Hello my name is John Oceans (very distant relative of Joan Rivers), and today I will be playing judge and jury and serve you my hits and misses from the AMVCA red carpet. This is my first time writing, enjoy and feel free to disagree.
Genevieve Nnaji: If anyone doubted who the queen of Nollywood is, this picture laid rest such dissension. This lady is a star and is proof that even if you are not born with class, you can acquire it.
Osas Ighodaro: Okay, I hate this chick because she broke my heart when she snagged Gbenro, who is my boo, off the market. However, Osas brings it on every red carpet, and this dress is perfection. She looked like a mermaid and she had the ultimate accessory – a hot, well-dressed man. Some women do have it all.
Funke Akindele: I am reluctantly including her on the hit list. This is a beautiful dress for a woman in her 40s, and not for a young woman like Funke. The dress ages her, and so does the hair. She is a pretty girl; she should just hire a good stylist, or get a gay best friend.
Iyabo Ojo: I don’t even know who this girl is or what she does, but she was my best dressed girl at this event. This is a simple tasteful dress with just enough embellishments. She should have skipped the dropping earrings of course, and gone for stud diamonds, and allow the dress do all the talking. I am sorry, Genny baby, but this girl gave me life.
Nkiru Anumudu: *sigh* With all the money this woman has, she always looks like she fell out of a Harry Potter set. I think this picture can be used to scare children into eating their vegetables, you know, Eat your veggies, kids, otherwise the woman in the picture will come visit them at night.
Eucharia Anunobi: I hear she is now a pastor, abi? Surely her congregation can contribute money to buy her a mirror. From the hair to the hideous dress to the make up – Epic fail! It looks like a wild animal will jump out of her clothes any minute!
Korede Bello: These are the cheapest satin pants I have ever seen. Where does he shop? Under bridge? And Dennis Macaulay, yes I love you, but surely you can buy your boy an iron. If he has to wear cheap satin pants, at least tell him to iron it. That is what daddies do, no?
Denola Grey: Another Dennis’ boy in ‘Akwa oche inspired.” This is an epic fail, it looks like he robbed someone and ripped off their furniture to make this jacket. Dennis, do something about this biko!
Dakore Akande: This is a beautiful princess dress, but unfortunately she looks like ice cream served at Cold Stone Creamery; the top is strawberry flavor while the bottom is pineapple flavor. Nne, mbanu!
Da Prince: Alaba boys, oye! He looks like those rich nna-bobos men who live in Festac, travel to China often, and talk loudly on the phone. This looks like something Kcee would wear; they now shop at the same store?
Susan Peters: She is the biggest miss of the night! She looks like a drag queen going to a Halloween party as big bird from Sesame Street. I even read yesterday that she said this was “high fashion”. *holds laugh* She even wore a tiara? #DiarisGodInEverythingWeDo
I had to keep it short, guys, so you don’t burn all your data! I would like to know your best and worst picks each!
This is it until the next time our celebrities play dress-up, and KD’s Fashion Police can storm that red carpet with arrest warrants. Ciao Bella!