What’s On Your Mind?

Blog_What's On Your MindWell, I’m glad you asked.

In a minute, I’ll tell you.

Dennis has his weekly rants, James has his journals, Bobby has his Behind-the-HIV-scenes series, and Pinky’s Loving and Sexing in Lagos City are anxiously looked forward to each week. I have come to realize that I, like most of us on here, witness and create rant-worthy or journal-worthy events on a regular basis. And so, drawing inspiration from these KDian literary works, this is an attempt to share with us all a few of my musings as well . . . you know, to tell you what’s on my mind. And No, I am way lazier than PP, DM, Bobby or James, and so, my musings will likely not be a weekly affair; they will be far less frequent. However, if and whenever they do pop up here, I’d love to hear your thoughts, advice, suggestions, observations, whatever you gat. Bring it on!

*

So, yea, that thing on my mind…

One fine, blazing hot afternoon, a few days ago, I walked into the barbershop to get a haircut. There were about two other customers who were just ahead of me, and so I had to wait for them to be served. In the shop, the TV was on at full blast and after a few minutes, a political advert came on, screaming laudations and singing praises of our dearly beloved president. And at some point during the ad, the praise-singing swung to his handling of the Boko Haram insurgency in the North.

At this point, it was as though a hidden switch was thrown in my barber’s brain. He threw down his electric clipper and launched into an animated and forceful tirade about how the Boko Haram terrorists are being directly sponsored, trained, financed and propped up by none other than the USA.

He continued (I have as much as possible reproduced his exact words and atrocious lexical structure): *shuddering at the memory* “…As Nigeria goment no gree support make dem dey do gay for Naija, then come sign that 14 years gay law, na im US goment come vex, then come dey use Boko Haram to punish our goment. Na God go punish all these useless gays…!”

For non–pidgin English speakers and those who can’t make any head or tail of that atrocity, here’s a loose translation: “As the Nigerian government refused to support the rights of gays but instead chose to enact the Anti–gay law, the US government, in a fit of vengefulness, decided to support and finance the terrorist Boko Haram group as punishment for Nigeria’s treatment of its gays. May God rain down His punishment on all those good-for-nothing gays…”

Now I have patronized this barber for a few years, and from casual observation, I can tell that he has barely any formal education. He is, to all intents and purposes, functionally illiterate. Now, here he was propagating such false tales, and surprisingly, a lot of other persons in the barbershop were fully in agreement with him. Nearly everyone there had an opinion as to how devious and insidious the ‘gay threat’ was, how gays were out to take over the world and turn every straight man homosexual, how they loved nothing more than to lure unsuspecting young boys into their ‘evil cult of homosexuality.’ I was alarmed that even some seemingly well-educated patrons – judging by their diction and appearance – were vocally supportive of these twisted notions.

I looked around in horror and revulsion, a part of me wondering what would happen if I calmly announced to the small gathering that I am gay. I was – still am – deeply shaken by the venom and vitriol I heard poured out in that barbershop on that day. Honestly, Chizzie, at his worst, doesn’t even begin to come close – trust me on this! (Love you, Chizzie *hugs you with gloves soaked in alkali*) You could literally smell and feel the hate and disgust in the air.

This weird tendency amongst a lot of Nigerians to blame gays for every evil under the sun is one of the most bizarre things I have ever encountered.

*

I recently came out to a good friend of mine.

We have been friends from our earliest days in the university. We actually started out as an item with her mostly carrying on like we were dating. But after a few months, I was frankly tired of the charade. I knew we weren’t going anywhere other than a solid friendship, and so I began the slow but deliberate (sometimes cruel) process of easing her out of her position as my ‘girlfriend’ and into the position I wished her to occupy – a close friend. I watched as she slowly and uncomfortably transitioned, and I was greatly relieved that our friendship survived the strain that all the weirdness put on it.

And then, all through our days on campus, she periodically tried to hook me up with “this pretty girl”, “that sweet first year chic”, “that other cute girl who would really fit you”, “this girl who has been eyeing you but doesn’t know how to approach you”… Ayayai! It was tiring and distracting, especially as I had at this point resolved to put a stop to any such charades in my life. Eventually, she probably got the memo and gave up, and for a long time after that, we were nothing but really good friends.

Eventually we graduated and shortly afterwards, she moved to the States where her older sisters live. We remained in touch despite our increasingly busy schedules, and then, about two weeks ago, I got a call from her. She was coming into the country with her fiancé; they had met in the US and he wanted to meet her family as well as perform some of the traditional marriage pre–requirements. I was excited to see my main sidekick again, it had been a while and I eagerly counted down the days till she landed in town. Once she was in town and settled, I headed to pick her up from where she was staying and we made for a lounge where we planned to chill and catch up, just like old times.

