JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 25)

Blog_KD JournalJanuary 2

I’m not sure whether to start this post with a ‘Happy New Year’ or not. Personally I really could do without the whole Happy New Year thing… Jan 1st is basically another day.

I did have a swell time though…on that day. Started off a bit slow, then my brothers and I met up with my mum and dad at a golf club house. They were on the golf course and dad was playing golf with a friend of his, while mum was with the friend’s sister-in-law. And when I stepped on the golf course, memories of when I was a young one flooded in, and I felt this burst of energy as I ran down the slope shouting “moooooooothheeeeeerrrrrr” with my younger brother.

We jumped around like puppies and took pictures of ourselves mid-jump, and it was ever so exciting to look at the pictures. Even my mum did the jump-and-take-a-picture thing, and she looked so young and lively with a radiant face. And I was so glad I could capture that moment on my camera, because moments like that are what I call priceless.

I love my family. My stubborn dad. My annoying mum. My selfish elder brother. And my vain younger brother. I’m the cunning one.

Rewind however to some minutes past midnight, and I was frantically searching for my phone. I had given it to a girl to use as a source of light in the bathroom, and in the time she used it to pee and the time I went to go get car keys, she had disappeared and I started searching frantically for her because I can’t bear to be away from my phone especially when it’s in a stranger’s hands. I did find her but I was a bit upset because in my worry, I was unable to thank the Big Guy upstairs for a good year and most especially for preserving my life.

I’m not a big fan of prophesying what will happen in a New Year or of New Year resolutions. I do however like to thank God for being there for me and loving me unconditionally. Then I let the reassurance that He won’t leave my side wash over me and believe that the New Year will be fine.

I got my phone back anyways. The dumb blonde didn’t think to give my phone to the friend I was with when I gave her the phone. Thankfully, my apps are very stylishly protected. Most people think it’s got a virus or something.

Then I got home and we had another short bout of prayer led by my mother. Finally I fell asleep on the living room couch. I’m not sure if I jerked off or not.

Go back some hours before midnight and I was an emotional mess. I even cried a bit. Why? Because I wasn’t feeling like myself…I felt damaged. Like something inside me was broken and not working properly. I can’t say what it is on here, because it’s one of those personal things. I took a walk listening to my collection of sad music (All Too Well by Taylor Swift was played more than once), and I found my feet taking me to the house of my bestie who travelled to America. And I remembered all the wonderful times we shared while he was here and I just got sadder. Then I got back home and had to put my mood back in its little box and be the son who jumps around the house singing at the top of his lungs till someone asks me to shut up.

It’s Friday as I write this and I’m back in school because I have a test on Monday.  I have exams on the 12th and I really should intensify my studying.

I was told by a friend that a friend of his told him that another friend of mine – whose also his friend – told him that I once begged to date this ‘another friend of mine.’

My fellow gay people… This is the third time someone is claiming to have relationship ties with me. First, it was the person I first had sex with. He asked me out. I refused, only to find out years later from an ex of his that he said the both of us had dated. Then last year, someone lied that he was asking me out when I had only chatted with the person once and none of that shii came up.  Now this.

It’s a bit flattering, to be honest, but I worry about what kind of reputation I’m getting with these lies and rumors. I want to be known for tangible things, not who I am sleeping with or who I am dating. I’m not a Kardashian. I’d like to ask why the lies, but I look in the mirror and I think, “Yup, I’d definitely lie that I’m going out with me too.” lol.

Then there’s this friend of mine who is apparently the most confused gay person ever. While he was going out with someone, he was asking me out. (I’m sure I’ve told this story before) I found out and whatever little thought I entertained of us together as a couple, I banished. He ended up breaking up with that boo he wanted to cheat on with me. Then he seemed to have started missing him and wanted him back. The guy said no. Now he has this thing with a random ex where they are dating but not dating, and one day he happened upon a message his first ever boyfriend sent him, and now he wants to date that one again. Then last night, we were talking and he said that he still loves me and shii. Biko! He should sit in one place. If he wants to settle, he should settle. If he wants to be a hoe, then he should be a hoe.

He’s also what I call a trophy keeper. I think we know some of them, people who go after those proving hard to get (usually gay), and after getting their new toy, they play with it and get bored before moving on to the next. To be honest, I have those tendencies but I realised I don’t want to be treated that way, so I shouldn’t treat others that way.

