Let’s Discuss…about Love

Blog_Let's DiscussValentine is way past, I know; but there’s still enough lingering scent from it which makes it okay to still talk about love.

Don’t roll your eyes, people. (lol) Stay with me.

So I was recently on a blog, a literary blog, and the owner (a female) had just updated a love-giveaway post. She’d rambled on a bit about Valentine, before asking a question at the end, for which the best answer would fetch the commenter a N1000 airtime.

She asked: What does Love mean to you?

And I answered in my comment: ‘Love is that companionable silence that doesn’t always need to be filled with words and chatter. It is that backbone up the spine that complements your strengths and bolsters up your weaknesses. It is that warmth that fills up all the cold, dank spaces around you. It is the encouragement you get to do things for your own good and for the good of others. It is that embrace that accepts you the way you are, those arms that gently guide you in the path to be a better you.

‘Love is happiness, one that oftentimes comes with a price, but happiness that is well worth the effort.’

Well, Yours Truly won the N1000 airtime prize. And why wouldn’t I? I’m a man in love, so I should know what I’m talking about, right? Lol.

Anywho, thereafter, in a private chat between me and some friends, someone pled for a solution to his dilemma. He claimed to be in love with two guys, and wanted the rest of us to help him sort out the mess that was his heart. He wanted to know if it is possible ‘to be madly in love with two guys at the same time’. Below are some of the responses that were given.

Friend A: You need Jesus! And maybe a good shag to clear off your confusion.

Friend B: It’s called lust, not love. You are madly in lust, bro.

Friend C: I’m pretty sure you just wanna fuck them.

Friend D: You can only have unequal love for two persons at the same time. I don’t know about being madly in love with them both.

Friend E: There’s nothing like unequal love.

Friend F: Yes, you can be in love with more than one person, but the degree of love you have for them can never be the same. One of them will definitely have the highest share of your love.

Yes, because love is the bag of rice you take home to the village for Christmas.

Anyway, there were several more responses. But this post can only accommodate so much.

So now, let’s discuss…what love means to you, and the possibility of being madly in love with two guys at the same time.

90 thoughts on “Let’s Discuss…about Love

  1. Pinky wat’s this all about?? For ‘crying out loud’ i was d first dat commented on dis article, TWO comments and i couldnt see dem again. Pinky kedu udiri ihe bu ihe nke a kwanu?? And i ws rejoicing i did it first.

  2. Haba LordII it’s unfair ni. Do u knw wat it cost me to try to be d first?? Regardless i hv Test by 7.35 am today, and after stealing myslf so much for d test i stil had to wke up tryna b d first….. And then Pinky decided to treat me like Queen Karma *crying*

  3. Tell your friend and his two guys to try polyamory. There’s love in sharing…

    …Or sharing in love.

    Something like that.

    • Yea, what Absie said! lol. The worst thing that can happen is dat they say no,abi?#justKidding
      Dude is just fuelled with lust! U can’t be in (true) love with two ppl; it’s hard enuff finding ONE person to be TRULY in love with! He’s just horny and greedy. If u love someone as much as he claims (*side-eye*),then why can’t he be enough for u? What kind of love can u get from two ppl,that one person can’t give u?
      Yea,u can be in love with a person,and u still see ppl u’re madly attracted to outside,but wen u remember how much u really love ur boo, and d fact that he’s done u no wrong and isn’t falling short in any aspect(these are the reasons why u’re “madly in love” with him,yea?), you just look d other way and hug ur bf tighter!

  4. I agree with friend F.
    And as for love, it’s unexplainable. You’ll know it when you feel it. It’s that madness that takes over your mind and makes you do silly things while smiling, just to make another person happy. It’s that feeling that makes you put the other persons needs before yours. Thats love.

  5. But na wah o! How does one fall “madly in love” with two ppl? I can’t even find ONE person to fall “madly in love” with. I do love and care about ppl,but “madly”? I’d like to see that love that’ll make me act the fool.
    What love means to me,simply: love is when u find someone u love and care about like a blood-brother u adore,and at same time,u’re madly,sexually passionate with him.

  6. On a serious note, though.

    I think the idea that a person cannot love two people at once is a…lie we tell ourselves because we are afraid of the implications of such an admission: imagine being on the receiving end of that “shit” – your boyfriend loves you yet loves someone else… How do you reconcile that?

    But, hey, we are humans. This heart is big enough for so many things as “unimaginable” as they are intriguing.

    I wouldn’t use the word “equally” to describe having feelings for two people. Rather I’d say “differently”. If I love Colossus and Kizito at once, I’ll be loving them in equal but different ways: what I like and hate about one man may not be the same things I like and hate in the other, and vice versa. It’s a typical Brian and CJ scenario.

