Kenny Badmus Comes Out

Kenny BadmusThis is a mistake a lot of us make. We all want to change people to conform to our preferences. We find it easier to play god in the lives of people we did not make. – Kenny Badmus.

Such is the damage the expectations of society wreaks in the lives of men like brand expert, Kenny Badmus, pushing them to live lives that they did not bargain for.

You must all have already read or heard about Kenny Badmus’ coming out in a post on Facebook.

Read his post below:

When I first told my ex-wife that I was gay, we were far from being married. I wanted her to find other men honorably, who had a thing for women. I never did. I ‘swear down.’ I was only obeying the popular demand of traditions. Now, this was my terrible mistake. No one should live their life based on dogmas and other people’s expectations. As far as I could remember, even though I was always dating girls, I had always preferred being with a man. I had fought it with every fiber of spirituality in me as a Pentecostal preacher boy (find details and journeys in my book ‘THE EXODUS.’) The more I fought my sexual preference for men, the more I became more miserable. Unfortunately, as erroneously believed, sex wasn’t the problem. I had been having sex with women as far back as a twelve-year-old. Sexuality is whom we are emotionally present with, not whom we are sleeping with. And oh boy, she really tried to make me a heterosexual. But I’m still not, sadly.

One of those pre-marriage days, while we were with our marriage counseling team, I brought up the issue again – that I had always had a preference for men. I wanted the Ministers to dissuade her from the marriage. I just couldn’t put a ring on a fat big lie. My father taught me one principle: DIE FOR YOUR OWN TRUTH, EVEN IF IT’S UNPOPULAR, BUT DON’T HARM OTHERS WITH IT. She was so happy to tell the ministers, as quickly as she could, that my feelings for men would all be gone, because she believed it was a childhood disorder. I guess she meant she was going to fuck my brains into heterosexuality. This is a mistake a lot of us make. We all want to change people to conform to our preferences. We find it easier to play god in the lives of people we did not make.

After six years together, I knew I was not getting any better. I STILL LOVED MEN. And one day, because I didn’t want to cheat on her, I humbly asked her that we should go our separate ways. That was when all hell broke loose. She suddenly forgot about how it all started. In court, she told the judge how she suddenly found out that I was gay, and how it’s against the Law of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. In other words, she wanted me sentenced to the new 14 years jail term served by the Nigerian government. Luckily, I was in a civil court.

Sadly, that day, I had to duck my face in shame as the crowd jeered at me for being whom I had always been. ‘You faggot’ ‘Oh what a shameful man!’ ‘homo!’ ‘Na wa o ‘ I still don’t know how I walked out of the court premises that day. (This case is still ongoing)

What about my business? Tell any client in Nigeria that you are gay, and you lose their business. That’s exactly what happened. I lost friends, businesses, sponsorships and family members. I had to start my life all again. Applied for a new job. Get back to school. Although my ex-wife is one of the most faithful and beautiful women in Nigeria, she is a victim of institutionalized homophobia. Just like many people who are reading this.

It will be exactly a year today when Nigeria instituted a law to jail people like me. What’s our offense? Because we are simply wired differently. There are only about 5 to 10% of homosexuals in every population as cited by popular findings and documents. Why is a 90% dominant population afraid of its 10%? Shouldn’t you care about us? Don’t you think it’s a lot easier to be seen as part of the 90%? And before you throw those religious verses on us for being wired differently, I want to leave you with my favorite Bible verses from Romans 8.

31: What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us?

32: Since He did not spare even His own Son (in the popular narratives according to the Christian Faith) but gave |Him up for us all, won’t He also give us everything else?

33: Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for His own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with Himself.

34: Who then will condemn us? No one…

38: And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, [b] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.

39: No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in (in the narrative of) Christ Jesus our Lord.

*

A friend who read this stimulating post came to me on BBM to me with the following words:

‘I was in tears as I read his post. I wish I can muster this kind of courage and be in perfect peace with my existence and living. I find encouragement from this, given that our lives (his and mine) share so much in common.

