I headed back inside, locked the back door, and made my way to the living room, collapsing promptly on the couch. Minutes later, boredom set in, and I reached for my phone. I saw the blinking notification light, and it was a BBM message from Chibuzor, my friend with many delicious benefits.
‘Hey,’ he’d said.
I grinned to myself and replied, ‘Heeey, you sexy thing.’
He replied instantly. ‘Hahaha! You are such a clown.’
‘Honk, Honk,’ I typed back.
‘Wanna come over?’ I typed, but I did not hit the send button, as I noticed he was typing. I waited for his message to drop as I checked out his DP. I hadn’t seen this one before. It was a car selfie. I admired the play of light over his chocolate skin and the somewhat shy smirk on his face. I mentally licked my lips as I anticipated rolling my tongue over the soft juicy pink lower lip. I shook my head at myself and went back to the chat. His message had dropped.
‘I’m sorry for the long silence towards you,’ he said.
‘Ah, it’s nothing. We’re both busy people,’ I replied. Frankly, I hadn’t noticed it had been almost a month since we last spoke, and guilt gripped me. My mind flashed back to the last time we saw, and my feeling of guilt worsened…
We had just finished doing the dirty on my living room carpet, and we were cuddling in each other’s arms, when I felt a funny sensation. I turned to look at him, and noticed a silly, gooey expression on his face.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked gingerly.
He sighed deeply and looked away, before he replied, “I know this isn’t supposed to be part of the plan, but I think I’m falling for you.”
“Oh dear…” I muttered in response.
“I know, right?” He chuckled weakly.
I couldn’t say anything. I just stared at his handsome face, trying to come up with a reply that wouldn’t hurt him.
I liked Chibuzor, I really did. But I just couldn’t see anything between us deeper than sex. I didn’t just feel that deeper connection between us. He was probably just having post coital élan.
“I can’t date you, Chibuzor,” I said finally. “You know I just can’t see you in that light…”
“Oh, you can fuck me, but you can’t date me, right?” he snapped, getting up suddenly and stomping into the bathroom.
I opened my mouth to say something, but he was too far away, and all the speeches that came to mind sounded terribly feeble. I simply lifted myself off the carpet and waited for him to leave the bathroom so that I could also clean up.
After we were both cleaned and dressed, which happened during several minutes of awkward silence, I decided to take the bull by the horns.
“Listen, Chibuzor. I don’t know why you are upset. When we started having relations, we were both clear; it was just a physical thing. Now you’re catching feelings, and it’s my fault?”
He sighed deeply again. “I know. But the feelings are there now, and if you can’t or won’t return them, then we can’t continue having sex.”
I blinked several times, utterly shocked. No sex? What?! What was I supposed to do with my konji then? I am not the kind of person that has several bed partner options, and Chibuzor had been the only one warming my sheets for almost a year. But I had to act cool.
“Fine then, if that’s what you need for your own peace of mind,” I replied.
He looked slightly shocked that I’d agreed so easily, and then he looked slightly let down. Perhaps he had wanted me to fight harder for him? “Alright then, I guess I should be leaving…” he said, and soon after, he left.
That was over a month ago. Now here he was on my BBM apologizing for absence. I didn’t care, as long as he could come here quickly and work my body out.
‘OK cool then,’ he typed back, adding a smiley face.
I smiled, and was about to ask if he could come over, when he dropped another message.
‘So….I met someone….and I’m kinda in a relationship.”
The declaration hit me with the force of a bowling ball in my midsection. I stared at my screen for several moments, trying to come up with a response, but it is hard responding to something that you don’t even know how you feel about.
‘You there?’ he pinged.
‘Yeah, I am,’ I finally reply. ‘That’s great news.’
‘Yeah, it really is. I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m telling you.’
Yeah, I actually am, you traitor, I said in my mind, but instead, I type, ‘I’m your friend, people share these important details with friends, right?’
‘True, but that’s not the only reason,’ he replied. ‘I need closure with you, Santa. I couldn’t have just left things between us the way they were.’
‘I completely understand,’ I replied.
‘So are we cool?’ he asked.
‘Of course!’ I replied. ‘In fact, you’ll gist me all about the lucky guy later. I’m cooking at the moment. Maybe we could even all hang out sometime.’
‘You’re really a good guy, Santa.’
‘No, you are the good guy. Thanks for sharing this with me. Some other guys would have just continued sleeping with me and their boyfriend. Your boyfriend is lucky really.”
‘Haha! Wash! Ok, then, we’ll gist later, right?’
I put down my phone and stared up at the ceiling, perplexed at the strong emotions coursing through my chest. I didn’t have feelings for Chibuzor, right? So why was I feeling so bereft?
Written by Santa Diaba