A WORD FROM THE ADMIN

add_adminI know that Freedom Of Expression is a very valuable and catchpenny commodity in modern society, something the press and media hold dear and social media trolls revel in. And this post wouldn’t exist if that was all I had to talk about, because Kito Diaries has proven to be the home of everyone freely expressing their opinions, bandying them about and sometimes attempting to shove them down other people’s throats. All that I don’t mind. Oftentimes, these opinions have been marinated in cusswords and distasteful language. It’s a struggle, but I have made my peace with that too. It is something I’m after all guilty of.

But there is a line I want to draw.

Kito Diaries may be a hot bed of controversy, but it is what it is today because of the willingness of KDians to tell their stories and share them for the readership, delight, commiseration and admonishment of others. People who pen down write-ups, whether fiction, nonfiction or opinion pieces, know to expect either overwhelming support and pathos from the readers, or intense backlash for having something unpopular to say. And those who go ahead to write, in spite of the Big Bad Wolf known as KD commenters, are commendable. I know of some people who are still mining courage from within themselves to tell their stories, unsure what reaction to expect.

And indeed, all reaction is acceptable; freedom of expression is after all everyone’s precious toy to play with, right?

Wrong.

HIV/AIDS is an issue I take very seriously, and people, who are living with or suffering from it, survive when they are encouraged to go about their lives as normal, without having their ailment thrown in their face, either out of pity or derision. Discrimination against those living with HIV comes in different shades, and while pity is understandable, derision is inexcusable.

One of yesterday’s posts was proof of how diverse the opinions of any given people can be, and how fiercely and determined this people can be in the protection of their opinions. A lot of words were said, conflicts were fostered, and tempers were heated. Yet, somewhere through all that, there is a thread of humour everyone could find. I stopped laughing when a commenter’s HIV status became a ‘compromised immune system affecting your eyesight now’. That is exactly the kind of comment that discourages readers of KD living with HIV from sharing their stories here; when you realize that telling this particular LGBT community about your struggles with this ailment means that when you are having a disagreement with someone in the comments section, your status can be clapped back in your face.

This is not the first time this is happening, and perhaps, because I did not draw this line, it seemed okay for it to happen again.

Well here it is then: You may say what you want to say, or be who you want to be on KD. But you MAY NOT, under any guise, discriminate against anyone whose HIV status is positive and known to this community. THAT I will not tolerate. THAT is the line I am drawing.

And in other news, the interest shown on the KD Support System has been overwhelming, especially from those interested in counseling those struggling with HIV, depression or the after effects of Kito episodes. It has been a struggle attending to the mails, but it’s not something the system hasn’t been able to handle. Unfortunately, there has been a lack of response from those needing this proffered help. Not a lot of people going through these personal demons have indicated interest in needing help. In my opinion, this isn’t because these people do not exist. It simply is a factor of TRUST. That is understandable. But this support system is as much a genuine effort as the struggle is real.

And so, if You are battling any of these problems, and have no one to guide You through them, do find a place within You to pick up the courage to ask for HELP. Send a mail. And the KD Support System would do its best to get You through it all. These demons are very often not something anyone should endure alone. The mail is kds.system14@gmail.com. There’s someone who’s a click away from being the listening ear and reassuring voice You need.

80 thoughts on “A WORD FROM THE ADMIN

  1. Word….some supposedly low blows, a times go way too low…….Chizzie, (yes I fingered out d culprit) take heed. A word they say is enough for the wise…..and if wisdom eludes anyone, please pursue it and find it oooo.

    • WOW, IT HAD TO BE THE BADDEST MOST INSENTITIVE BITCH. NOT COOL AT ALL. MY LOVE FOR CHIZZIE NOW AT THE BOTTOM OF JAVA SEA.

  2. I totally agree with u, I stopped reading when tht HIV ish was mentioned. I was pained, I couldn’t believe ‘He’ could descend tht low.. amma tow ur line and not mention name, but dear Bro C….e.. u should apologise to bro D…m.. a kind word heals, also honestly we all are at risk of HIV, this coming from a medical Dr.. cheers

    • hi simba…. would like to be your friend. I’m now in d housejob market and wanna make as many contacts in that line as possible. I will msg PP over this but just wanted to state that here.