    Your friend just has 3 options:

    A. Dump both guys and move on.

    B. All 3 of them can try polyamory (lol, don’t judge me)

    C. Choose 1 sweet guy and forgo the other equally sweet guy. *sniffles*

    In the end, he can’t run away from making a decision and sticking with it.

  7. Hmmm. Love. What is it really if not a second hand emotion?
    Loool. I’m channeling my inner Tina Turner this morning. Sigh.
    On a serious note, love to me ehn, is complete and utter happiness and contentment you feel when you look at the person that stirs up those feelings.
    It is accepting someone, flaws and all, no judgement, but willingness to point out and correct those flaws.

    That being said, you can love more than 1 person, but don’t be a Hoe please. Choose one and stay friends with the other.

    But if you want to be a hoe, date the two. Just know that the presidential suite is waiting for you in the fiery pits of hell.

  8. With two persons at the same time??? I’d prolly av bin out of love with the 1st person in the 1st place to av even considered the second. I prolly just like some attribute of either of them. *shrug*

    I don’t know about warm fuzzy feelings n companionable silences and all that shii. I can only decide I am in love when I’m not thinking about what I will get in return.

  9. Let him not have sex with these guys for a year. The person that still stays or the person he still goes head-over-heels for is his true love. I ASSUME (ASSUME OH!) that he has had sex with these guys and they are both good in their own way, making it hard for him to make a choice. Sex has a way of fueling the lies we tell ourselves.

  10. I’m sure you were ‘madly in love’ with number one before number two came along, now you’re ‘madly in love’ with both..

    *This is me rolling my eyes from London to Pluto*

  11. I don’t know if love exists btwn gay guys to be honest. I experienced something like it a while back, I was a naive 21 yr old dating a 45 yr old man. He was ugly…and had bad teeth, so it had to be love right? in retrospect I don’t think it was, it was naivety. Ive learned not to show guys how much u really like them or how far smitten u are w them cus that alwways makes u vulnerable and u get taken for granted. I want to feel love but I’m afraid of falling in love cause that would be letting my guard down.

    So love for me is about letting go and giving ur heart to someone and hoping they do not tear it apart.

    • Lol.. Text book case of bad heart breaks.
      I play love like chess these days. Sometimes you sacrifice a pawn to gain advantage. Sometimes you protect your king(heart) with your ruke and keep your kinghts and bishops on guard.I haven’t given up on love. Never will. But the older you get, the harder it is to find.
      I try to dissociate myself from past experiences. It may ruin your present. You just have to find a balance between being a hard ass prick and being entirely someone’s bitch.

  12. Anyone who has really been in love would not only totally understand pinky’s definition of love, but would also know for a fact that pinky has been in love.
    As for the dude in love with two guyz, I don’t think it works that way. In the early “malaria phase” of any relationship, its hard to distinguish love from sexual attraction. The can never be any confusion in love. When you love someone, you KNOW with every fibre of your being that THIS IS THE ONE. There is never a hint of doubt about it. And true love never dies. If you really have found THE ONE, they could marry someone else and 20 years later you’d still love him/her. Love is an experience everyone should have. Okay that enough, Sensei. Lol

    • I agree and that’s why am smh@ trystham for saying he could only love another AFTER the first one! Hian that’s not love boo it’s just something that feels like love!

      Love is ONE that after which..sorry but your heart just can’t love LIKE how you loved the first!


      • Why can’t I stop thinking about you?
        Why do I still love you nomatter how I
        try to ignore it and wave it aside plus
        other assumptions and made up
        stuffs?What did you do to me?I think
        this is the exact reason ppl marry and
        still cheat.LOVE IS A MYSTERY.I just
        wanna free my heart.***feeling
        better now***”These are exactly the words I sent to my one and only true love. And its because of you sensei!

    • Thanks Sensei. “Love never dies”. If you’ve ever loved someone in the past, then you’re probably still in love with them.
      When you’re in love, you just know. Everything about them feels right. You could literally kill for them.
      You feel complete when they’re around you . ok lemme stop now. Emotions are starting to creep out of the grave where I buried them. **phew**

  13. I met two guys on the same day.
    I fell for both on the same day.
    One had me wild.
    The other calmed me.

    Different is the word. Why? Because they are different. Its not lust. Its love.

    Love is the ability to write your feelings in braille because it’s blind.
    It is the pure connection that leaves you breathless, speechless. Its a force that makes you want to do more, be more.
    Love makes say you “hmm…”, not “ha!”.
    Love is everything.

  14. I’m currently in love with two guys. The thing that makes the equation difficult to solve is that both of them love me each from their person and I love each of them differently. I’ll try to explain it thus: I’m A. The others are B and C. A loves B,C. B loves A. C loves A. B and C are not in love. It’s hard to explain.

