am and Life has never been Better. The Advice, Guidance, Encouragement, Motivation and *** has been amazing.
      Sometimes I look at him and wonder where he had been all this while.
      Whereas there is experience on the side of older men, sometimes they really don’t bring much to the table so I now stick to someone within Мy Generation *max 6-8yrs older than I am*

  20. I see I am late to the party, I went for a really long run.

    I like my men slim, trim and toned, and unfortunately many men my age or older don’t come this way.

    Lemme have my twinks please amen!

  21. okay…I guess I am the only one here that us into younger guys. Once I find out that you are older than me, I immediately lose interest.
    The younger the better…

    The only issue I have is how to go out with them in public and to avoid stares from people.

    I know older guys are more adorable, but I don’t want that.

    • @simmex, Lol… you’re not alone! There are lots like you! I know a guy in his late 30s who likes his guys in the 16-24 agre bracket, the younger the better – for him ****pukes violently***but oh well, who made me a judge???

  22. Different strokes for different folks….If ua not older dan I am z just a no for me…personally I look beyond d sex…after dat wat happens…I like d older ones cos dey got some wealth of experience and knowledge to offer…presently am in a 3yrs relationship wit sum1 who z 15yrs older dan I am and z been amazing

  23. Disadvantages of dating daddies
    1- They don’t reason the same way you do
    2-They sleep off right after sex
    3-Cant hang out in public-they’re just too old and draws attention.
    4-Youll never be number one in their life
    5-Most are in it for the fun & Sex, nothing more
    6-They treat you like a child
    7-Most are unattractive and washed out
    8—They’re just too old…😂😂😂

    However, If you can look like pharell @ 100, you have me.. Looks matter a lot, no matter what you have to say about it.

    • 1. Of course they won’t reason the same way you do. What a man sees sitting down, a child can never see even if he climbs the tallest iroko tree in the market square. They don’t force their way of reasoning down your throat do they?

      2. Sleeping off after sex isn’t just a daddy thing, its been scientifically proven that most men irrespective of age sleep off after sex. When you have that mindblowing orgasm that drains you completely. You’re bound to sleep even if you’re Chuck Norris.

      3. If you’re one that’s worried about what people say , then I pity your blood pressure lol. The fact that you’re gay is already fodder for people to talk and inadvertently draw attention to yourself.

      4. This applies to MGM/MBM. But a gay man of 40+ would make sure you’re his Number 1.0 not 1.1 or 1.2

      5. Steven Fry just got married to a guy who about 26 or so and Bisi Alimi was once married to an older guy if memory serves me well. Most older guys are serious about relationships and commitment.

      6. Being treated like a child is based on preference. If you want to split the tab or take him out to dinner do you think he’ll say no? You’re in a relationship not a jail cell and an adult at that, so I doubt he’ll be giving you curfew times either.

      7. Again it’s a question of preference. Case in point George Clooney, Sean Connery and Robert Downey jnr. They are CERTIFIED PLATINUM hunks.

      8. What’s that thing they say about vintage wine? Taste better with age.

      ***kisses Max on his forehead***

  24. It appears to me that most bottoms prefer older men and tops younger guys…dunno about vers. Anyho…iv never had anything with an older bottom cos the few ones iv met does nothing for me in terms of looks. Gimee my peer abeg. Been while. Hello family!

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