Anyway, fast forward, we were at the lounge catching up and commending each other on how fab we both looked. We pulled out some old photos and laughed over our scrawny, unsophisticated student days; and she told me a bit more about her fiancé, who was due in town in a few days. They were unable to travel together as he had a few loose ends to tie up at work. While she gushed on and on about her love life, I listened politely, well aware of the awkward one-sidedness of the conversation.

And then, just like that, she dived in. “What’s going on in your life? Do you have someone special?” I smiled and tried to change the topic, but she was relentless. She reminded me of how far back we both went, what we’d been through together. (A lot, trust me – story for another day)

And then, she hit me with, “I think you’re gay, and I want you to know that it’s not a big deal with me. I still love you like crazy.”

I made some noises and tried to deny, but looking into her eyes, I could tell she already knew. “Ok, yes, I’m gay,” I finally admitted.

I was a little upset, wondering if our relationship would be affected. But so far, I am certain that we are closer than ever. She has since returned to the States, but we are constantly in touch. These days, a lot of our time on the phone is spent catching up on my sexcapades during our university days; she now knows why I had no interest in “that pretty girl”, “that hot chick” and “that sexy babe”, and our relationship is the better for it.

The reason I mused in this direction is because on certain occasions in the past, when the issue of coming out has been brought up here, a number of KDians are of the strong opinion that it’s foolhardy and unnecessary (their exact words) to come out. Yes, I do agree that coming out carelessly and to the wrong persons can have very ugly consequences. But I stubbornly (due to personal experience) cling to the undeniable fact that when you come out to a close loved one or friend or relative, your bond with them grows (IF they can get past their homophobia).

You see, it’s all well and good to say that your sexuality does not define you. While that is true, I ask the question: What exactly defines you as a person? My answer is that no one thing can be pointed out as defining anyone. We are all a jumbled–up collection of various facets which all come together to define us as persons, and I daresay sexuality, while not a sole defining factor, is a major defining factor (I won’t bother you with further details in this direction). Anyway, I don’t see how you can claim to be close to someone who doesn’t know about a major component of who you are. Once again, I am not advocating coming out for anyone. We all live in very different circumstances; you and you alone can decide if and when and to whom you come out to, and if you must do it, please be sure without an iota of doubt that you want to do it. What more I can say to this is, concerning the few persons I have come out to, our relationship has experienced an immediate strengthening.

Oh well, what do I know?

*

So yea, I was also thinking about the issue of the Married Gay Man. (Shout out to all the MGMs in da house) The truth is, an overwhelming percentage of us here will someday soon or not-very-soon become MGMs; so please, no harsh judgments here. We have in the past touched on the tendency of the MGM to pontificate and put on a holier-than-thou cloak while indulging in the same ‘misdeeds’ they pontificate against.

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine (call him Iyke) came to see me. He was all moody and withdrawn and seemed lost in deep, sad thoughts. Iyke is a hopeless romantic; I could write a tome on the intricacies and technicalities of ‘How to console a young gay man who has a penchant for falling in love with much older MGMs’, using Iyke as a case study. So, with one glance at him, I knew this was yet another chapter to be added to the volume. Before long, he explained to me how his latest boyfriend (I prefer to call them DADfriends, no way I’m assigning the term “boy” to a man who’s in the same age bracket as my father) turned out to be as philandering and cheating as the previous ones. Anyway, *sigh* I commenced to playing the well-practiced role of shoulder-to-cry-on/listening ear, while he talked amidst tears.

And then, he said something that struck me; this particular MGM had asserted heatedly that he was not a gay man; he was rather a straight man dabbling in his hidden and unexplored bisexual side. I remembered then that Iyke had often described him as “not really gay” or “much more into ladies” or “I’m the only guy he does anything with.” Oh well, I guess we’ve now discovered that there are a bunch of other ‘only guys he does anything with.’

Iyke then asked, “Why is it that MGMs never cheat on their wives with other women, but instead do it with men?” That is a question I’ve been turning over in my head for some time now. Well, a dear MGM friend of mine (I know you’re reading this…love you, hun) who takes serious offence to being described as an MGM, but will concede to be addressed as an MBM (Married Bisexual Man) put it this way: “With a guy, it’s all fun and pleasure and a mere avenue for release. But with a woman, you have a potential competitor with your wife – a thing a vast majority of gay lovers cannot pose.”