      PS: it was quite mean of Chizzie to go there…I felt bad. Can only imagine what went thru Dubem’s mind

      • Pls feel free.. I ll tell madam pinky to give u my contacts.. sorry for late reply.. u know how de work is..

  3. Yup yup! This post is totally in order. My jaw dropped when i read the barb directed @ someone’s ‘compromised immune system’ that was an extremely cruel and twisted shot, which must not be condoned under any circumstances … being HIV+ is not a matter to be joked with no matter the circumstances … we can disagree on any topic but certain health related issues are no-go areas…. Chizzie (yes am calling you out), you owe a profuse apology – for real and please correct yourself accordingly for future sake …

  4. When i saw that comment, my honest reaction was HELL NO!!!. I just stopped and re-read it countless times to be sure i read right. Chizzie I always look forward to your comments, i honestly do but after yesterday’s sardonic zinger, i was extremely disappointed. The handshake has clearly passed the arm and big ups to D boy for not backing down.

    I just feel like hugging everyone on KD right now to show the love i have for y’all. Let us not spoil the cyber growing family.

    • And pinky, i fucking love you!!!!!! I swear i will pull out my D for an autograph when i see you. This post is giving me life. Talk about effective P.R.

  5. I can’t say I’m shocked there are more counsellors than people needing counsel. There’s a lot of psychology to this which I won’t go into.

    But I have to ask: what’s the criteria for being a counselor? Is it just interest? Trust is not all that’s at stake here. I suggest professional experience and experience as someone who has lived with HIV for an extended period, or who has survived depression etc should be the top considerations in picking counselors. Again, the personality of the person applying (as judged from comments here) should be looked into; some people do not understand what empathy means. Counselling is not just dishing out words nor is it oratory.

    If you ask me, the counsellors shouldn’t even be more than 3 highly qualified individuals. The rest of us can sit back and pray.

  6. The comment was stupid, tactless and classless. It just goes to show how painfully immature you really are.
    To say something like that just for the sake ‘of winning an argument’ is nothing short of despicable.

    I saw it and kept replaying it in my mind ‘compromised immune system’. And the more I thought of it, the more it pissed me the fuck off!
    Are your comments entertaining? Yes, but that was way over the line and you owe that chap an apology.

    You keep mentioning how good looking you are, well you sir may be beautiful of face but you are definitely vile and dark of heart.

  7. Gbam!!! I remember many years back,a female friend of mine in secondary school told me, “There are reasons why you’re smart, let the reasons be the good ones”. This was after we had a slight argument and I used something she told me in confidence against her. The guilt I felt was unimaginable.

    It’s hard to moderate the comments of hundreds of people and pinky, I don’t envy your job. Hopefully though, you’ll be doing a good job at it.
    To the commenters who find it so easy to attack below the belt, there is humour and there is just plain hate. Know the difference and by jumping Jupiter, learn not to spread the latter.

    Some people come here to have a sense of belonging, let our comments not scare them away.

  8. With regards to the help line, I agree with Absalom. This is not unexpected, more people registering to counsel instead of getting counseled. I do hope there are stringent measures put in place to weed out those not qualified, I actually believe there is. After all, its run by sensei.

    To the many who are sceptical about seeking help, it is understandable but the fact you’re actually thinking about it is a healthy move, you can always take your time but please not too long. Remember your psyche could be affected on the long run. When you eventually do contact the help line, I’m positive somebody competent would be at the other end to listen and help.

    To the counselors, please look within and if you’re not competent for the job, kindly bow out. There are more to a lot of guys than being gay and depressed. I pray for the wisdom needed in running this and help for those feeling helpless, no matter how little.

  9. And on the issue of a compromised immune system, all I will say is: When we stop celebrating and applauding and “looking forward to” crassness, impoliteness and other symptoms of terrible manners, maybe we can have a little sanity here.

    Many of us come here to have some peace and fun – not to wade through insults.

    The most controversial people in the world – from Bisi Alimi to Kenny Badmus to Ellen DeGeneres – don’t make it a point to be rude at every turn.

