My name is Sinnex. I am twenty-five years old and I love guys. I have not been in a relationship before, and I have never had sex with anyone, both guys and girls. The surprising thing is that I am obsessed with guys, and how I cope without sex is quite surprising. I actually wank a lot and I have given and been given blowjobs, which happened in August and September of this year. I started wanking at the age of twelve. It was actually a classmate of mine in my secondary school in Lagos who unknowingly introduced me to it. I attended a single-sex school and did not know what sperm meant, because I grew up with girls. So, one day, I asked a classmate of mine how I would be able to see my sperm. He told me that he actually asked some guy in his area, and the guy said that he should put Vaseline on his penis and he should rub it vigorously, and after sometime, sperm would come out. When I got home, I did it, and nothing happened. For two years, I did it without seeing sperm. It was when I was fourteen that I saw the sperm.
So, like I said earlier, I love guys. In fact, I love cute guys a lot. I could see a very cute guy and just get a hard-on at once.
I am not a conversationalist and I don’t make friends easily. So, there is this guy in my area in Abuja. The first time I saw him, I just liked him. I didn’t know if it was something sexual or friendship I needed. All I knew was that I wanted to talk to him. No, scratch that – I needed to talk to him. So, since I met him early last year, I have been stalking him. I noticed he attends a church close to my house and was a member of the choir, which actually made my job easier.
So, anytime they had rehearsals, I would go there, take a seat and stare at them. At him. He is one of the leaders in the choir, so, sometimes he would be leading, and I would just sit there, staring, and getting carried away by his sonorous voice.
I was getting obsessed with the guy and I knew I just had to do something about it. I knew that if I did not get to know him on time, it might affect me emotionally. This is not the first time I’d felt this way. Sometimes, I don’t even know what is wrong with me.
Often times, when I go to watch him sing, I make sure he knows I am looking at him. But he doesn’t look back. Just imagine that there is someone in front of you, looking at you, and you are facing the person, but you are looking at everywhere but the person. That was what kept on happening.
So, on Wednesday, I perfected my plan to talk to him and collect his number in order to chat with him on Whatsapp. I had the support of two of my online gay pals. They gave me some tips. So after I came back from work, I changed and went out to meet up with the choir before they finished their rehearsals. However, when I got there, they had already finished. They were leaving the church. I knew that was my chance. The plan was to follow the guy until I got him all alone, even if it meant following him to his house.
So, I was walking behind the guy and the choir members. The next thing, they veered off the road, and from what I could hear of their chatter, it seemed as though they were going to visit someone. That meant my plan had been stalled. I trailed behind them and waited as they visited with their sick member. They spent a lot of time in there, so I went to get some stuff and came back and continued waiting. I waiting for minutes and they did not finish. The person of my interest was actually in the balcony of the house. I looked for a way to call him aside but did not know how to.
When I had almost given up, they started coming out of the house. I brightened up again, especially when I saw that he had veered away from his company, off on his own and was walking toward where I was standing.
This was my opportunity.
I swallowed hard.
I was tense.
My heart was beating fast.
I was in a hidden corner of the road when he passed me. I called out to him. He stopped and looked back, saw me, and made to walk on away. I called out to him again, telling him that I wanted to see him. The impatient look he gave me then… If not for the fact that I knew what I wanted, I would have dropped to the ground and had it swallow me out of sight.
When he came to me, I greeted him and offered him my hand for a handshake. He stared at me, and then at my proffered hand with an unmistakable expression of ire. To me, he was acting weird. I had not even told him anything, and he was already cold.
Still holding on to my inner strength, I told him I had been waiting for him, but it seemed like he had been busy. He told me that he was actually busy and that as I could see, they were just coming out of a social call.
I told him I wanted to tell him something or ask him something and that since he was busy, maybe he could give me his number so I could chat with him on Whatsapp. Even to my ears, that sounded pretty lame.
He said I should tell him whatever I wanted to say right then and there. Suddenly feeling awkward, I started laughing and told him and it was not a big deal to give me his number. His response to my words was a hiss, after which he turned and began walking away, muttering something which I could only catch snatches of, like, “I don’t have time for this nonsense… You can tell whatever you want to say to someone else…”
As he was walking away, I started calling out to him, but he did not heed to my calls.
I felt dumbfounded and mortified and a lot of other emotions that weren’t too positive. Presently, I don’t know if I will be able to stand him whenever I meet him again.
Now, I’m aware of the barbed tongue of the general Kitodiariesian public. However, can someone please VERY KINDLY tell me what went wrong and what I can do to rectify the situation?
Written by Sinnex