FOREWORD: KD Support is now active! Volunteers and people needing virtual support can email us at firstname.lastname@example.org. And now, on to the post of the day…
Human beings have a knack for stereotyping and the male LGBT community doesn’t make it any better. Asking or telling someone that one is Top, Bottom or Versatile tends to create a mental picture in the mind of the other person (with or without facial contact). It’s automatically assumed that the Top is alpha masculine, is the “Man”, has everything going on for him, has a huge dick, is very macho, doesn’t shed a tear, is either the suit-and-tie guy or the shirt-and-jeans guy. It unfortunately is also stereotypically ingrained that the Bottom is the “Female”, weak at heart, feminine in many ways than allowed by society, weaker generally.
In reality, those ‘roles’ aren’t what define us. They are the things we enjoy in bed and not a personality or character. It’s that flawed mentality that has corrupted the shallow thinkers and sadly, initiates, and that has caused the sort of infraction that we have in the community today. The Bottom soon believes that (because) he is Bottom and so should become more feminine, softer, be pampered, more relying than reliable. The Top sees himself as being Top and so should become more masculine than he already is or can be, stretch himself further, become a walking dick, get an inflated ego because he believes he’s a rare specimen provided to the community and should be worshiped. Then there’s the Versatile, the one who likes to take the dick just as well as give it; because of the stereotype of Bottoms, he chooses to be Top, and VersTop when probed further.
Ok, enough about problems. Way out? Instead of asking what role a person plays (That, in itself, is what creates the stereotype in the mind), it’s better, safer and more polite to ask what they ‘prefer being’ in bed, as opposed to what they ‘are’. A response of the kind: “I prefer to bottom in bed”, “I only bottom in bed” or “I prefer to top in bed”, gives a clear picture, doesn’t create a wrong impression in minds and is a more polite way to pass that message across. That doesn’t stop the one who prefers to bottom in bed from being a commanding figure in his office, or his home or community. That doesn’t make the one who prefers to top more of a man, or prevent him from shedding a tear every now and then. They are preferences, not definitions. They shouldn’t define how lives are led. The sooner the gay male community learns that, the better we would become.
Written by Regal Sweetheart