‘I just know one day I’ll tell my story. I know you will to. We need to keep encouraging ourselves. I know I need that encouragement very much.’

So, thank you, Kenny, for what you did, for your strength and the inspiration you have instilled in the rest of us. For daring to live for your own truth, and letting us all know that it’s alright to be different even in the current gay clime of the country.

106 thoughts on “Kenny Badmus Comes Out

  1. I just wish I couldn’t share this with the entire Nigeria…
    My best line-“I just couldn’t put a ring on a fat big lie”
    “Sexuality isn’t who you sleep with”.. I’ve said that before.. This guy has moth balls.. I pray we all have this kind of courage to stand up to fight our inevitable ” battle of imposed marriage “…

  2. Is this a good thing?

    Is he based in Nigeria?

    Is he ready for the repercussions?

    Won’t it affect his business?

    Well, there is nothing compared to coming out. Like a burden has been lifted…

    • Yes, it’s a good thing.

      He answered that in his post.

      He wouldn’t come out if he wasn’t ready.

      He also answered that in his post.

      And yes, there’s nothing as liberating as knowing that the society no longer has a hold over your life. the road may be rough, but the truth is finally in your life.

  3. ummmmm…. nawaooo… wats really d essence of coming out as gay?ur sexuality is ur private busines,d world don’t need to know,if pple tink ur gay,let dem kip guessing, na dier wahala b dat!!smh.. and is kenny in Nigeria??isn’t he scared of 14yrs?

    • I guess he had no choice. After reading the post, I guess he was outed by his wife. Although he tried everything to avoid getting married…

      He had no choice than to come out.

      Now I am no criticising, but if the new law was to be applied, where would it fall under in this case?

    • If this is THE OnyxGodwin, then I’m a bit surprised,cos I always kinda figured u to be they type of guy who isn’t afraid of admitting ur sexuality to d world…

    • Onyx, I’ll only pardon u for such comments if your a pre teen which you obviously arent, have u ever taken time to read through that shameless piece of legislation? Huh? And yes sometimes you need to come out so u can move be done with it and get on with more crucial areas of life ….grow up and while you’re at it, grow some brains too …

      • Its my opinion, i don’t feel coming out is d best option, especially in a country like Nigeria, if u feel ok coming out,i have no problem with that,but hope u now feel better and have a better self esteem insulting me??

      • Its obvious most people here judge me based on what dey have seen on linda ikeji, they already have an “idea” who onyxgodwin is,and its obvious I’m not welcome here, so i will just carry my brainless, unattractive, an sickly self outta here…

    • the way u distance yourself from the gay community on nairaland is quite appalling.well,may be u have your reasons or just too young to fight for what u believe in.welcome to kd, at least none’ll judge u here!

  4. Am definitely going to come out…buh no!..not in Nigeria , I will be out of the country and independent… I dunno bout y’all buh living in the closet gets me depressed every now and then… Kenny thank u for the encourage o jare

  5. Abeg, at this rate all of una go spoil my chances to apply for Asylum. Make una come out sofri sofri.
    Good one. We are getting to that boiling point.

  6. i get d fact gays wanna be free,live freely, be who dey are,but then again,gays shud know d kinda environment Nigeria is,very homophobic set of pple,alot of things is at stake for him coming out,its really nobodys business if u are gay or not,d world don’t need to know,he has a divorce case pending, he is in Nigeria, he knows d law -14yrs jail term,and he still came out? nawa! nice commenting here… una bye bye…lol

    • Onyxgodwin, the essence of coming out is capped in one word: visibility.

      And tell whoever told you that sexuality is private that they lied. Straight people can talk about who they are dating and fucking but we can’t? Come on, it’s absurd. No one should have to hide who they truly are when they are not criminals.

      So, calm down and show support for the bold step Kenny has taken.