  10. Nice one Pinky! Blog arguements are meant to be just fun and games, nothing harmful, but when Chizzie,in his usual fashion, decides to show how gifted he (thinks) is in hurting ppl, by mentioning (not for the first time) a health issue, then it tells a lot about his bizarre desperation to be perceived as “mean bitch”.
    Chizzie (yes,I will address u directly), I usually don’t take internet arguements and criticisms too seriously, even when they’re directed at me, I just laugh it off; it’s part of the fun. But when u decide to make acerbic remarks about real-life issues like a person’s health…that’s just low.
    I know your type; u were probably bullied/beaten in primary/secondary school by ur classmates for being a sissy, so u thought to urself : “since I’m too weak to use my punches, let me sharpen my tongue”, but dude,that was years ago; u need to let it go! No one is going to shove u and kick u for being effeminate now. So just dial back ur need to burn with ur tongue because it only shows how flawed u truly are.
    P.S: this is not a conversation,so if u want to turn it into one,then u’ll have to do my part as well as yours (again).

  11. Well dear chiZzie remember I told KD that I tried to find a place for you here but I just couldn’t. But you always seem to confirm those statements. I feel that with all your lows this one was just the LOWEST and so you really cannot go any lower.

    Hon I have a word for you. Try and love yourself more my dear. It’s obvious that one of the pipo we set up this help system here for is YOU and you would do well for yourself to own and admit that u need some type of help. Just know one thing dear that when one has learnt to accept and love himself he would HAVE love to give out and not HATE! You actually started this year right and I saw your effort but it really didn’t bud…..TRY again ok….just try and NOT HATE YOURSELF so much ok.

    Luv ya still!

  12. To say I was shocked when I saw that was an understatement!

    I have been at the receiving end of chizzie’s unbridled tongue more times than I can remember and I made myself an easy target because I write a lot about my experiences (which is what KD is supposed to be about anyway) and I have no regrets. I generally don’t take him serious, I always think he will knock himself out and move on. Yesterday however shocked me to my marrows! Like how can one person be so vile? I had to dial PP immediately! Did you see that? That cannot happen on KD which is meant to be a safe place!

    I do hope he apologizes and interacts with civility going forward.

    • yes, Chizzie really faltered but we seem to be forgeting something.The comments on KD used to be civil and issue based before Max introduced insults. I called attention to it but he was rather applauded.Now,Chizzie who is apparently younger caught the virus. Let me reiterate it again here,we owe ourselves a duty of love to inform and shapen each other.Many here for some reasons that beats understanding looks up to some as mentors.We should be careful of the things we say,please

      • Introduced insults, really? Was that before or after you introduced stupidity and contradictory messages in your posts? Seriously dude, you seem to have a hard on for me.. Sorry dear, you ain’t my type. That thing you want is never gonna happen between us. I appreciate your lite courage though.. ☺

      • All are as entitled to dreams and imaginations just as people are entitled to opinions no matter how wrong. Gad has all he needs. Responsible men and women. I wonder why I should crush on an ill-mannered unknown fellow.

  13. Hang on, yes in retrospect I crossed a line then, but that was only because Dubem’s comments infuriated me so much, especially seeing as they weren’t even expected nor was any of my banter directed at him. I and chestnut were atlest abit amicable in our exchange, and the Dubem decided to be distasteful in what wasn’t really his business and I replied as I deemed fit then. I apologize for the derogatory statement I made however. It was cruel and obviously struck a nerve as it was intended to, but it was wrong. and I apologize for it being wrong.

    Now that that has been established, let me say; Preferential treatment to those living with HIV is in ways discrimination too. Just because someone has the virus doesn’t give them the go-ahead to say hurtful thing’s to ppl and recoil in horror when such hurtful things are reciprocated in equal measure…pls let it be noted.

    And if we are being fair, Dubem owes me an apology too, he insinuated that I will most likely have the virus too, using a comment of mine that I had made earlier to buttress his point.

      • “Distasteful is what really wasn’t his business”?

        Really? Coming from you? I find that very funny and down right hypocritical seeing as you have heaped insults on myself several times when I write things that in no way affects you.

        And this here you wrote is an apology for your extreme lack of restraint and poor judgment? Now I am offended!

        PP certain lines have to be drawn here and I mean it!