    I really intended to post a journal of the transpirations here. It’s not funny. It’s not easy. In fact this last val , …

  15. Once upon a time, boy meets boy. That’s the beginning of any number of love stories. Due to the limitations we put on ourselves as humans we have spent so much time forgetting about the intellectual and emotional capacities we bring individually to our relationships nd the abilities to meet each other’s needs. For most of us the individual capacities of our heart and minds challenges our understanding of what relationships are and that some have so much bandwidth, they can afford to direct some of their attention elsewhere in ways that, to the rest of us, begins to feel like betrayal. Being in love with two different persons doesn’t take anything away from all how madly in love the guy is with them…personally for me, I believe he found someone but along the way, he became awhole lot of other things nd he couldnt help it.

    I know It’s an impossible concept for some to grasp, but that doesn’t mean it’s any less different. We treat Love has a zero-sum game, that there’s only so much to go around, and if someone isn’t giving it all to us, we believe eventually we’re going to lose out, because neither of them isn’t one and only, we feel that they will ultimately be shoved out too; to us, even me love is a very limited resource, and if it’s not being given to us and us alone, then we think we’re at risk of our partner running out of love entirely and leaving us with less in the long-run. We see love as either “you’re mine or you’re not mine,” I know for some that’s what they have the capacity to both give and receive in a relationship but we get so caught up in how everything relates to us that we never stop to think about how the guy feels about it.

    We can’t accept that this doesn’t mean that he loves them any less; if anything, but he needs to know that which he want to be his primary relationship but this question itself is small when weighed against the greater mysteries of the human heart.

  16. Love … that intangible hard to explain emotion, I’ll just open my heart and speak from from there … you never see it coming nkr do you plan it, it blindsides you when you least expect it. You know you’re in love when you feel like your soul is intertwined with that of another however far apart you both might be. In all you do or say, you consider him and hoq he might react or be affected. You begin to envisage a future with him beside you while the thought of living without him fills you with horror. Contrary to popular belief, staying sexually faithful and monogamous to the one you truly love is much easier than it sounds because at a point you realise that no other fling, no other ass or dick can feel as good as that of the one you love for the simple reason that the magic ingredient; love is missing from all your flings and they will therefore always be less than …
    One day you wake up and realise that slowly but imperceptibly his love for you has shrunk and died without you noticing it, you’re still madly in love but realise that he has moved on while you were still basking in the euphoria of love … you hurt and cry abs beg and then usually you start the long, slow painful process of healing and moving on – a process that’s never ever completed because a part of you will always love him and a small part of you keeps wishing and fantasizing that just maybe someday there might be a chance that you both will get back together … love is a beautiful thing, but is it worth the heartache and emotional upheaval? I honestly cant answer that question … ***speaking from a deep and personal place where ghosts of past loves turned sour lurk***

    • You’ve said it all… “Thinking about a future with them” Feels so good.
      They could be ugly and have a bad breath, but you still think the sun rises from their ass. Oh love. That question of whether its worth it, I’m yet to find the answer.

    • I forgot to add; i strongly doubt its possible to be in love with more than one person @ a time. Yes, u might sometimes lust after others- you’re human after all, and even when you succumb to your lust, your heart stays firmly with the one you love … sex isnt love …

      • DM, im sorry to comment on this. I have been avoiding it but I think I have to. I took notice of the fact that you haven’t for once spoken about Mrs DM in unkind terms. The “worst” you have ever said on this issue was that when you give people something thinking it was the best,their minds will be else where. I might not quote you correctly but that’s how I could capture it. For me, I understand those words very well. Its needless defending yourself. People must talk. After all its cheap.

  17. Love is when you can kill for him, when you threaten any guy that comes close to him, when you stalk all his social media accounts, wear his underwear which you stole, introduce yourself as his best buddy, have extra year in school just so you can graduate together, work your NYSC posting to the state he was posted, dream about yourself as his bride, eventually kill his real bride, tie him up in the basement and live happily ever after.
    Some people call this insanity but what do they know, they’ve never been in love.

  18. My comments might cause go slow so its better to keep it to myself but i know that one can love more than one person @ a time and deeply too. mad love can also grow into deep hatred.love fades.love dies.love is also eternal

  19. Ehen oh. Sensei and Max, I get the feeling your comments arise from the idea that there is a ONE for everybody – someone out there who has been destined for us (hopefully mine is still alive!) and that when we meet him we will *know*.

    Are you guys saying that love is not a choice we consciously make, based on certain things we see in the person of interest we can build on for a successful relationship?

    Is love blind?

    #ConfusedStateOfMind

    • Love is an increased level of serotonin which makes you do stupid stuff because serotonin impairs your ability to reason logically.

