FLEETING DESIRE

med911021This is the debut piece of KDian, La-Coozee, a short work of fiction. Read and enjoy.

*

At first, I thought him odd. The easy way he smiled, the breezy cologne he had on, the garish stripes on his shirt all contributed to my perception of him. And then, in a hoarse voice scented by Mentos, he turned to me in the bus and said, “I’m Fintan.”

In all the months of our relationship, months when we had hasty sex in my Obalende flat, months when he drove me to Shoprite in his vanilla-scented car, months when he cooked spaghetti garnished with Titus sardines for me, it did not occur to me to ask what his name meant, to ask him about the necessary things, to tell him my fears.

Perhaps that was why we broke up, or there were other things I would never be able to identify.

We broke up because I cheated, but I cheated because I was bored. I was tired of the easy perceptiveness of our relationship, the way I could tell what would happen the next day even before the day was over. I wanted excitement, the dangerous kind that dried throats and thumped hearts.

When he came over the afternoon of that day I cheated, I noticed how small his eyes were. When he hugged me, I drew back slightly, tainted by excitement, by guilt. I knew he would ask me in his hoarse voice to dress up so we could go shopping at Ikeja City Mall, and so after we had sex on the living room couch, my sweat sticking the leather to my back, I sat up and stared at nothing.

“I slept with Ifeanyi this morning.”

Before, I would not have told him, I would have just pretended nothing happened, but I wanted to shake him, to prick the balloon of ease that danced around him.

“You are kidding,” he said, and in the same breath, he continued, “Get dressed, we’re going to Ikeja City Mall.”

He did not ask me anything as I dressed, splashing on perfume behind my neck, but I knew in that brief moment, that the balloon had deflated and vanished.

In the car, he played Adele and just before he got on to Third Mainland Bridge, he dialed down the volume and turned to me.

“What you said earlier today, you were joking, right?”

“No,” I said, staring at the wide body of ripply waters.

He was silent for a while, and then he asked me again, “Where did you do it?”

At first, I stared at him, puzzled by his choice of question – ‘Where’ instead of ‘Why’. I’d always thought him to be a man of why, a man who craved answers, not a man who accepted things the way they were with a serene limpness.

“In my house,” I said.

For a moment, he said nothing leaving me to grapple with the things that floated in my mind, to wonder about our future together.

Then in a calm voice that barely carried above the upbeat Adele song, he said, “Get out.”

“You said?”

“Emmanuel, get out,” he repeated, and halted the car abruptly.

A very fair-complexioned woman in the Honda beside us shouted as she drove past, “Yeye man! You better go and learn how to drive!”

I stared at him, at the tapering shoes he had on and I knew that was the last thing I would remember. Before I stepped out into the fading sunlight, I glanced at him and said, “Thank you.”

And I did not know why I thanked him.

*

“Ahn-ahn! Useless man! So he drove away and left you on the bridge?” Dozie, my colleague at work asked me when I told him on Monday. “But you should not have told him you cheated on him na,” he said again after I nodded my head. “All these Lagos guys have big egos and they don’t want to hear of any other guy.” He rose from his seat, patting my shoulder as he stood.

I wanted to laugh, to tell him I did not need his empathy, to tell him about the sweet glow that invaded my lower belly, but I did not. Instead, I smiled forcedly and I knew he would never understand if I told him about the calm clarity in my throat after Fintan asked me to get out of his car. I knew too, that he would never understand how it felt to be in a predictable relationship.

So I stared above his head and out of the window, at the sleek line of cars zooming past the office.

Written by La-Coozee

31 thoughts on “FLEETING DESIRE

  1. Ah! Thank Goduooooooooooooo!

    I almost thought he was gonna push u off the bridge.

    But humanbeing shaa, no one can tell what we really want. Some other person would b out there dying for what we have nd we would b inside loathing it. Smh!
    @ least Fintan loved you………..so I think. Isn’t that enough?

    IS LOVE NOT ENOUGH?

    • You would think it is. And yet you’ll get shown all the reasons why you shouldn’t even give it out in the first place. For a world filled with people wanting love, we sure have an ironic way of throwing the much love given away and back in the faces of those giving it.

  2. “Things Guys Do”, “Clever Ways Of Dumping A guy and Make It Look The Other Way Round” etc would have made better topics for this story.

  3. Thought he was going to push you off abi drove off the bridge.

    The thing about cheating is if Fintan has a talent for forgiveness and you’re truly sorry, you guys could have used the affair as a wake-up call and end
    up so much happier with the relationship that
    gives them what they need, instead of just being
    on automatic and pretending that everything’s
    O.K. But unconsciously you’re hoping
    that either the affair itself or fintan finding out about it will make things more passionate in the relationship. In a way I will assume that there’s a hidden wisdom there. I know we all are coping and we’re doing the best we can. There was something you’re hungry for and you’re not getting it in life. And an affair was a way for u to try to get what you’re needing.

    @PP, not sure if you got the email I sent you.

  4. You have a very convincing imagination if this is fiction, some folks should take note abt how thats done. nicely written, just abit short and irrelevant…

  5. “Then in a calm voice that barely carried above the upbeat Adele song, he said, “Get out.”

    I’ve done that before… Will write a story about it soon..
    You know I hate cheaters.. So I’m just gonna refrain from what I had in mind and enjoy this beautiful morning

  6. Hmm… That was harsh and wicked though… Added to the fact you didn’t even have a good reason per say to dump him.

  7. Fiction or not I totally love and understand this piece. I may not be to relate with it since I ve not had an experience that mirrors this type of situation, I get it still.
    I ve never cheated on anyone b4……….ok wait! I did cheat on my GF with a guy (gives Mazi Max the side eye). But a lot of ppl don’t cheat because they ve whoring tendencies. Sometimes its just to spice things up, do a quick check to test how much they feel about someone and the relationship, a la validity test, comparing and contrasting to see if u are not just in it out of obligation. Some just stay in a relationship cos “He is a great guy and I don’t wanna hurt him” hun ! U iz living a lie! If fintan is a man of why? (I’m a man of Why(s) by the way) things would ve ended differently. I can over look being cheated on so long as there is a legit reason for it! (Sorry I’m just too open minded to accommodate unnecessary drama and ugliness! Yeah breakups can be messy and over dramatised, so its best to enquire b4 shooting down the kite. I hate being predictable. When ur relationship becomes a routine and predictable, its fourfiveseconds away from becoming a chore, we all know how most beings feel about chores. Ok I said way too much! Nice read! Love love love it

    PP where u de find all these writers def! They can stimulate person in all kind of weird ways I swear.

  8. Ah! Cheating, Strengthening n Breaking Relationships from Time Immemorial…
    Personally, I don’t subscribe to cheating, I’d go BALLISTIC if I found out that Bae’s Cheated on ♍e̶̲̥̅̊.
    The Thrill is great bt D̶̲̥̅ Repercurssion is №t so great

  9. Nice piece, totally relatable. The only thing that may make me cheat on a good guy is boring sex. As long as he is good both in character and on the sheets, I am in for the long haul.

  10. Beautiful stuff! Flash Fiction done so right… it seemed very real to me and executed very beautifully too!
    Kito Diaries and it’s amazing writers…

  11. that’s quite strange. some dudes can be damn jealous even when the partner remains faithful. He shouldn’t have dumped him that way. Had it been he found out on his own but since he opened up, it should give room for forgiveness and amendment.

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