      • “Doesn’t give them the go ahead to say hurtful things to people”

        You do realize that this phrase makes you the biggest hypocrite ever liveth. I generally try to ignore you, but you are lower than pond scum for that comment on his health state and you need major help! I hope you find it!

    • Would it kill you to say a simple “I’m sorry, I was wrong” and end it there…….honey, there is no defending yourself on this matter…..u were wrong…..Period. And as for the special treatment to people living with the virus……nobody, I repeat nobody has treated anyone specially…. What we do here is called showing empathy….its a basic human courtesy to people who are in a bad place at a time……even the meanest of bitches have empathy,(ask Maleficent)…..so apologise sincerely(if that’s even possible) and leave it at that. There is no justification for your actions whatsoever, None. Bless you.

    • Chizzie, please just shut the FUCK up! How much more of an ass can you be? You think your comment stung? Hell, don’t even let the entire house of KD land on your matter coz if we do, you’ll fond that a whole lot of us have worse tongues, darker souls and are meaner bitches than you ever could be! Apologize and CHANGE Chizzie! It would do you a world of good

    • Bitch Please, just shut up all that nonsense abeg. Is that what you call an apology??

      You think say na only you get sharp mouth abi?? Because we just dey look you…you come think say you just fit talk anyhow abi? We all got sharp tongues that can lash too, but we are sensible enough to know when to use it and when to draw a bloody line.

      Nobody is giving anyone special treatment, its called having empathy and having the common sense to be sensitive and if you can’t understand that then you need to check yourself again.

      Is there’s one thing that puts me off about this your ‘apology’ is the hypocrisy of it all.
      His comment hurt you feelings?? Seriously?? and he was distasteful??? C’mon surely you’re kidding and pls tell me you’re fully aware of the total BS you’re spewing?

    • SERIOUSLY??? Sadly, the only fairness you have access to is your Mary White induced skin color. Do you have ANY friends at all? I bet they clam up around you. You are really faithless and have a LOUD mouth.

      I do believe it is MORONIC to av even quoted the ‘prefrential treatment’. You no fit yab person without referring to their status??? Biko, who are the ppl who thought u witty n intelligent on this blog? Y’all deserved to be flogged with kobokos soaked in salt n pepper.

    • Chizzie, you simply cannot continue like this. Just a little restraint never hurt anyone. And tell me, has your sharp tongue brought you happiness? All you get to do is express what you have inside. I’m sure friends and family have been giving you this same advice all your life. Why won’t you listen?

    • And you removed all doubt,Chizzie.You are a fool.Better you’d held your peace than prate this stite.
      I’d once referred you as being as intelligent as a doorpost,now I realize I’m wrong.That turned out an insult,to all doorpost

    • See why I call you a Child?

      Someone called me Voltron on here.
      #PinsTagOnLapel. My Job from henceforth.

      On behalf of Dubem and KD, I say..
      “We are Sorry Dubem was all up on your Treadmill”
      There. Satisfied?

      Has that heightened your craving? For Stupidity?
      Yes, stupidity. I said it.
      (Bite me crouching Tiger)

      Has that made you lactate with Common Sense?
      Has it increased your GP?
      Has it made your Stilettos heels Higher?
      Has it put food on your table?
      Has it gotten you the man of your nightmares?
      Has it gotten you a walk on the streets of Hell?

      Common man, you’re more that this.
      Yes, we all have tolerance level for BS
      But it shouldn’t make us say things we ought not to say.
      You’re Chizzie.
      You’re You.
      Be You.

      Not these words you spew.
      Look man, you need to calm down and apologise properly.

      Forget all our banter.
      And Apologise Like You Mean It.

      Voltron Out.