What are your thoughts on this, guys?

So ok, that’s all I have on my mind at the moment. Hopefully, when my mind gets filled again with things to say, I’ll unburden them all here once more.

Written by Khaleesi

108 thoughts on “What’s On Your Mind?

  1. Yay! I get to peep into the vast mind of my queen

    ***Bows before the Khaleesi****

    Oya off to read the journal

      • It’s silly season,you really shouldn’t believe everything put out by political campaigns.Especially if it comes from that fucked up individual known as ffk

      • FFK is a raving lunatic na! Whoever takes him serious?
        I thought they said GMB was on a hospital bed during his London trip? Now he was having meetings with European leaders?
        Ndi ala
        #IHaveDecided
        #March4Buhari

    • I wouldn’t put too much belief in that if I was you. He’s quite a religious man and we all know where Islam stands on the issue of homosexuality. He’s not Nigeria’s Barrack Obama.

      • GMB, is a devout Muslim no doubt but he is a free and fair minded Nigerian. As GOC, he built what was then the biggest military church. As head of state he refused the membership of Nigeria to O.I.C. The only problem that man has is that he doesn’t believe in rebuttal of lies fabricated against him.

  2. Oya on to the matters arising;

    That barbershop is like most of Nigeria, my colleague with an msc from FUTO (sorry PP) said obama send that Liberian man that brought Ebola to lagos because we refused to accept gay rights so go figure. This is why i dont form close friendships with people who spew such stupidity and i wont spend my (hard earned) money in such places as well. That would have been my last day in that barbershop.

    I have come out to quite a few people who support me 1000 percent and I must tell you that it is a blessing. Just dont come out to everybody, you must carefully consider the person before telling them.

    About MGMs i will never be objective seeing as i take vows seriously so I will refrain from saying anything.

    Good one Khaleesi
    ****Bows****

    • Dennis, you really shouldn’t get married. You really REALLY shouldn’t. Because when you do, and you predictably begin to seek extramarital pleasure from boys (and I said predictably, because I believe all gay men who get married suffer that flaw of flouting their marriage vows), I just hope your conscience is string enough to remind you that there was a time you took this righteous stand. 🙂

      • Mandy it wont be happening! Outside of my sexuality I dont believe in the concept of marriage! So it will always be me and my dogs

      • Biko where do I register for Perpetual Gay Bachelors Anonymous? Like DM, it’s me, my dogs, cats and adopted children from Asia.
        I once tried dating a girl, really did love her but I ended breaking up with her because I loved her and couldn’t stand lying to her nor sleep with her. Whatever was I thinking? *calling a shrink for a session of psychoanalysis*

  3. Khalesi, I see u..i see u.. I ve come out to quite a number of my friends and family.. no big deal, I like controversy sometimes, I would have supported gay right in tht barber shop, my accent and choice and diction will captivate them to listen. Afterall what can they do to me except whisper and gossip.. they can’t touch me.. they can’t afford my cream lol..kidding.

    • *cough* *cough* Psssst… illiterate barber + SHARP clipper + VERY Vocal….Simba, you may be needing to move soon

      • I know some powerful people joor,in high places.. also I don’t go to ghetto..atleast my barber have common sense not to lay his fingers on me

  4. Bow Down Bitches!

    The Queen just Spoke!

    On d MBM ish, my mumu button 4 them no get parti 2 oh! One once told me I or we would forever play second place to his wife nd kid. It hurts to hear that(like I dont know already) nd although I still love him, I had to give him space to clear my head. Am a hopeless romantic nd I know that if I get stuck on him I would just loose it/breakdown. MBM nd MGM, una dooooooooooooooooo!

    Nice write Mother Khaleesi!

  5. Most Nigerians are homophobic & see most issues involving the US & Nigeria as punishment for signing that bill. When the US reduced the volume of oil it buys from Nigeria, it was also linked to the bill forgetting that they discovered shale oil & are exploring other alternative sources of energy. The US do not allow their economic benefits to suffer. That’s why they still do biz with countries like Saudi Arabia. The fear of China is the beginning of wisdom for the US

  6. And as for coming out to a few close ppl, I have done that naa! It is a good thing to do nd gives you a level of freedom of mind. It makes you lighter nd gives you less worry.

    I Came out to my spirit, soul, conscience, mind nd heart!

    5! I tried naa!