    • Absalom, the truth is that there is no easy answer to this question. Some commenters have elegantly put down how love can only happen with one and others with equal elegance have described how love can be felt for more than two at once. I can only speak from my experience. And perhaps, we have to define what we mean by love. Every kind of love is not the same. I speak of what I may call TRUE love, the peak experience of physical, emotional and mental communion that is eternal, never fades, never gives up and never dies. If you can have this experience with two people simultaneously, then lucky you.
      I have always said that this kind of love is not something you create. It’s a natural phenomenon of the universe that occurs spontaneously. Prayer, hard work or strong desire will not make the sun shine at 12 midnight. But nothing can stop the sun at dawn…and soon it rises and blazes fiercely in the sky. True love cannot be willed or created. It just happens to you.
      And even after it you lose it, it makes you cry inconsolably and laugh hysterically 30 years after. When you find true love, you will be grateful to have ever found it, even if it lasted briefly. True love can never become hatred. True love accepts everything, even rejection by the beloved. True love is something that is extremely rare in this world. So I wonder, when we say love, are we talking about the same thing?

      • I don’t expect a sitting ovation from you. Singular love though an individual decision is a western thing. Our fore fathers were mostly polygamous yet they loved their wives. The whites came and said it’s evil and even criminalised it and call it bigamy. Now we are following it like sheep. An African man was built to be emotionally strong enough to love more than one. I can’t love just one guy or one woman. That’s the way I was made. However,I know that some people are made like fairy…to love one person specially created for them. God help you, you find yourself in Africa while your default lover is in Asia.

      • I mean, seriously?! Love, such an individual concept, is now the politics of the West and Africa? Are u truly this dense or did someone take on your identity to post that comment? How on earth do u equate the marriage of more than one partner with love? How are they the same thing?

      • Really? REALLY?! All those polygamous marriages of African old, before the big bad West came upon us, they all happened because of love? Jeezuz! Did you visit Lord and sip something he offered?

      • I guess for this postulation of yours to be correct, when ever love grows cold between two people who were once believed to be madly in love,we should just say; “oh they were never really in love”. We only thought they were.

    • Pinky, don’t get worked up over Gad. You shd have known by now why his opinions are mostly different from the majority here. Its because of a GENERATIONAL GAP. And across generations we speak totally different languages.

      • @ Pete its ok. Pinky pls do the needful. @ Pinky,so you think before your west invaded here ,marriages were not entered into as a consequence of love? this is sad. even if you were unfortunate to have been born and raised in the city and among those that dont go to their villages ,you are supposed to know a little about our past.@ sensei, for you to say that a generational difference exists between us,i felt pained @ how far a man can go towards self deceit

      • Not just that Sensei but the fact that one actually believes love is basically PHYSICAL then one is bound to make a grave mistake…in fact that’s the apt word..grave!

        You see love is first and altogether SPIRITUAL it isn’t Sensual and definitely not mind over matter. Love is PURE and can never be wrong..it is TRUE and genuine in its nature and never faults the other no matter what the case may be.

        You got some things you said up there correct however you forgot that LOVE NEVER FAILS in such a way that ONE man has used his love of God so much that he actually STOPPED the SUN from going down one day and so yes Love is THAT powerful…pls read Joshua 10:12-13 (pinky u might want to vomit some of the things he said up there that u had DIGESTED hehehehhe….here take a bag outside pls)

        Love is the single most powerful thing in all heaven, earth and below the earth and that’s why GOD alone is LOVE! It was actually love that said ‘let there be light and there was LIGHT’

        So Sensei yes you gat some things right up there about love BUT TAKE NOTE.. prayer and faith HAS actually made the Sun to shine at 12 midnight! Pls get your facts right biko…

        ….and pinky sure Gad could get somethings warped sometimes but do you know how many times YOU have gotten things wrong here???? Too many and sad to say am sure you don’t know where you have blundered….which is worse!

      • @Gad, your comments are disgraceful to humans in general. “African men were built to love more than one”. You’re using your twisted views to try and justify your marriage with multiple lovers(people you have sex with). And also in the past, people didn’t marry bcos of love. They married cos of other useless reasons namely;
        For respect
        For cultural purposes
        Because they’re selfish
        Because they’re damn slutty and horny goats
        Because people with many wives were considered wealthy
        Because procreation was encouraged in the past :ie – the bigger the family #children, the better .

        So don’t you dare open your grey mouth and say that they married multiple women they loved in the past. Thats just old plain and silly custom. You’re not so different from whites if you must know. Your skin color is the only difference. So quit the ” African men are built” #campaign.
        Looks like you took a sip from Lord/Kings #cRaZyWaTeR..

        And as for the person who asked if I believed in “THE ONE TRUE LOVE”, I don’t.

        Youre compatible with a wide array of people. Its not just one person.

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