  14. And I referred som1 here today, I jst hope he doesn’t see ds and hav a bad notion about us. We r queer,we r fab and we r happy. Let ds notion drive us through come what may.
    pple often react differently wen pushed,nt justifying anyone bt we all hv seen He isn’t so strong enof to handle sometins so let most of us copy Lord and jst ignore him so d vicious cycle of insults isn’t kicked up
    A true friend understands ur limits and doesn’t push u beyond dem
    I believe we all are friends here
    As to d d help line- Doctors swore an oath to confidentiality so only Docs shuld b allowed to tk d part of d health issue, and den for d depression and odas issues I’d advice pple with PROVEN integrity.
    With ysday’s episode evn if I was dieing of HIV I’d neva come for help here.
    Bt if pple r rest assured of whom dey r opening up to den it may jst b a little more fascinating.
    We’d get better.
    Cheers y’all

  15. Am surprised that the HIV issue is the only one stated. It deserves to…however, everything on that post was heart-rending to the core. I argue a lot! And sometimes my arguments come out as blatantly annoying because of the wholesome epitome of truth, and choice of diction (not vulgar, but just real and real).
    Please. We all should be full of love for one another. We can argue, not to annoy others. We argue because we know that something is right the way we feel. We can only be sure if we are right or wrong through exchange of views. That is also the one way we can help others to know, and put to practice the right mode of living.

  16. Pinky, I really commend you for writing this piece here. I’ve been a regular visitor to this blog since late 2014 but never commented on anything here no matter how interesting, thought provoking or comment provoking they were. It wasn’t until this January that I decided to drop my first ever comment here. Now, that having been said, I’ld really like to give everyone the exact same advice my mum once gave me “Never let a fool make you react or start berating his foolishness because the moment you exchange words with him, you bring yourself down to his level and make yourself a laughing stock to the entire world”. On that note, I’ll love it if we all learnt to ignore Chizzie and all his childish barbs.. He’s just an insecure little kid looking for love but is very unwilling to give it.

    Chizzie, go and deal with your private demons on your own or get some professional help because from what I sense, you’re on the verge of doing something really idiotic that will hurt both you and the world (not like the world won’t be a much, Much, MUCH better place without you). So darling, go learn to love YOURSELF!

  17. So chizzie ..if I get u correctly..ur sorry! Buh ur not?. Cos I can’t tell if ur remorseful or actually putting a bitch crown on ur head…do I have to wish HIV on u before ur senses return to default…I wonder what those default setting are anyway…u need change! And if u can’t feel sorry for what u did and give a proper apology like u supposed to then shut up, and put the bitch crown on ur head and wait for karma to go 360 on ur sorry ass!.ur type should have passed with Ebola. U too cruel to be alive..UR A WITCH!

  18. It was PUNISHMENT to read through all 100+ comnents to find the offending post. Suffice to say I was not at all surprised to see it was Chizzie.
    PP, I wonder if you have blocked him again. I guess someone somewhere on this blog will be getting a visit from him on their cyber profiles as is his MO.
    I still do not see what u ppl find humorous about any of his comments. The vocab sef dey always limited. “poor, uneducated, hungry, ugly, unemployed…” I am beginning to think him a broken record. And the way he jumps on new words on here…just like one of my padis with a heavy H-factor who is always attempting to speak cockney.

  19. Instead of u to say sorry ,ya hia speaking big big grammer..imagine the nonsense and ingredients?… Who’s has that time to watch ya display of bad home training?

  20. The comment was stupid, tactless and classless. It just goes to show how painfully immature you really are…..”Just I’m sorry”

  21. Hi Admin,
    About our support system, it’s gonna be the most awesome thing ever and I was like wondering if we could lure more KDers out of their shell by providing not only an email but a phone number to text and call?
    I wonder if we could reach out more? It’s really toxic out there and #BlackAfricanGayLivesMatter too…

    Like you said its really sensitive and those who would benefit need to trust more, but let’s like, make it easier?
    You don’t know how far this initiative is gon go. It’s never been done. One day ‘someone’ is Gon be getting a nomination at CNN Heroes for saving endangered Nigerian lives…

  22. Chizzie.

    You’re one of the leading champions of HIV hysteria and stigmatisation on this blog.

    Your article, “Better Safe Than Sorry” wasn’t the most sensitive thing we’ve read here. Your comment when Dubem came out about his status was the cruellest. And twice or thrice you have wished HIV as punishment on people whose private sex life you have deemed short of your moral standards, Judge Judy that you are.

    With this kind of attitude you really are one to talk about some imaginary preferential treatment or stigma.

    I am not a fan of group criticisms like we’re doing now. But some things have to be said at some point. Personally, I ignore you; I can count on 3 fingers how many times I’ve said anything directly to you here.