    ***scuttles back into Holies of Holies of my innermost closet nd installs ForthKnox type of security on my door***

  7. Seeing as I’ll soon be a MGM/MBM *clasp hand over mouth*, I’ll send in an article to… tell my own side of the story.

  8. Nice write up khaleesi
    So I’ve read some people’s comments and I am seeing a lot of people calling you Queen and Mother khaleesi. So I am surprised at your actions in the barbers shop. As a queen and a mother illd have expected you tear your weave out and cause some serious scenes (pun intended) and show them who the real Queen k is. To let them talk about gays (like they are the cause of the worlds problems) just like that and you just kept quiet while your withdrew in your shell is quit distasteful.
    About coming out to loved ones, I think I have mentioned here before. It’s an admirable act if you can take the consequences that follows and fight your way to the end. As for me I don’t advise such.. My peeps found out abt me. And I mean my whole family both nuclear and extended ( a story I’ll like to share here on KD but I am not a very good write, so I might need a little help on that. Note PP) and I won’t lie to you it’s not being easy at all. There are understanding pple, families out there but they are not much. If you think its worth the risk coming to people. Go on and Goodluck.
    As for the MGM issue ( just knowing the meaning of that) errrrreemmmmmmm!!! What do I want to say about this, I just think it’s not right in away you look at it ( but who am I to judge) as for me tho once I get married.. Amma stay faithful and not cheat on my wife ( and I know it’s easier said than done) but I just don’t like the whole idea of MGM it digust me in so many levels I can’t describe ( sorry to the MGMs here) this is just my personal opinion mind you.

  9. I’m not a fan of adultery. Fornication, ehen. But, adultery no. The vows na.

    FI: Imagine one ofofo’ discloses to your wife you’re in a hotel. She’s suspicious. She goes to this hotel, waits in the lobby and then you emerge with one succulent twink under your arm. (First she would die), but it’d be better if that twink had not been born. Ha!

    Hell hath no fury like what again?

    • …like a gay bitch scorned”. Everyone there will not leave unscathed.
      LOOOOOL. A friend told me of the shii that happened to HIS friend. It was a case of Total Reversal. This succulent twink was sooo bold, the wife began to sputter like the side-chick. All she could say was “God will punish u” when she met superior mouth power. So forget that tin.

      All said, I am TOTALLY disgusted with adulterers and divorcees. Why bother marry in d 1st place?

      • Some divorces are necessary.. Mind you. It doesn’t have to be about homosexuality.
        Some people fall into marriage, not everyone is strong willed to resist peer pressure. But my personal opinion is- DONT DO IT. its stifling, eviscerates personal growth. Its so limiting to a fault.

    • Those of you talking about the sanctity of vows are all entitled to your double standards. are marital vows the only vows ever made? what happens to the vows most of you made @ your baptism and confirmation? what of professional ethics you swore an oath with the Bible/Quran to uphold? how many are not flouting them. how many are keeping faith with the spirit of the contract/biz deals they entered into with associates? are we saying some vows are not vow enough or that some vows are vower than others?lol.to me if im @ peace with my God and my loved ones,im okay.the noise in the market place can go on.

  10. Hey PP, your timing of posts are beginning to mess with my feelings..lol First thing i refresh on my way to work.

    That being said, there’s nothing like being true to yourself. Cant explain the kind of peace it brings, especially after battling with it for so long. Much more so with people you love. i dont want to send you timed messages, i dont want to downplay the things thaty i like,i dont want to tone down mannerisms that might be seen as ‘less masculine’ and i definitely dont want to add ‘bro’ to our messages. But ofcourse, one must be cautious.

    This MGM thing get as e be to be honest. Rather enjoy the now, and when that time comes i’d figure it out.

  11. Hold up! ……….this was written by khali????fire breathing Khali???

    How come I ve to ve a dictionary in hand when am to read his rage fueled comments, and didn’t ve to use one when reading a piece by him? Am either imagining things this morning or just didn’t get enough sleep last night

    • #Beautiful
      MGM/ MBMs, I’m torn on this subject
      If you want to get married, stay married and Faithful *yes I get that you’ll have the urge to go out after childbirth. I guess that’s where the side Dude comes in*
      Buh….. Whatever

  12. This is how u rant! I had no qualms believing in this or questioning its authenticity because it came across as really legit. There wasn’t an attempt to gloat or events happening by serendipity or chance encounters of circumstance which some ppl tend to experience more than the average human. The thing abt ppl who have actual lives is that they dont feel the need to constantly gloat abt it. And yup we cant expect a weekly post from u cause you are genuinely a busy young man and gainfully employed, and probably have alot going on in yr life to pen a consistent journal, which makes wonder how ppl who claim they are all of the aforementioned, do it.

