This Thing Called Cheating

n-gay-men-monogamy-large570Cheating isn’t something new to any of us. Many have done it, many others are planning to. Your dear bae who gives you head ten times before dawn probably had a raunchy session with some loafer while you were at work.

Over time, people tend to try to justify their cheating with excuses like,

*You don’t care about me anymore

*You don’t pay attention to me anymore

*You’re hardly around

*I hardly see you these days

*You don’t tell me you love me anymore

*I was horny and you were not around (I’ve actually heard that one before)

There are so many others.

That thing called Cheating – it is the flirty and suggestive chats you have with a certain someone who’s not your beau. It’s your inability to turn down a potential hookup. It’s the conscious lie you tell people that you’re single (to make yourself appear available). It’s the compromising position you put yourself in (going on first time meet-ups with an admirer). It is playing a dirty truth-or-dare game with your crush. It is visiting your ex.

We all know that the mythical ‘settling down’ which everyone else tries to push you to do doesn’t really work. (It doesn’t make your thirstiness stop) A friend of mine once said, “Monogamy is against the law of nature.” Whether you’re in a relationship or not, married or not, you’ll still be attracted to people all the same. In fact, I think it’s worse when you’re in a committed relationship, because then, you’ll keep having the same kind of meal, and I know everyone loves variety.

Personally, I’ve never cheated on anyone I’m dating. I never have and never will, because I’ve seen firsthand what cheating can do to a relationship. Why would I want to destroy something I’ve spent so much time building, just for a few minutes of pleasure?

After a while, a relationship will eventually become boring. It’s up to the two people involved to keep it alive. People cheat because they don’t try. One party usually starts getting attention from someone else more than he’s getting from his partner, and suddenly they’ll get deluded into thinking they have feelings for them. It’s that longing to feel something different, something dangerous that make people cheat. The next stage is the comparison stage; you start comparing them with your partner and usually the person will have all the right boxes ticked in your head. This creates a false sense of security with the individual.

One thing to note: When people want to get in your pants, they’ll do or say anything to keep you interested, keep you entertained and satisfied. And so naturally it doesn’t take long before they start looking better than your partner in your eyes.

Funny thing is, most times, the person a partner cheats on you with is usually trampy; that is, not up to your level.

Relationships are delicate things; without care and proper nurturing, everything goes south really quickly. I know some married people who haven’t been married for years. They just live together to fool people outside and keep up appearances. That’s what living in Nigeria does to you; it makes you believe the crap of anti-divorce. I’m a firm believer that if something isn’t working and you’ve tried so many times to fix it, all to no avail, it should be ended. Better that than the popular alternative.

The worst part of being cheated on is the fact that it distorts every memory you have of the person, sometimes forgiving them isn’t enough. You’ll start to wonder if he’s done it to you in the past but you didn’t find out, if he really loved you, if all he’d ever said to you has been a lie. It doesn’t take much for the truth to start looking like a lie.

I also believe in the theory: Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater.

I’d like to hear your thoughts on this issue. Have you been cheated on? What were your instincts to it when it happened? Have you cheated? If yes, why?

Written by Max

51 thoughts on “This Thing Called Cheating

  1. I have never had a concrete relationship with anyone and when i kinda did (Holy Fuck), I took it seriously while it lasted. But me don talk am say e go hard for two men to stay faithful together. We are naturally wired to always look on the other side of the fence even when our side is greener. Anyway, maybe i am wrong, maybe i haven’t found that person to stay faithful to yet.

    • not everyone is wired to cheat.
      i have only cheated once in my life and it was actually bcos my ex said he didnt care who i fucked.
      the cheating was to prove a point and the guilt and self loathing was overwhelming. the worst part is that he didnt even care.

  2. I’ve been on both sides of this fence. I agree that cheating is a bad thing to do to someone. It’s selfish. I also think it’s an understandable, and very human thing to do. Your entire body is begging you to go for it and then to top it off, a whole other person is also trying to convince you. And, like you said, you’re not thinking clearly about this person because they are bathing in the glow of newness and intrigue. Against these things, well, poor little brain has got a lot to fight against. Once you exit the honeymoon, monogamy is incredibly tough, and I don’t even have all that testosterone to fight against. Non-monogamy (i.e., open relationships, polyamory) also seems incredibly hard, but in a different way. As much as I am skeptical of the monogamy camp, I still can’t bring myself to try another model. Anyway, my 2 cents. Good writing!

  3. I’d like to think I know a thing or two about this topic, so I’d share a few thoughts;

    1. Cheating is a conscious choice. You don’t trip and fall into an a**h**e, you make a conscious decision to do something you shouldn’t be doing. That you are dating someone doesn’t mean you stop meeting people you find attractive, sleeping with them however is your choice.

    2. Because of how Nigeria is wired, gay relationships often come with an expiry date. Even amongst ourselves we don’t take relationships serious, which explains why you will be chasing someone who has a boyfriend and has made it clear that he has a boyfriend. “No be TB? E go still fall”, those are some of the things you hear. So we even make it difficult for those that want to stay loyal.

    3. I believe in monogamy especially as I am now an old man; my slutty years are behind me. I have done it ALL, there is nothing new anymore. You get to a point and stability, loyalty and having a special some who randomly makes you smile while having a serious meeting at work is what matters.