      • Straight pple can talk about dier sexuality bcos its wat d world see as normal,no matter how gay pple try most pple wont accept dem,so y come out and cause urself unnecessary stigma? U want to live a life of visibility, who says u cant live that way without coming out?d world is homophobic, d world will not accept gays.. So live ur life ,do ur thing as private as u can,b happy with ur self,and yes,u can live dis way without coming out,especially in a country like Nigeria data homophobic

      • @Onyx, we r not really living… Maybe you’re yet to understand the meaning of life… Love your comment @Absalom

      • We??? @max I’m not gay at all and not homophobic either,sooo…..it’s not “we” biko..lol

      • Wait…just had a brain freeze. who is Onyx kidding that he isn’t gay? its one thing to lie to ppl but lying to yourself is borderline psychotic.

        Anyways, lets hope its not a lie; cause you being gay would just be pointless, especially seeing as u r a very unattractive person.

      • @onyx….did I just see dat correctly…..or u meant to say u are no more gay (which is impossible)….anyways…..#internalhomophobiaalert

      • Can somebody please get Onyx out of here. He claims not to be gay, how did he get here? I know how I got to this blog. Definitely not from a straight brother. Nonsense and ingredients. Self hating bitch!! Kito alert!!!! Someone please call 911

    • Onxy? the skinny, sickly one from on Linda ikeja? You should know that coming out for him and as in most cases isnt spontaneous or impulsive. He most likely thought things over thoroughly ( including the jail term) and clearly has a plan. He might not be in Nigeria for all we know and I can bet he can walk into any gay friendly country and seek asylum, and it will most likely be granted to him..

      this is a grown man and a successful entrepreneur at that, he knows what he is doing. I just wish some of us were just as courageous!

      • Really? @chizzie? I’m sick?skinny?unattractive? Den u obviously havent seen my latest pics,dats ur opinion and i dont care,go on Instagram and check me out if u wont put ur bigoted opinion in ur wide ass… So uncouth and razz! Y can’t pple have intellectual argument without attacking d person personality? I’m not gay,if it pains u too much kill ur self! Gosh

      • Chizzie! Calm down now, this is so unfair! Easy on the vitriol. We are familiar with it but he is not.

      • so just went through your instagram Onyx, when I called you unattractive,I meant it as fact and going through your instagram helped buttress that. it was like viewing a skeleton trying really hard to be cool, and u need to tone it down a bit on the pouting…and the skinny jeans, cause not only are they tacky but they emphasize how sickly you look.

        I remember I advised u on LIB that you go have urself dewormed, its an advise you should consider because in all honesty, something isn’t right. You look really sick…like you barely have enough to eat.

        Are you ill? you should go for a blood test to be sure.

        Once again you aren’t an attractive person, and im being very truthful here. sorry.

      • Dats ur opinion chizzie,and frankly,i don’t care, pple have said worse things about me,i dunno what u can say dat will even make me angry,I’m not attractive?i look sick? I’m tacky? Dats ur problem,but u know d best part? There are many pple who will die to be with my sickly, tacky, unattractive self!! Now move along…. Hope u get massive self worth n ego boost by attacking others n feeling cool while doing …

  7. This story is a very toaching one for me because it toaches on all aspect affecting a gay man both work place,marital life,social life to mention a few.I mean the guy is living with HIV for 15 year and he look this health? He does really inspire me.I dove my cap.my kenny you are not alone.

  8. This is really a bold and extremely brave move on his part! Naturally,there will be a lot of backlash, and even though I hate to say it, I can just imagine homophobes having a field day with his sexuality and health status, and gleefully announcing that gay ppl are responsible for all STDs in the world since our two openly gay popular Nigerian men (Bisi Alimi and Kenny Badmus) are both HIV-positive.
    I really admire his bravery, and I’m sure he already prepared himself for EVERYTHING that will follow his coming-out.

    • The media are already having a field day with his sexuality and status. Every headline screams ‘HIV Positive Kenny Badmus…’ before they continue with the rest. as though his HIV status is the issue, confusing the matter and imprinting in everybody’s mind the intertwining of the two.