    • Chizzie, if they don’t write, you won’t read. There won’t be updates for people to come to on this blog. So how about you shut it about this ‘gainfully employed and having time’ mantra you keep touting every time and give it a rest. I am fed up of it. Truly am. especially seeing as I’m tempted to believe those who say you have an insidious desire to see this blog fail…

      You know, like yours did?

      So kindly stop attacking the desire for my writers to write. Because, frankly, I don’t care what people have said in the past about my audacity to moderate comments. If you don’t stop with this nonsense, I WILL DELETE YOUR COMMENTS. The next attack you aim at people’s willingness to regularly submit pieces to this blog and it will be your last.

      • @ PP & Chizzie, Ladies! Can we please be that…Ladies, and stop tearing each other apart?
        *stands tall and brushes invisible lint off immaculately tailored suit*
        Thank U

      • PP, chill. I see nothing wrong with Chizzie’s assessment. They are his opinions & he’s entitled to them

      • Right.
        Of course. I’m not going to get into this debate of freedom of expression with anybody today. Me replying you is the last I’m saying anything on this issue. He knows what I’m talking about. I know what I’m talking. And my mind is made up.

      • With all due respect @Pink Panther, you’re becoming what you preach against here. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Chizzie has been scolded in the past, just let it go. I know ya’ll hate each other but you too have gotta let it go. He didn’t use any abusive words above, this plight of yours wouldn’t hold up in a court of law. This(from a neutral perspective) looks like you have a personal vendetta against him.
        STOP IT, JUST STOP IT. Stop threatening people. In as Much as you can delete his comments, he can choose another pseudo and still comment. And don’t tell me you have all the time in the world to waste in deleting comments constantly. Leave the chick alone, I think he has learnt his lesson.
        The first time I ever commented here, you and everyone else came after me because I had a different opinion. I didn’t take it to heart (I don’t take such things to heart). This is a fun place to come and read life changing and inspiring stuff. It shouldn’t be a place where we fight everyday and try to exercise our virtual power.

        This has gone on for too long. It has to stop.

      • #holds laugh#so there was a failed blog.im not surprised.as i said the other day,die hard critics are non-performers.they are only good at talking.no wonder the brutal bitterness.so it has its source on envy?Pinky,now that you have exposed this evil,I will advise you stay action on your threats.dont even delete his comments.i bet you water must surely find its level.with this type of attitude i fear if we can hope for a better tomorow in the LGBT community and in our nation.we are indeed our own worst enemies.

    • I am (to use your words) gainfully employed, and yet every day, I pander to this blog, I edit pieces and update them, and I write some of mine, and I attend to tons of email, and I tap-dance around the egos of the readership and their comments…

      All this while actually carrying on with my day job. What then do you say to me about that? This your overbearing attitude has become insufferable. And if deleting your comments is the only way to make you understand that I despise seeing it on this blog, I WILL DO SO.

      This is the last I will speak on this. The next time, I will just do what is on my mind.

      • At least I can see our last movements of PP not deleting comments worked to an extent. As you have not deleted Chizzies initial comments.

        As unproud as I am to admit this, I actually look forward to Chizzies comments regularly. It’s good to hear some bit of criticism and fatual (but hating comments as some will put it) abt certain articles and thier writers. It’s fresh breathe of air from all the ass kissing and butt licking I see flying all around.

      • You know @Teflondon I’m still waiting for your write-up on this blog. That breath of fresh air will become a poisonous cloud of stinking gas in no time.

        Let me show you how critiquing is done;
        Dear Khaleesi, iono, while I do identify with all parts of this write-up, this is not a musing. This is a blow-by-blow acct of what ur life is/was. This is more ‘bandwagony’, something you have thankfully stated. As such, it was very regular and a bit boring and does no justice to the general idea I have of u. I wouldn’t av believed for one moment it wud b something u wud write. I actually thot it was James’ Journal coming in early. I guess thats the reason why, maybe in those far-in-btwn moments you will be writing, we will be expecting something more…exciting and debate-able from the great mind and trains of thought u possess.