    4. “All men are dogs” as my friend will always say. Maybe, but as a dog owner I can also tell you that dogs are the most loyal creatures with training. I can walk mine without a leash and he doesn’t ever stray from my side. So it is possible for a man to commit and not cheat.

    Oh dear! I have written a thesis!

    I need coffee now!

  4. Rings for the Missus……The Mr said He needs coffee!
    It is a conscious effort and a hard one at that……..
    I have been cheated upon and it blew up in his face as a full fledged gay-sex scandal……
    I have cheated but only to drive home my point that i am no birdie in a cage.

  5. flirty and suggestive chats is cheating??? ….riiighhht. its a relationship pls not marriage or a covenant of sorts, I’m allowed to indulge in one or two naughty chats from time to time. And cheating becomes imminent in every relationship- Gay or straight. I am fine w it as long as I am unaware of it- its the respect u owe ur patner

  6. Same kind of meal..
    Fried rice, Coconut rice, Jollof rice, White rice, (even Tuwo is rice) all na RICE. Just tell him how you want it,

    You grab?

  7. Nyc write up…. Been down that road before… All ur emotions get tangled up and u wonder what went wrong.. U start feeling paranoid and the trust u have for d person will vanish like the $20 billion nnpc moni…

  8. Cheating! Cheating!! Cheatin0g!!! I thing that “word” kinda rings a bell pinky.I am guilty as charged,I wount deny it.But I promise myself that as from jan 2015,there will be no such thing as cheating again cos,I knw and I am certain that Mr right*rolls eyes from imo to Portugal*is around the corner.LOVE is so in the air for me right now.*Licks lips*

  9. My dear ur a sweethrt damn! U so killed it.You are so on point dear,I wonder hw many of us here use things like dildos,icecubes,milk,honey,and maybe tying his hands to give him that tingly caress,romance and sweet rimming,fingering,nipple licking,filled with surprises until he begs u for it.how many of us here give massages to our beau and watching his beautiful member trynna stick outta the towel?when last did u seduce him to his knees,how many of us here really knw hw to lick dt balls and suck dt dick real gud,.Yet we talk about variety Reallllly!!!Why wount u get bored while all u knw hw to offer is 2minuits kissing,plus 5mins force-to-enter digging plus aarrrrrhhhhh!!!*he pours*.Your boo is just managing u jare!Pinky pls I need u here,Dennis and chizzie(no shades abeg).lol!

    • You need I, Pinky and Dennis? like some sort of foursome?

      I bet somewhere Lord is reading this and wanking away…taking extra care to ensure his wedding ring doesn’t scrap his E.coli ridden penis.

      • Cheating.. aaah. I’m quite guilty of that.. very guilty in fact. I’m still tryna figure out why I do it cause shit would be great between me and my man and next thing I know I’m consciously putting myself in a position to cheat. I won’t call it boredom.. more like tasting something other than the different flavors of rice I’ve been getting.

      • Hhahahahahaha!chizzie you are something else,but I think I love ur devilish humour*imagines how u look like,eeeeh!:2inking eeeeeh like…hmmm,can’t say..hisses!*

      • I know! LOL

        I have a ticket to hell already! But I will be in the fun section with Joan Rivers and Robin Williams! So I will survive!

        LOL

    • Pinky do you see where I come in here? whips, cuffs, cock rings and stuff???? These people need me. We gotta work something out fast.

    • This marra is not a small issue for me o. I can seriously say that the times I was in a relationship I never one cheated and I have was in one dat lasted well over a year, which is more than I can say for a lot of us here. I have also been cheated on and it totally crush me.
      Dennis is totally right that it’s a conscious choice one makes. I think I have just had bfs that I loved that I didn’t want to cheat. Some cheat cos they don’t find their bfs very attractive, while others it’s cos the sex is boring and they choose not to try to add sugar, spice and anything nice, some becos it’s all a game for them, no point sticking to one guy.
      I think one just has to make a conscious decision that cheating is not a choice and go with it. And stop visiting hook up sights and seeming available in chats and flirting shamelessly I guess and meeting up with exes in the privacy of their homes. It would reduce exposure to cheating situations.

  10. Oh My… I have Cheated before and Lawd knows it was abso”mighty”lutely amazing. Cheating is Fun. #wahlai Tahlai. My minions know this. But when My Man found out (I ‘fessed up), he Flipped.

    Karma Caught up with me years later when this dude I liked made me his side-chick.
    then i knew what it felt to be taken for granted.
    btw way, Pinki… I sent you an e-mail few days ago.

    RE: CHEATING IS FUN!! Just gear up for karma.

  11. For me, it comes down to one’s nature. There was a time when I wondered why on earth a person would cheat on a partner you swore to be faithful to. But with old age, I have come to realise; its either you will cheat or you will not. The most important thing is not what you do, but your tendencies.
    And total monitoring will never make a faithful partner…maybe just one in bondage who lacks opportunity. True faithfulness is when you don’t do it whether you are being monitored or not.

  12. Great piece Max, am also a firm believer in getting out of anything once it no longer works. For me, staying faithful to someone i really love isnt too hard, if am in love with you … no1 else can compare in my eyes so why bother when the sex wiĺl likely not be as good?
    I derive a lot of joy from being faithful to the one i love … by the time your eyes and thoughts start to wander, the relationship is already on its last breath and it’s probably time to ship out. Also, if you’re doing anything – chatting, flirting, communicating etc that you have to hide from your significant other, then you’re already on the ‘cheats wagon’ even if you havent actually had sex ….

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