  9. Very brave man.

    But really why are Nigerian women so desperate to get married? Someone explicitly tells you that he is gay and u go ahead to marry him thinking you can change him. Nigerian women will marry anything that moves, ive come to notice

    After reading this, ive decided to take Kenny’s advice- to not live my life based on dogma and society’s expectation of me. I don’t see my self ever getting married to a woman or even sleeping with one – Never!

    Kudos Kenny and u just became my role model! 🙂

  10. I cee Kenny leaving the country soon… Perhaps he is at the airport already!
    I cee Kenny seeking asylum soon…
    I cee Kenny taking delight in revenge like our popular DM (Sister Karma)..

    And on Revenge: His wife disgraced him in court and I cee Kenny seeking revenge! I bet that was why he came out to being HIV+…Apparently, shiz letting the society know that his ex wife is HIV+ too…You know, she (The wife here…lol) might not be strong enough into letting people know her status.

    *WalkingAway*

  11. When I read his HIV post last December, I kinda felt it was only a matter of time before he came out, not this soon though.

    Kenny is a man I admire based on his life, his struggles and achievements. He is a smart man and I believe he would overcome this. It seems he was outed as a result of his divorce proceedings, I guess even the wife can be vindictive.

    I wish Kenny all the best as he goes through this stormy waters.

    To those who feel inspired by Kenny, a note of caution, coming out just like your sexuality is different for every man. Don’t go screaming in front of your mom “Kenny has come out, Kenny has come out, mommy I want to come out too”. She go ask you if them lock you for balcony before. Look at your peculiar dynamic and find the right time that suits you. Be INSPIRED, not STUPID!

  12. Thx foR sharing, my fon is bad I guess dats why I haven’t seen dis post on his facebook wall thanks., I hope some day I will tell my story and not be scaRed, I don’t knw him in person but ever since I added him on facebook 4years ago, God knows I have been wonderfully blessed by most of what he post, Kenny If u eveR see dIs post, I want u to knw u made a man out of me and thank YOU.

  13. I knew he would come out soon…I can feel he was duly prepared for all the hate words and an adequate date chosen. He his and has always been my Hero. I’ll come out someday…I pray to be safe as he is on my coming out. I Love You, Kenny, and you know it.

    • If u think being in the closet is really living then try living your everyday life from your bedroom and see how easy that is, it’s talks like this that makes it easy for the so called society to see us as freaks if nature. We are yet to come to terms with who we are, I mean the inequality and preference for one kinda sexuality is killing and keeping quiet and trying to live a “half life” is just sad. You don’t truly live a fulfilled life from the closet cos those self righteous smug sanctimonious bastards(pardon my words) needs to be told that cos they prefer living their life in black and white doesn’t mean we have to! And yes God bless U Kenny Badmus!

  14. Kenny Badmus is my favourite person of 2015 already!

    And his yet to be released book is now my must read book of 2015, ahead of Olusegun Obasanjo’s “My Watch”

    My colleagues threw a fit today when the blogosphere was flooded with this information. I just laughed and sipped my coffee and said zilch!

    Kenny I love you! Thankyou for bravery, thankyou for courage, thankyou for inspiration!

  15. A friend directed me to this, i went to Kenny’s facebook profile and mt jaw fell upon b4 i could control myself. I had to stifle a small scream, @the same moment i felt a massive surge of respect for this brave brave man! Nigerian homophobes listen up: he’s smart, damn hot, successful and true to himself & he’s just twirled his gorgeous gay self right under your noses and guess what; aint nothing you can do about it!
    I have nothing but respect and admiration for Kenny – i cant lie; i don’t ever see myself having this degree of courage. I do hope he considered the effect on his livelihood seeing as homophobia is deeply encoded in Nigerians DNA on a sublimal and primal level ….