        THAT is how to critique

      • You did not see me state he lied, even if I may think he did. You did not see ask aloud how someone like him could even dream to av a friend in Amelika.
        The worst part of being a critic is it takes a lot of energy – Pointing out mistakes of others when ur life is not so perfect or u haven’t been in their shoes. THAT is why u prolly ‘think’ you see a lot of arse-licking. SMH

    • Bwahahahaha!!! Yesterday, I wanted to cry for you. Today, I’m laughing at you. You are soooo predictable. I av actually made bets on ppl u wudn’t wanna cross on this blog. I’d like to see how more right I can be about u b4 the month ends.
      Because u can’t imagine for urself, d life, experiences or memories some can ‘cook’ up doesn’t mean they don’t live them. Stop being JEALOUS. Choi!!!! Bobo yi sha LWTMB

      • @Trystham I don’t like your way of critiquing. It’s too ass licking fit my liking, when critizing you shouldnt hold back on anything. Which makes me love Chizzies comments. Now critizing maybe seen by most as being jealous *side eyes Pinky & GEJ* but the truth is that the truth is always busy and pple don’t like to be criticized but we all need a little criticism and encouragement in like to achieve our peak. It’s inter-whined in eachother to bring out the best in us.
        I still stand by Chizzie anyday all day.
        P.S I don’t even know the woman or ever chatted with her but I iust love the way she comments

      • LOOOOOL. You didn’t??? I am not surprised. I don’t know how asking this qxn will seem less offensive – How old are you though?

        That said, I am EARNESTLY waiting for your work. I have not been very bad in years. Ta ta dearie.

      • Pls ignore my English blunders or misspellings.. My evil phone keeps auto correcting nonsense.
        *covers face*

  13. Nice write up Khaleesi. About coming out and all, I’ll echo Bisi here; consider the cost of coming out. If it’s too expensive, by all means install a couch in that closet and get cozy. About 50-60% of my friends think I’m gay (or so I think). Nobody has ever asked me point blank, one person who did tell me to my face is now late *dabs eyes cautiously*. I’m effeminate and boy, do I love drama? But I’ve realized that most of my male friends do not consider my hugs, terms of endearment, declarations of love and even the occasional peck as emasculating. They have a Eh-that’s-just-him-being-him attitude towards it. Oh and it helps that I’m as a good a friend as Nolan Ross only that I don’t have as much resources.
    If I told them I was gay, will they be surprised, I guess not? But I can’t take that chance, we are after all in Nigeria, Homophobia Central.

  14. No red 6inch pumps? No freshly red-manicured nails? No red lipstick? No expensive-label name dropping? No weave tossing while making grand entries and exits?

    No homophobes was scorched alive while talk shit? Tolerant/and somewhat supportive MGM/MBM?

    Ok! This version is a lil…………………to stripped down for me(maybe I’m used to the plastic version). This version will be filed under ther “grower” section. The regular version was an instant hit. Who know we might just fan-up to this version (I’m not didding just a lil taken-aback by this unexpected revelation)

    Nice read

  15. This is a nice one actually. I guess I’d be looking forward to it…

    Is it that there are no MGM here, I want to read their write up. People are just against MGM as if it is a crime to get married and have children. Yes, there are some people who don’t sincerely want to get married to women, neither do they want children. As for me, I can’t picture myself without a wife and kids. It is beyond my sexuality. Besides, what makes one thinks that once a gay guy gets married, that there is a likelihood that he would cheat on his wife. I guess people do not know that there are some gay guys who don’t like penetrative sex, neither do they have sex.

    It is not as if I dont have fears of cheating on my wife when I get married; I actually have it everytime, but that is not going to stop me from getting married. Besides, there are some of us who just have to get married for the family. We need to look beyond our wants and look at the needs of the family. What happens to a family of 7 children, where there are 6 girls and a guy, with the guy being gay and the father dead. Obviously, the guy has to carry on with the family name. I think it is all personal, besides, if a MGM cheats on his wife, it is not a big deal. If a straight married man can cheat on his wife, why should a MGM case be different. Besides, I have friends who prefers MGM to single guys, just like there are girls who prefers married men because they can take care of them.

    If one doesnt want to get married, that is good for them, that doesnt mean every should be like them. We all have our ideals and plans for the future.

    As for coming out, I don’t know if I would be able to do it. I still don’t think it is necessary. If my sisters did not tell me that they are straight and prefers sleeping with guys, I don’t see why I should tell them. I don’t have a friend yet, who I think I can confide in with regards to my sexuality. It is not as if people havent asked me before. In fact, my immediate younger sister once said while watching glee that she wished she had a gay brother. I just looked at her and smiled,

    • I didn’t even finish reading your comment. I stopped at-carrying on with the family name.
      Remember, you’re not in the middle ages anymore. No one cares about you or your family name. 200 years from Now, your supposed offsprings will be dead and all forgotten. And guess what, the world won’t stop spinning. It simply goes on. Having a family is a choice, but don’t use medieval sentiments about “carrying on with family name” as an excuse.
      Obama has two girls.. I don’t see him killing himself over the thought of “his family name that won’t be carried on”…