    You will either have the humility to see what you wrote there as the non-apology it is, or you won’t. In all, enjoy the life you’ve chosen; apparently it works for you.

  23. I’m not going to say anything else on the matter again, ive apologized…the sincerity of my apology is always up for debate to whoever has the time. I do not.

    its a weekend, I’ve got a ton of things to do, so I’ll not indulge anyone.

    and for what its worth, I am indeed sorry Dubem, and to anyone else who was offended by that comment – Sorry too.

  24. Yesterday I came here to look for the email for the support group because I had just stumbled upon some information about an acquaintance who was positive and his case had degenerated so badly that his wounds were not healing and he was beginning to space out. He was in trouble and one of the first places I thought I’d find help was here. I was hoping that I could forward his issue and contact details to the support team. And then I read the comment thread and the infamous comment…
    I was for a brief moment worried that if someone could say that here, that same someone could also be a part of that support group and perhaps one day scornfully use it against him. I felt it best to seek help elsewhere.
    The point I’m trying to make is that while I don’t expect people to hold hands here and sing kumbayah, let’s always try to refrain from caustic comments just because we don’t want to be seen as a pushover and want to hurt those who hurt us just as bad. While some comments inspire and give hope some are counter productive and water down all d good efforts and intentions. And you never know who is reading your comment at that time and the state of mind of the person.
    Absalom and Colossus have voiced out my concerns about the support group and I believe their observations were duly considered before the it was created.

  25. Smh..some peoples skull are just laced with lead. ..even superman can’t help them…still coating “sorry” with shade..still as diabolic as poison. Its high time I chained this demonic childishness hands and feet and send it deep down into the abyss and may it never rise again untill MTN rolls out unlimited data plan for android users …av wasted enuf of the little mb av got on this abominable nauseating piece of witchcraft

  26. The last I will allow affect my precious life is to let any stupid stigmatisation or discrimination cos of my HIV status bring me down. I always pray and wish people like me see this virus as ordinary headache that will fade away if you take a nap. Sometimes I don’t even remember I have the virus yet consciously or unconsciously I always the d right thing to keep me n people around me safe. HIV+ will not stop my shine o. Mbanu!!! Akwokwaalanu beans akwoo?! Pinky well done for your job.

  27. Pinky u are a great soul for this write up.
    I wanna lend my voice to everyone checking his/her status especially if u are sexual active (condoms or not) cos trust me I have seen alot recently being a doctor.
    The most recent a few days ago is a 17 year old boy and it’s really dicey here because he is underage. He has a boyfriend and of cos being a teen has had flings outside. Pinky we need to talk

    • To say i did not find your reference to Dear Dubem’s health in such insensitive and ascerbic manner would make me delusional

      Yesterday I had my deepest depression yet where for the first time i cried and felt helpless,came on here and got slapped in the face by your immature and sickly attempt at getting back at someone who you had an e-arguement made me recoil in disgust of you Chizzie……i had to drop my phone and go out for fresh air cause i felt like suffocating and now it took me almost 24hrs to come back here……

      And the trash you called an apology? do not get me started on you dude cos by Mother Karma i will make you jump off a cliff……

      .An apology addressed to Dubem and Kitodiaries should be made as a writeup and sent to the admin for proper cleansing for the descecration you caused in this holy Sanctum which in turn would be updated for all to see……and do not even try to play around it

      And finally do get psychological attention cos dats wat yu need at this stage….

      @Pinky…..Salutacion Madame’

  28. As much as I applaud this long over due step I must register my disappointment at the silence and most times the passive connivance of many of us.the urchins who are in the habit of verbally attacking persons for no justifiable reasons are usually applauded.thats shameful to say the least.I wonder if those of us who are now condemning that unfortunate statement were out of data to use in condemning that act before now.Bad behaviour only thrives when its not frowned at.The truth is that its guys from failed homes that usually use abusive expressions to attack people.Call it transfer of aggression and you wont be wrong.Admin,may God give you the wisdom and courage to carry out your declared inteentions without bias

  29. Yea Pinky thats the point! When someone,s comments betrays his lack of understanding of the issue being discussed,there should be a point of other and not verbal attack.

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