    • @Onyx coming out is never easy especially in a country like Nigeria, but shutting down someone else’s effort is off putting, trust me if I do have everything in place like he does then I will consider coming out which I still believe should be my decision. If living your gay life from the closet works wonders for you then good luck on your sojourn to finding peace and real happiness, but please outta solidarity for one of our own that will be walking on the coals of hate for the next few weeks before another big distracting story let’s support him and not criticise his decision. It’s his just as u got yours.

      • I don’t have a problem with him coming out,its his choice, but it shud nt give other gays in Nigeria “courage”,what worked for Kenny may not work for you,this is NIGERIA

      • Can someone please hand this dude a cookie or something.. Just checked his IG page, he looks like he’s about to die.. Yeah I’m talking about Onyx.

        Once again, I urge you to run along.. Your comments are counterproductive

  16. Absolutely speechless….Such bravery and to think I was just planning on coming out to ma family…this has given me the moral support I really need…thanks for Kenny for giving peeps like us strength and courage….God bless thee

  17. It is only cowardice that will make someone to say something as clueless as, “why come out? Your sexuality is your private business.” If you don’t want to come out, fine, no biggie. Don’t just make excuses for yourself. This Kenny dude is strong. I just hope this ends well.

    • @rapum ,if u are soo brave y haven’t u come out?? And ur last sentence -lets hope it ends well, so u know him coming out has grave consequences?? and may destroy his livelihood yea? I’m being realistic here,u can be gay, happy and live freely without coming out,u can come out in Europe, but not Africa, muchless NIGERIA… O well,my opinion anyway, y’all don’t have to agree

      • Lol @ Pinky. I thought so too.
        Onyxgodwin you said we should go and check ur instagram, well we haf done our research oh, and my findings are that you’re are definitely the gayest ‘not gay” person i have ever seen.

        And based on the hate comments you receive from your pictures I would think that you should have some compassion and recognize that what this man has done isnt a small feat, instead you’re pandering everyone about why they havent come out.

        That being said, your beyonce videos are cool tho.

      • @deola ,go to kenny’s Facebook page and see me defending him,go on lailasblog,miss petite n see me defending wat kenny did,its his choice, but what I’m against is other gays feeling inspired to come out, this is NIGERIA, lemme tell a lil story –i was im alaba yesterday, walking on my own,few pple were in d market so i got some bad attention, one man asked me if I’m a girl, he said – guy come oo,u be babe or u be guy? I ignored him,another group of boys started shouting see dis one oo,dem don f*uk ur yansh abi,see as e dey waka,homo like u,i ignored dem,other people were also staring at me like “who the fuck is this one?. Dis happened just yesterday, I’m just effeminate oo,not gay,lets assume i come out as gay,and i go to alaba,do u think i will come back alive? I don’t think u guys dat are manly experience d homophobic hate,insults hurled at we effeminate guys,if u do u won’t advice any body to come out in a lawless country like Nigeria,,,kenny is out,if u like Do mumu follow am claiming “I’m inspired”,”how courageous”,u are on ur own oo,most Nigerians are not civilized, most nigerians are not tolerant, most Nigerians are violent,most Nigerians are homophobic, u wana live ur gay life freely? Go to Europe, not NIGERIA.. And pinky no worry,I’m gone already, d short period I’m here and i can feel d hate even among gays themselves

      • Onyxgodwin I am sorry that you have to go through all that shii.
        But you see even America and most of Europe were racist slave owners but that changed, because people were brave enough to come out of the oppression and speak against the injustice, if them negros had followed your point of reasoning they would all still be feeling the lash of the whip.

        While I cant do what Kenny has done at least not now,I can admire his courage and know that his coming out does more good than harm for us, it gives us visibility and lets them homophobes know that we do exist and are gaining our voices albeit slowly.

        If we followed your reasoning, come 50yrs from now, we would still be in this mess, and that my dear would be the epitome of a generation wasted.

        You seem like you genuinely care but there are other ways of going about telling people to be cautious without sounding like you’re badgering them.