      • You guys really need to come back to earth and not have your heads lost in those fluffy clouds.He just stated why he needs must marry,wouldn’t even envision a future without a wife and kids.
        Not all MGM got married cos of societal approval,some did cos of circumstances for which marriage is the choice left them.We should respect that

    • @Sinnex, Max has said it all and i agree, yes we are Africans and blah blah, but the truth is a lot of these medieval notions don’t really work these days, about carrying on the family name, who says you must absolutely be married to a woman to have a child? And i think I’d much rather be known for my contribution to humanity and to mankind than for nothing other than the fact that i pushed a brood of children into the world. A lot of the most famous persons in history are known not for who they brought into the world, but for what they contributed. Using the example of Barack Obama, even 500yrs from now, he wi be famous for his political and historical achievements, the fact that he brought two children into the world will pale in comparison. Don’t get me wrong, children are a wonderful gift and if you really want them, then by all means do! Just dont mock the choices of those who choose a different path and dont use outdated medieval notions as your justification. Our ancestors had no lasting monuments, no written works, no photographic technology, no means other than their offspring to serve as a reminder when they were dead and gone. Chances are most of us here have lots of photographs and digital images etc which will probably float around the cyberspace for the foreseeable future, long after we’ve left these shores …

      • Don’t get me wrong. I am not against those who don’t want to get married or have children. I have friends who are atheist, don’t want to get married or even have children. I am just against those who think that because they are gay and don’t want to get married to women or have children means that they are better than the guys that marry women. You guys confuse me. It seems like people have forgotten the meaning of B in LGBT, there are those who are genuinely BI, so please, just because someone wants to get married or have children, that doesn’t mean the person has done the worst crime in the gaybourhood.

        Besides the only think that we all have in common is our sexuality, beyond that, we are all different people with different ideals and perceptions. We all view life differently. So, I don’t think we should be looked down because of our choices and decisions….

      • So you’re bi? @Sinnex??
        Read my comments very well. I don’t look down on anybody. You can marry whoever you want and have whatever number of kids that floats your boat.
        What I’m referring to is your reason for the marriage. “Looking beyond your personal needs”. Marriage should be about what you want and not what others want.

    • @ sinnex, your presence here is a big relief to me. I will see myself commenting less because you seem to capture my thoughts and convictions most times. So realistic and not like the bandwagon-like following that prevails here. Very soon,some will tell you that they have stopped reading your comments or that they read it half way as if it will reduce your salary. Just keep being real

      • @Gad I get you.. Tho I’ll say.. Me and @sinnex are almost always on the same page in all issues.. But theres this tendency of his to go over the line a little sometimes. But I still respect his opinions always. I love real.
        In other news
        What’s that a shade?
        *side eyes Max*
        *waits patiently for some weave tearing*

      • I’m not a cheap toddler-rearing tout who goes about advertising himself and selling himself for 10kobo on any comment from newbies here. So TEF, the weave tearing you’re looking for isn’t gonna come.
        I’m gonna take the high road.

      • Chizzie was unmasked today in the story of the failed blog. Though we already have frustrations>bitterness>self-loathing>mental disorder etc as motives but soon,the total unmasking will take place.

      • Teflondon,i was not throwing a shade.i was just stating d obvious.i made my comments before i saw where max said he didnt finish reading sinnex comments yet he responded to it.its not new.this one is even fair.soon he will stop reading comments but responds to them or he respond before reading.there won,t be weavon tearing because i dont wear it.i dont even know where it is sold .

  16. I knew I liked the writer after reading the first two paragraphs..my boo Khalee 😍..
    Everything you said here is true..
    Whenever people you interact with on a regular basis start going off about how bad gay people are, its often shocking and quite annoying as hell.
    My colleague(the annoying attachee that bores the life outta me while heading home daily) the other day said that throwing gays off a building is the first good thing that ISIS has done. I felt like dropping him off on top of Eko bridge on traffic so he can face the harshness of jumping bus while going back from work. But I resisted that urge. I quickly reminded him that he’s no different from ISIS if he thinks murdering innocent people had some sort of benefit. After that day, I’ve been in my “cold bitch mode” towards him.

    Lovely piece Khallie… Love it… Keep up the good work.

  17. So many issues, but I will stick with one….MGM.

    Personally I find it gross and very cowardly for gay men to marry women and then proceed to sleep with other gay men. Cheating is cheating, whether its with a man, a cat or a vulture.
    The most annoying part is that most MGM look at other gay men like they are better than them. Like they just won an award by getting married to a woman- albeit a woman they can never truly love.