I am a firm believer of “Do unto others what you want others to do unto you”. That is why I try to be kind with my words and be there for my friends and help whenever I can (or feel like, as is usually the case.. lol).

Something tells me this year will be full of drama. Me, I’d like to just observe and not be sucked into it, but drama usually doesn’t want to agree. It will cast me in one of its episodes and it will be a struggle to get out of it with a sane mind.

By the way, y’all need to see Khaleesi. Me, I dunno what your own type is o, but hubba-hubba! I’ve found my man crush for Mondays. Khaleesi, I gats my eyes on you! Mother of Dragons or not, you will see the fire of love is enough to tame even the wildest of hearts! *laughs maniacally, blows you kisses, skips away merrily into the rainbows of cuckoo land*

Written by James

23 thoughts on “JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 25)

  1. Hmmmm..APROKO tins I call it. The rumours about sleeping with who and who you didn’t go out and sleep with that gays are so well known for. Whether it’s true or not who wants to know…All that’s important is whatever they say MUST be true. So who truly gives 10 hoots…you get to hear a lot of these things as you grow up but one word of advice….people would talk and U bet they are so entitled to their opinions however the important thing is WHAT DO YOU SAY ABOUT U! SAY SOMETHING and stick with it. Over time they’ll get the message. That’s why I have such an unbreakable spirit. Great one again me James!

  2. i think you should throw your mirror away and order for another one..

    and this thing with Khaleeshi, its really cute but you know its never going to happen? The last thing he needs is a boy that listens to sad Taylor Swift songs and cries while taking pointless walks or watever.

  3. ‘All too well ‘ *sigh* i have spent many a Sunday lying in bed with the covers pulled over my head listening to that shii on a loop. Not cause I was sad or anything but the emotions derived from listening to it demand to be felt.
    Forever a Swiftie.

  4. I get that about rumors and it’s extremely annoying. I had this guy on BBM who I barely talked with and I rarely have my photo up also. I noticed he always had my photo up as his display foto for days, I just thot he was trying to get my attention and all. I later found out he was telling people we were lovers. I will admit I was flattered, and I let it slide.

    My point is that you can only control your behavior, you cannot control your reputation. Don’t sweat over it, just laugh it off!

  5. Gays & Gossip goes in the same sentence… to avoid it, you either keep your circle small, hang out with mature peeps or do out of town hookups (or all 3). Best of all get a boyfriend or fall in lovve with your Vaseline…

    • Sweerie thats a stereotype, but since this is a new year I shall let you off with a warning *Victoria Grayson smile*
      Everyone gossips, straight men, straight women, gay men and gay women, everyone does it. Do you think when does men in that beer parlor gather up, with their beer bellies pointing north, that they are talking about the big bang theory and how to make scientific advancements, nah, they are talking about how they straffed one person or the other or something lewd like that. That’s gossip. Ok.

  6. What caught my attention was the term “trophy keeper”. Damn, i know so many guys like that. Guys that want to be the directory for who is good, bad and freaky. I don’t why i have this weird attraction for such guys. Maybe it is because they make me bring my A-game to the sheets.

    And the last time i checked the grapevine, i scored big with one of them that he desperately seeks an encore. Turns out i am a trophy keeper too, cos i have ticked him off my bucket list.

  7. *yawn* I thot someone decided to move off and on with all these selling of sweets, biscuits n petty goods??? O ga o! Some ppl never will have profit and dreaming bigger on their minds

  8. How I wish I had or have this type of time. People could behave cheaply. Gossips and lies. I dated that person and that one is begging me to date him. James,you are not alone, many of us have been subjects of gossips and lies and it will continue except we re-order our priorities. Keep matured friends (maturity has less to do with age). Recently, a friend told me that another friend of his told him that we had sex in my house. I simply told him to ask his friend to describe my house or say the area where I live. As expected, he couldn’t even say where my house is located. That’s guys for you

  9. I just finished reading almost all the comments and posts, and I gotta say – you guys are a bunch of……………………………………………………

    FUNNY GUYS!

    Lol! Would love to rapport more with you guys (lol I hope I used that word right)

    PS : James, you are my favorite writer on here ooo. After Pinky ofcourse.

    *sips garri whilst fadinng away slowly*

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