        PS, you’re a regular commenter on the headquarters of hate that is LIB and with just a little push back here you are already running.

      • I really find it hard to figure why some people are so aggressive about opinions expressed by others. I think that comments no matter how not palatable are teachers that the wise can learn from.

  18. I’m so so happy for Kenny. Good looks, wealth, courage, independence, love, intelligence and bravery all in one.

    BTW, my first time commenting.

  19. I read this post on his page and the comments too during my break. I can explain the feeling that went through my body. I just scrolled and scrolled, awestrucked at the mix of hate and courage all in one page. It is so explosive.

  20. Ok kenny!!! You are really brave.. loving you aiidy. Wish u could find ur way to kito diaries though!!! So you can be guided right…. kenny became successful in business because he was creative and talented… I believe he would still make it regardless of d stupidity of the homophobes…. Haters should hate nd die in hunger and joblessness while Kenny grows higher and gets more successful!!!! Kenny dear their hate doesnt mean anything to you…. thanks for coming out!!!! We need more of u!. Meanwhile JUST went n fb nw and I’m kinda surprised to see some str8t Nigerians supporting him. Thats some relief

  21. Kenny is an inspiration to me and a lot of gay Nigerians. Although he’s presently not in Nigeria, he has always been vocal about gay and human rights even when he was around. I applaud his bravery and taken this huge step. I look forward to a time where I too can proudly be myself at home, at work or at play without being burdened by fear or worry.
    But coming out is a personal journey for everyone. And I would advice we do so only when we are sure we can stand on our own two feet and withstand the aftermath of this proclamation. It is liberating but it’s a tough, hard road with challenges and bumps along the way wherever you are. Of course it’s more difficult in places like Nigeria where the amount of ignorance is overwhelming, which is the point I think onyx was trying to make in a rather distasteful fashion.
    I think we should learn to be the bigger person at all times and not result to personal attacks and calling people skeletons just because they don’t see things our way isn’t going to bring change. If we intend to model our lives like Kenny and take this step someday, we need to grow thicker skins. People (even the ones we love) will say much worse things to and about us and our choices.
    The things I read on LiB today just broke my heart. 9ja has a very, very long way to go. The sheer ignorance is overwhelming but we must continue to push forward and try to educate those around us one at a time. My own 2 kobo…

    • Such display of wisdom and tolerance. So much maturity at play. Though it’s becoming rare here but this shows that it’s not an entirely hopeless situation

      • It’s become a regular tune with you, gad. Always pointing out how discontent breeds here on KD. Always. never failing to do so. We get it. Shit happens. Let that ship sail. There’ll always be bad apples and good apples.

      • Your example of good and bad apples paints a picture of hopelessness because bad apples keeps decaying while the good ones have high potentials of becoming bad with time. Nna, that’s not the picture I see. I see a future for us where a good percentage acts with responsibly. I know it’s an almost impossible situation especially when a wholistic consideration of environmental,social and family factors are put into consideration. Some have been in environments where quarreling is seen as an essential part of one’s daily activities as they bring it here shamelessly. It then behoves on us to call them to order in love as much as we can.

    • Ore Mi, did you just tag all that 2kobo? *adjusting aso oyan* berra get ready for an inbox fight, how dare you measure such on a terrible scale of no scrap value? Even austerity measures can create a possiblity of 2kobo acquiring a pinch of this.

      Thanks for saying all that…I just wanted the few ranting, about being in Naija and doing this, to remain quacking…Kenny is wiser not to know the right time and place for such bold step. He was even known to be totally pro-gay while in Naija.

      OAMSN, when are you making your first entry, here on KD? Ore Oko Mi, please try squeeze out time and write something…we wanna tap in.

  22. Kenny has been a beacon of light to many of us that have the misfortune of being mangled in hetero-normative marriages..thanks for fighting the good fight bro .one day we’ll all wake up and smell the fresh coffee.
    we love u Kenny.

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