    That said, I understand the pressure on people to settle down and get married. But the world is changing, even here in Nigeria. Gay people must begin to stand up for their rights. You don’t have to come out to your parents, but please please stop deceiving unsuspecting women, causing heartache and spreading disease.

    MGM totally sucks!

    • Preach the gospel!
      MGM like I said earlier sucks. It’s either you stay faithful when married or you just don’t get married at all.. Using a God created body, spirit and soul just cover up your sexuality or just give you issues ( children) is just plain gross and evil..

    • Are we now generalizing? I don’t see anything special about getting married. Any man that sees himself as being better than other gays because he managed to get married, then that man is stupid. There is nothing special about being married. It is a personal decision. Same way as there are those who don’t want to get married. Personally, even if Homosexuality is legalised in Nigeria, I won’t marry a guy. The only way I can marry a guy is if he becomes my “second wife”. That means the first would be a woman while the second would be the guy. I still don’t know if there is a word for it.

      I am not saying that in 5 years time I wouldn’t change my mind. I am in my mid twenties and I have not fallen in love with any guy, I have not met someone that I think I would be able to spend my life with…

      In all, every thing is my personal opinion….

      • Oh Sinnex, a large number of gays here in Nigeria see it as a gloating achievement when they get married, which entitles them to look down on & disparage other gays. I ve personally witnessed this several times. Your comment can be turned around to apply to the MBM as well, i.e that you’re married to a woman and therefore ‘respectable and responsible’ in the eyes of a misguided society wearing medieval blinkers is no excuse for you to look down on & disparage others who have chosen a different path …
        ***clears throat*** where is Lord II/King and Gad, their absence rings as loud as a church bell …

      • @Khaleesi,howbeit you make a song and dance about MGM/MBM looking down on their single counterparts when,as far as I know on this particular blog,it’s been gays looking down on the others?.Forgotten the reason why the lesbian sisters no longer comment on here,the bi’s went into hiding after being termed confused?.Of the two MGM we know,only Gad sticking it out cos he has a thicker skin?

      • Everybody always has option. The only difference is that some take the easier way out.
        i mean, what really will happen if u choose not to marry?

        Gays who marry do that for one reason alone: personal benefit.
        i.e

        1. to save face
        2. to impress family or society
        3. to have kids

        The other option is not to be a coward and a liar. Stay true to ur self.

  18. I love this piece, was a fun thing to read on a sunny afternoon. Well I was enjoying it until the MGM part. I knew that would raise up a firestorm and it seemed it has. Lot of guys hate MGM but somehow sleeping with other guys is fine. Who are MGM to have a family at home and a guy by the side? That’s just wrong and it’s cheating. Oh but I digress.

    We are as hypocritical as we come and on some days it’s nauseating. Are we tolerant? No! Do we claim to be tolerant? Oh fucking yes! There are some days I read some stories, some comments and I wish I had an opportunity to peep into the real lives of some of us, not the online lives but the real one. The one where you hustle day and night, the one where you love and you hurt, the one where you make some tough choices that ultimately benefits you and sometimes sets you back, the one where you laugh and you cry, the one where you can’t get it up at night despite how hot the guy sharing your bed is.

    I wish I had that opportunity because then I can point at one or two persons and laugh. Oh I’ll see that you’re living the life your online person claims to hate and I’ll laugh right before I take you to a bar, buy some bottles of your poison for you and we then try to discuss on how to actually live a more tolerant life.

    To those guys seeking MGM, please save yourself the heartbreak. You’ll never be his number one, his family always would. Yes he might actually love you, never cheat on you with another guy but the moment you start wanting what his wife has, please start rethinking.

    Want to be friends with MGM, then please go ahead, we’ve got some great ones amongst us. They are married, not Lucifer.

    Once again khaleesi, it was a lovely read, do it more often.

  19. Khaleesi,

    For putting pen to paper…thanks!

    For the time and effort in producing thus post…thanks!

    For allowing us into your world…thanks!

    Thumbs up!

  20. Does bisexual now mean polyamorous? Why should you have 2 spouses? The point of the MGM distaste is that it is disrespectful. You’re free to do it, and others are free to point out the unhealthy balance in those relationships.

  21. Yes I will marry a woman someday….And no, I will never cheat on her with a woman but I know I will definitely be fucking other guys not at the rate am doing now sha. Maybe just keep one or two good-mannered sweet Boys. Cheating on her with another woman brings up the possibility of another baby mama, and a possible stiff competition and mockery but with a cute sweet boy, it’s not an issue.

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